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OS: The Crushed Grass
Bonjour Arshians,
Since I am not writing "Truth about Forever" for now. I present you my very first one shot. This was written in 2011 đ. hahahah đ. Please give it a try and let me know how rotten it isđ¤˘
Happy Reading
"For when you are with me nothing matters more than you and when you are not everything matters because of the chasm your absence creates. I have hurt you but you should know I have never loved someone as I have loved you. I have loved you like anything...everything. Our world anchored with the filigreed strings of want, happiness and love ruptured with the same congruency they had amalgamated at one point. I would suffer for every bad I did to you...gladly. But listen my love, I'd never love someone again asI loved you because the zephyrs and the torrents would always chorus the song of our love to me and there without you yet with you I would find what I had lost."
She goggled at the ceiling, eyes unblinking with hands resting on her belly. Her hair splayed over the pillow forming a thick expanse of black. A tear drop descended from her eye and faded away in her tresses. She heaved a sigh of desolation and threw off the duvet from over herself. Scuffing and putting on her slippers she stood up and ambled to the table adjacent to the window. She poured herself a glass of water and gulped it down in one go. She set the glass down and stared at the street outside. Everything bathed in ice-blue as the moon continued to amble on the face of the sky, uncannily tranquil unlike the storm waging inside her. She closed the curtains that fluttered slightly in the breeze and made her way back to bed, yearning for the sleep to subjugate her yet somehow sensing it wouldn't.
*********************************
She stumbled out of her mangled dwelling. The house that had gone through mayhem, the fire had caused. Even after that she had found solace in that wreckage and had tried to make it somewhat an improved place to live in. Her eyes were red and puffy like they had started appearing since that momentous night. Locks of hair were escaping from her plait. She was a mess. She only kept track of her humdrum routine. She did nothing innovative or new, went nowhere, talked to no one until she was addressed and ate the same things. A stranger would have thought that she had Asperger syndrome.
She marched through the smelly ghetto, turned around corners and reached the bus stop. Getting on the bus, she took the seat and ogled out of the window. In a course of ten minutes the bus halted with a screech and she stepped out. She was crossing the road when she heard the loud honking of a horn. Paying no heed she continued along the road when something hit her flippantly as the driver pulled the brakes. She fell to the ground with her files and papers scattering everywhere. The driver came out hastily opening the car door. She stayed there, on the ground screening no movement. What happened was too much for her to take in.
Arnav saw the girl lying on the road, coming out of the trance he was driving in. Panic-stricken he went towards her and picked her up by her arms. The minute he saw her face he nearly lost his senses. Jerking away his hands he shouted "Goddammit Khushi! You could have got killed. You can at least watch were you walk!"
She heard it as if it were the tempest hauling from a hundred nights. The voice tumultous and commanding authority, forcing her to look up at the owner. After days emotions played across her face but she averted her gaze. He saw her quaking where she stoo, shifting her weight from one foot to another, as if she was tired...too tired to continue.
"Look at me when I am talking to you!" he said ruthlessly and caught sight of the ephemeral furore in her eyes, the very instant they met his before she forestalled the emotion.
He observed her tousled up state and the dark circles beneath her eyes like she had not slept for days. He wondered what could have happened that led her to this state. She should be happy now away from him. He had set her free at her own pleading requests. He should be the one suffering now, he had lost everything.
"What has happened to you, Khushi?" he asked, concerned.
"Can I go now? I am getting late." She replied unfeelingly. He got the impression of a robot speaking. She looked everywhere but at him.
"I can drop you. If you don't mind."
"No... I can manage. Just go away. Will you?" The words set him off and he saw red.
"What do you think of yourself? You have destroyed me Khushi, do you know that? I have lost everything. I am not me anymore and people think I have lost it. You are doomed to sabotage the happiness of people who happen to meet you. First Di, now me." The words came out in a lash of fury until he realized it was too late to take them back.
Her heart already cracked, shattered some more and her life she was fighting to live, with nothing to hold on and nowhere to go seemed an apposite vision of abyss. She could remember every arrow of mar he had tossed her way, flashing with speed and digging so deep that the wounds had stayed there even after so long. Invisible as they were, but they hurt. She had waited, holding on to the rays of hope, dying to hear those three words but loving him anyways. Hoping and failing. But all she got was unhidden contempt and disgusted glances. And it was then that she decided to walk away with a broken heart and numbed mind, carving another path that did not touch his and never would. She had bled and died that day.
He had let her walk away. It wasn't until a long time he discovered the truth she had always spoken, with him not willing to believe her. He had killed her a bit more with every passing day and she had taken all that with a smile. He had known then that smile carried a titanic sea of hurt and fleeting wishes of a better future. He had tried to contact her and ask for forgiveness. He had wanted to take away all the pain from her world and fill their world wholly with happiness. But she had turned down his requests, callously granting him forgiveness.
He had felt something wide of the mark there like he wasn't talking to Khushi but someone entirely different and unresponsive in her place. It was then he had realized that he had crushed her heart like a handful of grass. He had crushed it once and then over and over again until it was reduced to splinters blown away with the heavy winds of his hatred and anguish. He had surrendered letting himself roam in the memories his heart cherished. He had decided to let her go on with her life so he wouldn't be able to hurt her more and maybe his Khushi would really forgive him one day.
Now when he looked at her he realized that he had made a big mistake. A failure as he was he had failed yet again in another phase of his life concerning her. His heart bled and cried out for her but he could do nothing except cry inside for what he had done to her again.
"Will you do something for me?" She asked ever so softly, her words coming out distorted with ragged breathing.
"I will Khushi. Tell me."
"I am dying Arnav. Hold me. Will you?
And then he took her in his arms and they both clung to each other as one does to life. They held each other tightly but yet not too tightly. The world stopped breathing waiting for them to commit another moment to memory forever. At that instant everything terrible he had ever done to Khushi came rushing back to him and he felt himself knocked over by a bulldozer. He buried his face in her hair and whispered words of comfort and sorry.
"Live for me. Be happy for me. Find someone for my sake." She murmured.
He could hear the thumping of her heart but gradually it fell low. Her breaths which were sharper a moment ago reduced to slow gasping. All that and her words told him something was really wrong; he held her neck and brought her face to a level with his. He saw her eyes which spoke volumes. Eyes that held pure, undying love. Eyes flooded with melancholy but yet with contentment. She blinked one last time, smiling and the next split second she went limp in his arms. A growl of agony erupted from his chest which filled his vacant world with shards of pain, unaffecting it nonetheless. He lost her in his very own arms. He lost his world. He lost everything and while he slid to the ground collecting her lifeless body, clinging to her, his own being ceased to exist there and then. For what felt like eternity he sat there with her enwrapped in his arms. Arnav Singh Raizada was a disappointment , who at that time with a broken heart all over again had the fallout of his own mistakes in the form of her crushed being in his arms.
But he knew he had to live for her. She had asked too much of him. But he pledged he would try for no one but his Khushi.
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