Posted:
Dear Star Plus. 🤗 🤗
How's everything in the land of the creatively and intellectually challenged? All kushal mangal? Good. How 'bout a little dil-to-dimaag chat, Haye Re Nand Kishore?
Star Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada Plus - admit it already.
You blew this play. PHENOMENALLY. SPECTACULARLY. Think Fourth of July wrapped in Diwali, with a touch of Millennium over Sydney Harbor - and you get an idea of the fireworks you set off yesterday amongst the fandom - hereinafter collectively referred to as Forever Crazy Fan.
This was a mistakiya of epic proportions. And due apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning, but I don't even need to count the ways. Coz there are 5. There are always 5. Bas Bol Diya.
Special Edition Take 5 posted from the offices of Star Plus - where the entire executive management has just enrolled for the Witness Protection Program.
1. All hail the naya bachcha? Born about 9 months after the earlier favored child was ruthlessly strangled by its SP Mama. 😕 😕 😕
While 9 months is a perfectly acceptable period for gestation in humans - it be FAR TOO SOON for botched-plastic-surgery-and-resurrection of a much loved soap. And when a baby is born far too soon - the biradhari doesn't distribute sweets. They cast aspersions on its parentage. And YOURS too.
After screening only about a million saas bahu shows that thrive on this kind of kitchen politics, you still make such a rookie mistake?
My advice - wait a generation. Or two. When Forever Crazy Fan is otherwise occupied dandling their grandchildren on their arthritic knee - then maybe you could slip this past them and hope no one notices.
But I wouldn't bet the farm on it.
2. Because you...don't have "A" character. Or maybe it escaped your notice that your office received a few...just a few...phone calls/emails/smoke signals/carrier pigeon droppings in November last year. Something along the lines of Forever Crazy Fan pledging ancestral land and gold to you for all eternity - if only you gave them their show back, or at least gave it a dignified end.
Unfortunately - you chose to ignore the pleas. Coz Englandiya beckoned with its pounds and euros and dollars - and there was a live performance to save. But all that is water under the bridge. Why re-ignite the furore? Did you discover that there are still a few eggs left inside this golden goose?
You might get the eyeballs, and you might even get some love from those who are largely indifferent to the original.
But I wouldn't bet the farm on it.
3. Jo Cheez Chahiye - woh tumhare paas hai nahin. Stretch that imagination. (Come on, I know you have one buried somewhere beneath those dollar signs). The sky is the limit. Maybe you could call this new show...oh, I don't know - "Iss Baar Naam De Diya!"
It's strong, affirmative, and decisive. As opposed to an eternal question that Forever Crazy Fan spent 18 months looking high and low for the answer for. You save them a boatload of - and they would be more kindly disposed to your new show. They might (just might) even stop burning public effigies of it.
But I wouldn't bet the farm on it.
4. Nafrat Paas Aane Na Dey.
Awkward silence.
What - something's missing?
Oh - you mean that second line about mohabbat? That already happened. And we don't need anything else, Khushi. We don't need anything else.
Kyunki hum and original - hamesha. Always.
5. Ek Baar Phir. Really? *Raises eyebrow like Arnav-ji in Payash mehendi episode*
You really wanna go through the satyanash - ek baar phir? The phangurling, the spamming, the calling, the threatening-to-cut-subscription-like-it-was-an-umbilical-cord'ing?
Not very shaatir dimaag - bitwas and bitiyas. There is a reason sequels and remakes hardly ever work. And that is because in the age of You Tube - we can gorge on the original whenever we like, instead of having to swallow your microwaved-but-newly-garnished LEFTOVERS. 😡
And finally - Star Prakash Ji. You're the channel that made history last year with a phenomenally successful show.
Now file it away and forget it. Wipe that slate clean and come up with a new offering that does credit to nayi soch.
One that doesn't involve Sheesh Mahal, agonized-mom-flashbacks, Rabba Ve and jalebi.
And NO STUBBLE. For the LOVE OF THE EVER MERCIFUL DEVI MAIIYA - NO STUBBLE.
Kuch zyaada maang liya kya?
EDIT: I ain't calling the new show by its given name. This satyanash be just "EK BAAR PHIR" as far as I'm concerned.
Name doesn't make sense? Blame SP - not me .
Book Talk
