All this while, he thought he was strong, he believed that he was brave, battling the world and all its inequitable cruelties. He had proven them wrong : the sneers...the sympathies, the empty words feigning care...he had left all that behind and emerged victorious. So what if they took his family away...he wouldn't bow down. His success, his demeanour was all a function of it. HE believed that he had won against them... till today. And as always, it was her that proved him wrong. It was she who made him realise that while he had won over the world, he had lost a part of himself in the battle. His emotions, his sense of feeling, his ability to connect had all become the collateral damage. Why had it been so difficult for him to apologize? Judging from his heart, he knew there was nothing more he wanted to do...he was wrong and harsh and nothing in the world justified it. If he was broken, so was she... if he was hurting so was she...they were both souls who had lost young and yearned for familiar touch that personified parents.
Replaying the last 24 hours in his head, all he could think of was why did it take him so long ? A part of him yearned for her to understand him by looking at him, he wished she would realize that hurting her was the last thing he wanted and how much he repented the act. But after years of perfecting the wall, he realised it was tough for anyone to break through. He was an impervious substance...As her divine form stood in front of him, it took his breath away. As he held her, he wished there would be that one errant strand so he could touch her face. He looked on as she lay herself bare before him. As she recounted her deepest darkest secrets it slowly dawned on him that this was what he had lost. Her sheer innocence was her strongest weapon. Every storm, every dark corner was a constant reminder of her parents death. But every star and every prayer was the source of her hope and happiness. Khushi was a living example of the fact that you don't have to be impervious to win, you don't have to lose yourself to win. He felt for the first time after many years, the stinging wetness at the corner of his eyes, a feeling so alien that he didn't understand what it was. His grip loosening, his throat constricting...what was happening? As the lump went down his throat, realised it was her. Her pain was transcending to him. Her eyes pleading him to let her go were his undoing, even though he wanted to hold on forever. The hope that he saw in her eyes mingled with the dancing lights around them was saying something to him. It was his cue, and then as if a spell was cast he said it, apologized for hurting her, apologized for pushing her back to the harsh memories and finally apologized for not understanding that she understood the best. As her held that gaze of hers for that one long moment which spanned eternity, he saw a silent acceptance and more importantly her forgiveness.
Sitting in his room, as he froze that moment and her eyes to be etched into the deepest recesses of his heart and mind arnav knew that she was what being strong meant. All this while he thought he was strong...till today.
All this while she thought she was strong...till today. She believed that her cheerfulness would sail her through any hardship, any sadness and would never let the world know that it had done any harm to her. She wore her emotions on her sleeve and moved past the years of longing and the loneliness. She thought she was brave, till she met him...and as always he had managed to surprise her. She hadn't met anyone like him, off the cuff he was rude, arrogant and held no respect for people. But she was slowly realising that not unlike her, he too was wearing a mask for the world. For beneath it all he was the little boy who missed his parents just as she was a girl who missed hers.
Why did she want him to apologize ? She had realized soon enough that he regretted the words he had uttered, the unspoken silence on the telephone couldn't be anyone else. That silence spoke volumes for her, yet why did she want him to apologize ? She knew that to hear an apology would make it real, for it would bind them in recognition of their pain and their loss.
Standing at the gazebo, staring at the stars she felt his presence prickle the back of her neck, the echo of his silent footsteps were enough for her to turn and give him the attention he had been asking for all evening. In an uproar of a moment, he had grasped her and she understood that she had to make this easy for him, for them. She watched his face change emotions and fight an internal battle as he listened to her, his grip unyielding.. to an outsider it may have seemed brutal, but she somehow knew that it was his way of saying i feel you, im here with you. That was the instant she realised, all the cheerfulness in the world and she would never have what he had...something she didn't think she had noticed till date. His urge to make things better, not only for his family...but for every such soul who was like him. She saw his eyes well up, and it pricked her heart...taking her tears as a sign for hurting her again and abruptly let go though she mentally wished him to hold her forever. As she turned and walked away, she cast one last glance at him...and it happened...he apologized...he voiced the emotions she wanted him to and he did it while shaking away the last of his fear.
Sitting on her bed, she heard his voice over and over in her head...she realised he was what being strong meant...for he had trudged along battling for each person who had suffered his loss. The image of a little girl and birds flashed across her mind, replaced by the image of his eyes as he spoke to her today. All this while, she thought she was strong,...till today.
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