Hi wanted to share my real life after watching yeasterday episode

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arnanya

@arnanya

Rocker

Posted: 8 years ago

Dear Adni,

I can understand and believe what ever you are saying.
I have always maintained that real life incidences are more bizarre and unbelievable that any serial writer can think of.

I am sure all of us have our own Advay moment or Chandni moment which is most of the time we bury inside ourselves never to come out into the open many time out of shameand the feeling of what will the world think. .

There is a saying in our language that the Dosa made in every house has holes in it . which mean that every house and every person has a story or something to hide.

I think these incidences are ones that make us more strong or just disintegrates us. You are lucky that you have become strong.

All the best in future life.

Allow these bitterness only to make you more strong and constructive and be a citizen of the world where all around can look up to you.

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Sabrina the Witch

@shesherkobita

Dazzler

Posted: 8 years ago

Adni 143 , thank you for sharing your story. It's amazing how Barun's realistic acting can bring out so much hidden pain. Hugs to you sister 🤗

First and foremost , we who do not have had a murder in the family can never understand what you father must feel. So sorry for your loss. There really isn't much you can do since the justice system is too complex to give someone actual justice in our small villages and especially something that had happened quite awhile ago. So let that be something that your generation before should deal with... Remove yourself from that pain ( easy to say , not so easy in reality ) ... Just remember there are some waves in ocean that you can jump over and then there are some waves that are so large that you have to let the wave ride over you , hold your breath and the wave will pass ... You will emerge again once the wave passes ... The big waves require time ... Time is the biggest healer.

The second one , we all understand your pain ... There isn't a single woman on earth who has not become a target by men or has not been abused. And like you wrote most of the time parents were unable to help, especially our Asian parents often cannot help because they do not know how to help. Sometimes it's a pressure form society to hide the truth , sometimes it's a helplessness that justice will never be served , sometimes it's just plain ignorance about the damage that such incidences can cause. A father like yours who has been harboring a pain of a murdered father may not understand your pain about failed attempts at physical abuse , it might become trivial compared to his psychological trauma. They have otherwise been good parents to you , they have treated you better than the sons ( which in itself is quite remarkable ).

The pain and anger you harbor is very natural. But after living through some decades ( I must be considerably older than you ) I have come to a conclusion that sometimes letting go of the past is the best solution. Your parents already know they have given you grief. They probably feel sad and do not know how to change the past. They already feel guilty but may not show it. My humble suggestion would be to forgive them ... But what can you do to bring inner peace ? You can think of the adverse situation as a sign from nature that you will one day so something to rectify the turmoil you went through ...

You are blessed with a good brain, soon you will become an engineer, you will earn a good amount of money ... why don't you take up sexual abuse as a cause you want to advocate or help with ? Why not find girls who are victims but are not lucky enough to have your kind of aptitude or family support ? Help them stand up on their feet ? Pay for their tuition to go to college ? Pay for lawyer's fee if they want to fight ? One day you will be able to do all these things and this will bring some peace in your soul ... Let's just leave your parents be , the past cannot be changed but the future is yours to conquer.

I'm glad you shared your feelings , it's always a good thing to talk about your pain ... That's the first step to healing ...

I'm sorry I'm not a gung-ho advocate who will incite a lynch mob to get that cousin of yours hanged ... Bcos I know it's very difficult to prove such crime ... But maybe educate other girls in future so that they know how to get justice ( if they are willing to fight the court system ) ... Don't wallow in your past , let the past shape a positive future for you ... I love your spirit , you are meant for big things jn life ... That's why nature / god gave you so many battle scars in such a young age ... And you will win , you were born a winner.

Hugs again

Sabi

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meeyaa

@meeyaa

Navigator

Posted: 8 years ago

Truly, your life has been filled with many unfortunate incidents and challenges...i understand that hatred and bitterness are strong emotions and not easy to give up...but would like to share some thoughts with you...see if they make sense...

Independence and freedom are just not in having money in hand ... true freedom is to be free from the depressing clutches of our own mind ... and to be able to lead a peaceful life...if you are a prisoner of your past...what freedom are we talking about...it is said that you are your own enemy and friend... choice is yours...

In the youth we have all the forceful emotions...mostly helped because of a healthy body...but slowly as we age. if we do not take care of our mental health, the body deteriorates quickly and then we would look back only with regret... time doesnt come back...every moment you spend in the bitterness of past...your present and future are both going waste...do you want that to happen...

a healthy body and a peaceful mind ...is worth crores of money...and this bitterness... is not going to let you have both...

it is said that the food that we eat...if it stays longer than required would become poison in our body...what about the negative emotions staying for years in our mind...

our mind plays a lot of games ...sometimes offensive, sometimes defensive, sometimes attacking, sometimes victim, sometimes good and sometimes bad...but as humans, we have the power of intellect to say no to the games of the mind... that is real intellectual strength to say no to the defeating self pitiful whinings of the mind...not degrees in colleges... each person has the strength...but never know of it...until someone points out..may be this message helps you find your inner strength...

I am sure you would have heard Nirbhaya rape case... She and many other girls who have faced similar and worse incidents are no more and dont have a chance to do anything now...but you have your life...fill it with strength and positivity and become a better person... the whole world will appreciate your courage...

One thing we learn as we grow is that as much as it is difficult to change ourselves, it is impossible to change others... so if you want a better life... there are better chances if you work on yourself than expect others to change and become better/ apologize / understanding...after a point...the changes in others dont even matter as much as the transformation in your own self to a simpler, happy person...

and it would surely seem impossible to forgive and move on...here are few things that might help...yoga and meditation...find a good teacher and pursue with perseverance...

read stories of people who have faced diversities and still have managed to live a better life...

involve yourself in social activities...teaching...cleaning...

travel as much as you can and see the real world...real people...

pursue some hobby more seriously...

when you do any of these...where you connect with your self or with other people...you will find that for sometime you have forgotten everything of the past...

now when another time, the past tornado strikes you...you know how to escape it and get into a safer, higher land...

virtual world...however entertaining is not going to help you get back the life..so doing more outdoor activities may help...

we label ourselves as "feminists", "conservative" and then struggle when others also label us...ditching all labels, being a free soul is a thing of more pride...

I bless you that all bitterness from your life disappear and sweetness and positivity fill your life...and you be the one who achieves that...dont wait for someone else to make life peaceful for you...

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meeyaa

@meeyaa

Navigator

Posted: 8 years ago

Regarding your parents..and whether they did right or wrong...

You do agree that they have faced many adversities themselves and have not been entirely peaceful in their lives...but still they want you to have a better life...from their perspective, a good education and the comforts they give will help you with that...thats all they think...they surely wouldnt want anything bad for you...unlike many parents who would even consciously force kids into harmful situations ...thank God for that...

parenting and surviving one's own life are two huge challenges...not every one gets it right...no one teaches us how to be a good mother or father...we all make mistakes...when you become a parent, you may make many, and similar mistakes that you are pointing in your parents...

and the matter of sexual abuse is still a taboo in our culture...no one has the strength to discuss that...many are making the mistake of not listening to the girls involved...it has to change...may be you can bring about that change...

give them the gratitude for what they could and do your duty towards them...you are now at the age where you can no more keep putting the blame on others for your unhappiness...you have the gift of education too...be strong...take responsibility of your life...become better and repay them with love...

life is short... we think we will outlive many people we hate and feel life would be better when they are not there or they change...but who knows when our turn to go would come... so bring forward healthy emotions and build a constructive dialog with your parents and create your world of contented living...

its difficult...but you are courageous and it should not be impossible for you...:)

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Rimi

@Rimi_BS

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 8 years ago

That's very unfortunate incidents you have gone through... I really don't know how to console you, bcuz I feel how much I console someone who is a victim of situations I can never understand her/his level of pain... So I feel lose of words for these incidents... But don't let those incidents to weaken you and stay strong, and I wish your for a better future...baki to upar sabne keh hi diya...so all the best...
Now coming to the show, but the problem with few intellectuals are that their thoughts are right only... Chandni was a naughty and active girl as a child, and she was kidnapped not raped neither she was abused is such a way to take her chirpiness away, its just she is afraid to go out, and also she wants to forget the incident and overcome her fear, so I really never felt her characterisation has changed, because she felt it that Advay will not harm her at least physically... Human psychology sometimes is too difficult to understand..
Same goes with Advay ...why he is hell bend on taking revenge on Chandni who was just a little child back then... she may be little child, but her one word had shook his whole world and existence(Advay was a kid back then)... He may have grown up, but his heart and mind is still stuck at 16 years ago incidents, He had considered Chandni very close to him, and that's the fact he is so angry on her, and whatever I had seen so far he will never hurt or abuse her because the Dev inside him will never let him do so...now lets see how the story unfolds...

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2filmy

@2filmy

Trailblazer

Posted: 8 years ago

Adni your experience is really scary
Both the incident are enough to shake any one
But the way you faced them bravely and emerged is really encouraging
Very few people could have come out of that space
I salute your tenacity and courage
Coming to the show I understand Advay
He is lonely and has no one to support him emotionally
He had lost everything on the word of a girl
Whom he had considered a part of his world once
He feels she cheated her and is worse than her family
So he is all out to take revenge but as we know he protects her too
So he will not be able to complete his revenge against her

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Hi wanted to share my real life after watching yeasterday episode

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