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Read till end - Completed😳
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OS- || Wall Of Delusion ||
She stood there broken her hand on the glass wall. It was all wrong. Her eyes told her that. It was all wrong what she saw and interpreted. He was her Shivaay, the man who could give his life for her. Would he ever betray her? Her heart answered a no. But her mind was changing colors. Bua's words were what it had caught.
"Tu Shivaay ko jaanti hain naam khaandan ke liye wo kuch bhi kar sakta hai.
"Aaj jab baat tere parivaar aur uske parivaar ki aayi toh usne apno ki hi chuna. Yeh Oberois kisi ke apne nahi ho sakte!
Teras streamed down her cheeks. She nodded in a no. It was all tricks her mind was playing. Then she remembered her dad. The picture of her dad and her sister with her. The medal she had seen. The name card she had made. Anika Wardhan Trivedi. She broke down bitterly. Remembering how Shivaay had crumpled that paper and thrown it into the fire. The way he had put his hand around his so called new bride. The way all had clapped. It hurt her. It pained her very much. They were the only people she could call her own. She had no one apart from there. Knowing that they had betrayed her, she couldn't accept it. It was all a delusion she told herself.
Whatever she saw was a delusion!
Just like the wall before her was a delusion. Something on one side and something else on the other. The world could be a delusion but not her trust, not her love, not her Shivaay.
NO.
She was a part of the family she told herself. Somewhere down wondering if she really was. The doubt was growing. Doubts- crazy creatures like those weeds that grow and destroy the crop. She needed to silence them. Shut them up and throw them out. But she couldn't!
The delusion was drawing her in like a whirlpool. He never told her anything despite the vows. He always was about protecting her right? That's why he din't. Then how could she be so senseless to listen to her doubts than to her heartbeats?
She needed to breathe fresh air. She was suffocating, with everything with every damn thing.
She walked out of the place. That suffocating choking hell. She ran and ran until she got tired. She tripped and landed on the harsh road. Nothing was on her side. No one was on her side. She looked up at the sky, her elbow burning with the injury. If only, she had her father today. He would never let her fall. He would never let those tears be in his eyes. The past few days had been mentally torturing for her. There wasn't a single day she hadn't thought about how different her life would be if he was there, her father was there. If he was there, when she needed him. She wouldn't have to face the harsh world. She wouldn't fall time and again. She wouldn't be hurt time and again. He simply wouldn't let his Anika be hurt.
She screamed and cried. None heard her. Her soul was crying. All that she had buried in, within her, found an escape. She screamed until her throat hurt. She felt alone. She felt left out. Just like, she had felt her entire life. She felt she din't fit. She couldn't find the courage to pick herself, not yet again, not now. She had had enough. She had come too far, struggling. She had held onto whatever she could, too long. She now felt it was all unnecessary. She sat there having nothing but complaints to life. Was she ever this weak? Had she camouflaged herself to be the strong Khidkitod Anika?
Was her strength a mere delusion?
More than ever, she was angry at him, the man she lived for, the man she could die for. The man she din't count separate from herself. Where was he now? She needed him. At the same time she wanted him to never come. She was angry perhaps.
Maybe her anger on him for once again not including her made her mad at him. Maybe his way made her feel left out. Made her feel she still din't belong there. With Him. It was all a delusion, and still she couldn't help but sink into the reality in that delusion!
Her reasoning had come to a halt. Maybe she was being an over-possessive wife. Maybe it was her insecurity that was always a part of her getting the better of her. But she was a human after all. She had feelings. She felt hurt. She felt everything. Her feelings weren't a delusion!
Picking herself up like she ultimately always did. She walked slowly, the file still in her hand. She reached the police station her eyes burning like her soul. She took quick steps towards the entrance. Then suddenly, stopped. One good look at the place and she walked away.
She sat by the crackling fire, looking at those images burn till they were anything but ashes. Wiping her silent tears she walked back.
"I knew I'd find you here! he spoke immediately getting to her side. He knew he would find her at the place she had spent her childhood her happy days in.
She looked at him, drained of any emotion.
It broke him a million times to see her that way.
"let's go home.the bad is gone. He pulled her head closer to his chest hugging her as he spoke.
She closed her eyes. He was family, they were family. She had learnt that from him to no matter what stand by them.
"Shivaay, please...let me be. She needed space.
He looked at her in silence, understanding what she meant.
"Come. He spoke simply, holding her hand silently. She looked up at him. His eyes told him he had agreed. "You can't be here.
She walked with him as he protectively held her hand.
He gulped as he walked. He had been shattered a million times even when he knew he was faking the marriage.
Marriage had been nothing but a deal to him. He had come a long hard way to understand what marriage meant. What those vows meant. What it all meant! He was furious when Bua narrated to him what she had plotted. Her words had almost thrown him down a cliff's edge. What if his Anika did something to herself? Somewhere down he knew she would not believe her eyes but him. He knew her. He knew her perhaps better than she herself knew about her. He also knew from one look at her that she had broken. It dint take him time to know. Her broken self was something that could never leave his memory. The stains of her shattered pieces were etched in his memory, after all he was the reason.
His heart ached. He needed her to tell him everything was fine. She was by his side and that was enough. But this time she needed him, she needed him more than he needed her. Maybe this time unknown to himself he had broken her.
The car halted once they were at Anika's chawl home. She looked at him. He nodded. She got off and walked to the door, while SHivaay took an airbag from Anika who had been waiting. Not a word was exchanged between the duo. Silence was better, especially when there was tumult within souls.
He clicked the door shut. He went around arranging the place for necessities, while she sat on the couch in silence. He occasionally glanced at her. He sat by her and with no questions, no options, simply fed her. She showed no resistance, and obliged in silence. She din't know whether she was still mad at him, or was at the beginning of learning to exist for his sake. If, only her love was not so strong!
"Change! he extended her dress to her. She simply took it and went inside. He sat devastated. He had never seen her like this before. She was being him. It scared him for he knew very well, what was on inside when the surface was like that.
He entered to find her lying on one side of the bed. He went to her side, with the first-aid in hand. He addressed her wounds, in silence yet again. They din't even need words to communicate. He went to change for the night giving her a long look. As much as he wanted to speak and tell her it would all be okay, he wanted to let the silence live so that the noise within her could escape.
He lay on the other end of the bed. Fan creaking, and the two looking up at the ceiling. Never had silence stayed so long. But the past few days had been like war and the two din't mind the peace. Their souls were exhausted more than their bodies with the day's events. She had almost drowned physically, almost had fallen off a construction site, ran into speeding cars, and yet had escaped alive. He had almost met with an accident, fought goons and what not.
His phone interrupted the silence. He was going to shut it up when he read the name. He put it on loud speaker.
"Shivaay, " Om's concerned voice spoke up. "Bhabhi and you are fine?
"Yeah. He sighed.
"Anika theek hain naa, tere saath hain naa.? Pinky asked concerned.
"Yeah. He replied again.
"Baat kara meri usse.
He looked at Anika, she was still looking at the ceiling.
"She slept Mom. Kal baat karein he spoke tiredly.
"Good night both his brothers spoke in union. "Take care, Bhaabhi ka bhi aur apna bhi
A lone tear escaped her eyes.
"Wait, Tej's voice interrupted. Perhaps the phone was on loud speaker on the other end as well. Did you ask what Anika did of that file that Roop gave her?
"It's all under control. Good night. He cut the call.
"I .. she finally spoke up. "Burnt it all.
He nodded like he had anticipated that. He turned off the tube light while the lamp was still lit. She was crying he could feel it. He shifted to her side and pulled her closer, wiping her tears. Kissing her forehead.
She sniffed. Hugging him as though if she din't hold onto him, she would lose herself.
She was mad at him. She was angry at his ways. She wanted to push him away. Bu her life depended on him.
Was her life just like that wall of delusion?
Not what it was and that what it was not?
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Note-
Lately I have been crazily busy, and burdened with hectic schedule. Cant express how Happy I am to write this, in one go and completing it.
Will be back with updates for everything after a month. Finals are here!
Would love and love to read your view/feedback/thoughts/musings on this.
* * *
That Wall was the inspiration to write this.
The way only Anika could see through it and at some points it was nothing but her reflection on that glass. I tried to bring the symbolism I saw there, here.
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The symbolism- The Wall a mere delusion between them.
She saw it. The wall also showed her reflection at certain points.
Signifying that the cause of delusion was somewhere, was somewhere a reflection of her deep buried insecurities that had surfaced out of nowhere.
She saw it. The wall also showed her reflection at certain points.
Signifying that the cause of delusion was somewhere, was somewhere a reflection of her deep buried insecurities that had surfaced out of nowhere.
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