His Way
"I know you never loved me. Thank you for showing me your real face."
"No Shivaay. I love you. I really do."
"You don't. You never did. You stay with this... your Rohit."
"This is your love Shivaay? You don't trust me?"
"You are not worth trusting. I hate you. Go away and never show me your face again."
He stood there, his hands clutching a photo frame tightly, as if his life was imprisoned in the woman captured in it. A lone tear escaped from his eyes, kissed the glass of the frame. Quickly shifting the frame to side, he wiped the water spread on it due to his tear, not allowing it to blur her image. Roaming his fingers, he caressed the face of the woman from the surface of the frame. Eyes reflecting pain and agony, he raised his head upwards, seemed like trying to search the creator of universe there, God, his heart aching with the pain of her withdrawal, from his life.
Circumstances had snatched the one from him who was the reason of his existence. To say his life was almost perfect would actually be an understatement. He has had his best moments, with her. She was his heartbeat, fragrance in his life. She was the universe, he had dreamt of living his life within but once incident and his world shattered... shattered in a way, it could probably never be rebuilt.
"Shivaay."
His head snapped back as a voice rang in his ears, sharply cutting the silence, he was standing in for god knows, since how long. Heaving a sigh, he shifted a little. Firming his hold on the handle of the drawer, he pulled it out and let the frame in his hand delicately slip on the soft velvet he had arranged there.
"Yes, Arjun." Shivaay's transitions always had been smooth. Be it from his emotional state to normal or from casual to angry. He shammed a smile to keep himself out of unnecessary questions and concern, of course.
"You know, you don't have to pretend in front of me... right?" Arjun said, tired of how Shivaay always wanted to shut himself and his pain from the world, but he wasn't the one who couldn't see the misery shimmering in Shivaay's eyes.
"Arjun... not now." Shivaay warned, in his icy tone.
"Come on Shivaay. Tera best friend hu. Duniya se behtar jaanta hu tujhe. Abhi bhi bhula nahi hai na tu use? Kyu khud ko takleef de raha hai? Maza aa raha hai bohot? Itne saal ho gaye. Nikal de usko apne dil se. She doesn't deserve ..."
"Dare you mention and insult her again..." Shivaay's clenched fist directly opened to pull Arjun. Grabbing his collar, his calm self finally lost its cool, "I really will not regret what I will do to you then. If you can't talk about her with respect, just keep your mouth shut. Listen and listen carefully... I will not tolerate a single word against her. You better remember that." Shivaay was furious to the extent, where he failed to realize, the one he was attacking upon, was their best friend.
After a few seconds, when things finally clicked to him, his hold on Arjun instantly loosened. Backing off, his gaze scattered around the room, running fingers through hairs, he finally looked at him and found a glint in Arjun's eyes.
And then, he caught a glimpse of her, as she finally came in his line of sight. Her eyes... clouded with a plenty of emotions, anger, frustration but beyond anything, one thing that hit straight his heart was, her tears... those tears, she was struggling to hold back. She was hurt and that broke something within him, to see her breaking down, shattering, falling apart.
Arjun smiled at him and then at her, glancing back and in no time emptied the room, allowing the much needed privacy and time to clear out things between them.
"You... here...?" He asked stuttering, as she slowly walked in. He did not know what exactly to say.
"Why? Why did you do this? To me?... To us?" She quivered, silently sobbing, as her heart could no longer take the pain. "Whyyy?" He was taken aback with the intensity, with which she screamed, crying her heart out. His heart went for her when she fell down on her knees, tears flowing from her eyes, uncontrollably.
Seeing her shaking and shivering, he was next to her, at the very moment. "Anika." He softly called, lifting his hand to wipe the tears from her cheek but stopped it in middle, gazing down.
She felt life, finally rushing in her veins, hearing her name from him after years that were like ages for her. "Why?" She asked again hoping for some clarifications, now.
"I don't know what you are talking about." He had stood up, his voice had returned back to the cold one, his face plastered with an attitude screaming neither she mattered to him nor anything said by her.
"Dare you fool me this time..." Wiping tears, she lifted herself up to his length, reminding herself that she couldn't afford falling weak now.
"Enough is enough. You should not be here. Please leave." Shivaay scowled, turning his face away from her.
"I heard what you were saying to Arjun."
"That doesn't mean anything. It's not good assuming things as per your desires, you know."
Her eyes lifted at him. She stumbled backwards. Stealing a glance of her when he thought she wasn't looking. It wasn't much difficult to figure out, that she was hurt due to his harsh remarks.
"Fine. You want me to go? I will go." She turned around and without looking back, made her way out which was surprising for him knowing how stubborn she was. Walking behind her, he closed the door the soon she stepped out. Closing eyes, he leaned his back to the door. A thin layer of tears shining in his eyes, he sighed, forcing his legs to take him to the window, unable to resist the urge of seeing her. He caught her sitting form on the bench, right in front of his door. Knowing she had seen him watching over her, he closed the curtains, blocking her view.
***
It had been more than three hours since he had asked her to get out of his sight. He tossed on the bed for the time, only god knows. He had shut his eyes firm, in order to keep her out of his thoughts but that had made things even more worse.
Her face was flashing before his eyes over and over. Lying on his back, he pulled out a pillow, and hid his face, by keeping the pillow above it. Restlessness wasn't allowing sleep to take over him. Unable to take it, his already distressed figure sat straight on the bed, throwing the pillow somewhere in the corner of his room.
***
He did not realize when it had started raining. His hands slightly shifted curtains, and he closed his eyes the very moment, he found her, still sitting there. Her clothes drenched in rain, water dripping from her hairs, she shivered as cold breezes caressed her bare shoulders. Stubborn! He should have known it, he thought.
Jerking the curtains, he walked on terrace. Standing up there, gave him a clear image of her. Raindrops collided with his body, wetting his clothes. Fixing his feet there, he laid his eyes upon her. After standing there for don't know how long, he rushed his legs down when he found her having hard time in blinking her eyes. She was losing her consciousness.
***
She had already fainted, her head falling on the side on the bench. If he had been a moment late, she would have hurt herself, badly. His shoulder supporting her head, he patted on her cheek but there was no response from her side. His gaze stuck at the woman in front of him, his heart started beating frantically]. Her condition scared him. The next moment, he picked her up and walked inside, along with her drenched figure.
Laying her on his bed, he made it quick to the kitchen. He never was a complaining person but today, he cursed himself for not keeping water in his room that was delaying things. He was back within no time. Sprinkling few drops over her eyes, he sat at the edge of the bed, calling her name, his eyes drowned in the pool of the concern. Her forehead stretched as cold water came in contact with her face but she could hardly open her eyes a bit and her eyelids shut again. She tried to blink them but terribly failed. He gasped in horror when his palm reached out to touch her cheek, which shifted to her forehead and his mind alarmed... she was burning in fever.
God Dammit! He clenched his fist, closing his eyes in regret. Anger and fear, at a time, had knocked his heart after quite a long time.
He took a deep breath, calming himself down. He simply could not afford anything that moment. Senses having stopped working, he knew only one thing... he wanted her to be fine. Concern had overpowered his heart to the extent that he failed to hear what his mind was screaming.
"Anika, listen, you need to change, okay?" Leaning towards her, he told her, explaining as if he was talking to a child. His sentence made her open her eyes forcefully. She looked at him and then at herself. Averting her gaze, she tried getting up making him shake his head at the unbelievably stubborn woman. "Anika, please." Whatever it was, one thing if she could not still bear was his pain. His pleading sharply hit her heart. One look in his eyes and once again, everything else was defeated in front of her heart... her heart that was deeply, insanely and irrevocably in love with the man, who seemed worried like his own life was at stake. She was back to the girl, who had fallen helplessly in love with him, who trusted him so much that she could just let him do whatever he wanted knowing he would never hurt her, in a slightest way.
"I don't have any clothes." He heard her speaking, feebly and finally, heaved a sigh of relief. "Don't worry about that. Just come with me. Try to get up." He made her sit on the bed, and headed towards his wardrobe and after few moments of struggle, he pulled out a light blue dress and returned back to her. Even if she was surprised, she did not make it visible. He gave her his hand, and another wrapped behind her back and he walked towards the washroom, slowly with her. Pushing the door, he handed the dress to her and which she took without any argument and started to get inside when his demand made her legs freeze and eyes widen his shock, later anger.
"Don't lock the door."
She turned towards him, staring at him. "Are you insane?" Even though, she was in fever, weak to even utter anything but he had left her with no other option. He, on the other side, stood clueless at her sudden raged self. Few seconds and he realized what he had just said and couldn't help but smile at his feisty lady. Scratch that, she is not his.
"I am sorry. I didn't mean it that way. Just to ensure that you are fine, close it but don't lock it." Justifying was needed, he thought. He chuckled when she shook her head, clearly making visible that she was going to do, no such thing.
"You know that I won't do anything wrong, don't you?" He asked, stepping closer to her. His voiced had softened so much that it almost fluttered her heart. Without her conscience, her head nodded upside down as if there was not a fraction of a percent doubt about it. Sometimes, there are few things that your heart just knows! "That's it then, go and change quickly."
***
"Careful." He held her as she came out, and fever took over her and she was about to fall down. Rounding his arms around her, he lifted her and lay down on the bed. He had already called up the doctor, who arrived the same moment.
---
"Mr. Oberoi, her fever is because of staying drenched for long. Nothing to worry, I am giving some tablets. She will be fine. I will give an injection that would help her to recover fast."
Shivaay nodded but his words remained in his mouth when he saw Anika cuddling to herself, shifting slightly from the Doctor. He quickly looked at her face, trying to figure out what was wrong. Oh the fear! Oh injections, of course. How could he forget?
"I... am... fine." He heard her speaking in a low, soft voice, which he knew was because she was scared. Doctor shot up her gaze at the girl who was nothing close to fine but still was saying that she was and then she looked at him. "Mr. Oberoi?"
"Doctor. You do what you think is needed." He said, glancing at Anika once. Walking around the bed, he climbed on the bed from the other side, avoiding her surprised expression. Gently taking her hand in his, he covered it with his hand. "Just look at me. Trust me."
"That is the point. I can't trust you." She spoke, looking in his eyes. She seemed to have forgotten the Doctor's presence, as emotions overpowered her.
He blinked, sighed hearing her. She can't trust him. That broke something within him, twisting something sharp in his heart. He just held her hand tighter. "You know that I will never let you happen anything, don't you?"
His eyes poured into hers, silence speaking volumes, feelings draped in a bundle of casual words, he glanced at Doctor once, signalling her to proceed while Anika was lost in his assurance not that she wasn't aware of what he said. It was the eternal promise carved on stone for her. He would never let her happen anything... never.
"It's done."
"Huh?" A clueless Anika turned towards the Doctor who was smiling.
"Here are the tablets. Fortunately I do have a set of them so you won't need to go out to get them. Take care of her. She is weak as well." Doctor advised and stated a few things to Shivaay. Handing him over some packets of tablets, Doctor left with a smiling glance at Anika.
Shivaay walked along with the Doctor as she continued making him aware of the needed things. Dropping the Doctor near the gate, he straightaway went to kitchen.
Accelerating his speed, he looked for ingredients as he started making soup for her. He quickly put vegetables in pan, and covered it with lid, letting it cook.
*
"Anika, here it is. Drink this soup. You have to take medicines." Placing the bowl on the bed, he helped her to sit on the bed. She quietly drank the soup. That was so unlike her. She hated dull food. Despite of everything about her bothering him to an extent he could not even describe, he stayed mum. He was about to reach out for the tablets on the side table but she grabbed it before him and swallowed it with water. That came like a final hammer which hit him everywhere in his heart.
"Sweetheart please, please... take this medicine." Shivaay requested holding Anika in his arms.
"Shivaay no. I.HATE.MEDICINES. Don't you know that?" She was almost in tears, accusing him, threatening him.
"Of course I know Darling. But you have to take this. Else the flu won't go na." If there was someone else watching the scenario, they would have definitely wondered if he was talking to a young woman or a three year old child.
"Please don't cry. You know that I can't see tears in your eyes, don't you?" He cupped her face gently in his palms kissing away her tears.
"Okay, take this for now. I promise I'll take out to eat your all favourite ice cream flavours once you recover."
He sighed in relief when she gulped the medicines with water, of course, not without making weirdest faces at him only to make him chuckle and giggle.
Shivaay was snapped out of the thoughts when he sensed some movement. He looked at her. She was trying to get down. "Anika please. You are still weak. Rest here for today. I'll drop you, your home once you feel better."
"I am fine, Mr. Oberoi."
He looked up, shocked. She never called him that way. That was enough to say, she wasn't going to stay.
"I cannot stay at someone's place, I have no relation with." If she was weak, her voice wasn't and neither her determination. "Thank you, for whatever help you did so far. I really appreciate it."
The formality was way too much. He clenched his fist, consuming her words.
"I don't care if you have any relation with me or not, but I... cannot let you go." He said, moving towards her.
"Did you just mean that you'll force me?" She flared, advancing forward angrily. Just a step... she could take just a step and she lost her balance. And like always, he was there to hold her before she could get hurt.
"I promised you, I won't let you get hurt." He said, making her open eyes only to find him in front of her.
"Every wound isn't just physical Mr. Oberoi. Some wounds hurt you in your heart, soul and they are much deeper."
Ah the pain! The agony! The hurt!
She had brought herself away from him. Clutching her head hard in her grip, she screamed, crying so bitterly that it almost ripped his heart off. "Itna dard... itna dard... itna dard sehne se to accha hai mai mar hi jau. Pyar kiya. Jisse kiya usne chhod diya. Usne to kabhi mujhse pyar kiya hi nahi. Wow. Three years... how I have lived in these years, only I know. It was so easy for you to do that no? Have you ever thought about me? Nahi hota ab mujhse bardasht. Bas bohot ho gaya." She cried loudly, with a intense breakdown. She looked around with her shaky body and grabbed the knife on the table kept along with apples. She had come far away from thinking sensible or heck, even to think anything.
"Anika no." Shivaay shouted running towards her but was stopped by her palm. "Don't come near me."
"Anika what are you doing?" Shivaay shrieked in horror. The knife was slightly touching her wrist. She looked at him once with her tear filled eyes before she closed them. Her breathing got uneven due to the continuous crying. She tried calming her down, taking a deep breath.
"Oh... oh my god!" Shivaay fell on his knees, covering his face with his palm in utter relaxation when he watched her throwing the knife away in a swift of force.
"Don't do it again. You are very precious to me." He lifted himself up to her, embracing her shaky tiny figure in his warmth. He rubbed her back frequently, caressing her hairs in between to comfort her.
"You love me, right?"
"Anika... wo..."
"You love me?"
"Anika..."
"Tell me, you love me or not?" Jerking his hand, that was trying to hold her shoulder; she shouted gathering all the energy she could.
"Yes, yes... I do." Despite of not wanting, he ended up admitting his feelings for her.
"One question... why?" She wiped her tears, looking straight in his eyes, demanding answers of everything.
"Answer to your every question... because I love you." He replied, truthfully... sincerity reflected from his tone and he kept his eyes on her without shifting his gaze even for a moment, letting her know, every word he said and would say was and would be pure truth, without a single lie.
Confused, she raised her brow but remained silent, waiting for him to continue pulling the curtains off.
"You remember your accident... that was because of me, because you are related to me. They used you as my weakness, knowing our relation. I could have lost you forever... all because of me. Anika... what I do is certainly not safe. Every second... on my duty and off my duty, it's like battling with death. I don't know if I will be alive, next minute but this is my job and I don't regret it but at the same time I can't put you in any danger, because of me. After your accident, I did catch the culprit and put him in prison but it doesn't end there. This will never end. This will continue... till my last breath. If you are with me, linked with me... the threat to your life will follow you like a shadow and I can't and won't let that happen." Starting from fear, his voice ended up screaming determination... determination of protecting, his, lady love from, every harm. He went on clarifying more, with how he had planned everything, her meeting with Rohit and Rohit was even acting. Every accusation was just a sham to break their ties, to make her hate him for doubting her love and loyalty so that she could never even think of glancing back at him.
Closing eyes momentarily, he looked down as she slapped across his face, real hard. "How could you do that to me? Who the hell are you and who on the earth you consider yourself to decide what is good for me?" A fresh stream of tears rolled down her cheeks. Holding his collar, she rocked him before she started hitting on his chest, her sobs turning into weeps and then heart wrenching cries. Not for once, he tried stopping her. He knew, he deserved more than what she was doing.
She fell on him, after crying and verbalizing her every pain. Wrapping his hands around her back, he pulled her closer letting him stay in his embrace, closer to him. He had missed her, so much. Clutching his T-shirt in her fist, she snuggled more into his warmth that she had missed in the past years. He just held her, for don't know how long, whispering absolutely nothing. Silence was what, always connected them and that day also, silence was what, evoking every hidden emotion.
"I am sorry." Mumbling an apology in her ear, he placed an affectionate kiss on her hairs, slightly tilting his head, letting his lips linger there for a while before he again brought her closer.
"Sorry? Hell with your sorry!" She pulled apart, furious with his words. "Three years... three damn years, without you... do you even know how it was... to live without you? Infuriated, her soft palm again slapped his chest, her agonized eyes accusing him for forcing her to live a hell when she could have enjoyed her personal heaven with him. Somehow lifting herself, from ground, she managed to stand but the moment she tried balancing, a sharp pain hit her head and it started spinning. She gripped her head, her eyes closing and she felt everything blacking out.
"Anikaa." Shivaay shouted, catching her from waist, preventing her fall. Picking her up, in his arms, he laid her on the bed, adjusting pillows under her head carefully. Patting on her cheek, lightly, he tried waking her up but she did not respond. Panicking, his hand reached for the glass of water and he sprinkled few drops on her face. Seeing her blinking eyes, he felt alive. Relieved! He had almost forgotten to breathe. His life was stuck in the woman, lying next to him.
"Don't leave me. I love you."
He heard her mumbling against his chest as she shifted towards him, hiding her face within him. His eyes watered. He could feel her pain. Her sobs pierced his heart. Seeing her that way, so broken, so vulnerable clenched him with helplessness rather anger on himself for making her go through the pain when all what she deserved was love. He had abandoned her... definitely for her own good but it was not worth doing, he thought. The severity of her pain ripped his heart out.
Holding her tenderly, he caressed her hairs softly, whispering her name. "Anika." Refusing to elevate her face, she snuggled more into him, not wanting to look up. She did not wish to see her dreams shattering in front of her eyes, again. She knew what he would say... that they should not be together... that being with him; her life would always be in danger. He wasn't completely wrong at his place but what she was supposed to do? How she would make him understand that being without him was anyway equal to death for her.
Her heart was caught up with fear, insecurities. She could not lose him again. She could not.His soft rubs on her hairs, urged her to look up. "I will never leave you, again." Shocked, on hearing the words from him which she craved for but wasn't expecting him to say in her wildest dreams after getting in light with the reason, he deliberately pushed her away.
"Really?" She asked innocently, crossing her fingers, assuring that she did not hear any wrong.
"Yes. I promise, I will never let you go away from me. Na mai jaunga... na tumhe jaane dunga" Assuring her, his lips kissed her forehead. Forwarding her palm, she touched it, as if was ensuring herself, that it wasn't any dream. He finally heard a soft laugh from her side, on confirming.
"Pakka na?" She couldn't help asking again.
He re-assured her, placing his palm over her, on his cheek. Wiping her tears, he scooped her face in his palms, tugging her hair stand behind her ears.
"Stop crying. Please, I can't see your tears..." Before he could complete himself she threw her on him encircling her arms around his neck, putting her entire weight over him. His hand wrapped around her shoulder while she slipped on his chest, clutching his Shirt in her fist, crying uncontrollably. Her grip tightened on him, as if wanting to hold him forever and ever, not letting him move away from her even an inch.
"Ouch." Dramatically pretending to be hurt from her never ending smacks, he let out a sigh. Surprised when she pulled away from him, he raised a brow at her asking what was it.
She stared at him for a several moments. "Why? I mean, you stayed away for three years to make sure, I am out of any danger. So now, these sudden promises of being with me always? How?" She asked, wiping her tears, composing herself enough to make a question at him, which was absolutely the most important curiosity now.
"You think I am lying just to comfort you?"
He knew her too well.
She stayed mum before she picked to say, "This is not what I asked."
"Alright. You deserve to know. He admitted. Shifting closer to her, he rounded his hand around her arm. Her head automatically rested on his shoulder. Three years were not easy for me either Anika. Trust me, they weren't but I never blamed anything. This was my way, Anika... my way to keep you safe. I thought if you wouldn't be with me, you would be in peace, you would be happy and more, I would be relaxed knowing you are doing fine but I admit today, my way wasn't right entirely. I thought about your safety but you are nowhere close to fine. I wanted you to be happy Anika and not like this. Even after three years, I can see the same love for me, the same pain of separation, the same extent of hurt. This is not what I wanted. This is not. I want you to be shielded, unharmed. I want you to be alive but not by dying every day."
"So now what will you do?" She asked, willing to hear from you again. Him accepting his mistake somewhat at least, had made her grin from inside though she knew this wasn't time for it, par bachpana jata kaha hai?
"I'll figure it out. I'll make some other way to keep you guarded. I am not going to let you be alone ever again neither I am going to let a scratch on you ever."
"Couldn't have realized earlier? Idiot, I wasted three years of my life crying. We could have done so much better things till now." She playfully slapped on his head.
"Ah ah, better things, for example?"
She blushed furiously, eyes shut instantly when he leaned in. He lovingly planted an affectionate, lingering kiss on her forehead. His confession made her gaze at him. Their eyes met, pulling them in a world of love they held for each other. His hand reached to cup her cheek gently. Decreasing the distance between them, he rubbed his nose with her making her smile through the happy tears; a blissful moment had given her. Their figures leaned towards each other softly, closing their vision which they did not need now. He placed his lips softly over her and the rest was done gradually, automatically. They let themselves melt in that moment, with each other, in each other. Sensing her getting breathless, he pulled apart as her hold tightened on him and rested his forehead against her. Unable to meet his intense gaze, she hid her face in his chest, allowing him to hold her forever. They remained there, living the moments they had missed in the three years, savouring the feel of each other's presence, loving adoring every demand of each other.
***
Phew, this was longš„±
Ah I don't know why am I even posting this. I have already said that there won't be any more installments of 'Special Shots'. Had I told you the reason? Special shots take out a lot within me. Its not even close to writing the normal ones I do. Would you believe if I say, it took me months to finish this? Ah you have to believeš I was writing it for other people long time back but then lost the inspiration somehow and finally ended up with this.
Anyways, confusion regarding what Shivaay does here? - He is a cop. Hope it clears everything.
And now something which I really want to know. Tell me, how do you guys even bear my fics huh?š¤ I don't even write R of romance, which everyone loves to read. My fics do not contain any passionate and intimate moments either. I am left wondered but then, I know - you guys are too kindš¤š¤š¤ Thank you...
If you managed till here and liked the shot somewhat, do hit the like button. Your words always mean a lot to me. I enjoy reading them the most. So see, if you can drop them too.
Love
-Harshada
Fan Fictions
