~ll Rikara Ramblings ll~ # 5 Holding On... Letting Go - pg 10 - Page 7

Originally posted by: frustrated12233

my my!!!!! u r goddamn outstanding at this!!!

gosh! it was so beautifully written!! her diary so heart wrenching!!

the way u did unbaised justice to Gauris pain was commendable!

kudos!!

loved it loved it sooo loved it

plz cntinue soon

Right when he thought he would make everything alright, all went wrong the worst way possible. Right when he thought he would win her back and would have a happily ever after that she had always hoped for; he sat outside those closed doors, holding on to the very white saree that she had draped that day. The stark paradox was that it wasn't white anymore. It was soaked in the hue of red- her red, the red that she wished for on that very day of Karwachauth. Destiny decided to answer her prayers, for it too had given up hopes on him.

He sat there for hours holding the book and the drapery to his chest, tears unstopping- making their way to them and leaving traces of his guilt on them too. The hurried footsteps at the corridors didn't wake him from his guilt. The cries of Om' from all his family sounded distant- albeit the fact that they were near him. The elders had gone in to see their bahu and to further speak to the doctors, while Dandi had briefed the younger Oberois about the happenings of the day. The doctors had given up on her and this had the Oberois in frenzy, except one. He hadn't even seen her and it bothered them. They knew how his guilt would ruin everything that came his way. His brothers' failed attempts at trying to shake him out of his stupor had started to worry his family.

She hated to see her supportive brother in law so devoid of any hope. And she loved her little sis to the bones. Choosing the right wirds she called out to him, "Gauri needs you Om"

Her name and it all came back. "No she doesn't."

"Om?" questioned a worried Shivaay

"She needed me back then, but now all she wants is to..." he couldn't bring himself to speak those words. The book falling off his hand on its own accord. Shivaay reached out for it and Omkara made no attempts getting it back.

Leafing through the pages had left the blue eyes brimming with tears. I failed my lil sis. How could I never fathom the hurt that she carried in that fragile heart of her. He still remembered the day she had opened up about becoming the bahu of the Oberois but that she still was yet to become Om's wife in the truest sense. He had promised her that he would set it all right, hadn't he. He had been so immersed in his happiness at getting back his love that he mistook the silent tears of his lil sis for that of happiness. Forget the tears he didn't even know that they had gone their own ways.

Just when Shivaay was trying to get the grip over the emotions, Rudra came living up to his name. He bellowed at his brother. "O just get up. O I said get up right now. Barge in there and jostle Chulbul Bhabhi out of that sleep. Tell her that Daadi is worried for some havan tomorrow and has given up all hopes as bhabhi is not around ... or or... tell her that Anika bhabhi is feeling lonely; tell her that Shivaay bhaiyya is angry and is out to lash at someone; tell her that I'm upset and crying like a baby because everybody calls me so." Remorse replacing his anger at the sight of his O, he mellowed down to requesting, "She is the only one who treats me an equal while you guys baby me. Please O bring her back this one time and I promise I will never..." Rudra couldn't finish his banter as Shivaay pulled him into a bone crushing hug.

Omkara looked at his lil brother and a somber smile flashed his face. Rudra in all his innocence had put out in open that the Oberoi family depended on his Gauri. His? Was she ever his? Well his baby brother did have a genuine reason to skip mentioning him in the ways to wake up his Chulbul Bhabhi. His train of thoughts were put to a halt when he heard a voice whisper "Omkara" making all the heads turn.

"Ishana?" a whisper lingering on surprise and confusion left his mouth.

***

Too much was happening at a lightening pace... Like a pile of falling dominoes. It all had to stop. That's when Shivaay decided send the elders back home. They hadn't informed Tej and Shakti yet as they were on an overseas trip. Handling a constantly wailing Daadi and the two mothers was a task in itself. After long persuasion they agreed halfheartedly, relying on him to bring their bahu back. Sending away Anika and Rudy was a task he knew he wouldn't succeed at, so he let it be and he had a queasy feeling that maybe he might need them to handle what Ishana would bring their way.

As he walked back to the corridor after seeing off the elder ladies, he saw the con girl sit right next to Omkara, not meeting his eyes though. His blood boiled and he way about to launch his word assault when her words held him back.

"I'm Sorry. It's all my fault" she said.

"She isn't supposed to be there Omkara. I should be there, probably dead by now. I always thought that I may con many but couldn't have somebody's blood over me. But I was wrong, wasn't I?" her voice held a faint quiver.

Misty eyed she continued, "I met her on that dreadful day when I was being chased by goons. Never knew the lady I would bump into at the threshold of the temple would stand up for me. No one has ever stood for me Omkara, not the way she did. Not even the people present there who I have helped from my con earnings and it didn't even take her a moment to stand between the goons and me as my formidable wall. Who was I to her?" A pause later she continued...

"When they saw that the tiny little lady wouldn't budge they declared that they wouldn't settle for anything lesser than the ring in her finger and her simple diamond studded mangalsutra. That somehow paled her as though they had hit the right spot- where it hurt the most. They knew the way she was adorned with her vermillion and with her Pooja thaal that she was observing the karwa chauth and she wouldn't let go of the things asked for. She had choices to make- It was either me or the things that she held dear. And she chose. She chose me than her dear things. Why would she do that Omkara?" The questions more for herself than for anyone else to answer, yet these very queries had their way working up every person present there.

Taking a deep breath and boring her eyes at the floor, choosing to not look into his eyes she continued, "We thought it was all over but it wasn't. They left us then, only to follow us later. I hadn't seen the vehicle coming and in a swift second I was pushed aside by her. When I gathered my senses all I could see was her laying in a pool of blood. They had rammed their vehicle at her and escaped. Someone from the crowd that had gathered called up the local hospital. They asked me to keep her conscious till they got there. And all the while that it took for them to reach us and take us to the hospital all she spoke about was about a certain someone."

Dabbing her eyes off the tears she said, "When I apologized to her for having to part away with her ring and her mangalsutra, she said that it didn't matter to her anymore. That stunned me. For a woman to love her husband so dearly and yet abandon the very things that mean so much to her; that somehow didn't fit in right with me. As if she knew my dilemma she said that it didn't matter to her now because she not being adorned with it wouldn't matter to her husband, as life is way beyond the ritualistic things. She said her husband would have agreed to it too. And she went on to speak about her husband... the man that she loved. Her words have stayed with me for it reminded me of someone I once knew."

She looked up at him for the first time since she came in, "It was you Omkara. She spoke of you when she was battling to keep her consciousness. She kept calling out for her Om consistently till the drugs wore her down. The docs then said she wouldn't make it and even if she did she wouldn't be her former self. I heard them talk about pulling the plug if her family agrees. You wouldn't do that right?... Say you wouldn't do it Omkara" she pleaded the last words in mere whisper. The tears kept in check until now breaking the barriers and making their way onto her cheeks.

***

The recent revelations happened to take him to a trance. As he closed his eyes random flashes of her as Gauri Kumari Sarma- the girl he had despised once; as Chulbul his only man-friend other than his brothers, his buddy and as Gauri Omkara singh oberoi- the woman who spun him within the threads of varied emotions, flashed across his mind's eye. It was as if listening to the old melodies on the gramophone- each note precise- no glitch there. Until, she slowly starting fading from each of that memory. That void their had his face contorted and his breath ragged. One look at him and they knew he was suffering alone yet again. So the great wall of Shivaay lunged forward shaking him awake. His eyes opened up darting in a directionless manner as if searching for something.

"It's ok Om, we're in this together. The docs here aren't just qualified. We'll get her shifted to the most elitist hospitals with the world's renowned doctors to take care of her. Everything's going to be fine. I'll set everything all right."

"No you won't" came his determined baritone

"O... do you even hear what you are saying?" said a bewildered Rudra.

"She asked for it and I'm doing just what she would have wanted me to" he said knitting his eyebrows in determination.

"Om get a grip on yourself. Don't take her writings in the literal sense. She was hurt and when you write while hurting the words are more hard hitting" reasoned Shivaay.

"Her writings weren't just mere words Shivaay, she meant every word of it. They hit me in the right place. Right here." He said jabbing his heart with his free hand. "And it hurts... just like it would have hurt her when I lashed out at her every time. And yet she stood by me in everything. She tried fighting my demons Shivaay, the ones that I kept hidden even from you. The world has seen me at my bad and my brother's at my worse but know who saw me at my worst? She did. And she stayed Shivaay, despite everything she stayed. Why? The reasons we will never know... reasons best known to her."

"And who has been there behind those doors for her? The soul brother-Her Dandi bhaiya and the girl whom she saved- Ishana. And where is her supposed family right now? Here... trying to fix her Omkara" he chuckled ruefully.

"I know you all love her and you would give it your best shot to bring her back, but I need you to trust me when I say she will have it the way she wished for." Taking the book and he drappery, he rose up to his foot and turned towards the door. Raising his hands at the shuffling foots behind him he made his intentions clear, but for more clarity he said "I need to do this alone."

***

I know I'm a goner... Yes no RiKara here... as in face to face...Just that sometimes with a mere mention someone comes alive... Gauri is there in every moment and evry word that surrounds Omkara... He would do with more of realisations for now.

*** Disclaimer: Seriously not a harbinger of mercy killing here.

The title came in from this song below has been my favs since I first heard it... Ross Copperman with Holding on and Letting go... And I could never let go of this masterpiece for sure.

Is anybody out there?

Is anybody listening?

Does anybody really know?

If it's the end of our beginning

A cry, a rush from one breath

Is all we're waiting for

Sometimes the one we're taking

Changes every one before

It's everything you wanted

It's everything you don't

It's one door swinging open

And one door swinging closed

Some prayers find an answer

Some prayers never know

We're holding on and letting go

Sometimes we're holding angels

And we never even know

Don't know if we'll make it

But we know, we just can't let it show

It's everything you wanted

It's everything you don't

It's one door swinging open

And one door swinging closed

Some prayers find an answer

Some prayers never know

We're holding on and letting go

Yeah, letting go

So long my friends... The last part of this rambling will be up soonish... Till then I'm holding on to RiKara.. To my friends out here... and the amazing writers out here as well. I have so much of Rikara reading to do.

Do leave your impression... Hit the like if you like it... It truly means a lot.

***Kindly refrain from copying this to the other sites. With plagiarism not only kills the write-up but the writer too.

Leaving you with a warm hug right here: