Steps to becoming US: Bonding under fire... 23.8

First of all let me admit, yesterday's episode was like an avalanche on my head. I was such a mess of conflicting emotions, I had to log off Twitter because I couldn't be objective. The writing was like a sucker punch to the soul, or I really need a life.

I do a little bit of clay crafting in my free time. When you mix two types of clay in one sculpture, it has to be baked for the two types to bond to one another. Each different colored clay melts into the other and forms the bonding. When ready the two types of clay remains their own color, but they are inseparable from the other.

So we now have front row seats to watch Annika and Shivaay , stop becoming me and I, into becoming US.

They are so different in personality that this test of fire is so intense it is burning all those who root for them. Gauri's reaction was like all of us. If Rudy was there, he'd have been a bigger mess than Gauri. If they get through this, they will be stronger than ever.

Shivaay will be SSO, Annika will be Annika, but when they are together they will be a seamless unit.

***

Shivaay can see she is in pain and is hurting, yet his first instinct is to avoid conflict with her. But see , he can't walk away as easily anymore.

1. Don't walk away from each other, face problems together, even if the other is the problem.

Annikahas always assumed the high ground, because she sacrificed for him. She assumes that she is in the right, because she sacrificed herself for his benefit.

Did he ask her for this sacrifice? NO.

She made a huge decision to separate them from each other, and left him searching in the dark for the reason. Her heart is strong and in the right place, she needs this will power to stand against Pinky later, and to stand by Shivaay with and for his family. But her execution was a huge crime to Shivaay as her husband.

By protecting him from his mother's evil intentions, she did a crime to their marriage. She wilfully broke his heart into thousand pieces and forced his hand to permanently end their bond. There were kinder ways she could have used.

Somehow in all the sacrificial fervour, deep down she still expected him to stand rock solid for her, devastated that he didn't. He turned away, although dying inside at the loss. He had envisioned them as a unit, together, and she effectively threw him away cruelly that day. Watch it again, see how he stubbornly refuses to hear anything else but what she had to say that day.

I've said before, that she was as cruel to him that day, as the day he chased and forced her into marriage with him. If she found it hard to forgive him for that act, he is finding it equally hard to forgive her of this.

You ruined US.

Shivaay is grappling with a new fear, of losing her. The woman who taught him how to love, who made his heart beat faster, the one he trusted , was dealt with such a problem that she couldn't come to him with it. She pushed him and everyone out, away and burned herself because of it. That pain of loss is so severe that he fears it. Annika has become so crucial to him that she is at once his strength AND his weakness. And this secret has made it so.

How would a man like Shivaay accept his own weakness? Avoid it?

Tear the weakness to shreds and find out WHY it became his weakness and destroy it.

If he took her back, he would always be fearing the time when she would leave him again. SO he demands the truth, that thing that stood between them, so it ceases to be a weakness.

(I can understand why people would think this wedding fiasco is so unnecessary now, but a plot is needed for this conflict to be dealt with quickly instead of over weeks or months.. )

Frankly, I think he's strong enough for the truth. The man made a choice, he's been primed enough to the gravity of it. Tell him already.

Pinky doesn't deserve to be covered up for. If she used this secret to ruin her son's life, she should be the one to face him when he finds out. I think the birth secret would floor him, but not if Annika was by his side with OmRu. He'd be okay eventually.

2. Lessons to learn about each other

Annika would go to any extent for him and OmRu. Without shame she walked back into his life, to bring him back to himself. For him she left, for him again she returned. She thought she had no place in the life of the great Shivaay Singh Oberoi, not how his family does.

But she has learnt of her own special place in his life, one just for her, inside his heart. She is where he shares his fears and woes, his vulnerabilities and pain, for her safekeeping. Trust is PARAMOUNT. Love just makes it sweeter. And now learning that she has made a terrible mistake.

As she sits and pours her heart out to Gauri, so much is shown of her progress. We may never forget on her behalf, but she has forgotten and left behind all the hurt in the past with Shivaay, and only regards that, he has given her the most happiness in her life. She has forgiven and forgotten the past, he has now become her reason for living.

Again her destiny is cruel to her, and was forced to leave. She admits her mistake now, and returned to make amends. But things got from bad to worse, and they are further away now.

She isn't insecure about his love anymore. She is sorry that she hurt him. This isn't about NKK or secret, or Pinky at all. This is about their relationship.

(She isn't asking him to stop this wedding. She is about to leave him again, giving up completely because there is no point prolonging the fight when the standoff persists. No way is Annika going to marry Vikram, she will just leave and survive somehow with her broken heart.)

So she handed Shivaay a choice: We can't fight like this forever, stuck. Either we go forward & forgive, or back off. You have till tomorrow morning to decide. Just give me a sign.

Now Shivaay has to decide: Which is more important, truth or Annika?

(To me, the choice is clear. Get Annika back, and the truth will come to him. But he doesn't know that. )

Shivaay loves Annika dearly. That much is blatantly obvious. His dominant nature is part of him, his need to protect his loved ones from all harm is in his blood. He needs to be in charge. What is it that Annika knows, and keeps, that HIS family rallies around her also? He needs to know, I can't grudge him that.

But one thing, this guy demands strict loyalty and disclosure. Annika would think twice to cross him like this again. He may forgive the family for lies and mistakes, send off friends/girlfriends respectfully even after deceit and malice, but for the love of his life; he demands absolute transparency and trust. He's to be in charge, and she his trusted deputy.

3. Can we take a moment from our anger to decide on US now, or back away?

(OMG that Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna song KILLED me..)

It broke my heart to see Annika just wait and wait with her mangalsutra in her hand. Losing hope at times and just putting it down, at times grabbing it again, til the last moment she holds on to it like rosary beads for courage.

Also it angered me a little that it could take Shivaay SO long to decide on whether he could stand to see Annika leave from his life again. That he should struggle with the small decision on giving her a sign that he's willing to TRY.

I have been waiting for Pinky to make her move now that Ragini has gone. She has sensed the magnetism between the two, and is using their vulnerable state to drive the wedge in. She sends wedding attire and jewelry in Shivaay's name, which kills Annika a little inside, but her trust is wavering for the last hour before she leaves for good.

Gauri,the undefeatable optimist, is defeated with the stark misery she sees in both Shivaay and Annika, the burden of understanding their plight brings her to miserable tears. She cries and begs Shivaay to please take the forward step before the whole thing collapses into rubble.

"She made ONE mistake Bhaiya, you're pushing her away for it. Mistakes are not bigger than the relationship. Please stop this !!

"She was the one who set my heartbeat to flight, she broke my heart. Whatever threat it was, it still exists. It may happen again. I must have it.

For the first time, Shivaay's voice wavered when he said, "Don't worry , everything will be fine.. I want everything to be okay again... Gauri cries helplessly ( me along with her)

Om watches over Annika, the burden of truth he also carries is sending him into thoughtful contemplation. He was about to go to her, but he realizes it's no use asking her to reconsider her decision as he understands her position. But he looks like he is fast reaching a decision making point. I hope he breaks kasam and tell Shivaay at least part of the secret.

Shivaay on his fours in front of Annika seems to be the scene to look out for...

Precap: is often misleading these days.

But my gut feeling is Shivaay went at last minute to put her ring and gave in. But Pinky's smug face tells me she played her hand. Annika looks angry again, throwing water on her Bhagad Billa, ready to march out the door. Shivaay on the other hand looks a little blindsided. Goodness, I hope Om does something. There is no hope on anyone else...