Smothering him? - Page 2

Originally posted by: Ravisadha

If he is very honest why he is accepting the Nayab Qazi position, he should ask his father or FIL on what basis i have been selected for this position. Because there are more senior members in the board. And he is very new to the board no experience/ talent(Yet to Identify by the board).Only because of Zara he was given the new position why he accepted that if he does't want Zara's any help/ interference. He should tell his father he will attain the Qazi position by his hard work and not by Zara or his father's help. And according to me Love/Pyaar/Mohabbat very far away from him.

Like I've mentioned in the post above, every one, including Kabir and Zara accept nepotism as way of life. Both the fathers and the other board members don't object to these two fresh out of college kids joining the board.

IMO, we need to differentiate his feeling between his pet project and his position in the board.. He submits to Shabaz's politicking there.

Simran singh_24I totally agree with your analysis of Kaberi.He is right in his own way and too young.for the crooked world ,he is in.Husbands are husbands always,independent views of wives are not welcome.If they listen,it is their choice not option.So Zara should pack her ambitions temporarily and try to fathom the mullah's mindset and get her marriage to work.Quom and woman empowerment can wait.

Originally posted by: sahana747

Simran singh_24I totally agree with your analysis of Kaberi.He is right in his own way and too young.for the crooked world ,he is in.Husbands are husbands always,independent views of wives are not welcome.If they listen,it is their choice not option.So Zara should pack her ambitions temporarily and try to fathom the mullah's mindset and get her marriage to work.Quom and woman empowerment can wait.

@bold imo, Zara needn't & shouldn't abandon her ambitions while working on her marriage,she just need to have her own dreams rather than acting like a helicopter wife😆

Originally posted by: sahana747

Simran singh_24I totally agree with your analysis of Kaberi.He is right in his own way and too young.for the crooked world ,he is in.Husbands are husbands always,independent views of wives are not welcome.If they listen,it is their choice not option.So Zara should pack her ambitions temporarily and try to fathom the mullah's mindset and get her marriage to work.Quom and woman empowerment can wait.

I agree with most of the things you said. While I don't think Zaara should interfere in Kabeer's work unless he invites her to, Kabeer throwing her work in the trash can seemed a bit extreme to me as well. But yes, Zaara, in her desire to help her husband should not make him feel stifled. And letting your spouse take the lead and listening to your parents are in no way the same thing: Zaara and Kabeer are both obedient kids to their parents and parents-children dynamics are not the same as husband-wife dynamics.

Despite my financial independence, my contribution in my home is limited to buying things I wish to buy because my husband is adamant about paying the bills. He believes it is his responsibility and me being a feminist, I dragged chauvinism,complex etc etc all of it into our fights in the initial years of marriage. It took me a while to realize that this man I married let the world be mine: I stay over at my friends, stay out late, have a job i love, hate cooking, love travelling and he lets me be. He does a job he hates, shares all household chores with me, takes me to long drives because he loves them, expects me to watch marathon movies with him on Friday nights and wants to feel that he is being a good husband by paying the bills. Is that so much to ask for? He doesn't belittle me or hurt my self-respect in any way. He doesn't think cooking and cleaning is only my responsibility but he thinks paying bills is his. Is it so hard for me to let him be content?

We all need personal space and we all find our validation in different things. I find my validation in having a job, not the financial bit, the feeling of empowerment bit because all my life I was told how women are repressed everywhere by men. My job became my comfort zone, my voice, my strength to not let myself be oppressed.My husband finds it in making payments, it may sound silly but he is the happiest when I ask him to get me something as basic as chocolates instead of buying them myself.

I think Kabeer is in search of his identity, something worthwhile to him that validates his identity and Zaara is invading his personal space and retarding his growth in his mind. What I am confused about though is why is Zaara so desperate to make Kabeer's dream hers instead of letting him pursue and fulfill his dream the way he wants to. And what about her own dreams? Does she not have a vision for herself?

Originally posted by: athai

I agree with most of the things you said. While I don't think Zaara should interfere in Kabeer's work unless he invites her to, Kabeer throwing her work in the trash can seemed a bit extreme to me as well. But yes, Zaara, in her desire to help her husband should not make him feel stifled. And letting your spouse take the lead and listening to your parents are in no way the same thing: Zaara and Kabeer are both obedient kids to their parents and parents-children dynamics are not the same as husband-wife dynamics.

Despite my financial independence, my contribution in my home is limited to buying things I wish to buy because my husband is adamant about paying the bills. He believes it is his responsibility and me being a feminist, I dragged chauvinism,complex etc etc all of it into our fights in the initial years of marriage. It took me a while to realize that this man I married let the world be mine: I stay over at my friends, stay out late, have a job i love, hate cooking, love travelling and he lets me be. He does a job he hates, shares all household chores with me, takes me to long drives because he loves them, expects me to watch marathon movies with him on Friday nights and wants to feel that he is being a good husband by paying the bills. Is that so much to ask for? He doesn't belittle me or hurt my self-respect in any way. He doesn't think cooking and cleaning is only my responsibility but he thinks paying bills is his. Is it so hard for me to let him be content?

We all need personal space and we all find our validation in different things. I find my validation in having a job, not the financial bit, the feeling of empowerment bit because all my life I was told how women are repressed everywhere by men. My job became my comfort zone, my voice, my strength to not let myself be oppressed.My husband finds it in making payments, it may sound silly but he is the happiest when I ask him to get me something as basic as chocolates instead of buying them myself.

I think Kabeer is in search of his identity, something worthwhile to him that validates his identity and Zaara is invading his personal space and retarding his growth in his mind. What I am confused about though is why is Zaara so desperate to make Kabeer's dream hers instead of letting him pursue and fulfill his dream the way he wants to. And what about her own dreams? Does she not have a vision for herself?

I LOVE THIS TOPIC !! Will just post what i posted in another topic ..

Originally posted by: Fantasia.

I LOVE THIS TOPIC !! Will just post what i posted in another topic ..

Zara is over stepping in her blind love and fangirling for her husband that she is invading his personal space. Zara needs to know she doesnt know this man, she CANNOT and BLOODY CANNOT go on taking decsions for something so dear to him. his project is his dream, he is deeply effected by the shadow of his father and now his father-in-law, he wants to make his own identoty. How is Zara trying to help him without taking him into confidence?

Jis ne apne baap ki madad nai li wo apni biwi ki madad lega? Zara is too impulsive to realize this. Zara needs to just accept what he offers atm, he is keeping her a part of all his mental struggles and she should accept that instead of over stepping and then complaining that he didnt reciprocate bcz honestly, he is not bound too or liable too.

In kashmir, Kabeer gave in to Zara;s wishes of how she wanted to pursue the relationship, accepted only what she offered, he didnt go overboard with her advances, here Kabeer is offering emotional intimacy so Zara needs to stop there and not go overboard.

Also, the thing about working, i am with Kabeer here again. That man is practical to realize how different they both are and cannot work together, whereas Zara on the other hand has completely forgotten how they are poles apart, she keeps on repeating "hum ik sath kaam karen gey, ik sath ghar se niklen gey" .. it pisses Kabeer off! it does! You cannot blame him for not being rosy-eyed about the biggest issue in thier marriage. Maybe if Zara gets over her notion of "working together" and just focuses on "her working", Kabeer wont have a problem.

Originally posted by: simran_singh_24

@bold-The way I see Kabir, he has found his calling, to uplift the kids coming out of the Madarasa and that's his true identity,which he wants to establish. He might give up the She Qazi position if the politicking in the board gets too much.But he will not give up on his dream project.

Zara's dream seems dangerous to me😆She outlined it at the project site."Both husband and wife stepping out together and working for our community together".That's her vision for now.

May be later, as woman she'll pick up women's causes, like the tripple talaq and work on it with same passion as Kabir is showing now.We;ll have another round of conflicts then.

On Kabir trashing her notes, i totally get it, It's like you're painting something and went to sleep and someone completed it before you wake up. Most people would be happy if some one does the dishes when they're asleep, but not something where you want to leave your mark.

Now that you explained,I see Kabeer throwing away Zaara's work in a whole new perspective! Zaara seems to be more focused on doing this together and doing that together, what is the this and that, I doubt she herself knows! Also, why would she want to do things together with someone whose opinion is nothing like hers! Kabeer seems far more practical in this regard as he remembers that they have different opinions and uses to avoid conflict by not working with her at all!

Originally posted by: ...Nihara...

Why should Zara pack her ambitions temporarily and try to fathom the mullah's mindset and get her marriage to work?😕So you say if Husbands listen it is their choice not option,but Zara should listen what he says and should pack her ambitions temporarily and try to get her marriage to work?Kabir have the equal responsibility to work on their marriage.He was doing it until last friday episode.Now it seems CVs changed his characterisation.Zaara fell for him thinking she MU him before marriage.Now he is taking the same route again.