YAARDAASHT KE JALWE – A FUN POST
Indira regained her memory as Indira.As soon as she remembered her life as Indira,she screamed Rishi's name and started running like a mad calling him.
I :- "Rishi!Rishi!Aap kaha hai?"
Rishi on hearing her voice came out of her room and as soon as Indira saw her she ran and hugged him tightly.
I :- "Rishi aap kaha chale gaye the mujhe chorkar?"
Rishi was very happy to see that finally Indira returned and he too hugged her back.
R :- "Main aapko chorkar kabhi nehi gaya tha shrimatiji.Main to peechle 8 saalo se aapke is private chiriyaghar ka chowkidaar bankar uski rakhwaali kar raha tha.Chorkar to aap mujhe chali gayi thi."
I :- (broke the hug) "Oh sorry!Excitement mein na dialogue bolne mein galti ho gayi.Choriye na ye sab.Khushi ki baat to ye hai ke ab main waapas laut aayi hu aur ab hum hamesha saath rahenge."
R :- "Ha shrimatiji,aap main aur hamaari Indu.Vaise mujhe na aapse ek sawaal puchna tha,ke aap to coma mein hi lurak gayi thi,phir aap mein achaanak itna stamina kaha se aa gaya ke aap jalti hui cheetah mein se uthkar aise bhaagi ke seedha Pakistan hi pohoch gayi?Hospital mein kisine aapko GLUCON-D peela diya tha kya?"
I :- (confused) "Main Pakistan chali gayi?Mujhe to yaad bhi nehi hai.Haaye kaash thori aur zor se bhaagti to pata nehi shaayad US bhi pohoch jaati ya PT USHA to zarur ban jaati."
R :- (corrected) "Aap vaise bhi inme se kisise bhi kam hai kya?Aapne toh jalti hui cheetah se bhaag kar PT USHA ki bhi chutti kar di."
Indira then ran to her room and brought a small box of vermillion.She forwarded the box in front of Rishi.Rishi was about to take the box in his hand when it slipped from his hand and the vermillion scattered on the ground.
R :- "Iam so sorry shrimatiji,vo haath se fisal gaya."
Indira with a disbelief look picked up some of the vermillion on her hand and looked at Rishi with shocked expression.
I :- "Phisal gaya??Aise kaise aapke haatho se sindoor fisal sakta hai Rishi?"
R :- (making a baby face) "Tabhi to sorry bol raha hu na shrimatiji,galti ho gayi."
She forwarded the hand filled with vermillion in front of Rishi's face.
I :- "Ek chutki sindoor ki keemat aap kya jaane Rishi?Har aurat ka khwaab hota hai ye ek chutki sindoor,suhaagan ke sar ka taaj hota hai ye ek chutki sindoor…"
R :- (confused) "Ye achaanak aap OM SHANTI OM ki DEEPIKA PADUKONE kyu ban gayi Shrimatiji?"
I :- (disbelief) "To kya iska matlab ye hai ke aapne jo kiya aapko us baat ka koi afsos hi nehi hai."
She threw the vermillion and covered her ears and screamed.
I :- "Nehi…ye sunne se pehle mere kaan kyu nehi phat gaye!"
R :- "Ab aap to aur bhi peeche chali gayi ekdam 80's ki NIRUPA ROY.Aapke kaan kaise phatenge shrimatiji,vo AMBUJA CEMENT se jo bani hai."
Suddenly everything appeared to be total black in front of Indira's eyes.She dashed on the ground nursing her head.At that moment,Kabir came from outside and held Indira by her arms and made her sit on the sofa.With deep concern,he cared for Indira.
K :- (worried voice) "Begum aap thik to hai na?Achaanak aapko kya ho gaya?"
Indira started feeling well and so she opened her eyes.By that time,she was converted to Husna.
H :- (holding Kabir's hand tightly) "Saheb!!Aap aa gaye Saheb!Pata nehi achaanak se chakkar aa gaya."
Indu,who was watching Indira,at first felt very happy when she hugged Rishi,but now was again sad.She went to Rishi and stood beside him.
I :- "Rishi Kumar,ek baat to bataao,ye mummy electricity ki swich board kyu bani hui hai?Ek switch dabao to mummy ban jaati hai aur dusri swich dabao to Husna ban jaati hai?"
R :- "Bhagwaan hi jaane beta.Vaise ek baat hai,main tumhaare us electricity board ke us mummy waale switch ka pankha hu,jo bas gol gol ghum hi raha hai.Chakkar kha kha kar ghanchakkar ban gaya hu main."
I :- "Don't worry Rishi Kumar,peechle 8 saalo mein mummy ke bajaaye aapko sabne ghumaaya hai to ab mummy kaise peeche rahe?"
R :- "Mummy to 8 saal pehle bajaati thi na."
I :- "Beech ke 8 saal to nehi bajaaye na,to ab vo kasar pura kar rahi hai."
Rishi nodded her head.
K :- "Ha hum thori der ke liye kaam se bahaar gaye the.Humne Lahore waapas jaane ke liye bhi saare intezaam kar liye hai."
H :- (made a face) "Lahore matlab phir se vohi chik chik karnewaali Noor.Nehi Saheb hum Lahore nehi jaayenge.Hum Hindustan mein hi rahenge."
K :- "Aap paagl ho gayi hai kya begum?Yaha rahenge to kisi bhi din hume police pakar kar le ja sakti hai.Phir vaha beth kar saari umar chakki peesni paregi."
H :- (smiled) "Koi baat nehi usi chakki ke aate se hum aapke aur bubli ke liye rotia banaayenge."
K :- "Par yaha hamaari jaan ko khatra hai begum,hume waapas jaana hi parega."
H :- (angrily) "Aap hamaare liye itna nehi kar sakte Saheb?Aapse to apni begum ki ek khwahish bhi puri nehi ki ja rahi hai.Aapko to chullu bhar paani mein doob marna chahiye."
K :- "Chullu bhar paani mein doob kar aaj tak koi mar nehi paaya hai begum aur us paani mein to hamaare per bhi nehi aayenge."
H :- (raging in ager) "To chuhe maarne ki davaa kha kar mar jaiye."
K : - "Hum ek fauji kai kamsekam hamaare standard ka khayaal to kijiye,agar aap phaasi charne ya goli maarne ki baat karti to ek baar ke liye hi sahi hum koshish zarur karte."
Angrily Husna was about to return to her room,suddenly again she had a blackout.This time Rishi and Kabir both helped her to stand.Indira again opened her eyes and looked at both of them.She behaved like a stranger to both and immediately pushed both away from her.(I'll now address Indira as UNKNOWN since she has now acquired another life).
U :- "Kaun hai tum log?"
R :- (confused) "Main Rishi Kumar aapka kiraaydaar cum patidev."
K :- (too confused) "Hum kabir.Aapke Saheb,aapke shohar."
U :- (yelled) "What???Are you people out of your mind?Hum kisi Rishi ya Kabir ko nehi jaanta hai."
Rishi and Kabir exchanged a stunned look with each other.
R :- (helplessly) "Ab aap kaun hai?"
U :- "Hum???Hum Suzzaanna hai.SUZZANNA RODRICKS.Pehle humko ye batao,hum yaha kaise aaya?"
K :- "Ye Rishi sahab aapko laaye hai."
Now Indira will be addressed as Suzzanna.
S :- (shouted with disbelief and anger) "You mean tum dono ne milkar hamaara kidnap kiya?Oh my God!Oh my God!Pehla ye bataao hamaara David aur Frank kidhar hai?"
R & K :- (together) "David aur Frank????Ye dono kaun hai?"
S :- "Oh God!David is my husband and Frank is my son."
Rishi and Kabir were about to fall but held each other's hand and saved each other.
R :- (doubtfully) "Aap rehti kaha hai?"
S :- "Tum humko kidnap kiya aur tumko hi nehi pata???Hum apna family ka saath London mein rehta hai.Dekho hamaara time khoti mat karo,ya to bolo ke vo dono kaha hai ya to hum unhe khud dhundhne ja raha hai."
Rishi and Kabir were still not able to come out of the shock.
S :- "Oh God!Tum dono humko itna stare kyu kar raha hai?Ek kaam karta hai hum khud hi jaata hai un dono ko dhundhne."
Saying she left.After sometime,both Rishi and Kabir managed to come out of their state of shock.
K :- (helplessly) "Ye kya ho raha hai?"
R :- "Pata nehi par ek baat to pakki hai ke aap tubelight ho."
K :- (looked at him) "Kya???"
R :- "Main pankha hu,aap tubelight ho aur ye David shaayad TV hai."
K :- "Ab ye David beech mein kaha se aa gaya?"
R :- "Aapko itne se hi itna bara shock laga???Mujhe dekhiye jhatke kha kha kar shock absorber ban gaya hu.Vaise aapke baare mein sunkar mera haal bhi aap ke jaisa hi hua tha."
Kabir remained silent.
R :- (put his finger on his lips) "Main ye soch raha hu ke 8 saalo mein ye India se Pakistan aur phir Pakistan se London pohoch gayi to kahi in jagao ke alava vo kahi aur to nehi gayi?I mean kya pata shaayad vo pura world tour karke aayi ho aur har jagah par ek pati saath ek bachcha vo ek ke saath ek free offer to nehi chor kar aayi?"
K :- "Hum aajtak yaardaasht ke saath kahi nehi ja paaye aur ye bina yaardaasht ke pata nehi kaha kaha jaakar aayi hai.Kaash aaj aur abhi hamaare paas hamaara passport hota to kamsekam David ko dhundhne ke bahaane London bhi ghum aate."
R :- "Aur main ye soch raha hu ke kaash meri yaardaasht bhi chali jaati to hum bhi bina permit ke kisi bhi desh mein ja sakte.Sachchi yaar,aisi kismat meri shrimatiji hi likhwaakar laayi hai."
K :- "Aur to aur har jagah par to unka ek pati aur bachcha bhi hai."
R :- (thoughtful) "Shaayad vo dunia ke har sports mein apne bachcho ko bhejna chahti hai tabhi to ek player (bachche) ke saath ek individual coach (baap) muft hai."
K :- (worried) "Par ab hum kya kare?"
R :- "David ke swaagat ki tayyari kyuki sab aakar to is paagalkhaane mein hi dera jamaakar beth jaate hai."
Both released a disappointed deep breath.
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