Posted:
Hello all!
This is ma first attempt to write something on Kes-Gul. I actually wanted to start with a FF but I have my exams coming up and writing a FF will be quite distracting. I hope you people enjoy this OS. I've tried my level best to season it with the current feelings of Gulaal and Kesar. Hope you like it.
Enjoy reading 😃
~ Drizzles of Hope...~
He was gone.
It took several trembling minutes for her to realize that the sheets on his bed lay unused. The events of the previous night came flooding back to her.
The song of the rain, the intensity in Kesar's eyes, the truth that lay bared to her, the love he promised to her…..It was all there raging an uncontrollable tempest in her heart.
She had been assaulted. Assaulted by fate yet again.
Her dear Vasanth had left her alone. And now Kesar.
Vasanth. The person who taught her to live.
Kesar. The reason she lived on.
Vasanth. Her soul.
Kesar. Her existence.
She felt torn between the two. The man she loved and the boy who loved her. She had hurt him she knew.
"Baa, Apne Kesar ko kahin dekha hain?" she raced downstairs to the main hall.
"Nahi toh. Mujhe laga who so raha hoga. Kyun who apne kamre mein nahi hain?" Worry seeped into the older woman's voice.
Gulaal's expression gave away her increasing panic.
"Nahin Baa. Woh apne kamre mein nahi hain. Main jaake dekhti hoon. Aap ghar pe kissi ko mat batana," she hurriedly pleaded.
Paan Baa gave a tiny nod. Her son was going through a lot. She just hoped he was alright.
Gulaal rushed to the shed. She had confronted him last night about his decision to maintain the Deeyarvattu. The ensuing few minutes had spun her whole world along the anti-axis. Kesar loved her. She didn't need to hear him say the words aloud. The raw and unhidden love for her was sparkling through his eyes.
She hadn't been able to stop the explosion of disbelief that rang through her.
She had hit him and pushed him away.
Pushed him away…..too far…..
She looked at the empty shed. Her eyes followed the set of shoeprints stamped across the wet mud. Her heart leaped. She could still find him, talk sense into his head and drag him back home. That's what she'd do. That's what she was supposed to do.
It was still raining. The firmament was sprinkled with heavy, dark and vengeful clouds. They were ruthlessly spitting forth the rains. Gulaal took a deep breath and followed the track. The prints looked fresh. He may have spent the night in the shed and left in the wee hours of the morn.
The thought of Kesar shivering out in the shed through the night slashed through her heart. She prayed he was fine.
She stopped. She could a lone figure sitting at the graveled riverbank with his legs immersed in the cool, unforgiving waters.
She had never taken a good look at him before. He had grown into a handsome boy. He had Vasanth's features razored with a touch of his own personality. Kesar had been right. He wasn't Vasanth and she shouldn't be trying to see Vasanth in him.
Guilt trickled down her heart as her eyes swept over the firmly toned hands. She had once held those tender hands and walked him back from school. Now those hands had a strong grip. She remembered the times he had forcefully held her wrist. That was a man's hold, not a child's.
She took unsure steps towards him. She knew he would be in no mood to listen to her.
"Kesar," she tentatively called.
He turned around. His blazing eyes clashed with her troubled ones. He stood up.
The rain was mercilessly beating down upon both of them.
They stood staring at each other. Each trying to gauge what was swirling in the other's mind.
Kesar looked at her. The rain had kissed her face. Tiny, unruly strands of hair had sneaked out and stuck to her flawless cheeks. He swallowed the lump in his throat. Gulaal had always looked beautiful. As a child, he had been in awe of her beauty. Today as a man, he still was in the same state of awe.
Gulaal firmly stepped closer.
"Kesar, Ghar chal. Sab tera intezaar kar rahe hain…"
"Sab?"
"Mota Bha, Paan Bha, Jamna Kaki, Talli…"
The last name made the air between them crackle with bitterness.
"Aur tu?" Kesar asked. His voice was a dangerous whisper.
Gulaal froze.
"Kesar phir se wohi bakwaas …..Tu soch bhi kaise sakta hain us tarah mere bare mein?"
His eyes darkened.
"Bakwaas? Gulaal, tu mere baare mein waise nahi sochti hain main samajh sakta hoon. Tu Vasanth Bha ke alawa kissi aur ke baare mein kabhi soch bhi nahi sakti chalo who bhi samjhta hoon. Magar tujhe koi haq nahi hain mere pyaar ko bakwaas kehene ka…."
Gulaal took a step back. The ferocity in his tone was subtle. She had wounded him.
"Kesar kyun kar raha hain yeh sab? Yeh pyar nahi pagalpan hain….Kyun nahi samajhta ki teri khushi Talli ke saath hain" Gulaal tried reasoning yet again.
"Gulaal, main tujhse yeh nahi bol raha hoon ki mujhse pyaar kar. Main sirf yeh bol raha hoon ki mujhe khud se door mat kar. Phir chahe tu isse pyar kahe ya pagalpan mujhe farak nahi padhta."
The thunder amplified and the skies roared in fury now.
"Yeh sab hum baad mein baat karenge pehle tu ghar chal…"
"Nahi Gulaal….pehle tujhe vaada karna hoga ki tu mujhe apne aap se door nahi karegi," his tears cascaded down.
Unashamed tears of a boy who was afraid of losing his most treasured possession. She could see the young boy who had hovered around her years back with adoration in his eyes. He was grown up and yet the little boy in him was caged. Getting unleashed at times and withdrawing into that impenetrable shell at other times.
Gulaal felt her heart lurch. She could identify his tears in this heavy downpour.
"Main yeh vaada nahi de sakti Kesar," her voice was strung with urgency.
"Vasanth Bha ko tune vaada kiya, Talli ko tune vaada diya….mujhe vaada kyun nahi de sakti ?"
Gulaal felt trapped.
"Gulaal main yeh deeyarvattu kabhi bhi tujh pe thopna nahi chahta tha….Magar tune mujhe majboor kiya. Tu hamesha mujhe apne se door bhejti rehti hain. Pehle boarding school phir Talli se shaadi. Kyun Gulaal? Kyun?"
Gulaal's silence was tearing him apart. Her constant rejection was shattering him. The pain was unbearable. He wanted to fall into river, embrace the tide and forget this pain. It would have been so easy.
Gulaal stared blankly at the monstrous face of truth. Her heart had known it all along that Kesar would never agree to leave her. It had guessed the season in Kesar's heart. She had been afraid. Afraid that Kesar's feelings for her would get in the way of her promise to Talli. And it had. She had been unconsciously working towards channeling Kesar's developing feelings for her towards Talli.
A bolt of lightening struck behind Gulaal tossing her into Kesar's arms.
He held her comfortingly. Held his life in his arms…
Gulaal felt the wetness of the water overshadowed by a welcome warmth….a warmth that was……..KESAR's!
She pulled away and pushed him back. The enormity of her reflex making her disgusted at herself.
She let out a gasp but not before hearing the heart-ripping scream of "Gulaaalll" from a stumbling Kesar who had disappeared into the river.
Her heart stopped dead. She had pushed him. Pushed him to death. Her world coagulated into one mass of emptiness.
"Kesar…." She panicked and rushed forwards and fell to her knees. The tears and hopelessness of the whole situation gnawed at her.
"Kesar main vaada karti hoon main kabhi tujhe khud se door nahi karoongi…..Kesar wapas aa jao," she wept.
After Vasanth, Kesar had been the only one her world revolved around. She had always wanted him to be happy. She mentally swore at herself. How could she have been so insensitive to him. If he felt he loved her she should have just gone along with it. If staying with her was what made him happy she should have given that promise….
He wasn't asking her to reciprocate his feelings. She loved Vasanth and always would. Vasanth had wanted her to keep Kesar happy. How had she become so selfish…...She had failed Vasanth.
A struggling hand gripped her wrist. Kesar's face bobbed out of water and he swallowed in a lungful of air. Gulaal pulled on his hand with all her strength.
Two minutes later Kesar was on the gravel bed coughing out all the water. Gulaal rubbed his cold feet trying to make him regain his sensation.
"Kesar….tu theek toh hain na?"
Kesar nooded weakly. For a second he had succumbed to the pull of the water on his life. He had wanted to slip into the silky folds of oblivion. But Gulaal's voice had gathered back his senses and he struggled to force himself upwards.
Kesar looked at her massaging his feet. He was making things harder for her by burdening her with his feelings. Someone had rightly said "In Love….sometimes the 'Letting go' is much more painful than 'Holding On'…."
"Gulaal tu ghar jaa…..Main tujhe aur pareshan nahi karna chahta hoon. Bhool jaa ki maine kabhi tujhe yeh sab kaha tha….Tu khush reh…"
The finality in his tone made Gulaal stop and look at him. She was tired of this push and pull. Trying to push Kesar away from her at times, trying to pull him back other times.
"Kesar, nahi…main ghar tujhe leke hi jaoongi. Aur main tujhse vaada bhi karti hoon ki main tujhe khud se door nahi karoongi….Magar tujhe yeh samajhna hain ki…."
Kesar cut her sentence.
"Main janta hoon Gulaal ki tu Vasanth Bha ko abhi bhi apna sab kuch manti hain. Main tujh pe kabhi zor nahi daloonga Gulaal….Kabhi nahi…."
Gulaal's words had been like panacea to his heart. He would never force her to accept him in Vasanth Bha's place. He just wanted to be there for her... be there near her always.
"Chal ab chalte hain…..bahut der ho gayi hain…." Gulaal stood up.
Kesar followed suit. He felt at peace after the longest and darkest turmoil of his life.
He was with Gulaal and that was all that mattered.
He noticed her slip a little on the slippery path and extended his hand out to her.
Gulaal looked at the outstretched hand and then at his eyes. She took his hand and twined her fingers around his with a smile.
Kesar smiled back.
There was still hope…..
This is ma first attempt to write something on Kes-Gul. I actually wanted to start with a FF but I have my exams coming up and writing a FF will be quite distracting. I hope you people enjoy this OS. I've tried my level best to season it with the current feelings of Gulaal and Kesar. Hope you like it.
Enjoy reading 😃
~ Drizzles of Hope...~
He was gone.
It took several trembling minutes for her to realize that the sheets on his bed lay unused. The events of the previous night came flooding back to her.
The song of the rain, the intensity in Kesar's eyes, the truth that lay bared to her, the love he promised to her…..It was all there raging an uncontrollable tempest in her heart.
She had been assaulted. Assaulted by fate yet again.
Her dear Vasanth had left her alone. And now Kesar.
Vasanth. The person who taught her to live.
Kesar. The reason she lived on.
Vasanth. Her soul.
Kesar. Her existence.
She felt torn between the two. The man she loved and the boy who loved her. She had hurt him she knew.
"Baa, Apne Kesar ko kahin dekha hain?" she raced downstairs to the main hall.
"Nahi toh. Mujhe laga who so raha hoga. Kyun who apne kamre mein nahi hain?" Worry seeped into the older woman's voice.
Gulaal's expression gave away her increasing panic.
"Nahin Baa. Woh apne kamre mein nahi hain. Main jaake dekhti hoon. Aap ghar pe kissi ko mat batana," she hurriedly pleaded.
Paan Baa gave a tiny nod. Her son was going through a lot. She just hoped he was alright.
Gulaal rushed to the shed. She had confronted him last night about his decision to maintain the Deeyarvattu. The ensuing few minutes had spun her whole world along the anti-axis. Kesar loved her. She didn't need to hear him say the words aloud. The raw and unhidden love for her was sparkling through his eyes.
She hadn't been able to stop the explosion of disbelief that rang through her.
She had hit him and pushed him away.
Pushed him away…..too far…..
She looked at the empty shed. Her eyes followed the set of shoeprints stamped across the wet mud. Her heart leaped. She could still find him, talk sense into his head and drag him back home. That's what she'd do. That's what she was supposed to do.
It was still raining. The firmament was sprinkled with heavy, dark and vengeful clouds. They were ruthlessly spitting forth the rains. Gulaal took a deep breath and followed the track. The prints looked fresh. He may have spent the night in the shed and left in the wee hours of the morn.
The thought of Kesar shivering out in the shed through the night slashed through her heart. She prayed he was fine.
She stopped. She could a lone figure sitting at the graveled riverbank with his legs immersed in the cool, unforgiving waters.
She had never taken a good look at him before. He had grown into a handsome boy. He had Vasanth's features razored with a touch of his own personality. Kesar had been right. He wasn't Vasanth and she shouldn't be trying to see Vasanth in him.
Guilt trickled down her heart as her eyes swept over the firmly toned hands. She had once held those tender hands and walked him back from school. Now those hands had a strong grip. She remembered the times he had forcefully held her wrist. That was a man's hold, not a child's.
She took unsure steps towards him. She knew he would be in no mood to listen to her.
"Kesar," she tentatively called.
He turned around. His blazing eyes clashed with her troubled ones. He stood up.
The rain was mercilessly beating down upon both of them.
They stood staring at each other. Each trying to gauge what was swirling in the other's mind.
Kesar looked at her. The rain had kissed her face. Tiny, unruly strands of hair had sneaked out and stuck to her flawless cheeks. He swallowed the lump in his throat. Gulaal had always looked beautiful. As a child, he had been in awe of her beauty. Today as a man, he still was in the same state of awe.
Gulaal firmly stepped closer.
"Kesar, Ghar chal. Sab tera intezaar kar rahe hain…"
"Sab?"
"Mota Bha, Paan Bha, Jamna Kaki, Talli…"
The last name made the air between them crackle with bitterness.
"Aur tu?" Kesar asked. His voice was a dangerous whisper.
Gulaal froze.
"Kesar phir se wohi bakwaas …..Tu soch bhi kaise sakta hain us tarah mere bare mein?"
His eyes darkened.
"Bakwaas? Gulaal, tu mere baare mein waise nahi sochti hain main samajh sakta hoon. Tu Vasanth Bha ke alawa kissi aur ke baare mein kabhi soch bhi nahi sakti chalo who bhi samjhta hoon. Magar tujhe koi haq nahi hain mere pyaar ko bakwaas kehene ka…."
Gulaal took a step back. The ferocity in his tone was subtle. She had wounded him.
"Kesar kyun kar raha hain yeh sab? Yeh pyar nahi pagalpan hain….Kyun nahi samajhta ki teri khushi Talli ke saath hain" Gulaal tried reasoning yet again.
"Gulaal, main tujhse yeh nahi bol raha hoon ki mujhse pyaar kar. Main sirf yeh bol raha hoon ki mujhe khud se door mat kar. Phir chahe tu isse pyar kahe ya pagalpan mujhe farak nahi padhta."
The thunder amplified and the skies roared in fury now.
"Yeh sab hum baad mein baat karenge pehle tu ghar chal…"
"Nahi Gulaal….pehle tujhe vaada karna hoga ki tu mujhe apne aap se door nahi karegi," his tears cascaded down.
Unashamed tears of a boy who was afraid of losing his most treasured possession. She could see the young boy who had hovered around her years back with adoration in his eyes. He was grown up and yet the little boy in him was caged. Getting unleashed at times and withdrawing into that impenetrable shell at other times.
Gulaal felt her heart lurch. She could identify his tears in this heavy downpour.
"Main yeh vaada nahi de sakti Kesar," her voice was strung with urgency.
"Vasanth Bha ko tune vaada kiya, Talli ko tune vaada diya….mujhe vaada kyun nahi de sakti ?"
Gulaal felt trapped.
"Gulaal main yeh deeyarvattu kabhi bhi tujh pe thopna nahi chahta tha….Magar tune mujhe majboor kiya. Tu hamesha mujhe apne se door bhejti rehti hain. Pehle boarding school phir Talli se shaadi. Kyun Gulaal? Kyun?"
Gulaal's silence was tearing him apart. Her constant rejection was shattering him. The pain was unbearable. He wanted to fall into river, embrace the tide and forget this pain. It would have been so easy.
Gulaal stared blankly at the monstrous face of truth. Her heart had known it all along that Kesar would never agree to leave her. It had guessed the season in Kesar's heart. She had been afraid. Afraid that Kesar's feelings for her would get in the way of her promise to Talli. And it had. She had been unconsciously working towards channeling Kesar's developing feelings for her towards Talli.
A bolt of lightening struck behind Gulaal tossing her into Kesar's arms.
He held her comfortingly. Held his life in his arms…
Gulaal felt the wetness of the water overshadowed by a welcome warmth….a warmth that was……..KESAR's!
She pulled away and pushed him back. The enormity of her reflex making her disgusted at herself.
She let out a gasp but not before hearing the heart-ripping scream of "Gulaaalll" from a stumbling Kesar who had disappeared into the river.
Her heart stopped dead. She had pushed him. Pushed him to death. Her world coagulated into one mass of emptiness.
"Kesar…." She panicked and rushed forwards and fell to her knees. The tears and hopelessness of the whole situation gnawed at her.
"Kesar main vaada karti hoon main kabhi tujhe khud se door nahi karoongi…..Kesar wapas aa jao," she wept.
After Vasanth, Kesar had been the only one her world revolved around. She had always wanted him to be happy. She mentally swore at herself. How could she have been so insensitive to him. If he felt he loved her she should have just gone along with it. If staying with her was what made him happy she should have given that promise….
He wasn't asking her to reciprocate his feelings. She loved Vasanth and always would. Vasanth had wanted her to keep Kesar happy. How had she become so selfish…...She had failed Vasanth.
A struggling hand gripped her wrist. Kesar's face bobbed out of water and he swallowed in a lungful of air. Gulaal pulled on his hand with all her strength.
Two minutes later Kesar was on the gravel bed coughing out all the water. Gulaal rubbed his cold feet trying to make him regain his sensation.
"Kesar….tu theek toh hain na?"
Kesar nooded weakly. For a second he had succumbed to the pull of the water on his life. He had wanted to slip into the silky folds of oblivion. But Gulaal's voice had gathered back his senses and he struggled to force himself upwards.
Kesar looked at her massaging his feet. He was making things harder for her by burdening her with his feelings. Someone had rightly said "In Love….sometimes the 'Letting go' is much more painful than 'Holding On'…."
"Gulaal tu ghar jaa…..Main tujhe aur pareshan nahi karna chahta hoon. Bhool jaa ki maine kabhi tujhe yeh sab kaha tha….Tu khush reh…"
The finality in his tone made Gulaal stop and look at him. She was tired of this push and pull. Trying to push Kesar away from her at times, trying to pull him back other times.
"Kesar, nahi…main ghar tujhe leke hi jaoongi. Aur main tujhse vaada bhi karti hoon ki main tujhe khud se door nahi karoongi….Magar tujhe yeh samajhna hain ki…."
Kesar cut her sentence.
"Main janta hoon Gulaal ki tu Vasanth Bha ko abhi bhi apna sab kuch manti hain. Main tujh pe kabhi zor nahi daloonga Gulaal….Kabhi nahi…."
Gulaal's words had been like panacea to his heart. He would never force her to accept him in Vasanth Bha's place. He just wanted to be there for her... be there near her always.
"Chal ab chalte hain…..bahut der ho gayi hain…." Gulaal stood up.
Kesar followed suit. He felt at peace after the longest and darkest turmoil of his life.
He was with Gulaal and that was all that mattered.
He noticed her slip a little on the slippery path and extended his hand out to her.
Gulaal looked at the outstretched hand and then at his eyes. She took his hand and twined her fingers around his with a smile.
Kesar smiled back.
There was still hope…..
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
Fan Fictions
