Note: These two have to break the loop of waiting for the other to confess. Today's VIrat's words made me feel that he would never confess...one he is hurt and two he thinks Sai does whatever she does as a favor, not because she loves him. He ran out of patience also to show his love in actions and now too hurt to express.
Sai also should stop trying to gauge her status in his heart and life. She should stop running away from her feelings and insecurities and just say it out loud. No one is going to help her, not even Virat will understand her insecurities. So I made her speak out her mind and get relieved from this pain once for all. It is hard to live with the unsaid feelings and wait for getting understood. Not worth it.
So she writes a letter with all her feelings poured out and leaves the hospital relieved and burden free.
My dear Virat Sir!
I love you!
I love you as my husband
And I love to spend the rest of my life with you.
I took a while, a long while to say these words to you. But I was only waiting for you to confess these words to me with the same conviction that you said you can never be my husband once.
I did not mind your commitment then, after all you are a nice man to get married to. I had no qualms to be your wife from that day till you spilled in words, your feelings for the woman who from then never moved away from my sight. For I built the walls so high around my heart, that I could not see you beyond them. You showed me all your love my father had shown me, cared for me with all your heart and stood by me when I needed. However, all that could not lower down my walls easily.
Whenever they are lowered, I was expecting you to say that you cant see me with another man because you love me. I was expecting you to say that you are gifting the diamond ring as my husband, not as a friend. And I waited for you to reach me beyond those pillow walls and make me your wife. Not getting anything I expected, I believed I might not be the woman you desired or loved who would make you do these.
You not giving what I expected from you, and me not able to see you beyond the situations we are in, I did what was the best option for me at every moment... to give you happiness that you deserve. I left you not because I wanted to, but because I wanted to make your path clear so you can walk ahead without any speed breakers.
I believed my walls are destroyed once for all, when I saw you as my best friend and was ready to start a new life with you on that fateful night of Diwali. There were no walls then, but the emotions that I never let out for so long, attacked me with full force.
Yes I was always jealous of Pakhi didi. But my walls protected me from showing that. But when Sruthi came into the picture that jealousy was unleashed to the extent that I wanted to harm you with my words just like you harmed my friend when you thought I cheated you. When you gave your name to Sruthi, I felt enraged that your name which I assumed is only mine is attached to some other woman. I thought you emotionally cheated me. I never imagined about having a family with you, till I saw my future in the mirror when you were holding a child and I was happily smiling next you. So I felt violated that you became the father to a child that is not from me. I thought you physically cheated me, though you never touched me.
So Virat sir, with all my insecurities never addressed, either by me or you or anyone who had known life better than us, I was on my own to make the decisions related to me, and us. And given the situations I would have made the same decisions I had made earlier.
And no I have not done any favor to you by saving your job or you life. I always saw you as a person who is an upright police officer and a good human being. That is the reason I saved your job. I saved your life just like I would have saved mine, when in danger.
My only mistake is not to understand you as a husband, but for that first I needed to be your wife which I did not become and you did not make, with your words or with your actions.
I am sorry for using all those hurtful words which are only my worst fears. I know I broke your heart, but if you think I still have the power to heal your heart, please come back to me. I will be waiting for you till eternity.
Yours
Sai
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