Part 2 - Ranjish hi sahi
Kis kis ko batayenge judaai ka sabab hum
Tu mujhse khafaa hai tou zamaane ke liye aa.
Ranjish hi sahi, dil hi dhukhane ke liye
Aa phir se mujhe chod ke hi jaane ke liye aa
Ali Sethi’s soul stirring voice is penetrating through the silence in the room. Virat is sitting on the floor by the bed clutching his and Sai’s photo in his hands. His heart, too heavy to register his position, eyes dry drawing a blank. His tears have created streaks on his face like gashes.
I had said to her, “Ab main is kamre main reh nahi paunga tumhare bina” and rightly so.. Each and every corner of the room is reminding him of her. The way her aura had filled up the room when she was here. Her laughter echoing in his ears. Her voice ringing in his mind. The joy he used to get seeing her sitting by the desk when he returned from work. Those late night conversations and their nokjhoks.
Also echoing are Sunny’s words “Hum jisse pyaar karte hai na Virat.. Uski takleef hame dard deti hai… aur pyaar bade bade gestures main nahi hota… it's about trust, respect and acceptance”
Virat realises that though he may feel nobody understands him, there are few who do understand him.. Sunny being one of them… His words affecting him as if he has been punched in the gut. He didn't trust.. Not his Aai - Baba, not Sai…
“You ask for her trust but don't trust her” Sunny had said and Virat realised how true it was.
I didn't trust her that she might keep the whole scenario secret and support me and maybe in her unique way would have suggested a logical and appropriate way to deal with it. Just like she had handled Kaku on the reception day. This realisation hits Virat like an arrow piercing his heart. She would have… she would..
Pehle se maraasim na sahi
Phir bhi kabhi to
Rasm-o rah-I duniya hi nibhaane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi dil hi dukhaane ke liye aa
“You want respect but don't respect her feelings,her emotions.”
Virat then remembers Sai’s panic stricken face and how her hands were shaking when she was doing his aarti before he was leaving for his mission. How wrong he was in reading her.
“Hamara kya hoga?” She had asked him and he recalled her downturned face when he said “Hum hamesha dost hi rahenge”..
(Thinking to himself) Oh Virat.. Ye kya kiya tune? Why didn't you realize the depth of her emotions? That hug, that teary eyed goodbye.. Oh how could I have been so lame. And then I asked her to accept Shruti’s presence in my life without clarifying anything to her. All she wanted was some semblance of truth and she kept on asking me and I didn't reflect enough on her feelings. She had defended me in front of Samrat regarding Pakhi but this time, I broke her trust and yes her guroor.. That's what she had said. Her pride in me and our friendship.
The tears flowing in Virat's eyes now transform into full blown sobs.
Maana ke mohabbat ka chupana hai mohabbat
Maana ke mohabbat ka chupana hai mohabbat
Chupke se kisi roz jataane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi
“You accepted her presence in your life but never her”
It seems to Virat that Ali Sethi is vocalizing what he is feeling.
I had a lot of chances to explain to her how I feel about her. Her importance in my life. How she had bewitched me with her innocence and naivety. Her outlook towards her life. Her strength and compassion. Her sense of right and wrong. Time and again she had stood for what she believed was right, often inviting the wrath of Kaku and other family members. But I didn't learn this from her. I kept on making mistakes.
She came into my life by chance but I never really let her in. If I had, I would not have committed such a mistake. Kamal Sir gave me his life and I betrayed his teachings, betrayed his faith in me, betrayed his daughter, his most precious creation. His teachings live through her yet I was too blind to inculcate them within me.
I know Kamal Sir.. it is too late… but I am really Sorry.
Aa phir se mujhe chhoṛ ke jaane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi dil hi dukhaane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi
“You did not respect your uniform, your oath to the country and neither to your family and especially Sai”
DIG sir had said to me…
I now understand Sir what you meant… I didn't do right by anyone.
The thoughts engulfing Virat, he crumples on the floor, the coldness giving no respite to his feverish body. His flesh providing him an outlet for all the toxicity of the situation he had brought upon himself. But nothing that his heart… his spirit can find release in. All he can do now is reminisce about the loss of his Sai and all that she is.
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This might seem like a typical pattern of Virats where he contemplates in his actions quite late and feels sorry. However, I want him to meet Sai in the next one. This is needed for that.
The song is 'Ranjish hi sahi' Ali Sethi version.
Marasim - agreement; Ranjish - disagreement/grievance
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