Enchantress [Completed!] - Page 29

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LovelyUmang5 thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago

Originally posted by: sporthy_smile28

poora gana suit nahi karega
that one is more on eternal love😊



kaaheka eternal love, wo kaisa banda tha yaar khud ki biwi ko nhi pehchan saka..😛
sporthy_smile28 thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago

Originally posted by: LovelyUmang5

kaaheka eternal love, wo kaisa banda tha yaar khud ki biwi ko nhi pehchan saka..😛

baat tho sahi hai tumhari🤣
but poori move ki baat nahi ki mane

sporthy_smile28 thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago
Part #5


At times like these even the extremely modern and well-furnished washrooms wouldn't impress one self. He desperately tried to locate a mug, tumbler or at least a paper glass to collect some water but there were none.


Well what could he expect from such a high-end place. He collected water in his palms and splashed it on her face trying not to drain the water through his fingers.


She woke up with a startled look on her face, while the little droplets of water dripped down her face. Let's say she wasn't a pretty sight to see.


Glaring at him she looked around and tried to stand up on her own which she was failing miserably owing to her high heels, so he tried to help her stand up.


She quickly rushed to the mirror and tries to dab all the excess water off her face with the tissues nearby.


I was too excited for the date that I skipped meals. No big deal she shrugged her shoulders and continued to sort herself up.


Correcting her makeup and brushing her hair she looked at him from the mirror and then seem to notice the injuries on his body and face.


Sweetheart you are hurt? What happened outside while I was out here? She asked now facing him


Now it was his turn to shrug "the glass walls shattered due to some reason, and the restaurant has been evacuated. Few of us are hurt with minor injuries


Oh!thank God She turned towards the washbasin to collect her bag and dumped all her belongings into it.


In that case even we should leave. Let's go, we'll get you patched up on the way? She asked stepping towards the door with him following her suite.


Ya even I was thinking the same. While they stepped out he kept looking at her, to find any signs of her hiding things from him but there were none. Her eyes kept looking around in astonishment and shock at the condition of the place till we stepped out of it.


Quite a destruction it caused even though it was only the wall right? What did you say the reason was love? She asked looking around locate my car.


No idea, I guess it was the quality issues or something... anyway it would be covered by their insurance so what difference does it make? He asked pulling out from the parking lot.


True but our date has been ruined right she said truly disappointed by the turn of events. He wished he had something to say but he couldn't bring himself to feel positive about any of the things around him anymore.


With all the fear and uncertainty eating him from within, he thanked his stars that his girlfriend wasn't fussing over his injuries like something he thought she would


How about we head to my place and celebrate more privately. I just don't want to end our day with disappointment love please... she looked at him making one of her sad faces


Mentally rolling his eyes he agreed but first they headed towards the hospital. He hated entering hospitals because he could see them everywhere here but tonight for some reason with her by his side he wanted to test his earlier theory.


They were directed towards the general physician ward and were asked to wait for 10 minutes as the doctor was busy tending other patients.


So for the next ten minutes or so he kept looking at her and around making sure everything was normal while she played games on her phone. Nothing happened until he was called in by the doctor


He stepped into the room and the lights began to flutter the room was consumed by darkness even before he knew. He tried to locate the door from which he stepped in into while his eyes tried to adjust to the darkness around.


When he finally adjusted to his surroundings he could see the angry red eyes glaring at him. They moved towards him in a blink of an eye transporting him to a place which was destroyed in some fire accident. There were remnants of the burnt furniture and dark patches on the walls


A kid came running out of nowhere and stood still staring at him. The place was suddenly engulfed in fire. It was slowly reaching the kid who stood staring at him.


Run!! he tried to warn the child about the fire. But the kid didn't move.


For some strange reason even maans legs were like glued to the ground. Looking at the scene before him he tried to look out for any possible escape. He tried to ease the worry he was feeling for the kid.


Watch out! He yelled at the kid trying to warn him of the falling pillar, which just missed the kid just by few inches. The kid kept staring at him now with a sad smirk eyes full of melancholy.


Maan didn't even realised he was crying until his feet could no longer support him and fell on his knees.


He let his tears flow for his helplessness as he watched the fire engulf the kid completely and then the boy leap towards him completely engulfed in fire


SHOURYA! He screamed out of his lungs and winding his eyes he took a step back only to slip and fall off the building, his mind welcomed the peace the darkness brought


For once there was no worry or fear, no broken promises no fallen expectations he slowly let the peace and silence consume him to the whole

To Be Continued...


Edited by sporthy_smile28 - 7 years ago
shanilaa thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago
O my my it's getting scary more n more I m so confused I am sure his girlfriend has to do something with all this mystery may b she is his saviour...
sporthy_smile28 thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago

Originally posted by: shanilaa

O my my it's getting scary more n more I m so confused I am sure his girlfriend has to do something with all this mystery may b she is his saviour...

maybe... maybe not😉
its good to see you commenting on the story🤗

Thanks for reading!😃
sporthy_smile28 thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago

Originally posted by: aparna3011

getting more n more scary

kuch part aur jhel lo Aparna😆

thanks for reading!

LovelyUmang5 thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago
ye kya tha??
poora update I was waiting either for horror or some revelation.. par aaya ek bhi nhi
that gf of his behaved so casually about everything..
not even caring for his injuries.. kamini pyar karti bhi hai ussey ya aiveyi time pass hai vo??
Hospital mein bhoot..
why was the bhootiya boy starring at him like that??
ye maan bhi na already mare hue ko kaise bachayega??
but how did he know the name of ghost??
aur wo building se gir gaya?
Unconscious maan.. ab kya hoga??
doctor tha na room mein, did he not see maan's weird behaviour??
Uski gf kaha marr gayi ab??
Edited by LovelyUmang5 - 7 years ago
sporthy_smile28 thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago

Originally posted by: LovelyUmang5

ye kya tha??
poora update I was waiting either for horror or some revelation.. par aaya ek bhi nhi
that gf of his behaved so casually about everything..
not even caring for his injuries.. kamini pyar karti bhi hai ussey ya aiveyi time pass hai vo??
Hospital mein bhoot..
why was the bhootiya boy starring at him like that??
ye maan bhi na already mare hue ko kaise bachayega??
but how did he know the name of ghost??
aur wo building se gir gaya?
Unconscious maan.. ab kya hoga??
doctor tha na room mein, did he not see maan's weird behaviour??
Uski gf kaha marr gayi ab??

i see u are expecting a little too much from this story

chalo ek baat tho pakki hogai at least
his GF really doesn't care😆

lower ur expectations and read
we are closing this story in next two parts!😛

sab clear hojayega apne aap

thanks for reading!
LovelyUmang5 thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago

Originally posted by: sporthy_smile28

i see u are expecting a little too much from this story

chalo ek baat tho pakki hogai at least
his GF really doesn't care😆

lower ur expectations and read
we are closing this story in next two parts!😛

sab clear hojayega apne aap

thanks for reading!

ab itna accha buildup diya toh expectations toh hongi na..
plus main expectations unhi se rakhti hoon jo expectations pe khade utre..
Edited by LovelyUmang5 - 7 years ago
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Posted: 7 years ago
Part 5

scary and mystery quotient increased..
His GF did not know, or may be pretended to not know what happened in the restaurant..she did not seem to have affected much for his injuries.
He knew the kid's name.
and then what was that..Is he safe..another vision or something happening in real, or just his mental state of emotions..of fear and helplessness...of being tied up and released..of feeling light as if all the burden is taken out from his heart..

PS - one or two places it is first person reference, you may want to change it to third person reference.


and it is going great, so keep them coming !!!

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