Series: Letters to Romeo? A letter to readers ;) P 9 - Page 2

Hello, Your Highness

I am doing great! A letter from you is all a man can hope for to make his day!

I did wonder--as her highness wisely predicted--at my good fortune to have received a mail from you. Thank you, your highness! You spent so much of your precious time thinking about a donkey's synonym-hole and writing a letter to him, I do not have words to express my gratitude. To have been a part of your thoughts, to have had a share of your mind, well, I am in your debt! Oh, how can I repay you? Perhaps by replying to you in kind?

Fig-head, you say? How can I have a fig for a head, last I checked a fig was a flowering plant. And I am a human, from my head to my toe. At least my last physical says so! I am sure, if I were half plant, my doctor would have said something. He is very efficient, your highness. He would have surely known if my head was in fact a fig! If I may dare say so, I would recommend you see him at the earliest. Do not worry, he wouldn't charge you, for who is audacious enough to insult Her Highness? I shiver as I think of such insolence. No, your highness, he wouldn't dare insult you. Did I mention he is a neurologist?

Correct me if I am wrong, but did you imply that a Lady has a limited vocabulary? A man (a mere man), you imply, has more knowledge of words than a lady? Shocking, I say! What a dire state we live in? Where a man (a mere man) beats a lady in vocabulary? Why is it--I can't fathom--that a lady ought to restrict her vocabulary? Isn't it said that the more the knowledge, the better?

For nerves, I dare suggest a shot of whisky. Does wonders! I am afraid that I can't suggest a cure for the relief you seek. Perhaps, another such mail? Or have you thought of a nice long walk? It's scientifically proven that a nice long walk lightens up the spirit. Or was the lady not aware of this, too? How limited, I dare ask, is a lady's knowledge?

My ass is big? I must confess this little fact saddens me. Then again, I am delighted your highness actually noticed my ass. My ass, of all the asses available for her scrutiny.

Disney shoes and tweety tees? I would be honored to see you in your night clothes! I know, her highness will never grant me my wish. But, let me just say that I will satisfy myself with the knowledge that her highness see fit to inform me about her night clothes! Information, I am sure, only few are privy to.

What is her highness's objection to friends, I dare ask. I watch it, too. Jennifer Aniston is particularly a favorite of mine. Who would be her highness's favorite?

Her highness doesn't mind greasy hair. That is grave, indeed. Why God, did you not give her greasy hair, it is what she likes after all. My sympathies are with you, your highness. Maybe in next birth, the good lord would make your hair greasy. I will pray for your hair. How about you put grease in them? I gather that they wouldn't be naturally greasy, but at least they would be greasy. At the end of the day, what matters is that her highness likes greasy hair.

It is disheartening that her highness has to resort to talking with inanimate objects. If her highness lacks good company, I dare suggest socializing. In fact, I am ever ready to lend her my ear. I believe in social work, your highness.

Childlike? Her highness? Oh, no, no . . . never. Please, don't make children mad.

I cannot fathom why her highness would be interested in knowing whether or not I am interested in waxing. Is her highness implying that she might be interested in a more intimate relationship? I cannot think of another reason why she would ask me if I am into waxing.

Son of a rat ass? My father might take offence at that, your highness. Is it befitting a lady to insinuate insult at an old man? Then again, her highness can say anything; she is her highness after all.

It is an observation I have made, that her highness tends to use the word ass quite a lot. An obsession, is it? Why ass, of all body parts?

You shaved your legs? Must have been time consuming and of course, difficult. Shaving the back part must have taken lot of time. It is a wise decision you have taken not to shave them. Dangerous to shave, it might nick her highness's legs. I am in awe of her highness's wisdom.

Jeans call, too? That is news to me. Do tell me which brand you use, I would love to have jeans that call. Do they, by any chance, receive calls as well? Just curious.

Pray satisfy my curiosity, what exact insult did her highness mean by "Father-in-law of a monkey"?

PS: I think you sent the mail to the wrong address. But in any case, it was interesting to hear from you. Nothing better than a cute break-up letter. Would you mind, say, going on a date before breaking up? You've got to make up to break up, I guess.

PPS: I am not cute guy. But then a lady such as yourself, with amazing grit and endearing qualities, ought to go for a hot guy. I am not obsessed with legs, but I am a sucker for smiles.

PPPS: If you need any help in thumping the monkey's FIL, I would love to be of assistance. (I am serious) Such guys need to be taught a lesson. A lady's individuality ought to be respected and kudos to you for taking a stand.

Regards

Your scapegoat and maybe your date?