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Masquerade- Part ThreeGeets monologue:
Being alone is different to feeling alone, completely different actually. You see when you feel alone it is merely an emotion, hell you could be in a room full of people who cared for you and yet you still feel the horrible emotion of loneliness. Being alone is different; being alone is when you have nobody who cares about you, when nobody would miss you if you were gone. That was what I was; I was alone in every sense of the word.
Let me explain. My name is Geetanjali kapoor and I am 20 years old. I belong to a affluent family of Delhi, who are known for their skill in both fashion and business. My family is like the elites of Delhi, which means my life pretty much suck.
It was called the "Kapoors Den" it was my personal hell. You see I wasn't the prettiest girl in the world, far from it actually. I happened to be the only member of the family who had not only dark brown hair and hazel coloured eyes. I didn't like it; it was the source of the many jokes which were thrown my way daily after all.
My complexion like nearly all of the kapoors was naturally deeply tanned, the genes which had been passed down to me from my parents being the reason why. The males also tended to be quite toned as well as the females, it was only predictable due to the exercise we used up when exercising and such. I didn't mind, I was far from being 'fat' or 'chubby' as so many of them called me, as a matter of fact I was unhealthily thin. Years of ignorance and rood rations will do that to a person.
You see I was what most called me, the runt of the family.I was short for my age, even at the age of 20, i was far from the tallest person in our family. I was also quite petite, I didn't have the largest chest or the longest legs and I wouldn't have thought myself as ugly if it wasn't for the years of conditioning I had been subjected to. It was impossible for me not to take their taunts and teases to heart, they had broken me long ago.
Back to the subject at hand. My height wasn't the only reason I was called the runt of the family, you see while I was the daughter of THE KAPOOR should have been treated with respect I wasn't. I was hated in the family, the reason unknown since as far back as I could remember I never knew what it was like to be loved. To be honest I wouldn't have thought it existed if it hadn't of been for me watching as couples loved and married over the years, it was both painful and amazing to watch.
I didn't think I would ever find love which was what made it painful. Do you have any idea what it is like to watch everyone around you live their lives in happiness, to find their soul-mate and yet take it for granted. They loved each other yes, but they argued over minor issues, they teased and taunted others who didn't have the privilege but worse of all the seemed to make it clear to everyone present that they had found there other half. It was both disappointing and sickening to watch how they took advantage of such a blessing.
Anyway I'm getting off track, but to put it both crudely and bluntly my family hated me. Again I didn't know why, since I was sure I hadn't done anything to offend them in such a way, but I cannot remember. I was treated worse than a slave, the reason being that it was my family who were treating me in such a way and not some random person I was taking orders from.
It wasn't a secret to the family how I was treated, but as they were all afraid of my so called grand father and because of this they kept any thoughts on how I was taunted and beaten to themselves.
Oh by the way, did I tell you my parents or so called parents were never home? Yeah, they always had some elite parties, launches, dinners and meetings, and tours to attend to, hence I lived with my cousins, uncles and their wives and my brutal grandfather!
Well atleast for now, I wasnt living with Darji, tayiji but living in Simla with my cousins- like this was any different! Well, the kapoors thought no matter how they treat me and how much they hates me, I needed to be educated, not because of the sake of education but for their reputation, but Darji never agreed with this, however, after the persuasion and "the talk" with virender chachaji, Darji let him bring me here to Simla. It was sad that he had to leave as he was also a busy man like My father but he had a heart and loved me and so did dimple chachi. She comes by every month here to see to my needs and that's when everyone stops tormenting me. Like that day for instance, it was she who persuaded me to go to that party with pinks, my only bestfriend, since childhood. Although mother and father were also here but I never saw them let alone met them after that day... I am getting distracted, anyways, so where was I ... Oh yeah;
It was a Monday morning when I was woken in the usual manner, the all-to-familiar feeling of ice-cold water crashing onto me in a harsh and painful manner. The feel of the icy liquid as it hit the thin sheet that was on my bed, instantly soaking the thin material and hitting my body in a sudden rush as the feeling of my skin burning from the shock of the temperature causing me to gasp. I screamed the first few times they had done it, in both shock and pain but now only a gasp fell from my lips due to the fact I expected it.
"Get up!"
I didn't bother to reply, they pretended not to hear a word that passed my lips anyway so why should I bother? I hadn't spoken in the past years other than a small word here and there, I wasn't a mute, I just didn't have anyone to hear what I wanted to say.
The usual greeting made my head spin, my body still tingling as I painfully and stiffly pulled myself up from my position on the floor, my face screwing up into a painful cringe. I didn't know why I bothered to keep going, it was clear I had nothing to live for but something was always stopping me from doing so. Every time I had reached for a pair of scissors or sat on the edge of a cliff something was telling me that it wasn't my time, and foolishly I continued to believe it.
Getting ready didn't take long, far from it since I didn't have the energy, time nor care to bother with what I looked like. I wasn't pretty, I wasn't beautiful and I was far from attractive. I also looked nothing like my parents, both of them different, it was why they denied I was a kapoor whenever neighbouring elites came to visit, it was when I was pushed to a corner and told to stay like an animal, like a pet that had done wrong!
I didn't realise that this day was going to be the final event that would cause me to snap, that the fine thread I had been so carefully treading on would break and I would wish for death until later that day. It was shocking that it had not come sooner, but life was full of surprises, it was just in my case they were all far from positive things which added to my already miserable and f**ked up life.
Sighing I got to work, it was snowing outside and not only had they taken the heating out of my room but due to everyone being out they hadn't bothered to keep it on for my sake.
You must be thinking why did I need it? I mean I should be running hot after all the work right? The simple reason was again all my energy was going into trying to remain sane and healing myself as quickly as possible, even if it took days to heal a light bruise and weeks to heal a broken bone . So that was why I was shivering in the mansion, my blanket lying flat out on the floor of my room as I hoped it would dry quick enough so I could use it tonight when I slept. It was unlikely, but I couldn't help but try and stay positive, even if I had nothing to feel happy about.
My chores were basically everyone's put together, another one of my darji's so-called amazing ideas. I had no idea how the kapoors were going to cope when I was gone; they did nothing for themselves after all. I cooked food for them only to get nothing in return. I cleaned up after them even if I wasn't my mess. I washed there nice clothes, feeling worthless and cheap as I compared them to my own. Hell, I even have to cut the wood for the fire even though in my weak state my bones were brittle and often left tears running down my cheeks due to my bones shattering lighting in my back, shoulders and arms. It was painful, but compared to the punishment I would get if the job wasn't done so I had no choice but to suffer through the pain of it.
So you see my life was far from perfect, the only thing which I was relieved of was that while I was humiliated, beaten and abused they never pushed it far enough to violate me sexually. They were horrible people, but they weren't monsters who would stoop as low as to rape a girl…I hoped not anyway.
Edited by soniya_lovesu - 13 years ago
Cricket
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