Arnav-Khushi: Solace - Part 4 updated - Page 3

PART 4

The sleepless night had not been of much help to Arnav. He still did not know how to approach Khushi. The problem was that they had never really been friends, in part because of his own introverted nature, and in part because, very early on, they had both insisted on being each other's academic arch-rivals. He had always regarded her with a grudging sort of respect and admiration, but only secretly so, and that was it. But now, his waking hours were consumed by her thoughts, his dreams were haunted by her pain. He wanted to reach out to her, but at the same time, knew that she was highly self-respecting, and might misconstrue his sudden cordiality for pity.

As it turned out, she was the one who approached him.

She walked up to him with the notes he had lent her and that he had managed to forget (this, coming from the Arnav who was ordinarily so possessive about his notes, was quite the shocker).

"Thanks," she said politely.

Her eyes were still puffy and red. But they held defiance in their hues of molten hazel, as though she were daring him to say anything about their meeting at the hospital. Beyond the defiance, however, her vulnerability was palpable. She looked like she might break down any minute.

"You're welcome," Arnav replied, as she turned to leave.

"Khushi," he called out, as he strode forward to catch up with her, "I want to talk to you... about yesterday."

"I don't want to talk about yesterday," she said flatly. Her insistence on standing her ground even as it shook so precariously beneath her feet was admirable.

"I just want to say that even though we haven't really been friends in the past... I... it pains me to see you in pain. And if I can be of any help -"

"You can. Just stop talking about it. And I'm fine, I don't need anyone."

Her eyes were slowly filling with heavy, helpless tears.

He tore his eyes away from the painful sight and looked around. There were around a dozen people in the common area. Soon they would begin to stare curiously at the duo, not least because it was so unlikely for Khushi Kumari Gupta and Arnav Singh Raizada to be striking up a conversation. The last thing he wanted was for them to see Khushi in a vulnerable moment. So he gently held her by the wrist and gestured her to come with him. She began to protest but he gave her a pleading look, and she gave in and quietly followed him. He was not sure why she gave in so quickly. Maybe she did not want the others to see her cry either, or maybe she was just exhausted. She certainly did seem so.

Arnav took her to his office, where he was working as a research assistant to a post-doctoral student at the college. Thankfully, the post-doctoral student and the two other research assistants were not at the office when Arnav and Khushi got there. He unlocked the door and politely asked her to get in.

"Look, Rai - Arnav. Maybe you do mean well, but I really want to be left alone."

"Do you?" he insisted, "You don't have to be alone, Khushi."

"I don't trust anyone," she said firmly, but in a broken voice.

To that, Arnav had no answer. He nodded in resignation, and said, "It's okay, Khushi. But whenever you feel that you don't want to be alone anymore - "

"Why are you doing this?" she questioned, her cheeks beginning to flush with barely contained anger, "Is it pity? Or some sort of community service project? You are planning to do your postgrad in the U.S. after you graduate, yeah? Is that going to be part of your C.V., that you helped some poor unwed mother by feeding her with some filmi motivational drivel?"

Arnav could not deny that her words, her accusations, stung. But he could not blame her. NK had let her down. She had no reason to trust a mere classmate who until a few weeks ago, had barely even spoken to her outside of class.

"I understand how you feel," he said quietly, brushing away his hurt, "I myself can't explain why I am... doing this. But it feels right, you know? Di told me that you don't want to abort the baby. All odds are stacked against you, and yet, you opted out of an easy solution. But I can tell that you chose the difficult path because it... it feels right to you. I somehow I feel the same about you. Whether or not you want to see me as a friend is up to you. I will not insist anymore. But just know that, I'm there."

"Do you love me?" Khushi blurted out.

After sparing a second of stunned silence at her bluntness, he burst out laughing.

"I know, it seems like that," he smiled, once he had recovered, "With all these filmi dialogues that I'm spouting! But no, that's not it. I just... I consider you as a friend, and I've known you for a long time as a very strong person. It feels so... strange to see you... like this."

She smiled back slightly, "You're a nice person, Arnav. It's hard to believe that you don't have any ulterior motives, or that you even exist."

"I'm actually an exceptional person, Khushi," he quipped, "You would have realised that in the academic sphere itself, my abilities far surpass yours."

He had only intended for her to lighten up a bit, by reminding her of how they used to compete in class, in a time that seemed like an eternity ago. But to his alarm, tears began to leak out of her eyes as she said,

"You're right, I'm a complete idiot. I always prided myself on being very smart, but here I am, still in college, with three months to go for graduation, and pregnant. How could I be so stupid? I just didn't think - And NK... NK -"

She could not continue anymore. She broke down and crumbled into tears, raw pain she had hitherto suppressed tearing itself out of her throat like an uproar, a silent scream of devastation.

Something snapped in Arnav when he saw her in that state.

He did not stop to think.

He immediately wrapped his arms around her shaking shoulders, and engulfed her into a tight embrace. She had not anticipated the hug; he could feel one of her elbows gently squeeze against his ribcage. But he did not let go. He held on, stroking the back of her head, until gradually, the intensity of her sobs began to lessen.

"What will I tell my parents?" Khushi breathed into his chest after some time, "It will kill them that I let them down so badly. I can't face them, I can't face myself. I feel so stupid, so ashamed, so... so... dirty for having... having let my body get used in this manner. Like a... like a..."

A surge of anger razed through Arnav's being at her words, the ones she had uttered, and the ones that remained unsaid. He was filled with a burning desire to pummel NK's stupid face bloody for making Khushi feel that way about herself.

"Don't say that, Khushi," he said sharply, "You were in love. These things happen. If anyone has to feel ashamed, it's the person who couldn't man up and face the consequences of his actions."

She sniffled and slowly disengaged herself from his arms, and looking up at him, she said, her voice laced with desperation, "How will I tell my parents?"

And he could only wish that he had an answer to give her.