Arshi ff 'one of the many-TURNS' CH 14 on pg 5 - Page 2

PAST!!

"K! You are making me crazy now."

"That was my intention. And it is just since a month that I have known you. I cannot leave everything behind and go to India with you. That's extremely unreasonable."

"But I want you to be there with me. I don't know how long I will be gone, and I need you with me."

"We both know that my need for you is restricted to our making out. You will be fine ASR. Just go and come back soon."

Arnav and Khushi had met in the Academic Advising Week at Stanford University in California. They immediately hooked up with no strings attached, or that's what everyone around them thought. Having a big common group, was a benefit for them both to hang out together on a regular basis, even though they were both studying in different faculties. Almost every Friday night through Sunday morning they would be together exploring around CA. For anyone who saw them, they assumed they were inseparable lovers. But truth was far from it. Khushi was a person who did not believe in commitments, and they included even committed friendship. She called herself a free bird, hanging out with different people every time gave her a thrill. She was not looking for stability. She enjoyed her freedom and was not one to be tied down in complicated messy relations of life. Her understanding with Arnav was based on a mutual acceptance that even Arnav wanted the same in life, and he did! Until it was their last year together. He saw himself getting drawn to her even though he understood and accepted her way of life more than anyone had ever. But he craved for more suddenly. However, telling Khushi at that time meant bye-bye to whatever they had between them as well. It did not seem like a risk worth taking.

Soon it so happened that it was a third weekend in a row when Khushi had failed to show up at Arnav's place as she usually did before they explored their options of a getaway weekend. Her being a very private person, Arnav wasn't even sure if she lived at the same place that she had taken up in the beginning of school. He knew she would not appreciate his investigating her whereabouts but he still wanted to make sure she was alright. He went to her house on a Saturday morning to speak to her. On ringing the bell, a guy opened the door. For a moment Arnav thought maybe someone else had moved in there. But then he heard her voice, "Who's it Aaron?" Khushi appeared from behind him.

I kept staring at her. She looked different in a way I would never be able to accept her to be with any other guy. Her face was flushed, and devoid of her usual make up. Her lips were swollen and her eyes were shining and mischievous while looking straight at me. She was wearing a silk robe that covered her pretty decently but it still highlighted her luscious curves. Her hair were wet, probably from a recent shower. I moved to see the man towering over her. The first thing I noticed was that he was bare chested with dripping hair, and a pajama riding low covering his lower body.

Both of them had a just-f**ked' look on their faces.

"f**k! I um need to go."

I turned around and realized the world seemed darker and hazier already. I felt cheated. It seemed I had lost a very important part of my life that day.

"ASR wait! Come on in. We can have breakfast together. Aaron was just leaving anyway."

I didn't have the heart to face her then, but she was very insistent. I debated with myself and finally gave in.

She took me to the patio and I sat there while she promised to be back with something to eat. I had no appetite and no intention of sitting through the torture of being alone with Khushi. I turned around and got up hoping to leave before she got back. But I guess it was intended to be the worst day of my life. She was already walking towards me with a trolley laden with food and drinks. The guy was by her side, touching the small of her back. They both reached me and I was clueless of what next to do. The guy put his hand forward for me to take.

"Hello ASR. My name is Aaron, Khushi's boyfriend. Nice to meet you, but I am in a rush so I guess I will catch you guys later."

I didn't have anything to say in return. So I just shook his hands and gave him a small forceful smile. He turned towards Khushi and pulled her in his embrace. She stood on her toes and pressed a firm kiss on his lips.

"Later, baby!"

It was a very private moment and decency would have been in turning away. But I kept staring at her, at them. Finally the guy let her go and walked to the entrance to leave.

"ASR sit. What's up?"

I still wasn't sure if I was in the condition to make a small talk with her. I swallowed the lump in my throat and gasped for a lungful of air. I didn't even notice I had almost stopped breathing at the sight of her. I noticed she had changed, and was now wearing a small yellow summer dress with her hair up in a messy bun. She looked like sunshine to me, just that it wasn't my sunshine. I finally attempted to speak.

"I had not seen you for long so I thought of checking up on you, to make sure you were okay."

I was surprised at how confident my voice sounded in spite of the betrayal I was feeling inside.

"Well I met Aaron in one of my classes. He is an exchange student here for summer."

"I thought you did not believe in dating." I tried to keep the bitterness from my voice.

"It's a relation of convenience. We both are not looking for anything long term. And as I told you, he is here only for a few months."

It surprised me that she was so casual about these things. I did not think that I could hear anything else from her. She was making me feel very ill at ease, "I think I should leave. Thanks for the breakfast, but maybe I will stay over for it some other time."

She did not force me to stay. Walking away from her seemed like there would be an unreachable gap between us from now on. But there was no way I wanted to face her for now.

Life seemed to be moving at a slow and stagnant pace without meeting K for the weekends. It seemed a pain had permanently settled in my heart and soul. I did not want to acknowledge my love because there was no way out of it, K was a chapter of my life, an inevitable one, but I had to move away from her. I couldn't wait for the school to be over. It was suffocating here.

And just when things looked to settle a little in my life, there was a knock on the door on a late Saturday night-

"K!" I had hardly got the time to open the door, when K's sight shocked me. She flung herself on me and I almost stumbled on my feet to prevent us from falling on the wooden floor. She was shaking and trembling, and sobbing against my chest.

My reflexes had slowed down. I was aware of her in my arms, but completely clueless of her state. I held her shoulders and put an arms distance between us to be able to see her. She looked pale, her eyes had moved deeper in the sockets and there was an indescribable hollowness around her usually sparkling eyes. It looked like she hasn't slept for days now. I realized she was still sobbing hard. Finally I lifted her in my arms and took her to the couch inside. I went to the kitchen and got her a bottle of water, and two aspirins. The way she had been crying, I was sure that a headache was on its way. She took them both, and with a little water she seemed to have settled down a little. But she looked very scared still. Even though I couldn't wait to know the reason behind her torment, I didn't feel she was in any state to speak right now. I sat next to her, and turned on Swat Cats, our common favorite. She moved closer to where I was sitting and snuggled in me. I offered her my shoulder and wrapped her in my arms. In a while, I heard her deep breathing and saw her sleeping. Her face was still marred with deep frowns. I decided to let her sleep and wait for her to be ready to tell me whatever was troubling her. I took her to my room upstairs and laid her on my bed. She seemed to be feeling hot so I decided to remove her hoodie that she was wearing since she came to my place.

What I saw next, took my shock to a whole new level. Her arms and neck were covered in bruises, some darker than the other. I lifted her t-shirt a little bit to find them even on her back and stomach. I did not remember having seen any sight more disturbing than the marks on K. I wanted answers, and I was tempted to wake her up. But I knew, even if awake, she wouldn't tell me a whole lot until she was ready. I had initially decided to go back downstairs and lie down on the couch and wait for the morning to speak to K. but now, there was no way in hell I was going to leave her even for a minute. I sat down next to her on the bed looking at her innocent face. The worst of the possible scenarios were playing in my mind of what could have happened to her. I couldn't wait to hear the truth. I couldn't wait for her to get up. I couldn't stop thinking, and I had a raging storm inside me that I had to prevent from bursting, at least now. At least till K needed me here, because when I was sure to leave her alone for a while, I knew I was going to kill the bas***d who did this to her, to my K!

I woke up to realize that it was still dark outside. Turning to the bedside table, I figured it was just quarter to six, that was very early for me as I was never a morning person. But I was wide awake and so there was no point in trying to go to sleep again. I decided to go work out a little bit- maybe a swim. There were things to be discussed with Arnav before I went to see SMJ the next day. I got up and changed into my bikini top and swimming trunks. Tying the robe over my swim wear, I walked towards the entrance, with a bag of my change and some other essentials. I remember Arnav telling me of a door in the foyer which led to the gym and pool. On opening it, there was another door marked as gym, and an elevator. I did not find anything leading to the pool so I decided to take the elevator. It operated only for two floors- the penthouse and the floor below it. There were no other floor options. The elevator brought me to the floor below the penthouse and I walked out, and opened the door, which hopefully led to the pool. On opening it, I was completely awe-struck. There was an Olympic style swimming pool with a vast open space adjacent to one of the horizontal lengths. All the four sides were glass walls. I am sure Arnav would hold his official parties here at nights, with the views spread out in all directions, and a pool on one side. I simply fell in love with this spectacular arrangement.

I walked towards one of the sides of the pool near the changing room, and left my robe on the pool chair there, before going for a quick shower. I came out, very eager to jump in the pool.

But when I looked towards the pool, I noticed the water moving in a very symmetrical manner. On better focus, I found someone swimming, and I didn't have to think a lot. I knew it was Arnav. I wasn't sure if I was ready to face him in any arrangement other than work. I was about to turn and leave when I felt a slight tug at my ankle and I saw Arnav holding onto my ankle with a questioning gaze.

"Are you leaving without a swim? If I am a problem, I will leave."

I did not want to admit to him of how uncomfortable I was feeling, with Arnav staring at me so intently. But there was a sincerity in his voice and I was sure he was not mocking me.

"Uh no. I was just going to get in." and I did, join him for a swim.

There was a lot of space between us, and Arnav did not approach me at all while we both concentrated on our swims.

I was on my tenth and the last lap. I finally slowed down and went to lean against one of the walls. I saw Arnav walking out of the changing room, freshly showered in just a pair of black shorts, a grey sports vest, and flip flops. He looked extremely edible and I snorted at my inappropriate thoughts. He walked towards where I was and gave me his very genuine I-am-not-messing-with-you' smile.

"Want to join me for breakfast?"

I didn't see a reason to refuse and the swim had me very hungry. We could also discuss the next day's activities. "Sure. Let me go take a quick shower. I shall see you upstairs."

"Oh, I'd like to have breakfast here. I will take care of it. You go ahead."

"Okay." I was wondering where here would we eat. But oh well, it was not my problem. I just needed food.

After the shower, I changed in one of my black tank tops and a hot pink checkered mini shorts. I tied my hair up in a messy bun. When I walked out of the changing room, I noticed a coffee table and two chairs arranged on one of the sides. I walked there with a wide grin on my face.

"I take it you like this set-up for our breakfast. It's here as the sun rises this side."

"This is great. Thank you." I was genuinely happy, and the uncomfortable feeling around Arnav passed away. I could see that he was making an effort of not making me nervous around him.

"I thought we should discuss about tomorrow."

"Well sure." I was glad that he wanted to talk about the same thing as I did.

"You have an appointment to see him at 2 in the afternoon. I purposely kept it late so we have ample time to drive there."

"We?" I was surprised. I thought it was just going to be me.

"You didn't think I would let you go around the city on your own, let alone the prison? If it were on me, I would have conducted the interview in my office. But well, certain things are out of my reach as well."

I am glad you realized that-

"I heard you. I do realize some things are out of my hands. Otherwise situations would have been very different now."

I was almost sure he was referring to something else.

"Mr. Raizada, this is an official meeting. I am not permitted to carry it out in your presence. It would be the best is I went alone."

"Khushi, can you please cut the Mr. Raizada crap? I think we are way ahead of that. And about you going alone, that's not even an option. So forget about it."

"You need to cut on your high-handedness. I know what I need to do here, and I prefer to do it my way."

I heard Arnav swear at my words and it was not very pleasant.

"Fine-" I air-fisted in my mind, "but you are still not going alone. I will accompany you. You can carry out the interview alone in a video surveillance room. I will make sure the voices are turned off to maintain the confidentiality."

I rolled my eyes at him, agreed to his suggestion never the less. Silently I was pleased he was coming with me.

Soon one of the housemaids walked I with a tray laden with our breakfast. There was coffee, orange juice and English tea. Raspberry pancakes, all vegie scrambled eggs, chocolate waffles, and a big bowl of mixed fruits. I was all the more famished seeing this.

"Thanks Martha. Khushi, is there anything else that you want to eat? Martha can get it for you."

"Um, no thanks. This is all good."

"Alright then. Thanks Martha. That should be all for now."

After Martha left, we ate in silence for a few minutes.

While drinking coffee after eating-

"This might not be the best thing to discuss, but I need to know more about your sister and her husband. I cannot meet him tomorrow without any background on him."

Arnav seemed to be deep in his thoughts. His movements were almost mechanical. It was very easy to figure out that the mention of his sister and her husband upset him.

"You know, it does not upset me as much when someone talks about them. It is a stronger feeling of restlessness. It's almost like there is no link between what happened to di, and now. I don't know how to explain you."

I was yet again surprised that we both were thinking about the same thing- "I understand what you are saying. But you need to try to sort out your thoughts. Our subconscious mind is stronger, so if you think that you can shut some parts of your memories so that they don't haunt you, you are wrong. You need to make peace with these things that make you restless, because if you merely shut the memories, they will always make you restless as soon as someone mentions about them."

He nodded before speaking.

"They were always happy, di and Shyam. He treated her in a way that was even better than how I was with her. He was my idol, the way I would want to behave with my beloved." He paused, as if straightening his wayward thoughts. "They fought and argued like all couples do. But it was almost cute." He chuckled at that. "Things were perfect. But then one day she was gone. I think and think even now, but there is nothing I can point out at that would answer why he did what he did. I don't understand. I don't know. I feel so helpless, just the way I did when I first got the news."

I could see how distraught he was. I got up and moved to sit next to him. I hesitated but better sense prevailed. I rubbed my hand on his back trying to comfort him. It didn't seem to be working though. He held his face in his palms, not even ready to look at me.

"Arnav, please. You have to be strong. What you want me to do is just going to hurt you further. Digging the past is going to hurt and there may not be any answers. It's been a long time."

To that, he stood up almost shoving my hand aside-

"I can find someone else if you don't want to do this. But I am not backing out. You might never understand what I am going through, and I don't even expect you to."

It was very easy to see through his faade. But he was forgetting that it was my job to see right through his pretense. And then I knew him personally as well to understand that he was just protecting himself in being all defensive.

"I did not mean that. And I am sorry. But frankly there is not much you can help me. I think we should talk about this after I speak to Mr. Jha."

Arnav's stance relaxed- "Okay. It makes sense. Sorry about my earlier harshness."

"It's fine. I am use to it."

I meant that I was use to my patients behaving that way with me, but Arnav turned around to look at me, almost accusing me that I was taunting him personally. But I didn't feel the need to clarify. Maybe subconsciously I was talking about him.

"Why do I feel there is a need for us to clarify a lot of things?"

I looked at him when I heard him say this. I know it was almost inevitable for us to have this discussion. Our past has always loomed over my head. And seeing Arnav, I knew it was the same for him as well. I was a coward, I knew it because I preferred to run away rather than admitting he was right about clarifications.

"There is nothing to clarify,"... I swallowed my doubts and spoke with a confidence that I was barely feeling, "You left me, when I needed you the most, and I refuse to let myself be that vulnerable in front of you ever again."

Saying that, I stood up, got my bag, and walked out on him staring intently at me.

Please ignore the errors since I have not proof read it. Thank you!

CHAPTER 8

The past!

Arnav's POV-

I was staring at her, hoping with each passing minute that she would wake up and answer me. I knew I had to be patient and not probe her beyond her tolerance. She was fragile for now, and I did not want her to feel any more uncomfortable than she would already be. While thinking about all the time that I had spent with her, I had come to know her as a very unconventional and brave girl, someone who was hard to find even in today's modern world.

While looking keenly at her face, I saw that she stirred her sleep, and gradually her brows frowned deeper and deeper. She moved almost as if struggling, and made sounds that felt like she was gagging. I tried to shake her, as I realized that she was probably dreaming. But it hardly had an effect on her. Instead her shakes and cries became more intense and with a soul shuddering scream she woke up and sat up straight. She took deep breaths on realizing where she was as soon as her eyes landed on me. And almost instantly, she colored up, in embarrassment when she realized that I had removed her hoodie. She stood up from the bed and rushed to the bathroom. She was inside for almost 25 minutes, meanwhile I set up breakfast for her and brought in to the bedroom. Patiently waiting for her to come out, she finally did. She looked a little less paler than last night, but still far away from her usual self. I noticed that she had put on her hoodie.

Before I could ask her anything, she stuttered-

"Umm, I..I th.. think I should leave now. S.. sorry for bothering, umm, you last night. Thanks for everything."

That was a first! The ever confident K was so weak right now that she was not just stumbling for words, but also in her steps.

"I know you don't want to talk. And I promise I will not ask you anything for now. But there is no way in hell that I will allow you to leave this house until I am satisfied that you will be okay."

I held her shoulders and it almost hurt as she flinched at my touch. I realized painfully that she needed space and I decided to give her whatever she needed.

"How about you have breakfast first, we can talk then if you feel any better."

I saw her eat hesitantly. However at the end of the breakfast, she seemed to have eaten quite a lot for someone who was as shaken as her. It made me feel that she was really hungry. Or was she starved? I let go of that disturbing thought for a while and saw her looking outside the window at nothing in particular.

"I didn't see it coming," she started talking just randomly and I thought of interrupting her so that I would what we were talking about, but better sense prevailed and I let her continue. All my questions and doubts could wait.

"we were doing pretty okay for a no-strings-attached relationship, Aaron and I. There was no way I could have suspected what was going on in his head, there was no way for me to know. You have to believe me."

It was painful to see her so lost and broken. She seemed to be so high on grieving that it felt she was living those moments right now, instead on being seated in my house. I kept quite and waited for her to continue. She did after a few minutes.

"You know, I was having a good time with him. Sex was good, and we were not committed. School was getting so stressful that this seemed almost to good to be true provision. And he was a decent enough guy. But it all changed."

She stopped there and my curiosity was killing me. Just then she looked at me and realization dawned upon her as to in front of whom she was talking. She seemed to have finally come to the present and tears began to flow from those gorgeous hazel eyes that I had fallen in love with. I immediately got up and hugged her to myself. It was more for me than her. She relaxed in my arms and held onto my shirt tightly and started weeping. They were just flowing tears for a bit and then suddenly, instead of calming down, her body shook with uncontrollable sobs that seared through my heart.

"Shushhh. Baby calm down. You are with me and I will not let anything harm you any more."

"Arnavvv...", this was one of the few times that she called me by my name, "they assaulted me, tied and gagged me to a wooden plank and played with my body. They hurt me Arnavv.. why.." There seemed no way to comfort her. Nor did I have any energy left in me to say anything after her words made sense to me. Few minutes must have passed and I realized she was quite, still in my arms. I moved her a little and saw that she had passed out.

I carried her to the bed and laid her down, but her hands remained fisted around my shirt. I sat down against the head board with her leaning against my body. I rubbed my hands on her back and waited patiently for her to wake up. I did not feel the need to know any thing more than she told me. If she needed to went it out, she had me. But I already knew what I had to do.

My mind was focused on destroying who ever did this to my girl, and destruction would come. Even if I had to sacrifice myself in bringing my girl her justice. Blood would flow- certainly Aaron's, and I was not scared if mine would too, in the process!

CHAPTER 9

(not proof read)

Present!

Khushi's POV

I know I should not have walked out on him. But I was not sure that I wanted to talk about us yet. I could bet my life on the fact that there was a side to Arnav's betrayal that I was not aware of. I knew I had to give him a chance to speak and tell me things. But with him around, my senses went numb. I was not sure if his story was worth my forgiveness. And I did not want to forgive him and then regret. So all the talking and discussing could wait till I had a grip on my senses around him. It was so hard to keep away my personal feelings for him when dealing with him professionally. I wonder how I would get away with another day with him in such a close proximity.

That being said, I could never forget those days I spent with him, his assurances and his care and above all, a sense of his love for me, if at all there was any. His memories from days back then were etched so deeply in my mind that it felt like I was thinking just about yesterday. Such was an impact of him on me!

I clearly remember the day I landed at his house all shaken and shattered, and the comfort I got there. When I had woken up the next morning, I felt it was a nightmare that was over then. But I wish that was true because reality was still very much there. He never questioned me. I was sure he would have had his doubts, many of them. But he refrained from saying anything. He just let me be. I thought that was the best thing he did that day, to not force me into saying things that I was so hard trying to erase from my mind. But then the comfort he gave me, I trusted him and said things that I should not have said. Sometimes I wonder if things would have been different between us if I was a little more discreet. With him around me, I always felt that there was at least him who I could rely on. And he never failed me in that. But did I take him for granted then? Was I wrong in judging his feeling for me then? Did he like me or were those only my desperate hormones looking for some stability in life in form of Arnav? I did not have any answers then, and still no answers even today. I knew his story would clear my mind and make me understand why he did what he did. But were his actions worth all the agony that I had to go through then when finally life was looking a little more brighter and newer than before?

We never spoke about what happened to me after I had passed out in his arms. I remember I had said a few things but not sure what. And since that day I started living with him. We were more like friends but nothing like before, but there seemed to be a shallowness around us, like everything would disappear one fine day. I ignored that thought, maybe because my life had so much negativity in it that I was looking at all things in that light. But Arnav tried his best to pull me out. I started school again and hoped psychology would help me understand myself better. I was in a desperate need to figure out my messed up mind. But the most important thing that helped was Arnav. I felt a calmness around me. I tried to let myself be the way I was before at least around him. It was taking me a lot of efforts but I tried. We did not go out with a lot of friends like before under the pretense of studies. But I managed to keep up the facade and in fooling everyone, including myself that everything was fine. I had not filed charges against Aaron to avoid all the exposure. Now that I think of it, that was my biggest mistake. It was very cowardly of me to hide in that way. That a****** would still be free somewhere.

Mum helped me a lot as well. She never knew what happened to me. But she had visited me twice after this incident when Arnav was still there, in San Francisco. But I moved to my house before she came. I did not want her to think I was with Arnav. She would have been okay with it, I knew. But also very histrionic about the fact that her darling daughter had a boyfriend. So I kept them away from each other. Things would have been so different if they would have met.

The second time when mum left, I decided to continue living on my own. I did not go back to Arnav's place. The closeness with him was giving me hopes and I was in no state to take any more rejection. I assured him I was fine. He did doubt me but my insistence stopped him from interfering with my decision anymore.

Everything looked the same, or maybe I had my eyes closed. Arnav still took care of me in his own subtle way. We did not meet very ofter but he called every night to check up on me. I loved this attention. I was confused at the same time, I did start liking him, a little more than a friend. And just like that, one fine day, he knocked on my door. I opened it and he rushed in, and without closing the door, smacked his mouth on mine and started kissing me.

I had been kissed a lot of times before, but this was intense and toe curling good. He kicked to door shut with his leg and slightly lifted me up for me to wrap my legs around him. He moved us to the table near the foyer and put me on it. I was so breathless by then. His mouth did not stop the ministrations and continued the path down my neck. I felt drugged and high. He finally looked up to my face and I read immense desperation in his eyes.

"Pleasee" was all he had said. And I had given in to his request, because that was what I had wanted as well. I knew he had had alcohol but I was not sure if he was drunk. I was not sure if he was aware of his actions. But it did not matter. He took me to my bedroom and we un-dressed in a rush. We kissed and nibbled on each other. And we cuddled and touched. It was like exploring each other and time did not matter. The rush with which Arnav had me at the door, I thought we would explode soon enough. However, he took things so slow as if making me beg for him. I remember I was so restless. I chuckled at that thought. I still don't know why he had behaved this way but I had loved it then.

After what seemed like forever, he did the most unexpected thing. He raised himself up on his elbow next to me, and caressed my cheeks with his knuckles, then got up and dressed himself. All that time, I was just looking at his with a big question mark on my face. He turned towards me and sat at the foot of the bed. His words still ring in my ears, "this is not how we are doing this. I cannot lose you over a one night stand. We will talk in the morning. I am sleeping on the couch downstairs. Hope you don't mind." And with a last pointed look from the door, he walked out.

I remember how confused I had been at his actions. But I loved his words and I believed in them. The next morning came with a pleasant surprise. I had freshened up and gone down just to see that Arnav had made the breakfast for us and was waiting for me patiently while working on his computer. He had smiled his wonderful smile at me and we had eaten together like before, the only difference was that things were better that day. And we had talked, about us. We had accepted that there was much more to us than just friendship and we agreed to give us a chance. No forcing, no immediate commitment, just a real effort.

Things were going great. We never had sex, everything but sex. I was not aware that there was so much to making out and not just the penetration part. I was slowing becoming my true self.And it felt wonderful. Arnav had already graduated and I still had a year to go. He was working already so that had left us both very busy, but still managed time for each other.

However. things had not lasted that way for very long. Almost a month later, Arnav had come to me asking us to go to India. I remember how shocked I was at his proposal. He was very eager to leave immediately. I wondered what was so important in India that he was ready to leave everything and travel that urgently. He told me about his family needing him but nothing made sense. His words were muddled up and his ideas made no sense at all. I was extremely upset with him for choosing to go to India over staying back with me, and not even giving me a proper reason for that.

I still remember one of our conversations from back then-

"K! You are making me crazy now."

"That was my intention. And it is just since a month that I have known you. I cannot leave everything behind and go to India with you. That's extremely unreasonable."

"But I want you to be there with me. I don't know how long I will be gone, and I need you with me."

"We both know that my need for you is restricted to our making out. You will be fine ASR. Just go and come back soon."

I knew I had hurt him. We were friends for very long before we started dating. But the friendship period was not counted since I did not believe that we were answerable to each other then as friends. But things were different after we were together. Aren't partners suppose to share things with each other? And that too such a big decision? I was not against going to India. But him hiding things from me was a problem, then and even now. I had thrown our love making on his face telling him that that was all there was to us and nothing more. I knew it was not true, Arnav was the last guy who would think of me as just a medium to satisfy his lust. But I was angry. And I truly believed he would realize that. He would see through me like every other time and know that whatever I had said was so not true. I still needed him just as much. But he choose to believe all that I said in anger, and he had left just like that.

I am still angry. But I don't know why. Am I angry on him because he left me to never come back? Or am I angry on myself that I cannot get past that moment and still wish that things would have worked out differently between us? I don't know and I don't know if at this point of time, I even want to know.

CHAPTER 10

There were still a lot of things that I needed to know. I felt like a complete idiot in trying to accomplish my professional goal here with my head in deep mess about my own life. What an irony it was that I was treating others' heads while my own had gone on a wayward journey of its own. This was not how I wanted to work. We had to talk, we needed to. Otherwise it was a bye-bye for me here, without finishing my job.

I decided to speak to Arnav and figure out what he thought about us talking. He was probably the braver one of us to and so I was sure he would be more than happy to talk than I was. However, I promised myself that I would listen only if he came out with the whole truth. I was not going to settle for anything less than that.

I remember him telling me that I could see him any time I wanted. But knowing him, I was almost sure he must be very busy, given that it was not even lunch time then.

I decided to catch up with mum and thought of going to meet him at the lunch break.

Nothing much happened while I spoke to mum except her giving me all these instructions of how to, and how not to behave with Arnav. I think I never really grew up for her. Any who, I took the elevator downstairs, after I checked myself in the mirror to make sure I was not dressed too casually for his office.

I walked in a very posh looking, block and noticed the ambience spoke volumes of the owner- only Arnav could make white and red look so incredibly sexy, yet professional. The furniture was sparse, but expensive. The people around were dressed immaculately, and there was nothing out of order. It was so different from the place I worked at. The activities near the reception were synchronized and I noticed a brunette at the desk, typing on her computer, when I walked up to her.

"Hello! I am here to meet Mr. Raizada." I decided to stick with that rather than Arnav.

"Good afternoon Miss. Do you have an appointment?"

Oh no! Of course I would have needed an appointment. This was not a park or his house where I could just walk and demand to see him. And I did not even indicate in the morning that I was going to meet him at work. Well our morning encounter did not allow me to do any such thing.

"I am afraid not. But he knows me, and if you could just call and ask him. I am sure he would like to see me."

She gave me a knowing smile, almost meaning that a lot of other people, maybe specifically girls, came here to meet him in the same way. The thought was not very well taken by me.

"I understand Miss. But sir is very busy today. And there is no point in waiting too since he is booked until evening with meetings. I am sorry," she looked anything but sorry, "how about I try to schedule an appointment for you, if you can tell me what it is about?"

Of course I was not going to tell her anything. But I knew I could have insisted and asked her to call Arnav then and there and met with him at the earliest. However, I decided against it, "um, no problem. I think I will wait for him at home then," I don't know why I felt the need to say that I was living in his house. This feeling of insecurity for no reason was alien to me. Saying that, I turned around, after I saw a confused look on her face, and walked to the foyer to take the elevator upstairs. She noticed my actions and came running after me just when the doors started to close,

"Wait! Are you Miss. Gupta?" I held the doors open for her, and nodded at her question.

"I am so sorry ma'am. You are on our list of persons who do not need an appointment. Let me call sir and inform him that you are here."

Suddenly I felt like I did not want to meet him now. I decided to wait for him upstairs. Maybe we could talk over dinner.

"Don't worry about it. I just remembered I need to take care of something, so this can wait. I will see him later. Thank you."

"Okay ma'am. Good day!"

I went back upstairs and decided to prepare for the next day. Even though this was something I had done a lot of times, there was always an apprehension about meeting a new client. In this case, Mr. Jha may not have been the client, but my associations with Arnav were making me restless in understanding and working towards the case. However, I decided to ignore the pressure and start the preparations.

I fixed myself an iced earl grey, one of the very few teas that I liked. It did come as a surprise to me that Arnav's house stocked some of my favorite things but I decided to ignore that. I went to the study with my computer and writing pad along with some essential case books for reference. I comfortably settled on the desk and chair there and starting to prepare a questionnaire for the next day.

By the time I almost got through with my notes for the next day, it was already half past 6. I was hungry since I had skipped my lunch and so went food hunting in the kitchen. There was a middle aged lady there who I assumed to be Mary, the housekeeper Arnav had told me about. She turned and looked at me with a smile,

"You must be Miss. Khushi,"

I returned her smile, she seemed to be a nice lady to me,

"I came to the study to ask you if there was anything you wanted, but you were so engrossed in your work that I decided not to disturb you. That's how Arnav baba prefers when he is inside the study."

She chuckled as she said that. I instantly took a liking for me. From her comfort at talking about Arnav, I assumed she must have worked for him for long.

"Please call me Khushi. I was looking for something to eat, not very heavy though."

I was thinking of an early dinner but on a second thought, I decided to just have a snack and have dinner with Arnav instead.

She made a cucumber sandwich and carrot juice, and I took the food and settled in front of the television catching up on some CNN, while eating.

It was around half 8 when Arnav finally came home, and he found me sprawled on the couch with the empty plate and glass lying on the table. I suddenly became very conscious of the way he was looking at me as if contemplating something very important in his mind. Either way, I decided to speak up before things got any more awkward.

"Hi! Is this your usual time to get back home?"

He eyed me weirdly wondering why I was talking so nicely with him.

"Hi. Yea, there isn't anyone waiting for me here to get back any sooner. So might as well get some work done. Anyway I was told you came to see me. Sorry about the confusion today. They all know to ping me if you are around to meet me, in case if you come anytime tomorrow onwards."

"Thanks, but I guess I will inform you rather than just showing up without you knowing. I don't want to cause any inconvenience to you."

"Don't worry about that. I appreciate the fact that you are here for me, in spite of everything. So I can definitely do so much for you. Anyway, I am going to freshen up before dinner. I will see you tomorrow then I guess."

Saying this, he just turned around and left for his room. I think he just assumed that I must have eaten. I walked to the kitchen and put all the food up for heating, the way Mary had told me to do. After she made me my evening snack, she had left for the day around 7. I set the table for two and waited patiently for Arnav.

"..., didn't I make it clear already? I said no meeting for tomorrow. Cancel everything. And if there is no possibility for a re-schedule, let it be canceled forever. I am not available tomorrow, all day. And make sure no calls. I am sure you can manage without me for one day. I don't pay you for nothing."

I heard Arnav barking on the phone, but just he saw me, he looked surprised. He automatically calmed down towards the end.

"So you have not eaten as well. I am sorry to keep you waiting. I would have got back sooner if I knew."

"Oh, don't worry about that. I had eaten late in the evening so I was not hungry then for dinner. Though I am starving now." I said that with a teasing smile.

"Always hungry, aren't you? Let's eat."

We settled down for the delicious dinner that Mary had cooked for us, and spoke of our respective day. Arnav was always more of a listener, so when he readily discussed his day with me, I did not show, but I was surprised.

It was already past half 10, by the time we finished dinner and cleaned the table. Arnav helped me even though I told him I would take care of it. There was a serene domesticity between us that made my heart smile, but the moment was immediately broken and I decided to go to my room rather than fcae him again.

I washed my hands and said goodnight to him, before turning around to go upstairs, but just then, Arnav held me by my elbow and pulled me back, making game lose my balance and tilt back on his chest to support myself.

"Wait! We need to talk."

There! I really did not want to hear that. Talking meant trouble, and I could avoid that for now. It was going to be a very important day for us tomorrow, and I was hoping that I could keep my emotions in check. But talking to Arnav meant disrupting my stability. How sensible was it to do that now?

"Arnav, it's late in the night. And tomorrow we have to get done a lot. I don't think it is a very good idea to talk right now." I said this still not facing him, but while pulling myself out of his grasp. But he tightened his hold on my elbow, making sure I could not move any further away from him.

"Please Khushi. I know what tomorrow means to us, especially me. That is why we need to talk. Just hear me out. As much as the truth is going to hurt us, I want you to know it. Not all of it, definitely not now. But at least let us start. We need to talk, please. This animosity between us is killing me."

"Arnav, there is no animosity between us. It's more like we are strangers. I don't recognize the person you are anymore. I don't want to blame you. I want to get over my past, our past. You had a right to choose a life for yourself, and you chose the one without me..."

"Stop it! You need to stop saying such things. I am still the same person. Look at me and ..."

I pulled myself roughly from his grip, and created some much needed distance between us. This closeness with him was seriously messing with my head.

"Arnav, what is the point of us talking about us, about the past, now? Can't you see, it's over between us. There is no going back. We were never meant to be beyond those few days. Talking about it all is just going to hurt us, and make us realize how wrong we were for each other."

"Seriously Khushi? You think we were wrong for each other? After everything ..."

"After everything what Arnav? You left me. You chose a life here for yourself. And that life did not have me in it. You cheated our relation. Whatever we shared then was as good as it could get. I thought we were happy. Even though things were not perfect, we were happy."

"You were and still are living in a an illusion if you think things were perfect between us. They could have been if you had not hidden the truth. A relation cannot be based on lies Khushi. You know that, and you very well know what hidden truths I am talking about."

I stumbled upon his words. Alarm bells started to ring in my head. He couldn't possibly know it, could he? No-one knew. It was my secret that I had buried deep down. Was there a possibility that I had left some lose ends? Could he possibly know? I turned around to see him, and the look on his face clearly meant that he knew. I saw pity and sympathy in his eyes, along with another emotion that I dared to not name. He knew it, and there was no way I could face him after this. I turned to run to my room. I needed to be alone. The ghosts of the past that I had buried forever had just come to life. But when I took the steps to go upstairs, his words halted me.

"I did not walk away from us, Khushi. I never did! Both of us have secrets, and I was ready to tell you mine, since it is only fair as I know your's. But you clearly are not ready to give us that chance. I see things haven't changed a lot between us, you never trusted me then, and you most certainly don't trust me now. I don't see how you will be able to help me knowing how you feel about me. I will speak to Nima in the morning and arrange for your departure to Mumbai tomorrow. Goodnight."

Saying that, he walked past me and disappeared into his room, and my trance was broken when I heard the bang of his bedroom door.