AR FF: I_Want_U_To_Hate_Me_thrd3_Rest Of The Story 4.11.14 - Page 13

Struggling again n again finally she managed to open her eyelids weakly straining each nerve connected to her eye balls.. thn taking a few deep breathes, blinking three four times at last she succeeded to adjust her focus only to realize that it's not her lonely bedroom but somewhere peaceful.. though the room is nothing luxurious like hers, neither it possesses too much fancy decoration but the ambiance it provides is indeed something too heartwarming, soothing and peaceful radiating nothing but the aura of some kind, generous heart.. and at once she relaxed in that unknown atmosphere feeling homely in this stranger's apartment.. the security, warmth, peace those were never been provided from her own house, were giving her heartwarming feelings here.. where am i? she crunched her eyes taking another deep breathe in this heaven while putting some more stress on her still numb brain chords trying to find any connection to this foreign yet homely surroundings nd finally after a few minutes of repeated struggles, events of today came rushing in her mind.. god! I've almost confessed everything.. she whispered mentally feeling upset for breaking in front of him this bad, unknowingly she's given him a clear image of her vulnerable soul.. if only she's fortunate enough he will not doubt that ridz is nothing but a veil over riddhima.. while ridz is head strong n confident riddhima is just the opposite.. a weak, burdened, vulnerable soul! Oh god.. plz plz plz don't do this to me.. u can't let him guess the truth but isn't he has already sensed the presence of riddhima behind ridz long ago! She winched. till now all she tried was to push him away but now her breakdown must have raised too many questions in his heart or may have confirmed too many doubts he had in his mind.. god knows wat he'll say wen they will face each other again.. what will she do wen he ask her about aman? Why riddhi why.. why did u fail to control urself this time.. oh armaan.. u're making me soo vulnerable wth the strength of ur honesty n love.. all I wish this moment is plz don't fetch me now.. I don't knw how to meet ur questioning eyes.. trust me I really want to answer all ur queries but I can't.. I truly can't.. feeling too miserable, finally she decided to surrender her dilemma to the almighty or else before getting out of here she'll collapse again nd that cannot be afforded by her now.. it's good that armaan is not in the room now nd she'll make no mistake to use this opportunity in her favour.. she has to leave the room as soon as possible before he comes back, no matter wat but she cannot face him now.. not until she puts her mask back nd for that she has to push away his heartwarming presence.. this place is too powerful to numb her mind with the positivity of his fragrance nd will never allow her to bring ridz back as it was all riddhima craved throughout her life but never blessed. Again it stung. She's too close to life but as alwaz life is doing nothing but humoring her. she closed her eyes nd took a few deep breathes nd wen nxt momnt she turned rightwards to get out of the bed, the huge mirror hang in the wall in front froze her vision.. she sat there motionless staring at her own pale image.. she's indeed looking horrible.. eyes are too red nd extremely puffy.. hair is nothing but a nasty mess.. lips are so dry dat if she try to talk any time sooner without moistening them wth her saliva they'll bleed for sure.. but in stead of all these, wat took her main attention was the duvet resting all tangled near the edge of the bed nd seeing it, she guessed why it was there.. till now she overlooked the fact that she was tucked under a warm, comfortable duvet neatly nd carefully while the room temperature was set at its most preferable level.. armaan.. unknowingly her heart called for her angel and again for the second time today she felt like showering all her love n care upon him senselessly marking him with the colors of her love, declaring the world that he belongs to her, only her.. nd automatically her lips curved into a satisfying smile seeing the blissful togetherness in front of her eyes but once again her illusion vanished taunting her for desiring the impossible as next momnt she hissed in pain as her lower lip actually cracked being extremely dry n bled profusely forcing her to curse aloud.. she wiped those blood drops with her sleeve nd feeling sure that it won't bleed anymore wen she again looked in front, her breathings froze, her brows crunched not believing the view nd hence she kpt on blinking again n again only to become confused more n more..

"wat? Don't tell me dat u don't recognize ur own reflection!" the image in the mirror started so sarcastically that it hurt.. she was dressed same as riddhima but the difference was that her condition was not at all a mess but just as perfect as ridz seems alwaz.. "ridz??" riddhima whispered inaudibly but her reflection caught her word effortlessly on time.. "waoo.. u still remember me I thought u alrdy forgot this side of urs nd all set to be the old guddy guddy miss riddhima emotional fool gupta.."

riddhima who was all lost in armaan's thoughts a few moment ago, was taken aback immediately as her own reflection left no straw to refresh her already sore wound ruthlessly. She lowered her head feeling extremely guilty as if returning to her own old self is the most dreaded crime she've ever committed! True.. she's reopening her locked door without thinking wat the consequences will be.. nd hell! Her soul has all right to accuse her for this blunder.. god knows why but every tym wen she's wth armaan, his eyes spoke nothing but trust, faith, support n care mixed wth the superior feeling of love that encourage her to open up like she never did before.. she sighed nd decided to apologize to her mind but froze again as her reflection again opened her big mouth scarring her slowly yet poisonously taking her guilt to the peaks that she never felt can be attained..

"I wonder wat more is there on the way this time.. a lovey dovey mushy love story with some romantic music in the background or another tragic ending with tears n pain with deafening yells in the background.. umm.. lemme think.. the second one?? Tell me riddhima is it ur love or some kind of obsession that u alwaz try so hard to make ur love ones dead? 1^st ur mother and ur unborn brother.. soon it was ur grand pa.. then comes the horrific death of aman.. nd then, umm.. abhi, almost.. nd now armaan.. great isn't it? I wonder how refreshing it must have felt wen u held aman's blood coated lifeless body in those beautiful arms of urs.. too tempting wasn't it? That's y u want to held armaan like that again after all these years!" her reflection paused but riddhima felt like someone has dug the earth n buried her alive with utmost cruelty. The suffocation was too much. She felt as if her head will explode into pieces if any more such poisonous arrows will be thrown to her. without able to control the nausea anymore, she slowly stood on her feet hoping to reach the window as soon as possible before she throws up.. but her own mind had no mercy for her that day as she continued forcing her to winch with each passing word, dragging her back to those dreaded lanes where she never dared to peep these years.. within seconds her heart beats started drumming, breathing became uneven, head started hammering so loud that she held it hurriedly with her both hands but still no use.

"remember those blood? Those hues n cries? Then that nerve numbing silence? That deadly trap of inevitable darkness? Mmm.. it feels so good, right? Of course it does. Otherwise u wouldn't hve been so hell bound to taste that again.. nahi riddhima??"

Her head span making it impossible for her to balance her own weight nd she trembled again n again onlt to be fallen on the floor with loud thud.. "shut up! For god's sake shut up!" riddhima mumbled painfully shaping her body in a ball while her hands were still holding her head tightly.

"oh my poor baby.. dard ho raha hai? Boora lag raha hai ki main tumhari iss death gamble ko encourage nhi kar rahi? Abhi bhi time hai riddhima.. stop it.. stop him.. u knw that u will be his actual death if this goes on anymore.. are u understanding wat I m saying? Riddhima.. rid.."

But her reflection soon got blurred from her vision as numbness engulfed her possessively forcing her to live those memories again which are still raw nd fresh in her subconscious.

...

"riddhi... yeh dekh main tere liye kya laya hoon.." aman came excitedly hiding his both hands behind his torso.. nd at once lill riddhima became excited.. smiling widely she tried to peep behind his back..

"kya laye ho aman?" the thought of getting a gift was so unrealistic yet overwhelming for her that it excited her to the core. never till now she got a gift except from her nanu, abhi nd his family. Now the fact that she finally got someone caring nd loving for her, made her feel blissful.

"aur nhi toh kya.. yun hi thode na koi apney hatho ko chupata hai.. pagal.." aman announced playfully still not bringing his hands in front.

"tch.. dikhao na, kya hai.." she whined unable to handle the joy of being loved.

Aman smiled seeing the twinkle in her eyes, the glow on her face. She's truly an angel. His angel. His riddhima. and he'll do everything to make her happy this much or even more if possible. She truly deserves all the happiness of this world nd he'll shower them upon her eagerly nd happily.

"dikhao, na.." her excitement was getting better of her. aman stroke her head lovingly by his left hand while presented her gift with his right hand.

"wowww.. kya hai is mein.." her smile expanded more while he settled himself beside her on the bench.

"tu khud dekh le.." he just still behind to finish the whole sentence but riddhima had alrdy unwrapped her present with a lightning speed.. "wow.. diary! Soo beautiful.. par tumhey toh pink color pasand nhi, na.." she asked innocently making him fall for her all over again..

"haan par jiskey liye yeh gift hai uski toh yeh fav color hai, na??" he replied lovingly nd at once she beamed. Now the thought that she not only got a gift but a gift of her choice was double overwhelming for her nd at once she hugged her angel.. "thank u aman." He, too, wrapped his arms around her warmly feeling contended for being the reason of his love's happiness.

"u're most welcome princess." Nd she tightened her hold even more.. "aman.. tum mujhey kabhi chod ke toh nahi jaoge, na? pata hai tumhare siva aur koi nhi hai mera joh mere liye itna sochta ho.." she started emotionally but aman as usual came for her rescue making her mood lighter with his witty retorts.. "accha?? Aur mujhey lagta tha abhi tumhara best frnd hai.." he tried to inject jealousy in his words nd successfully deceived her too.

"tch.. abhi mera best frnd toh hai par wohh alag baat hai.. wohh bhai jaisa hai mere liye par tum.." nd she paused hurriedly realizing wat blunder she was about to make. "aur main??" aman probed smiling heavenly. "aman.. main marungi, haan.. tum humesha mujhey tang karte ho.." she complained trying hard to hide her blush behind her fake accusation..

"loh ji.. hum toh cheekh cheekh ke kehte nhi thakte ki riddhima I love u aur ek meri riddhima hai jo pyar toh karti hai par izhaar se sharmati hai.. hayee teri yeh sharam ek din meri jaan na le jaye.." he said melodramatically but her face paled. "aisa mazak mein bhi mat kehna fir kabhi.. tum mano ya na mano par tum agar mujhsey door chale gaye to jeeteji mar jayungi main.. dekh lena.." but before her lonely tears can turn into soundly sobs, he hugged her tight wiping every pain off her way.

...

"hey.. tu ro kyun rahi hai??" aman engulfed her protectively while she just kpt on crying n crying hugging him wth all her might. "riddhi kya huya??" he probed again hoping to get an answer finally.

"tum kahan chale gaye the aman? teen din se school nhi aye.. kisi ko bhi kuch nhi pata tum kahan gaye ho.. tumhare frnz mujhsey pooch rahe the kahin tum beemar toh nahi.. aab main unhe kya batati ki main khud nhi janti tum kyun nhi aa rahe.. ghar mein bhi kitni bar call kiya tha pata hai par kisi ne uthaya hi nhi.. tum aisey kaisey chale gaye the mujhey chod kar.. pata bhi hai kya halat ho gayee thi meri.. tumse sab kuch share karne ki adat si ho gaye hai mujhey.. tumhari sharartein.. tumhara ehsaas.. tumhari muskaan.. sab kuch.. har ek cheez joh tumse judi hai uski adat ho gayee hai mujhey.. tum nhi ate ho toh.. toh aisa lagta hai jaise zindegi choot rahi hai mere daman se.. koi nhi hai tumhare bina mera.. aur tum ho ki meri bato ko humesha mazak mein lete ho.." she confessed in between her sobs while beating him on his back in between wth her tiny fists.

"aisa kisney kaha tujhse, pagal.. main pyar karta hoon tujhse.. saccha wala pyar.. mana main pagal hoon.. buddhu bhi hoon par itna bhi bewakoof nhi joh teri baton ki gehrayee o ko na samjhoon.." he caressed her head lovingly while rubbing her back wth another hand.

"toh kyun chale jate ho mujhey chod kar.." she complained.

"sorry riddhu.. wohh dada ji koh heart attack hua tha toh hum sab native home gaye the.. aur jaldi jaldi mein main diary lena bhool gaya tha.. aur tujhey toh pata hai ki meri memory kitni strong hai.. toh as expected mujhey tera ph. no. yaad nhi tha.. mujhey pata tha kit u pareshan ho rahi hogi par.. par mere pass bhi koi rasta nhi tha sivaye wapas ane tak intezar karne ka.. dil se sorry riddhu.. but I promise phir kabhi aisa nhi hoga.." his truthfulness touched her soul nd at once she knew he's the one.. her savior.. her life.. her everything..

"waisey pagal, mainey tujhey diary kyun gift kiya tha? Ussey show piece banake rakhne ke liye nahi but usey use karne ke liye... ab se jab bhi tu udas hogi ya fir khush hogi.. joh bhi tujhey mujhsey share karna ho par main agar us waqt tere pass na hoon toh tu uss diary mein likhna.. wohh mera sath hai tere liye.. har pal.. har lamha.. hamesha.." he wiped her tears away nd she nodded in approval.

...

Dear diary..

Aman ne bahot baar kaha tha tumse dosti karne ke liye par kabhi zaroorat hi nahi padi.. mana tum uske ehsaas ho par fir bhi tum mere aman toh nhi ho, na... chahe do teen ghante ya fir do teen din hi kyun na intezaar karna pade par joh batein main aman se keh sakti hoon wohh tumse nhi keh sakti kyunki joh sukoon mujhey uski muskurahat de jati hai wohh tum kabhi nhi de paoge.. wohh sahara joh uski bahein deti hai wohh tum kabhi nhi de sakte.. tum bas parchayee ho uskey par tum mere aman nhi ho.

She paused as more tear made her vision blurred. She put her pen down nd wiped those tears harshly with the back of her palm nd thn again focused on her diary, her last straw to stay connected with aman.

Lekin aab jab mera aman hi mujhsey kho gaya hai toh sivaye tumhare aur bacha bhi kya hai mere pass.. diary, pata nhi aab kya hone wala hai.. aman chala gaya.. abhi ko bhi meri wajah se maut ko itne kareeb se dekhna pada.. nanu bhi mere sath nhi hai.. aur papa? Papa toh kabhi the hi nhi.. mom chahti hai main rehan se shadi kar loon.. par main abhi tak 18 ki huyi bhi nhi.. par koi mujhsey pooch nhi raha ki main rehan se shadi karna chahti bhi hoon ya nhi bas hamesha ki tarah faisla suna diya.. par mujhey yeh kyun lag raha hai ki yeh shadi nhi meri death sentence hai.. waise zinda bhi kahan hoon main.. par fir bhi kisi anjaan ko wohh jagah kaisey de doon joh mere aman ka hai.. aman.. I'm sorry.. mujhsey pyar karne ka bahot badi saza mili, na tumhe??

"tujhsey pyar karne ki saza toh ussey milna hi tha after all u were curse for his life." Riddhima trembled in her position.. she wasn't expecting any intruder in her room. She turned nd found danny, her step brother reading her thoughts standing behind her shoulder while her mom was standing a few inches away with a taunting smile on her lips mocking at her situation. her heart winched.

But next momnt her heart stopped beating wen danny snatched her diary away from her study table nd started reading her heart loudly n mockingly with his side comments in between. She got up hurriedly nd tried to snatch her diary back but the trauma she was still living, had indeed made her so weak that she fell on the floor hurting her head real bad.. "aahh.."

"good! Wohi teri asli jagah hai.. humare pair mein.. never ever try to stop us from doing anything.. hum ehsan kar rahe hai tujhey yahan rakh ke warna tujh jaisi pagal ladki ko koi nhi jagah dega apne ghar mein.." danny taunted nd thn asked shifting his focus.. "right mom?" nd she supported as alwaz.. "of course darling.."

"riddhima.. agree or not.. we're going to get u married next week.. nd we're not asking ur approval so the more u accept the fact the better it is for u.." her step mother declared her decision all over again.

"but mumma.. I luv aman.." she said painfully still feeling jolts in her brain but mrs. Gupta's face hardened.. "look.. I told u thousand times dat I'm NOT ur mother. U should address me as maam, nothing else.. nd as per ur so called love problem, well.. I'll solve that now for ever after.." nd she signaled danny with a nod of her head nd getting the clue, he just tore her diary in two halves without giving riddhima enough time to understand his intention.. "no!!!" she cried aloud seeing her last support vanishing away.. but danny didn't stop.. next moment he took out a lighter from his pocket nd lit the halves in front of her eyes..

She yelled horrified.. "aman.." nd with all her might she stood up to extinguish the fire but before she could reach him, mrs. Gupta held her head roughly by her hair with one hand while twisted her both hands at her back with her another hand nd made her watch how the last essence of her aman faded away from her life forever nd the moment it was almost completely burnt, she released riddhima's head with great force that she landed on the still burning ashes hurting her stomach brutally.. she cried due to the burning sensation nd tossed herself away after too much struggle but no one, not a single creature came hearing her heart wrenching cry.. the cry was not for her own injury but for the loss that can never be compensated.. nd within minutes she collapsed.

...

"riddhima?? Beta ap apni medicines nhi le rahi hai, kya??" her doctor asked her softly. She is a noble lady with indeed a sympathetic heart beating inside her body.

"no doctor.. I think riddhi is again back to her trauma.." abhi said as his mother kpt on caressing riddhima's hair lovingly in between shading some lonely tears but riddhima sat still with no emotion on her face.

It's been almost two months she was under the treatment of this psychiatrist.. the day aman died stirred her so much dat she was almost on the verge of losing her mental balance. Nd if dat wasn't enough soon she faced the next blow wen she found abhi was admitted to hospital for fighting against her mother to save her life. Mrs. gupta didn't want her to be treated. Instead she wanted her to lose her sanity so that she can convert all her property in her name saying that an insane person can't handle this much of responsibility nd with the promise of paying all cost of her treatment, she decided to leave her in an asylum where doctors will leave no straw to keep her this insane for the rest of her life.

It was after more than one month that finally she started responding to the counseling and took her first step to welcome life back wen doctor suggested dat she should now fulfill aman's wish nd befriend with his gift, his diary.

But all their hopes, all their tries got destroyed brutally wen danny burnt the diary in front of her eyes again bringing her back to square one.

"I understand dear.. joh bhi huya uske baad.." the doctor agreed with abhi nd then asked.. "by the way how's her injury.. her stomach was brutally burnt last time I read her report.. is she recovering there?" she asked this time looking at riddhima's blank face.. "it's recovering doctor.. she got deep bruise on her skull as well.. dr. verma ne kaha hai ki thoda time toh lagega kyunki riddhi ki body thik se respond nhi kar rahi hai.." abhi whispered slowly feeling extremely bad for his best frnd cum lill sister while his mother hold her son's hand tightly supporting him in these critical moments..

"hmm.. abhi.. I know tumhe bahot boora lagega but I'll highly prescribe dat riddhima should be admitted to our rehabilitation centre soon.." as soon as the doctor stopped abhi looked at her aghast.. "what? No! main riddhi ko kabhi nhi jane dunga wahan pe.. meri riddhi pagal nhi hai.." nd he shifted close to his mother nd looked deep in her eyes to support him in this decision..

"doctor saheba.." his mother started finally guessing wat she must have suggested..

"dekhiye mrs. Modi.. iss ke alawa aur koi rasta bhi nhi hai.. agar riddhima uss ghar mein rahi toh pata nhi kya hoga age.. iss bar wohh bach gaye kya pata agli bar.." but before she can complete abhi protested.. "no!"

"I'm sorry but dear yehi sacchai hai.. riddhima apne ghar mein bilkul bhi safe nhi hai.. par.. par ek aur problem hai humare samne.. kyunki ap dono uski legal guardians nahi ho, without her parent's signature we cannot admit her.." she paused nd looked again at the troubled soul, her young patient, riddhima.

"par mujhey nhi lagta mr. gupta sign karenge.. after all he hates his daughter." Abhi sighed. "but I'll try once. Doctor riddhu thik toh ho jayegi, na??" he asked hopefully.

"keep faith on god dear.. dat's all I can say.." nd abhi closed his eyes at once feeling how little the chance is while his mother hugged riddhima tightly against her chest praying silently in her heart.

___________to be continued__________

well.. as u all can see this part has still lots to be told but as it's already quite lengthy i'm pausing here only.. will try to be back soon with the continuing part..

till then take care & stay healthy..

love,

sargam

❤️