A Lot Like Love
I was genuinely bored now. The dance floor was full. I watched coupled dance. They looked happy. I didn't understand. How could someone marry one girl and spend their whole lives with them and still be in love? Love was bullshit. It was stupid. Love. I love many things. I love kebabs. I love vodka. I love sweets, but I have diabetes. This party was boring. I couldn't even find di. I was just looking around when I saw a lady walk into the hall. She was wearing a red salwar and her inky black hair rolled down her shoulder. Her eyes were restless. Her fingers were fiddling with her dupatta. I looked at her trying to recognize who she was. I didn't know her, but I wanted to. She looked so innocent and yet so mischievous. There was this sudden stroke of attraction and I found my mouth open as I stared at her. Her eyes wandered all over the room. She was looking for someone. Did I know her? Was she one of my clients? No. I was sure. I couldn't forget her face and she didn't dress like the people I dealt with on a daily basis. I found myself inching towards her. My eyes just wouldn't shift from her beautiful face. It was like they were glued onto her.
"Chhote?" Di said tapping my shoulder.
I broke out of my trance and looked at her. "Di were you looking for me?" I asked.
"Yes! I am not feeling too well, I was wondering if you could call the driver and ask him to drop me home." She said.
"Ofcourse di." I said calling the driver. I looked behind to see if the girl was still there but she wasn't. I started to look around while talking to the driver.
After dropping di to the car, I was coming in thinking about the girl when I saw her in the parking lot. She was standing alone. I walked up to her. She looked tensed. Her fingers were still entangled in her dupatta and she had a small frown on her lips.
"Hi," I said out loud. She looked at me startled. She took a step back. "Hi." She said looking at the ground. "Are you looking for someone?" I asked.
She hesitated. She flinched. She was definitely scared. She started to move forward. I stopped her.
"Wait." I said. She stopped immediately. "Are you a thief?" I asked.
I knew the answer. I just wanted her to say something. She got really nervous. I could see it on her face. She was so expressive.
Her eyebrows narrowed, "Nahi." She said in her soft husky voice.
She still didn't look up at me.
"Hello, I'm up here!" I said.
She started to walk again. I held her arm and she pulled away. "I'm sorry." I said instinctively.
"This is my party. I am the host. Who are you looking for?" I asked again.
She shook her head and started to walk. "Atleast tell me your name?" I asked. She didn't reply. She walked off. Go to hell. Do what you want. Who am I to stop you? I was just trying to help and she just liked to ignore me. Good for me. She must be mental. I stood their wondering who this woman was. I had never seen someone like her.
*
I was angry. I was going inside when I saw her again. She was standing on the other end of the parking lot this time. She was alone. She saw me and quickly turned around. I was going to go in when I heard her scream. I turned around instantly. There was nothing. She just stood with her hands on her ears. I walked up to her.
"Are you alright?" I asked. It was deserted outside. This party was a little outside the city. What was she doing here alone? She didn't respond. Her eyes were still shut and her face looked intense. I was mesmerized by that face, those eyes, and her worry. Why was she so scared? "Bijli." She said slowly opening her eyes.
"Listen, why don't you come inside." I asked. She shook her head. This girl was pissing me off. I decided to have a little fun. The party was so boring anyway.
"Cool, I'll stay outside with you." Her eyes shot up to look at me. She probably wanted to check if I was joking. Well, atleast she looked at me. She looked surprised.
She moved away. I started walking towards her. "Please." She said. I stopped.
"Just come and sit inside." I said.
"Nahi." She said.
"But why?" She looked away again.
"Dammit, talk to me. Who are you looking for? I can help you!" This would be my last try. If she doesn't reply, I'm dragging her inside.
"Dekho. Yeh, meri party hai. Main tumhari madad karna chahta hoon!" I said. Maybe she didn't understand too much English.
"Dekhiye." She said. "Mujhe aapki madad nahi chahiye. Please, aap jayeye." She said. "Aur mujhe English samajh mein aati hai." She said with self-respect.
"I am not going until you tell me who you are looking for." I replied sternly. Atleast she was talking now.
"My husband," she said, "Mein apne pati ko dhoond rahi hoon." She said looking at me.
Ouch. She was married. That hurt somewhere deep down. Why? I don't know. Why would I care anyway? She was just a stranger, how did I care? I didn't even know her name. I tried to reassure myself. But it hurt. It did.
"What is his name?" I asked. "Laurent Samuels" she said slowly. "What?" I exclaimed. I know Laurent. I didn't know he was married. That was weird. How did she get married to a man like him? Anyway, none of my business.
"And what is your name?" I asked. She hesitated again. "You can tell me. I won't kidnap you!" I said sarcastically. She looked frightened. "Khushi." She said slowly. I laughed a little. She looked at me perplexed. "You're name is Khushi but you look so dukhi." I said. She smiled a little bit. "Oh my god, did I just see a smile?" I asked. Her smile faded away. "Let me take you to your husband Khushi." I said smiling.
As I led her inside, I realized that I had smiled after a long time myself. Life had made me tough. I thought I didn't have emotions left inside me. Well, I was wrong, I guess.
I found Laurent near the bar, sitting with a girl, holding her hand. That was odd. His wife was looking for him and he was here, wasted and flirting with another woman.
"Laurent!" I said going towards him. Khushi's feet had stopped right when her eyes had fallen on him. For some reason, I felt uncomfortable. I had an urge to go punch him. He and the girl got up looking at me. "ASR! What a party man!" he said stumbling a little. "Woah, you're wasted man!"
"Who cares?" he said sliding his hand around the girl's waist. I clenched my fist. Why was I getting angry? Why did I want to punch him? I controlled my urge. "Your wife is looking for you!" I said pointing at Khushi. I was shocked. She wasn't here. "My wife?" Laurent asked. "Yes, Khushi." I replied. My eyes scanned the whole room again. "Where did you say she was?" he said standing straight now taking his hand off the other girl. She left with a frown. "I don't know man, she was right behind me." I said still looking for her.
"She must be talking to someone, leave it. You enjoy man!" he said walking away. I was just surprised. Where did Khushi go? Why was Laurent with another woman? Why did she just run away? These people were so messed up.
"Vodka, on the rocks." I told the bartender. God knows what their problem is and why am I so worried for her when her husband isn't? Why do I feel like I should go find her? Why do I have an urge to go punch Laurent in his face? She is just a stranger. I don't even know her.
*
I drank one glass. The second. And then I was about to have the third when I saw Laurent leave the party abruptly. I decided to quench my anxiety once and for all. It took me a while to go past the crowd and outside.
He held Khushi and dragged her across the parking lot. Tears streamed down her red cheeks as her eyes met mine. She shut them and looked away. That was it. I had certainly lost control. I walked towards them in fury. She tried to fight out of his grip but he slapped her right across her face. Many people in the parking lot started to look their way. He held her hand again but I reached time pulling Khushi behind me and punching Laurent in the face. He fell down on the ground and passed out.
"Laurent!" Khushi screamed and was down by her side in seconds. She shook him and begged him to open her eyes. "Yeh kya kiya aapne?" she said shouting at me. I was startled. I was saving her life. Why would she still take his side? "he was misbehaving with you!" I retorted. "Aapko kya hak tha unpar haath uthane ka? Woh mere pati hai! Jo chahe woh kar sakte hai mere saath!" she cried louder. "Excuse me?" I said shocked. She felt conscious of the eyes on her. I looked around. Everyone started to do his or her own thing. "Let me help you." I said watching her trying to lift him up. "No thank you!" she said angrily. "Do you know how to drive?" I asked. She looked up. I thought so. She didn't. I shook my head. I helped him up and put him in the car. She sat at the back with his head on her lap.
On the way, I didn't say anything. I was just wondering what made me punch him. Did I have feelings for Khushi? Why would I? She was married? That was impossible. I was probably just a little intrigued by her. I couldn't possible be in love? I mean love is ridiculous I don't even believe in it. But why did I want to protect her? Why couldn't I leave her outside alone?
"Why do you stay with him?" I asked ruthlessly. "Ji?" she asked. Her tears had dried. "He obviously doesn't treat you well, then why?" "Mere bauji ki tabiyat kharab thi. Usne kaha ki agar mein unse shaadi karungi woh unka ilaaj karayenge." She said softly. "What? You married him for money?" I asked. I was shocked again. I didn't expect her to fall to such low grades just for money? "Ji nahi. Humne unse paiso ke liye nahi, apne bauji ki zindagi ke liye shaadi ki." She said.
I understood. I felt bad. My heart was crying. I was moved. I was weird. I didn't know what was happening? I was just feeling lost. As if I was in someone else's body. It didn't feel like me. I was becoming emotional, sad. My heart went out for her. I felt like crying. No way. This wasn't me.
*
I stopped the car in front of the hospital. We got Laurent admitted. He had a minor nosebleed. Nothing major. I sat outside with Khushi.
"Aap jayeye." She told me.
"I can stay." I told her.
"Woh gussa honge." She said frightened again.
"Khushi," I said looking at her. She looked up too. Her eyes met mine and then I had to ask her the biggest question.
"Come with me?" Her eyes widened. "Kya?" I knew it was random, I knew it was sudden but I knew I wanted it. I didn't know what her answer would be but I had to ask.
"I will pay him whatever he wants. Come with me. You don't need to stay with him." I told her.
She looked down. She sat quietly for a while and then shook her head.
"Why?" I asked. I couldn't see one reason why she would want to live like this.
"Woh mere pati hai. A deal is a deal." She said slowly.
I looked at her. She was helpless. She was sad. She was fighting every day of her life but she still wouldn't let him go. She still wouldn't leave him.
I got up.
"Khushi, I don't know what is stopping you, I don't know why you won't come with me but I respect your decision."
She got up too. She looked at me. I saw a glimpse of love in her eyes. I saw it, I swear. It wasn't wishful thinking. I swear I saw love. I think I did. It was probably that. Or maybe it was just a sparkle. I stared into her eyes and she stared into mine. We bonded. Somewhere we connected. My heart was heavy and with empty hands I turned around and started to leave.
"Thank you." She said.
I turned around one last time to see her face. There was a smile on it. A genuine one. I smiled too. It was automatic.
I was in a trance. I didn't realize when I was already sitting in the car. A tear escaped my eyes as I thought about her, Khushi. Her life must be so hard but yet she fights every single day for her father. For his love and he probably doesn't even know.
Whenever I closed my eyes I would remember her eyes, her lips, her face. Her fingers entangled in her dupatta. Her tears would trouble me sometimes but I seemed to cope alright. I hoped she would be okay. I wished her to be happy. Maybe that is love. Maybe that is the whole idea. I would never know. I lost mine before I could touch it. If at all it was love.
If I wanted to, I could have found out how she was doing. But I was scared. What if something bad had happened? I didn't want to ruin the fantasy. I didn't want to know the truth. I was scared. I was scared of knowing the truth. I could never get myself to find out but everytime I passed by a parking lot, I looked around, atleast once.
I still don't believe in Love. I think it's sad and depressing but the pain is good. The pain I feel when I shut my eyes and think of her is soothing. Sometimes just for the sake of wishful thinking, I imagine that night in the hospital again. I imagine myself asking her the question again and this time she agrees...
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