The Consequneces Of Love Thread #2 Part 34 Updated 03/06/14 - Page 31

Chapter 33: I Set You Free:

In the middle of the night Khushi woke up once more. She sat at up and stared at the man who laid completely oblivious to his surroundings. The small bit of moonlight seeping in through the thin net curtains illuminated the room, a glow emanating him. He looked so innocent as he laid there.

There had been moments in these last few days where she wondered had he actually put her through all the things he claimed he had? Her thoughts ran wild on most nights trying to gain a bearing on what she was feeling. She just did not know what she was feeling anymore. Her memory no longer supported her.

Lifting her hand gently she ran her hand through his hair savouring the moment. She could feel the little shot of electricity shooting through her bearing once more. She moved her hand over his eyes, grazing his face with her feather like touch.

Why does it feel like her heart was attuned to his? Why did he not feel like a stranger? Why did she feel so connected to him? Her feelings towards him right now felt torn. For so long she had convinced herself that he was a stranger to her. She had lost everything because of him. So why was her heart melting now? Why was her heart not agreeing with her mind? Why this tug of war?

Running her hand to one side she cupped his cheek. The tears finally came down now. One by one they fell. Yesterday when her heart searched only for him she realised that her heart cried for him only. Her heart had lost its other half and it ached for its mate.

But Khushi could no longer do that. She did not know what to believe anymore. His words had bought along with them a lot more than just revelations. It had bought alongside it realisation. Khushi's whole world had revolved around love. Since the death of her parents that was the one thing that was supposed to rescue her. It was what was meant to make her believe in the positivity of the world once more. She had prayed for happiness and in return she had been given the opposite.

Had falling in love made her so weak that she had forgotten herself in the process and let him become her soul, her life, her world? Was this what love did to you?

What had she done last night? Why was it that her mind and heart became paralysed? So lost in her thoughts she was that she did not realise that Arnav had woken up when had felt her tears on his face.

Slowly Arnav got his bearings straight to find that Khushi sat with her hand cupping his cheek lost in thought the tears falling. Not wanting to startle her he slowly placed his hand atop hers causing her to break away from her chain of thoughts.

She turned to look at him, their eyes locking. The look in her eyes scared him. The look she gave him. She looked so scared, so lost, so confused. And the worst part was that he had done this to her. He sat up taking her hand in his as he did.

'Khushi, tell me what I can do to help you. I can't stand to see you like this. Khushi please you have to believe me when I tell you that I love you'

Those three words, they were the reason why she was in this mess. Khushi vowed to herself that she would never utter those three words ever again. That emotion was banned from making its way into her heart once more. That one emotion was why she was in this mess.

'Love, I don't even know what that word means anymore. When I was a little girl my mum told me that there was someone out there that would love me more that her and my father. I thought that was a lie at first. I did not think it was possible that a person could love me more than they did. I was my parents' whole world. But Ammi always told me that one day a prince charming woul enter my life and I would become the reason he breathed.

I didn't think that was true either. But then I remember my Abbu bought me a book, a princess book. My mother would read me that book every night and I would fall asleep cradling it. One day I was really upset after my Ammi read me the story. When she asked me I told her it was because I did not know how I would find him. She laughed and said that I would know. My heart would recognise its mate and it would tell me. I held onto those words although sceptical.

But after my parents died I felt so lost. I went from being the centre of someone's world to being nothing. I was pushed right to the back. The new family I joined lived, breathed and slept politics.

No one came to check on Khushi anymore at night. No one came to read Khushi the story book she had unknowingly fell in love with. No ran around after Khushi to make sure she had eaten. The small things that made up Khushi Rizwi Hayat's world shattered like shards of a mirror. She was given a new identity over night without being able to mourn the loss of the old one. Khushi Rizwi Hayat became Khushi Kumari Gupta overnight.

During those lonely nights after I had performed the janaza (the Arabic word of Muslims burial process) my Ammi's words played in my head. It was those words she had told me of a prince charming that was my companion during those times.

It was during those nights when I would close my eyes I would dream of a faceless someone. I didn't know who he was. But there was a very faded picture in my heart. One that I had subconsciously been etching in my heart from the time my mother had been reading that story to me. I heard the story so many times that I knew the whole story off by heart.

Most of those nights it was that story and dreams of him that kept me going when the ache in my heart got too much. I kept remembering Ammi's words. Her telling me that he would come into my life and love me so much that all the pain would be forgotten.

And when I cried myself to sleep I use to pray to Allah (SWT). I prayed that Allah (SWT) to always protect that man, to give him all the happiness in the world. I wanted to Allah (SWT) to protect and bless the man who had become my saving grace, who had become my second hero after my father. How and when he seeped into my soul I don't even know myself.

I can't tell you when he became so important to me that every night when I prayed when I asked Allah (SWT) to bestow His blessing's I asked Allah (SWT) to bestow them on him first and then the rest of the world. Without seeing, knowing him, without any evidence apart from the faded picture in my heart I based all my dreams around him.

Alongside those dreams so many other dreams came alive. Suddenly my life had direction once more---him. Suddenly I had a purpose to live---him. Suddenly I started to have faith in the world again---all because of him. I was able to live in this world once more.

But on the day you told me what I had been through in life after falling in love, one by one all those dreams shattered. I no longer feel like I have a sense of direction. I feel like I have no purpose. The world looks colourless and cruel once more.

I realise how wrong I was about love. It's not a saving grace. It's a means of destruction. I feel like that lost child once more with nothing left. And the worst thing is that I no longer have the security and comfort of my mother's words. You took that away from me too in your process of destruction. So if you really want to help me I am begging you to give me those things back?

If you love me like you say you do then tell me what to do please because I don't know what to do right now. I just want my Ammi and Abbu here to pull me into a hug. I want to be able to rest my head in my Ammi's lap and forgot the whole world. I want to be a little girl again' choked out Khushi as she put her face in the palms of her hands the tears overpowering her.

With his red blood shot eyes from crying Arnav wiped away the tears which had blurred his vision. This was one of the hardest things that he would have to do but he would do it. For her, anything.

'Khushi, you need to leave this house right now'

Khushi looked up at him startled by his declaration.

'If you stay here then every second of your life you will see me and all that hurt and pain will come back. My presence won't let you heal or live in peace. It was you who once told me that if you love someone then you set them free and if they come back to you then it means that you are both meant to be. I finally understand what you mean by that. Khushi just tell me whether you really want to go home or if you want a place of your own with Di? I will sort everything for you but you have to leave here. I am going to fix this. I am going to become your hero. I won't let your dreams shatter. To make your dreams come true is the reason I breathe now'

Taking her face in his hands, cupping her cheeks looking her dead right in the eyes he said 'I love you Khushi, and I will provide that to you. And from this moment on I will break my own heart every second and give those pieces to your heart and fix it. I set you free Khushi, because I know you will come back to me one day. I have faith in our love Khushi I believe in us'.

Getting up off the bed Arnav went to his cupboard pulling out a shirt and placing it absentmindedly over his head. He needed to speak to his Di. He had finally gotten his ephinany, the moment of clarity had come to him. It was all crystal clear to him now. He knew exactly what had to be done. Opening the door he ran out of the door calling for his Di.

Khushi sat on the bed still, startled by Arnav's revelation. She closed her eyes once more, finding it hard to cope once more. But this was the first time in a long time that she did not see pitch black when she closed her eyes. This time when she closed her eyes she could see a faded small speck of white light amongst the pitch of blackness---