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It had been 2 days since I broke up with him. It felt normal at first. Well, except for the pain in the heart, everything was normal. In these two days, whenever we looked at each other, I could feel my heart break into pieces again. I know I broke up with him. I know I took the first step in breaking this relationship. But the truth remained the same, I can never stop loving him. I have always loved him, still love him and always will, no matter what. But that itself is the worst part. I feel as if he never loved me, now. In these two days, whenever I saw him, he seemed to be happy. Very happy. Maybe because he had always wanted this break up. But it killed me from inside to see that he was least affected by this break up. But I had to be strong now. No crying definitely. I had to create an identity. Maybe this break up was the best thing for both of us. For his happiness and for my future.
*knock knock* My chain of thoughts was broken when someone knocked on the door of my room. Well, that someone would definitely be bhai.
"Taani?" He said, opening the door himself as I sat up on the bed.
"Haan bhai. Kuch kaam tha?" I asked him, wondering why he came to my room at this hour.
"Kyun? Kya main apni behen ke paas bas kisi kaam ke liye hi aa sakta hun?" He asked as he came and sat beside me on the bed.
"Nahi bhai. Woh time dekhke.." I started explaining when he cut me off.
"Arre! I was just kidding, Taani. Chill." He smiled at me and I smiled back.
"Aapko neend nahi aa rahi bhai? Its 1am!"
"Neend nahi aa rahi thi aur pata tha kit um uthi hogi. Pata nahi tumhe yeh nayi aadat kahan se lag gayi der tak jage rehne ki. Joghpur mein toh 10 baje tak so hi jaati thi tum."
I smiled wide remembering the old times, "Haan bhai. Par abhi toh main Mumbai mein hoon na. Jagah badal gayi, aur main bhi."
Bhai's expression changed. He looked concerned, "Taani. Tum thik toh ho na?"
"Ho jaungi bhai. Tension mat lo aap. Aap bas abhi D3 team pe and NDC pe concentrate karo." I gave him a reassuring smile.
"Waise, Taani. Ek baat kahun?"
"Boliye na bhai. Pooch kyun rahe ho?"
"Look, mujhe nahi pata tumhare and Rey ke bich aisa kya ho gaya that you had to break up. Aur main tumhe force bhi nahi karunga mujhe batane ke liye. All I know is that yeh baat tumhe bahut affect kar rahi hai. Whether you show it or not. And I don't want you to be like this, Taani. Be yourself. Be the other old Taani. Do what you want to. Do what you love to do. Paint, Taani. Just like you used to. Paint all your sorrows and pains away. Paint your heart out, Taani. Yaad karo, when was the last time you painted? Yesterday? Day before? No! I am sure not since you came here to Mumbai. Just think about it, Taani. You used to love to paint. And I am quite sure that you still do. Just think over it once." He completed, smiled at me, said a good night and left my room. But I sat there, again lost in the land of thoughts.
Bhai was right! I loved to paint. I still love to paint. I had started painting when I was around 5. Well, not the perfect kind of painting but painting on the walls. I still remember, I used to dip my fingers into those color filled bottles and then made some kind of a masterpiece on the wall. I was fascinated by the different types of colors. I started giving a greater interest in painting when I was around 12. I loved how two colours mixed to produce a new beautiful color. I loved how the paintings told the story of the artist. I was captivated. And now when I go back in time, I realize that I hadn't really painted since India Fest 2012. Bhai was actually right. My life had messed up so much that I forgot what my first love was ' Painting!
I stood up and went towards my cupboard. I opened it and, for the first time without even looking at the Rey's corner, took out a black box from the topmost shelf of the cupboard. I sat on the bed as I opened the box. The box was very special to me. It had all my paintings or drawings or sketches on paper in it. I still had my first drawing on paper with me. It had been ages since I even opened that box. It felt nice to go back in time and cherish the good memories. I went through all the paintings. My first painting, my first prize winning painting and so many more. I was completely engrossed in those paintings when the last one came by. It was my favourite. Two lovers, hand in hand, walking on the beach while the sun was setting. I was amazed at myself when I completed the painting. I never knew I could I actually paint something down so beautifully. I was, and still am, proud of that painting of mine.
I put all the paintings back in the box and headed towards the study room. 2 am and I am still not sleepy. I took out an A4 size thick sheet, paints, brushes and a pencil out. I sat there on the table to do what I loved to do. To create. To paint. To paint a world without any pain, without any sorrows. And this time, for myself.
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