Khushi picked up the huge plate full of Puris from the open space beside the marquee where a makeshift cooking place was set up by the caterers, & was about to go inside the marquee again, when a strong hold on her arm stopped her. & although she recognized the touch instantly, she gasped as the plate was swiftly taken off of her hand & kept on a side stretched table where other cooked dishes were kept to be taken inside, & then she was dragged in the direction of the entrance of her home with a sudden jerk. Khushi ran just to keep up with him, & whined irritatedly, "Arnavji! No! I told you before, not today! Today is not the day for sneaking off behind the backs of our families! Today is the day to spend celebrating with them!" In answer Arnav just pulled her towards himself with another forceful jerk, & said still looking ahead, "Hurry up, Khushi! Everyone is busy with the food & servings right now, but any moment anyone can come out & then there would truly be no sneaking off! & I am sure that idiot photographer has started missing his muse already!"
By this time they had reached the main door of Nikunja, & Arnav abruptly stopped before it & turning towards Khushi he jerked his head towards the door & with his eyes gestured her to go inside preceding him. Khushi looked at him exasperatedly for a long moment, then she again looked back at the marquee from which loud sounds of mingling laughter & conversation was issuing, then she again looked back at him. & her eyes slowly took in the white Kurta again, & the errant lock of hair that had fallen over his forehead from its gelled up setting by now, & stomping her feet angrily at the unfairness of his gorgeousness quotient, she opened the front door & went inside while mumbling loud enough for him to hear, "Shameless enough to sneak around with me, but not enough to barge inside my home without being invited first!"
The moment they were inside the house, he again took control, & taking her hand again, he gently pulled her behind him, & started climbing the stairs that led upstairs & to Khushi's astonishment, he didn't even stop until they were entering through the gate of their spacious roof. Once on the roof, he pulled her further to the far side of the roof, & reaching the ledge surrounding the roof, he finally let go off Khushi's hand, & seeing the silent fuming question in her narrowed eyes, he suddenly flashed her a rare smile, & said with eyes sparkling with excitement, "I swear, I didn't drag you out here to make out.. I mean, not just to make out.. In all probability, we will make out.. But later, after.. The point is, that's not the main reason I brought you up here!" & seeing Khushi just became more restless hearing his non-sensical babbles, & was now checking out the top of the marquee by leaning over the edge of the ledge, he gently made her face him by tugging at her elbow, & said softly, "I have something for you." & then without wasting anymore time, he reached inside the pocket of his Kurta & pulled out a jet-black expensive looking velvet box & keeping it on the palm of his left hand, he flipped the lid of the box up with his right hand.
Khushi looked down at the breath-stoppingly beautiful ring on its white satin bed with shocked eyes, & then still looking on at it, asked Arnav in a stunned voice, "What's that?" Arnav gave her a lop-sided grin & said magnanimously, "A ring! Don't you like it?" At the casual happiness in his voice, Khushi looked up at him, & asked in an amazed voice, "Why are you giving me a ring?" Arnav shrugged his shoulders generously & said, "It reminded me of your Golden eyes," & then his eyes took on a teasing gleam as he said, "& you were pretty generous to me on the carport of the showroom, so I thought I would just return the favor." & Khushi remembered what she had laughingly told him after she had kissed him that day. Then before Khushi could gather exactly what was happening, he held her right hand up in his own & then keeping the ring-box on the wide ledge of the roof, he picked the ring up from its nest & proceeded to put it on her ring finger. But he abruptly had to stop as he realized the spot was already taken by her small 7-stone ring, which he was partially fond of, so decided against taking it off. Promptly letting her right hand go, he picked her left hand up & without any preamble, put the ring swiftly on the ring finger of her left hand to Khushi's stunned shock.
As Khushi looked down at the ring, she felt like it was a tight slap in her face. It essentially symbolized everything that was this nameless relationship between them. They agreed they liked each other, she admitted to herself she loved him, they had embarked on a 'no strings attached' journey, & she had no intention of backing out of it. It was like if they just wanted, if Arnav didn't just have those weird hang-ups about relationships & marriages, they would be able to give so many beautiful & wonderful names to this relationship.. Love! Marriage! Commitment! Undying promise! But despite having the potential of all of that, she knew this relationship was forever doomed to secret rendezvous & stigma if it ever came out as he wasn't gonna dignify this relationship or her with any kind of commitments.
& similarly, this ring had all the potentials too, if it was given to her out of love, as a promise. A promise that would come out of his heart, & when the ring was put on her ring finger, the vein from that finger would carry the promise all the way to her heart. But no, for the exact same reason, this ring too was just a meaningless secret present, which just brought with it unanswered questions & a constant reminder of all that she could never have for Khushi. It could have been everything, but the way it was given & under the circumstances it was given, it meant less than nothing. Khushi took several steps back from Arnav & looking up at him with stormy eyes, & with a determination to just hurt him somehow, as much as he had hurt her, she asked in a steely voice, "So this is in return for my generosity?.. Ok.. Um, so please answer my question, cos I know, you of all people would know the answer to it accurately, what is that woman called, who provides her generous affections to men & then accepts generous 'thank you's from them in return of her generosity?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For all the time that she had known him, it was the first time Khushi witnessed Arnav Singh Raizada to be slow in his reactions. She had spoken so softly, so dispassionately, so abruptly, that it seemed like for several seconds he couldn't grasp what she had actually said & meant. Then his head jerked to the left ever so slightly, breaking his statuesque stand, & his eyes conveyed the first set of reactions. His mildly surprised, narrowed eyes seemed to ask her to repeat herself as if he wasn't sure he had heard it right & when she just took another step backwards from him in answer, Khushi saw his chin leaning down threateningly, & this time there was no mistaking it. His blazing eyes were daring her to repeat or confirm that she had indeed said what he had just heard. Khushi stiffly pursed her lips, almost thinning them to a line, & pushed her chin up in a defiant way to show him that she wasn't backing out due to his silent intimidation.
When she said nothing but just stared at him accusingly, she saw his hands fisting as if to contain his rage, & then he suddenly raised his hand pointing his index finger towards her as if about to charge on her, but he stopped himself at the last moment. Khushi saw his hand fisting again in mid-air in a tight punch & he bit down on his lower lip hard to stop himself from saying whatever he was going to say. Then he slowly let his hand fall to his side, & taking a short, ragged breath, he laboriously bit out through barely moving lips, "What. Did. You. Just. Call. Yourself???!"
& Khushi felt like howling her eyes out at that moment. She never wanted to see that much rage & that much anger in Arnav's eyes for her. But what she actually wanted to see, that wasn't there in those eyes either. Squaring her shoulders, she spat out, "I didn't!" & then keeping the other four fingers down, she flicked her ring finger with the offending ring on it up & held it in front of his eyes, "You did! A wh**e!" & before she could even finish half of the damning word, she had seen him snap.
As he lunged towards her with an animalistic growl, his head leading the way like a raging bull's, Khushi was sure that, he was going to tackle her like a bull tackled a matador with his horns, & he was going to drive them both off the ledge of the roof. She was sure, today, nothing was going to stop him. & anticipating the hurt & humiliation, a sudden yelp of cry left her lips & she jumped a few feet behind as she looked up at his face with horrifyingly scared eyes. & with her mouth falling open in a sudden gasp, she saw him stumble like he had just collided against a stone wall. His eyes fell to her shuffling feet that seemed to carry her away from him as if she was a terrified Deer & then he looked up at her petrified face. & he immediately pressed his eyes tightly closed as if he couldn't bear to see what he saw in her face, & still keeping his face down & his eyes closed, he turned & brusquely strode off towards the gate of the roof.
But before he could get out of there, Khushi ran a little towards him, & called out in a steely voice, "Rukiye!" She saw him coming to a standstill, but he didn't even turn back. She saw his shoulder muscles stiffen, before his biting words came out, "We are finished here!" & as he again started towards the door, Khushi again ran towards him & said in an angry yell, "No! We're not-!" & if Khushi hadn't instantly stopped in her tracks as she had spoken, she would have just collided with him, as he out-of-the-blue turned towards her angrily & roared Khushi's soul away, "ENOUGH!"
For 3 whole seconds both of them just stared at each other, & then Khushi started shaking convulsively & involuntary sobs started raking her body violently. She had never been this shaken to her core ever in her life. No one had ever screamed the living daylights out of her like this before. She couldn't help it, but she felt frazzled & terrified all the way to her soul! & then before she embarrassed herself in front him further by being scared of him like this, she started struggling to get the blasted ring off of her finger, still whimpering uncontrollably, audibly, which shook her whole body. The ring was a perfect fit, but with her trembling limbs & jerky movement, she wasn't sure whether it was the hard Diamonds on the ring, or sharp fingernails which did it, but suddenly she felt a sticky wetness on her finger & as she looked down to finally wrench the ring off, she saw her finger & the whole ring were smeared with her own blood. She looked up uncaring, uncaring of the wound, still whimpering hysterically, & then whispered brokenly between whimpers, "Now we're finished here!"
& then, she just threw the ring at his face unseeingly. But obviously she missed as her hands weren't even steady to keep still at that moment, let alone throw something accurately, & just when the ring was whizzing past his left ear, Arnav casually, with the minimum possible movement, held his left hand up over his shoulder & caught the ring in his fist. But his eyes weren't on the ring or Khushi's face, they were zoomed steadfast on her finger which was not bleeding profusely, but blood was surely seeping out of the wound on it. He kept glaring at the finger for several slow seconds as his fist slowly came down containing the ring in it, & then without looking up at her, he wordless turned & strode out of the roof, leaving her still whimpering compulsively behind him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Khushi half ran, half walked towards the small wooden bench on the side of the roof & collapsing down on it, she finally started crying in earnest. As she cried hard & then cried some more, Khushi dragged her knees up to her chest & wrapping her arms around them she cried some more. She was shaking so hard, that she became tired instantly & resting her head sideways on her knees, she just sobbed convulsively & silently. & as the first wave of her hysterical emotions passed, Khushi knew with a growing sense of self-recrimination what hurt her most. She wasn't this hurt because he hadn't stopped her before calling herself a wh**e, she wasn't this hurt because he didn't even try to understand why she was reacting that way to the ring, she wasn't even this hurt because he had yelled at her in that barbaric way. What hurt her most, what broke her insides & what fuelled this constant flow of tears from her eyes was the fact, that, he had said they were finished. & after the way things looked now, they were, in all probability, finished.
Khushi clutched the lehenga around her knee in a spasm as she realized with a growing sense of decadence that she felt so alone, like she had been left deserted in the whole wide world, just because he had left. But in all reality he never was truly hers. & maybe he never could be. Maybe it didn't matter how much loved him & how far she went in her love, maybe it would never be enough & he was always gonna be like this. He would be so magnanimous as to take her breath away one moment, & in the next instant he would do such a callous, such a heartless thing that it would push her already tethered-on-a-rocky-edge heart over the steep cliff. Sometimes he understood even her silence, & sometimes she would scream & even then it would not reach him. & yet, there was just something about him that made Khushi's masochistic heart fall only for him over & over & over again!
Suddenly she heard the faint creak of the gate of the roof open & in the stillness of night air the sound carried itself clearly to where she sat beside the ledge on the bench, & as she looked up hurriedly, half-expecting someone from the party out front to have had come looking for her, she saw the unmistakable tall, lean, & lone figure standing very still just over the threshold of the roof. He stood there, his face an unreadable mask, looking at her direction as if waiting for some sort of a gesture from her to help him decide his next course of action, but she just stared him, hushed & still trembling a little as silent sobs raked her body, he suddenly moved, & then started coming towards her in long, forceful strides. As he rapidly came near her, Khushi saw that he held some kind of a bottle & something white in his right hand & anticipating his actions, Khushi tightly clasped both her hands together, & determinedly averted her face away from his direction. No amount of meaningless gesture which actually meant nothing at the end of the day was gonna make her forgive him or back out of her stand today!
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Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
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