Chapter 9

The children were happy, some tried to act bored because it would not have been cool to be enthusiastic about watching a movie...Duh! But their sparkling eyes gave them away. They were in a cinema about to see the movie of Macbeth— "the most boring play in the whole history of boring plays" according to an astute student who seemed to echo what Sara thought. She had to take off from the university, but she felt good. It was nice to interact with the students outside the class and to see what made them tick. It would help her plan her lessons, and make the classes more interesting. Sara had given a proposal to the administration about a month ago, and it had finally paid off. The principal had agreed and it had taken Sara a week to make arrangements. The smaller hall of the Defence Cinema had been booked especially for the 250 students of O levels, and 235 had turned up so far, with ten minutes left for the movie to start. It's a success, she thought happily, and maybe the students will be a little more interested in the novel as well now.

Only one thing bothered her, Adal had not seemed happy when she had told him that she would not be coming to university but would be going for a movie with her students. He had not said anything; it was more of a cold shoulder that had her thinking. Does he not like my job? Or does he not like that I have a job? She knew him enough now to glimpse the conservative nature that was hidden beneath his calm manner. He would drive his wife crazy, she thought with a fond smile, if he does not love her.

She was shaken out of her daydream when, for the hundredth time, a student came up to her to ask if they could start sitting. She looked towards the bored employee standing near the huge oak doors of the hall and gestured with her hand to ask if they could start filling in. He looked inside for a second and then nodded.

The boys pushed each other and started filling in the hall, eager to get good seats, it wasn't the movie that had them excited. It was the idea of watching the movie with their class fellows and enjoying with each other. Sara was sure that they will only watch 10 minutes of the whole movie. After making sure that all the students were sitting, and there was one teacher after every five rows, she sat at the very last row of the hall. It was a great vintage point to observe all the students, and keep track of whoever was going out of the hall. She had been sitting there for almost five minutes when the movie started. It was good but still a bit bland for her taste. There were lengthy dialogues and flowery speech which had no place in the language used today. Total waste of time this Shakespeare nonsense. He was a great writer indeed, but the students had no palate to digest any of his deeply moving theology.

"She seems like my mom."

She leaned forward at the bitter voice, and saw Ali sitting with his best friend Waleed. He was sitting casually like he had no care in the world, but his careless comment had caused Sara to stare with horror at the 15 year old boy who was calmly comparing his mother to Lady Macbeth-- a heartless woman who had planned the killing of several men!

Waleed stayed quiet. He was an exceptionally intelligent boy, quiet and respectful. He had a wealth of knowledge but never flaunted it. He was not a good sportsman though and Sara had seen Ali helping him practice several times after school, just like Waleed helped Ali complete his work which Ali was too lazy to do without someone's persuasion. It was a couple made in heaven, another teacher had remarked accurately.

She leaned in a bit further. The corner where she was sitting was quite dark, being the very last row. She was quite sure that they both were unaware of her presence, and had chosen this spot precisely because they thought they were alone. All the students had taken the first available rows, leaving the last four or five rows to be sparsely seated.

"She is a bitch as well. Maybe she will commit suicide as well." Ali said thoughtfully.

"Be careful what you wish for," was the mild reply.

" Yeah, I shouldn't wish for her to die, otherwise all of my dead father's friends will be heartbroken as I have heard that… once you've had the taste of her…you'll never be the same…she'll make you go insane…" he had sung the last two lines like they didn't mean anything. His eyes never even left the screen and his voice had even been jovial!

Waleed stayed quiet, letting him vent out his rage. The only gesture he made was when he briefly touched his hand to let him know that he was not alone. And that was enough. Ali took a deep breath, and after a split second, he turned and looked right at Sara, to see her eyes wild with shock and filled with sympathy for the little lost boy. He smiled slightly as if knowing exactly what was going on in her mind and then turned back towards the screen, dismissing her sympathy and understanding.

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"I don't know what to do about him Adal, he's so lost" Sara said worriedly as they talked late at night.

"Don't do anything, it's not your problem" Adal said pithily.

"It is my problem; I teach them for God's sake...it is my responsibility to make sure that they become a good human being, not a bitter one who takes out his frustrations on himself. I think he might well be on his way to a suicidal future." Sara was angry now, angry with Adal for not understanding her need to be a good mentor, the need to help the young boys come into their own and to recognize their potential.

"Look, Sara, boys at this age are bas***ds! They will do anything to get in a girl's pants. Maybe invent a whole scenario and get their sympathy"

Sara was too angry to speak. She could hear the blood roaring in her ears, and could feel her vision go hazy, edging with red. But a small part of her was filled with dread as she remembered the way Ali's eyes had found her without any effort. He had known that she was sitting there. Do I really promote that image? Do my students care for me because I am one of the few young teachers in a sea of old geezers? In a split second, she saw each of her actions through a different angle, and was horrified at the impression her friendliness and openness might have made on the minds of the young boys who were eager to experience life and all that it had to offer.

"Sara, are you there?"

"Yeah, I am here. And I don't like what you are hinting at Adal. Even if it is true, you should think better of me. You actually think that I will ever let somebody get into my pants?" she was not going to admit to anything until she had thought it through herself first.

"It's not you, Sara, it's the boys I don't trust. You are young and beautiful and most importantly sure of yourself and let me tell you that it's a potent combination for any 15 year old even if you are 9 years older than them. I can assure you that you are like a fantasy to them."

"Is that my fault? Should I stop being who I am because of what people think?" Sara asked evenly, when she wanted to scream. Staying calm under pressure was after all one of her top qualities.

"People don't only think Sara, they also spread rumors." Adal said as if it explained everything.

"So it doesn't matter who I am or what I think, or what I do, all that matters is what the people project." She said, summing it all up perfectly.

"People are important, Sara, whether you believe it or not. They can make or break a person, and I don't want your reputation to be tarnished."

"I am not going to change who I am Adal, I am a girl who wants to help people. I help people as much as I can and don't expect anything in return, not because I have been disappointed but simply because I am fiercely independent. I only take help from somebody in dire condition even if that somebody is my mom." She said coldly.

"Even if the person you have helped tells everybody that you have the hots for him?" Adal asked bitingly.

"It's his delusion Adal, and people who really know me will laugh in his face and people who believe him, I don't want to do anything with them."

"You are childish, Sara, not ready for practical life yet." He said and then hung up.

Sara stared at the mobile screen; frozen by a deep sadness in her heart, knowing already in her heart that he didn't love her for who she was. Now that she had started talking to him, the charm was gone. He was asking her to change who she was, asking her to give up an integral part of her nature, and start caring about what people thought—what he thought and what he wanted her to be.

Maybe that's what being in a relationship is about, but is it a relationship? She thought with a frown, he has not even said that he loves me, he acts like my friend but makes demands like a husband. He talks to me all night long, but never tells me that he loves me, that I am an integral part of his life. And what about me? Do I really love him? or am I being swept along by the tide created by Sidra and Farah. They both have been telling me that I am in love with him, but I have never questioned myself. Too afraid of the answer, she admitted silently to herself as she lay down and tried to sleep. I am still not ready, she thought as her heart quickened at the thought of spending her life with him, waking up with him, bearing his children, smiling at him and making love with him. No definitely not ready, she thought as she tried to sleep.