Moving On
"Armaan snap out of it!" he felt someone shake him and bring him back to the real world. "We've both been through this. Life doesn't end here!" She said exasperatedly, as though tired of dealing with him.
"What's happening?" a male voice interrupted them.
"Atul you explain. This idiot keeps getting lost, in hope, as though she'll return."
"Calm down Muskaan. It's just the first few months. Give him time."
"Main nahin dekh sakti isko aise! Iss Bandar ko zindagi se aise haarte huwe." She looked at Armaan beseechingly, who just raised his head slightly to meet her eyes, but then looked away again. "Kabse yeh duffer bench par baitha hai, lunch time is almost over, he hasn't had anything to eat!"
"I'm not hungry Muski." Were the first of his words he managed to utter.
"Le, at least he spoke. Varna jab main dus baar awaaz de rahi thi toh hero ka zero ne jawaab hi nahin diya!" she muttered, all of a sudden furious again.
"Armaan she's right." Atul said gravely when he sat down. He put an arm around Armaan's shoulders. But Armaan sat hunched, as though not paying them any heed.
"Look, all us have been through this." Muskaan whispered as she knelt to the ground. "And I thought you'd be the strongest one of the lot."
"How can I? How, when she was my strength?" he managed to croak out and Muskaan could just about make out the presence of water in those blue eyes of his. Sure enough, when he shut them, droplets fell to the ground, gleaming on the polished floor, in perfect paradox to the situation. She felt the image in front of her blur as well.
"Armaan face reality. Riddhima left you! She chose Sid over you! There's nothing you can do about it. Even if you wanted to." Muskaan felt herself force the bitter truth out of her mouth, loud enough, so hopefully it could get through his thick head, and he would stop torturing himself every moment of every single day!
"But if I hadn't left her, then maybe.." he dragged off, and Muskaan glanced helplessly at Atul who gave a reassuring blink.
"Armaan, you left her because you loved her. Stop blaming yourself unnecessarily for everything. She wouldn't have been happy living with a mental patient."
"And who told you that?" came a voice. Three pairs of eyes were automatically directed towards the entrance of the locker room. "I couldn't have been happier. As long as I was with you."
"Hi Riddhima." Muskaan cut in, her voice cold and sharp. "We didn't ask for your opinion"
"Muski.." Riddhima looked at Muskaan, begging her to see her side. Muskaan however, didn't even look at her. Riddhima turned to Atul, who also directed his gaze away from her.
"Riddhima, we have to go to Mamma and Papa's tonight. They're expecting us.." Sid stopped mid-way when he sensed the tension in the room, albeit a bit late. "..for dinner." He finished quietly.
Armaan, who so far hadn't uttered a word suddenly got up, masking everything he felt, with all the courage he could muster. He could promise he felt his heart shatter when Sid entered and talked about going for dinner to Riddhima's parents' house. He could have sworn he heard something break when he addressed to them as his parents, showing how he, Sid and Riddhima were one, and not Armaan and Riddhima. Not the way he had always pictured, dreamed of it to be.
"Muskaan, don't be rude. Riddhima, abh iske baare mein baat karne ka koi faayda nahin."
"Armaan.." but before she could continue he left, pretending he couldn't hear her.
He was sure she was frowning at his stubbornness. Ever since she re-married Sid, out of her own will, everything had come crashing down for him. Could she really blame him for ignoring her every time they were in the same room? It was suffocation. Being under the same roof as her, sometimes being within meters of her and not being able to touch her, or appreciate her beauty. Seeing someone else, who had the right to unlike him, stare at her all day. She had moved on. And moved on really well. But he? He was stuck at the same place. All alone, with no way to know which direction to go in. Which direction would lead him to the right path. This maze that enclosed him was pitch dark and like a monster, waiting to engulf him in the right time.
Wiping the tears from his eyes, he rushed to duty. Everyone said that keeping yourself busy helped a person not lament and get depressed over the sad happenings in their life. All fake, he mused. When you live, breathe, think and function for someone, then whatever you do, nothing will take your mind off them. Even while you work, everything will be centred around them and their memories. Shutting his eyes, the first image that cropped up in his mind was of them. Their cute fights, their amazing eye-locks were just some of the things that he couldn't ever let go of, even if he wanted to.
"No!" he whispered to himself.
"Hey Armaan!" he heard Anjy cheerfully say to him as she passed him by. Once again, he put on a different font, smiled and replied,
"Hey Anjy. Nikki aur Abhi kahaan hai? They've been lost the whole day."
"I know yeah? I just saw them for a few minutes in all this time." She replied, unaware that that was his excuse to make conversation, since he really didn't need to know what was happening in their life at all, let alone their day.
"Yeah, anyways, I've got work to get done. See you around."
"Yeah cool, bye." She called as he had already turned around.
Anjali couldn't help but continue staring at his re-treating back. No matter how normal she tried to act with him, no matter how normal he tried to act, everyone knew one thing for sure. Armaan had lost his smile. He had lost the spark inside him. He had lost his charm, his easy going attitude, his amazing personality. Heck, he'd lost everything. And sometimes when she thought about it, she couldn't help but grieve over the events that had occurred. Anyway, Armaan would soon get over it. She had to sort out the interns' timetable, now that she was given the un-official name of Hitler.
"Naina, with Yuvraaj. They should solve their differences at their own time." Anjali muttered to herself. She mused at how serious this batch of interns was, unlike how they had been. Well, but obviously, they had Armaan in their gang. And Armaan made everything lively. Whether he messed around with Atul and Rahul, whether he irritated Riddhima, or flirted with herself and Muskaan, his boyish antics used to make everyone's day. But now.. Well, they had JP, and combined with Dr Shilpa, they did have their bit of fun. Then of course there was Sid, her darling brother in law, who was a smart but lazy fellow. But they never created the ruckus that the old batch did. They never managed to drive Dr Keerti to a teetering edge, or use Dr Shubhankar the way Rahul, Atul and Armaan did when they wanted something. Anjali smiled at those memories. Oh, life was so easy going then. She would shout at Atul as much as she wanted and he'd still be as sweet as ever to her. Now, Atul barely spoke to her. Abhi and Nikki were just around, Rahul wasn't even around and Muskaan, she had learnt to move on, and now was spending a lot of time with Armaan and Atul.
"Everything has changed in a flash. Only a fool would deny it." She sighed to herself.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Muski you tell me, what would I have done? He just left me a letter and ran away. He didn't even ask me to wait for him. I would have waited if he asked. My whole life!"
"Why do you want him to ask?!" Muskaan answered back. She wasn't in the best of moods today, and being cornered by Riddhima at the end of the day in the canteen for a chat was not her idea of a pleasant one on one.
"Muskaan, do you want to go somewhere else?"
"No. I don't want to talk at all. How about that?"
"Just once, please hear me out!" Riddhima begged and Muskaan stopped, turned around, her eyes spitting fire.
"Go on. Say what you want then. I'm listening."
"Dr Muskaan will you stop yelling at Dr Riddhima every few seconds?" came a stern voice from the doorway, and Muskaan saw Abhi, accompanied by Nikki and Sid addressing her. Nikki remained mum, torn between two sides while Sid glowered at Muskaan.
"She's the one who cornered me but whatever.." Muskaan muttered and was about to get going when Riddhima stopped her once more.
"What was I supposed to do? What would you have done?"
"What I'm doing right now. Moving on. But not with someone else!" Muskaan spat out, with a filthy look at Sid. Sid, who Muskaan was sure, was feeling a little out of place and hopefully, she wished, wrong about what he had done, looked down at the floor guiltily.
"Di, please, tell her what it was like." Riddhima saw support when her sister entered the canteen.
"What..?"
"Save it Anjali. I'm not too bothered to know the details. What I've heard is enough." Was the harsh interruption.
"Muski kyun yahaan lad rahi hai sab ke saath?" Atul enquired when he walked in and saw everything.
"Atul please inhe samjhao. I couldn't do anything. Tum toh the wahaan par. I hate seeing Armaan like this too." Tears were rolling down Riddhima's cheeks and this time, it was Nikki that answered back,
"Really?"
"Nikki.." Abhi began but she cut him off.
"I've been his best friend for years and this is the first time I've seen him so defeated. This is the first time that I've seen him not smile for weeks on end! Riddhima he's slowly dying, every single moment. "
"Mera bhi yakeen karo, main bhi usse aise nahin dekh sakti." Riddhima whispered, not believing that no one trusted her words.
Nikki looked back at the floor. She had a husband to compromise her views with. She couldn't openly take her best friend's side, though she really willed herself to. Her husband, obviously not being the biggest Armaan fan around, naturally supported his cousin.
"Right." And this time it was Muskaan, who took no heed of the rest of the interns trooping in for a small break before their night duty. "You were forced to tie the knot with Sid. Fine. And you started accepting him as a husband? Fine."
"Anjali, you didn't even try and explain to Dr Shashank about your sister's helplessness? Main toh majboor tha. I didn't have a right to interfere in these matters. And I thought when you came, you'd sort out everything." Atul directed the one question he had been longing to ask, but kept quiet about. "She was your sister, unhappy with the biggest thing that took place in her life, and you didn't know? Did you really not think once that if she loved Armaan with all her soul, as she claims to have.." Riddhima's eyes widened at the last statement as she tried to hide her sobs behind her hand. Sid rushed to her side, and she allowed him to support her. "Then something must be wrong somewhere?"
"Atul..I..I didn't know what to do. Obviously I wanted the best for her. You know when Papa's decision is final, he never steps back. It's so difficult."
"When did you run away from difficult situations? At least you could have tried, questioned whether this marriage would really make her happy."
"I am happy!" Riddhima managed to put in. "I'm very happy."
"At the cost of whose life though?!" Muskaan nearly screamed out. She could feel blood boiling in her veins.
She had been through being abandoned. And it wasn't the best feeling. She had gone through a phase of deep depression after that, almost becoming suicidal, and only talking to people and taking anti-depressants helped when she was forced to. Otherwise she had been miserable, lost light in life, every single moment of every single effing day, for a good few months and there was no way she was going to see Armaan go through it! Not one of her best friends! And especially not Armaan who had always made her smile whenever he could. Then even if that meant she was sacrificing her other 'so-called' friends!
"Muski.."
"No Anjy." Her voice softened slightly. "I can understand. She was burdened with God knows how many things. She wasn't in the right state to make sensible decisions for herself. And once she was married, she had to at least try and accept her husband, which she did. But after that, what right does she have to hide the truth from Armaan for so long, when he came back? What right did Sid have to hide the truth from Armaan for an equally long time?"
"Riddhima still loved Armaan then." Sid managed to defend himself.
"Then why didn't you just tell him straight forward that she still loved him?" Muskaan struck again. "Look, Armaan told me everything. He told me he saw your feelings for Riddhima. He told me that he saw you accepting Sid as a husband. Then Riddhima why did you always have to interfere in his life? Why did you act like you care?"
"I did care. And I still do now!"
"Yeah right. Good one." Muskaan's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Care enough to get him beaten up at a game which he knows blindfolded? I don't know about you but if I loved someone I wouldn't make them swear on me to not raise a hand on the opposite person in a God damned fight! Especially using their undying love as an advantage! On top of that, blame someone else for it?" Muskaan narrowed her eyes.
"I wasn't in my right mind then. I shouldn't have blamed Dr Shilpa.." Riddhima looked at Shilpa, who looked away, tears brimming in her eyes.
"Care enough to blame him for everything wrong that went with Sid, throwing it in his face 24/7 that you're married? As though he doesn't know that?!"
"If you're talking about putting boot polish on Sid's face then that was wrong." Anjali said. "It can't be seen as funny."
"Ohh yeah, what about when he did that to Riddhima during our internship? No one jumped down his throat then!" Muskaan shot back. "He was trying to be himself again. And you stamped it out of him. Every single effort of his, you've just thrown back in his face, till he's become a lifeless body. Happy are we now, Ridz?" Riddhima just stared, shocked to the core. But Muskaan was not finished yet. Everything she had pent up was coming out, harshly maybe, but it was. And it felt good. Giving all this back to the people that had managed to scar her best friend for probably a life time. "Plus was it all only Armaan's doing?" She glanced at JP, who looked away, slightly embarrassed. "Oh come on! Man up for once will you JP?" Her tone was so scathing and filled with so much contempt that JP couldn't do anything but nod in reply. "There we go. So Riddhima, still having fun blaming Armaan? Or wait, now he's blaming himself for everything too! Is that fun to watch? Quite entertaining, I should think, hai na?" The last statement was filled with so much loathe, so much mockery and Riddhima knew that even if she probably killed herself for Muskaan's forgiveness, it would probably still not be granted.
"Muski chalo yahaan se. You're just losing your temper." Atul said.
"Of course I'm losing my temper! Fine, forget all that." Muskaan's voice quietened down. "Riddhima you were moving ahead. He wasn't. You knew that! Despite everything, despite knowing how much he still loved you, you called him up, told him about your re-marriage with Sid, saying how it was your own choice, your voice laced with happiness, and expected him to attend your wedding?! You expect to be his 'friend' after all this? You don't make an effort to hide your feelings for Sid, and you expect him to turn away, put a smile on his face and not be affected? Riddhima he loved you with everything he had! He put down everything he could, life and soul, at your feet and all you could do is blame him for not being able to give you more? I understand, and to some extent I might have taken the same steps you did. But I would never throw all that in his face like you did! Especially if I loved him, and he loved me the way he loves you. Never." Muskaan's voice cracked finally as her eyes moistened.
"Muskaan you're going over the top." Sid finally put in, when he saw Riddhima literally break down in his arms.
"Shut up." Was her direct answer. "Ridz, where's the girl I knew, who really loved Armaan? The one who fought with her parents for him. What happened? Have you ever loved him, or was it just some fun roller coaster ride for you?"
"Muski, what could I do? What can I do to make it better?"
Muskaan just shook her head, unable to say anything.
"Stop blaming Armaan for everything, for one. You shouldn't have called him up, excited about your re-marriage, asking him to come, two. And lastly, stop trying to be close to him, talk to him, and taking him for granted. It's just that he loves you so much, he keeps everything inside and puts a fake mask wherever he goes, still listening to your every word. It's time you really let him go, so that he can move on too." Atul replied when Muskaan didn't have the words to continue.
"Atul, she misses him as a friend too." Anjali said, hoping he would understand her. Her sister's sobbing frame was getting too much for her to handle. And Atul always understood her. But he was disappointed with her. She knew, because she didn't stand up for Armaan and Riddhima's love. But what could she have done? How could she have argued with her dad, and his stubbornness? Surely, wasn't it in the best interests of everyone to go ahead with all that was happening?
"No she doesn't. Because we can never only be friends. And she knows that too." Armaan's smooth voice filtered through the small crowd of interns and resident doctors that had gathered.
Riddhima's eyes shot up to Armaan's. He had to know, that she really had loved him. With all her heart! Circumstances were such that..heck she couldn't explain it herself. Muskaan's words had hit right inside the core of her being. And she couldn't, just couldn't fathom how un-thoughtfully, how selfishly she had acted.
"Armaan.." she whispered, but he didn't even look at her. He couldn't. He knew he would break if he did. And Muskaan and Atul didn't deserve that. He'd heard most of the conversation, seen them stand up for him, seen their hostility to others for his sake and no, he wasn't proud of being the reason for a drift between them. Instead, he was touched that he still had friends who cared so much. He still had someone on his side who would stand up for him. And he made up his mind that instant. It was for them that he would continue living.
"Muski, let's go from here." His tone had finality in it. Muskaan was drained of all the things she wanted to express. Every single thing she had wanted to get across for the past few months to Riddhima were all out now. She looked at Atul, who gave a small smile and nodded, showing he was coming along. Next, she looked at Nikki, who had tears seeping down her face. Obviously, her situation was understandable. Nikki couldn't go with them. She had a husband she loved. However, she still stepped forward and gave Armaan a huge hug.
"I'll always be there for you." She said out loud, for everyone to hear. Armaan forced a small smile, replying,
"I know. You always have."
Riddhima and Sid were still together, with guilt layered on Sid's face and confusion, tears and helplessness on Riddhima's, who wouldn't take her eyes off Armaan. Muskaan turned her head. She couldn't bring herself to even look at that particular friend anymore.
"Armaan please.." Riddhima whispered once more, but it went ignored, like her previous attempts.
Muskaan's eyes fell on Anjali and the interns. Anjali had a stiff expression as she continued staring at Atul, but Atul by now was next to Armaan. The interns all had crestfallen faces. Muskaan found herself chuckling sarcastically inwardly. What a weird bunch. Weren't they the ones who had been gushing about what a cute couple Sid and Riddhima made? She could see Dr Shilpa trying to piece things together in her mind. Were the rumours true? Had Shilpa really fallen for Armaan? Because if she had, then she felt sorry for her. At a time like this, and probably for the rest of his life, Armaan would have only one name beating in his heart. Once upon a time, Muskaan had been in her place. She shook her head, feeling nostalgic as the old memories clouded her vision for a minute.
"I need to drop by Keerti's office." Armaan muttered as they walked along the corridor.
"Why?" Atul asked.
"I have to give my resignation letter. I need to give them two weeks' notice."
"Toh saale ruk. Humme computer lab main jaana hai, Hitler ki office se pehle.." Muskaan replied.
"Kyun?"
"Oye, we aren't leaving you to go away somewhere all by yourself. Wherever you go, we'll be with you." Muskaan replied, putting on her brightest smile.
"Guys you don't have to.."
"Abey chup.." and these two words which came from Atul shut Armaan up.
Two weeks later
Their bags were packed, and everything was already stuffed inside Armaan's SUV. His bike was sold, Atul found a plant loving elderly lady to look after his beloved friends, and Muskaan finally gave back her rented apartment to the kharoos owner gladly, after slamming the door in his face purposely! They had just finished their last day in Sanjeevani, and as they slowly descended the stairs outside, Muskaan linked her hands with both Armaan and Atul. They were closing an old chapter behind them and opening a new one. Nikki was the only one seeing them off with a genuine smile, caused by their happiness, and a wave that came from her heart.The others, well, the less said the better. They hadn't bothered, or in some cases, as Muskaan suspected, they couldn't. Looking back, she saw Riddhima's tear stained face, blotchy eyes suggesting lack of sleep, through the glass door, her fingers pressed against it as though that would stop them. For a fleeting moment there, Muskaan felt pang of pity for her. She was neither here nor there. But Armaan was finally really moving on. And she wasn't going to let Riddhima bar that again. Shaking her head sadly, she turned and got into the car, wiping all those memories away that she had once cherished so much. The same memories that had somehow helped her overcome her depression.
"We'll always stick together right?" She asked, looking at each of her best friends. Atul nodded, but when Armaan jokingly shrugged his shoulders, she couldn't help but throw her dictionary of curses at him, at which she had specialized in! An automatic grin formed on his face, deepening his dimples and making his oceanic eyes shine.
"Do you even need to confirm that?" He replied.
Because he knew he didn't need any sort of confirmation. The biggest proof of that was what was happening at the moment. He was driving into the road, with his two best friends, and the sun setting behind him, ready to start the next new adventure life had in store for him. Correction, for them.
Tell Me a Lie - One Direction
Can't ever get it right no matter how hard I try
And I've tried
Well, I put up a good fight but your words cut like knives
And I'm tired
As you break my heart again this time
Tell me I'm a screwed up mess
That I never listen, listen
Tell me you don't want my kiss
That you need your distance, distance
Tell me anything but don't you say he's what you're missing, baby
If he's the reason that you're leaving me tonight
Spare me what you think and tell me a lie
Well you're the charming type, that little twinkle in your eye
Gets me every time.
And well there must've been a time I was a reason for that smile
So keep in mind
As you take what's left of you and I
[Tell me I'm a screwed up mess
That I never listen, listen
Tell me you don't want my kiss
That you need your distance, distance
Tell me anything but don't you say he's what you're missing, baby
If he's the reason that you're leaving me tonight
Spare me what you think and tell me a lie] (X2)
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Screw you Riddhima.. Sorry..I told you I wrote this a LONG time ago.. like a few months back, right after watching some of the most aggravating scenes of DMG where Riddhima was being sooo damn confused I wanted to literally punch her!! I love Jenny though..she's amazing..!! 😆
And as for the One D song..I was humming it while walking from uni..and realized it's perfect for the situation Armaan is in..!!😃 Plus I have this obsession to give songs after my OSs or FF chapters..so please bear with me..lolxx..😳
And this is an OS..I'm NOT gonna give a second part..because I have no idea how to continue it..I'm NOT gonna give an epilogue..basically the end is for readers imagination.
Read and comment..!!
Love,
Sanaa
Music Corner
Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee
Advocate Anjali Awasthi
