Arhi FF:Who Got Your Tongue,Honey?Last part Page43 - Page 27

When Arnav's brown eyes met Mr.Rayna's hazel ones, he noticed there was something missing in the latter. Not dramatically so, but something in them had disappeared, leaving behind nothing but a shadow of what had been. As Mr. Rayna looked intently back at him, Arnav found himself unable to hold his gaze, and looked away, which wasn't something Arnav Singh Raizada often had to do. Whatever anyone said ' Khushi, himself or anyone else to reassure him, he could not shake off the feeling that he was, in some way, responsible for the death of Aman Rayna. The look in Mr. Rayna's eyes only confirmed this, and whilst doing so, also confirmed that this, at least, was not a dream. It was real, real as could be. None of them said a thing as Aman's mother strode up to them, her expression slightly less vacant than her husband. As Khushi offered her condolences and expressed her gratitude, Arnav could do nothing but look down, at his feet, as if trying to memorize the pattern that outlined his black suede shoes. He daren't look up at Aman's mother ' not only because of what had happened to her son because of him, but also because, he happened to know, even though he had only met her once before, that she was the one Aman had inherited his blue eyes from. If he looked up now, all the memories would come gushing at him, and he wasn't sure he could handle that. Not here, at least. It was a while before he realized that Khushi had stopped talking, and that he was probably expected to say something at this point. But he couldn't. He kept his eyes on his shoes, not caring whether it seemed like he was being oblivious or didn't care. He just couldn't bring himself to say anything. What would he say? Sorry? Sorry for being the reason their only son was gone, and would never come back? Even if he could say something, there was nothing to say. Thankfully, the silence didn't remain for long before Khushi took hold of the situation again, and he was being led toward the garden, where the funeral would take place. As he stood there while the ceremony was being carried out, he thought of his mothers' death, and it almost felt like he was there again, a seventeen year old boy, as people talked about how great his mother had been, whilst he could say nothing. Absolutely nothing, just like now. He looked down, tears flowing freely out of his eyes as first his parents, then other relatives and friends talked about Aman, said things about him he had never noticed himself, recounted experiences, talked of a man he barely felt like he knew. Sure, he knew him, in the literal sense of the word, but how much did he know about him? A few times, Aman had said things that hinted at friendship, but Arnav just never had that kind of thing to offer. And after a while, Aman had probably given up on that. There were a few things, bits of information about him that he had inevitably come across, and thought no more about, regarding them insignificant. Thinking back, he now wished he had paid a little more attention, then maybe he'd be able to relate to the person everyone else was referring to. When it was his turn to go up and speak, after a questioning look, Khushi went instead. She talked about what an amazing person Aman had been, hardworking, sincere, and how even though she had hardly known him, he would always be imprinted in her memory. As the ceremony progressed, Arnav tried to tune everything out, not wanting to look up. After what seemed like an eternity, it drew to an end, and everyone started progressing toward the inside of the house, and as he walked towards it, he internally thanked Aman for all he had done for him, whether he had realized it or not.

---x

Mrs. Rayna watched as Arnav Singh Raizada retreated towards the house. He hadn't looked up once since she had seen him that morning, and she thought she knew why. He was so different now from when she had last met him around an year ago. She felt like she should talk to him, to the person her son had loved, and even though Aman's death was something that had probably impacted her for the rest of her life, she didn't hold him responsible, because she knew Aman wouldn't either. He had been a person who acted on impulse, not in haste. He knew the risk he was taking before he took it, and didn't fall for just anything that came his way. The fact that Arnav had been reason enough for him to take such a big risk was reason enough for her to not hold anything against him. She walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, causing him to stop. As Khushi turned around with an enquiring look on her face, she just gave her a reassuring nod, implying that she wanted to talk to Arnav alone. As Khushi walked away, and Arnav finally looked up to face her, she led him toward a little table to the right of the garden, which was decorated with white and pink roses. She sat down, and he followed suit. She waited for him to speak, but when he didn't, began ' "I -". To her surprise, she was interrupted.

"Before you say anything I ' I want to say something" Arnav began, tears welling up in his eyes once again "I just want to say that I'm really sorry that this happened. Really." He felt the tears stream down his face yet again.

"You don't have to apologize" Mrs. Rayna said, but this went unnoticed.

"Aman was ' was ' so very different and ' he didn't have to do what he did, he never had to do anything he ever did, be he did it all the same, and I never really realized that and .."

"And you thought you should say it to me, now that you have?"

"That's not what I meant."

"I know".

And then to Arnav's great surprise she hugged him, and even though he hadn't said all he had wanted to say, he felt it had already been heard.

As they walked back towards the house, Mrs. Rayna decided it was probably for the best that she had not got to say what she was going to say, about why it was that Aman had done what he did, and he had to do it. Maybe it was better for him not to know. Some things are better left unsaid, especially when there is no more anything that can be done about them.