Savage (AR)#2 Chapter 18-24 Savage-II Link Pg 65 - Page 35

Thank you note posted above...😊

Chapter 23

~And Destroy it is~

You know what's the easiest way to make or break a person? It's not by giving physical pain. Physical pain can be endured with an ease if the mind collaborates with the body. It the mental pain which is more dangerous and which has long lasting effect. Physical scars can be healed but mental scars..most of the time it's untreatable and in case it's treatable, sometimes it takes years for the person to come out of the trauma. Some survive, some not. Survivors are not sure of living a normal life and the dead goes leaving behind pain for others.

And I felt like I was a part of both, survivor and dead. I tried killing myself but failed. I tried surviving and failed. What was I supposed to do? I didn't know.

Have you ever wondered who can be your best friend and at the same time your worst enemy? It's one of the few elements that can give you pleasure as well as pain. You can experience both at the same time and you can feel them differently. It's what brings about smile and it's what wipes out the smile. It can make you smile in between your tears and it can make you cry in between your smile.

WORDS.

A combination of letters that holds so much, no wonder it can be your best friend as well as the words enemy. It's the words that makes or forces the person to do. Like it forced me. I was trying so hard to not let the negative thoughts come across my mind. It was a necessity for me to survive.

My only way of survival.

But just few cruel words changed the whole scenario. I was reminded of my weakness. The girl who's such a coward that she can't stand for herself, let alone for others. The girl who had to be constantly reminded to smile by looking at her sad face. The girl who was so scared to take any step on her own that she stopped thinking. She took orders. Follow orders and did what was told her to do. And in the end the girl reached to a point where she wanted to commit suicide. It brought back the same memories back.

It was so easy for DEATH to say those words on my face. And it reminded me how my existence didn't matter to anyone. The old Riddhima who accepted each day as it came without thinking, without asking and without standing came back. The fighting spirit, the spirit to survive died down and I took the step I was trying so hard to avoid.

I tried once again.

I tried doing the avoidable. And this time I was sure of passing it. Because isn't this what everyone wanted for me ...except me. The gun in my hand was telling me to do it. I was trying so hard to not lose but in the end I lost. The gun was my salvation at that point. My end to all the problems I had caused to people before and I was causing to people now. Maybe it was the reason why I was holding it in the first place.

In an instinct I pulled it. And waited. Waited for my last pain to come and take me away. Away from the world that was nothing like the world I had dreamt or imagined. Take away from the miserable life I was living and the miserable life I was giving to others. But nothing like that happened.

My time hadn't come. And I was supposed to endure more pain. I was to live longer to see the cruelty of the world. Again, I lost because I couldn't even die. The after affects of what I wanted to do shook me and my hands went limp. All I remember was clutching to Armaan and crying, crying for the helplessness I was feeling at that point. I felt like losing the lost battle. Sounds funny but that's what I felt.

His words at that point worked like the medicines on my scars. The soothing words, his warmth and his hands around me, the same different feeling came back. His constant reminder of my importance...

My importance.

Another alienated word I was never used to. I was never important to anyone but hearing his words,

"...Every time you try killing yourself you kill me. I die slowly."

I felt..NICE? Was he really concerned about me. ME? I wasn't sure. It had never happened before. And when I heard it from his mouth, from the mouth of the person who was supposed to be my death, I...I don't know why but my heart wanted to believe it.

He was in pain because of me. And this time in a good way. If he wanted, he would have killed me by now. But he hadn't. And it was also one of the reason why I wanted to trust him...his words were sounding trusting. And I wanted to trust the guy who was responsible for the pain I was suffering. Ironic.

But its how my life had turned out to be. Expect the unexpected and don't expect the expected. I had stopped expecting and it brought me to where I was. And this time there was no expectation from him...or even from me. There was nothing for me to lose. I had already lost so much that I wasn't afraid of losing anymore.

"I have started to trust you...Armaan.."

It wasn't easy for me to say those words. It was hard..because he was the only person after my father I was trusting. I was nervous and I was a bit apprehensive but I told him. His behaviour towards me was a major factor in forming this statement. He was the only person who was with me when I had no one to turn to. He protected me from the gruesome hands of his father and without even me asking, he was there for me. He was the only person who held me and let me cry without asking for any favours in return. He was just...He was just what I needed at that point.

And his name..It was the first time I took his name and it felt..Different. like everything different I was experiencing with him around. His actions were changing me, my thoughts, and my inner feeling about him. Blue Eyes, the name I used every time to call him was slowly getting replace...

"Armaan..." like the desire, the desire to trust him was just like his name. I was sure he must be surprised like me because I wasn't expecting to call him by his name. His name just slipped out of my mouth. And I liked it.

I liked calling his name. I liked calling him by his name and not by the name I was used to. This change was the change for good and I..I knew it. Because I felt it.

Millions were thoughts were going through my mind as I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes. Was he happy? Was he mad? Was he laughing at my stupidity? Should I have taken more time? So many questions but no answers. My brain was giving me answers I wanted to hear but those answers were actually TRUE or not. I couldn't answer it.

I sucked in the breath as I heard the movement. It was time to get answers to the question. And I waited. Waited for him to break the trust I had placed on him. Shatter the trust into small pieces that were too difficult to see with open eyes. And in the end break the only hope I was hoping in a long time. But..

"...Thanks for trusting me. I promise I won't break your trust...ever..."

For a moment I couldn't believe my own ears. Was I dreaming? Was he was playing a cruel joke on me? Or was he actually saying those words.

I didn't know but I do know the stupidest thing I did after hearing those words. I nodded. Under the cover, in a confused state, biting my lips I nodded. Not knowing how to react after hearing him, I did the simplest and the easiest gesture. And although I didn't hear any laugh I was sure he would get back to me later. I was embarrassed myself. It was that stupid.

And a small smile on its own came on my lips. A genuine small smile and not a forced one. I closed my eyes with a small smile on my lips remembering this incidence. I don't remember the last time I smiled a genuine smile. And again he was the person to make me feel Different. What was about this guy that I always felt different around him? He was helping me see and experience those emotions and feeling I always craved for. From the people I thought of as my family but getting it from him. It was surreal. And I wanted it to last long.

But nothing last long.

And the change took place. I and good are poles apart. So how could I have believed that something good was going to happen and stay with me? It wasn't even hours before the darkness and the bad came to engulf me.

I was sleeping when a hand came and covered my mouth. Quickly opening my eyes, I felt the breath leaving my body as I saw the person standing in front of me. He was back and he was smirking down at me.

"Hello again.." His said and blew on my face. My body started shaking on its own and I was..I felt the life draining out of my body. My eyes widened in fear. He was here to take me back. Take me back to the place where it all started.

Armaan was nowhere to be found. Was he the one to call him? Was he playing games with my life? Was he..My brain had stopped working and all I saw was his face. The eyes that held so much menace that I wanted to pass out. Because my body and my mind wasn't ready for him. He was that scary.

HIM was standing in front of me to take me back. Back to the place where I was kept after father sold me and before Armaan bought me. And this time I knew he was going to destroy me completely.

~And Destroy it is~

*******************************************************************************************************************

Want PM for the updates, send me a buddy request 😊