I couldn't do anything. I had to bloody run away. What just happened wasn't right and it shouldn't have taken place. I don't mind kissing Armaan, at all. I mean, which girl would!? But still, he isn't commited to me and neither am I. So what took place was wrong!
"Shit." Armaan mumbled as I picked up my bag and rushed out of the room in haste.
"Riddhi..Riddhima. I'm sorry..Listen!" He shouted and chased me till the staircase. I turned back and tried to act normal. "You know what? Forget it. I.. I need to go. Got some work! Bye!" I said controlling my tears.
"But why are you crying?" He said confused. Before he could hold me back and question me again, I had rushed out of his home. I got inside my car and rushed back home. I wanted to suddenly throw away each and every feeling that I was feeling. Maybe pen it down somewhere so that I may feel a bit lighter.
I entered my home and went into the kitchen to get myself some chilled iced water. I had calmed out by that time now, then I saw a small yellow note on the wall of the kitchen. "WORK. Will be back late. Food Ordered. Love you." It was written by dad. He could've atleast called me and informed me that he was about to leave. Rather than penning it all down I prefer sharing it with Daddy, and Wow! He had to go somewhere, that too specifically today, and that too bloody right now. I ran my palms through my hair, and as the chilled water got down my system, I felt a bit light. Thank God.
*Beep*
I heard phone beeping. I saw it, and it was a text from Armaan. Expected.
"I just wanna talk to you once. Please?" I read the text and sighed hard. I wish I could undo the last whole week of my life and re-live it again in my original Librarian way. I wish.
I dialled his number, there wasn't even a thing which stopped me from doing so.
"Hello?" Armaan said on the other side in haste as if he was just waiting for my call.
I said a sleepish hello, "Hey! You wanted to talk?" I said calmly. I wasn't feeling anything at that point of time. "Anything important?" I mumbled again casually.
"You're okay?" He asked.
"Umm.. Yeah. Why?"
"Umm.. Nothing!" He said, his tone was somewhat quite confusing.
Silence. And this is what kills me. Already, everybody knows, that I a big shy bum. I am not used to talking to poeple like this on phone unless and until it is about work. And this sort of a silence in a conversation in which you never had anything to speak usually kills the hell out of me.
"So?" I finally took the initiative and said, "Say something? Tell me. Why did you call?" I was pretty impressed with my chilled out behaviour at that time.
"Riddhima. Okay. You know what? It's better you stop all this!" He said.
"Stop what?"
"This act. The act you're acting right now, that you aren't effected at all about all that happened just a few moments ago." Be it whatever, I have to say, this guy knew how to read me, my mind, and well, my heart too.
My silence spoke it all, I couldn't speak. Actually, for a moment. I felt some numbness in my throat. After a few seconds, I finally managed to speak. "What do you mean Armaan?" I sounded stressed out, rather, I wanted to.
"You very well know what I mean." He said, with sterness.
"No. I don't! Seriously!" I said sounding damn serious. Oh Yeah! The inner me knew Everything.
"We cannot be friends." He spoke after a great deal of difficulty, and a matter of five seconds. The world around me actually bloody froze for a second, I wish I could rewind the time and hear again what he was saying. It gave me goosebumps.
"Then what the hell do you want?" I was furious. I was confused, indeed.
"Don't shout Riddhima!" He said calmly and sternly. "I'm sorry." I whispered.
"What do you want?" I had started feeling helpless and cranky, somewhat, a bit irritated too.
"Time." Came a sudden reply.
"What?"
"I want to spend some time with you." he said.
"And why so?"
"Because I want to know. Look, I'm pretty sure that we can't be friends. So I just wanna see, is it something else. " I could hear his grins while he spoke the last line.
It took me whole good five seconds to actually absorb all that he had said. "Ohkay!" I said slowly, "You know what? That's pretty impossible!" I said, or rather, shouted back.
"Why?"
Silence. I usually never had any answers to his Why's.
"Tsk! Look Riddhima, you know what? Maybe it can be literally Nothing between us okay? It is not necesarry that it comes to be the way you are thinking. Maybe we can just remain friends. But all I want you to do is, to give us a chance. Are you getting me?"
"And why do you want to give us a chance?" I pressurised on the word 'us',just the way he did.
"Umm.. Because I want to." His answer was simply yet had a deep meaning.
There was silence for some time. Neither he spoke nor did I. But still, somewhere around my heart was asking an assurity from his heart that everything will be fine, and I, did get a postitive responce.
"Fine." I sighed out. "But just one chance!" I added later.
"Yippeee. Done!" He sounded excited. And said, "Soo.. Whatsup?"
I paused and said, "I'm sleepy!"
"You're such a bore!" He mumbled under his breath. Asshole.
"Excuse Me?" I said. Then suddenly he reciprocated and said, "Oh Sorry. Nothing. Just Kiddin'! Chill! Take care. Sleep well. Bye Riddhima!" He said and disconnected the call, his tone, as usually, was confusing. Neither he sounded happy nor sad. Sometimes it became so easy to read him, but sometimes it confuses the hell out of me. He didn't even give me a chance to say 'Bye'.
Later that Night.
Armaan. Well, this character is special. I can never forget the day he came for dinner last week. The kiddishness that his smile had, the charmness that his eyes had, the refreshing way that he spoke, made me feel so good. After a very long time, I found someone very special for me. Not in that sense. But in the sense, who'll keep me happy, always. Just like my dad. I won't lie, but yes, a smile did occur on my face when I got to know that he had called. It made me feel lively again, I don't know how but it did. As if, something special came into my life. Just like Armaan.
I can never take him as a friend, I have to accept this. I mean, he's so smart, handsome, caring, fun-loving, lively, always-smiling, and a perfect guy for a girl. I won't say that I love him, but yes, I can say..'In progress'
My so-called-thinking was going on and on just when my phone beeped.
"Not slept yet?" It was Armaan. I had told him before disconnecting the call that I was going to sleep, then why did he text? Well, maybe, he couldn't sleep too. I felt a sudden urge to reply back to him.
"How do you know?" I replied back.
"I know everything sweets Whatsssuppp?" Came an instant reply. His writing speed was fast.
"Hmm.. Trying to sleep. You?" I replied taking my shelf of time.
"If you know that you can't sleep then what is the need to just lie down like that? Stupid gal. I'm bored. Entertain?"
"Shut up. How can I entertain you at midnight? Tell your GF to do that na. " I replied. Although he wished to give 'us' a chance. Somewhere around I knew that he had a girlfriend.
"I don't have a GF, otherwise I would've told you na Ridz Jealous? " WTH.
"What? Why would I be jealous? Hu?"
"Whatever Entertain na? "
"What do you want me to do?"
"Chikniii Chameliii "
"What?"
"Nothing. Dance with me? "
"IDK how to dance, sorry."
"I'll teach youu "
"Ok."
"What Ok? :| Come na yaa, we'll dance together. "
"Hmm."
"Atleast reply properly to what I'm saying? :|"
"I want to sleep." I finally spoke the truth. I was hell sleepy.
"As you wish. Gunnniieee. "
"Goodnight. " I replied finally, and kept my phone aside. I was hell tired. for the very first time in my life I text talked with a guy. Yah well all his replies usually did make me smile somewhere around. But I replied boringly, I wished to reply something else, but replied a boring one. What the hell was happening with me? Then his words splashed in my mind, 'Let us give us a chance." , and it made me realize that all the effort was taken my him. If I've told him that I will give 'us' a chance, then I should. I shouldn't run away whenever he tries to talk to me and I should participate equally in the conversation.
I spitted out the stressed feeling inside my heart. I wanted to feel relaxed. I was feeling so suffocated for no reason. I don't know what made me pick up my phone again and text him, "Wanna dance? "
I kept my phone aside and waited for his reply. I finally texted what I wanted to before but couldn't. And as the pin on the clock tikked-tokked, I heard a beep. I was too keen to read his reply.
"WHAT?" He seemed shocked.
"I said, wanna dance? "
"Well, um, I won't mind. Would you?"
"No! "
"You won't mind me holding your hand?" I gasped at this. The inner me completely went red, I didn't exactly blush. But somewhere around, imagining Armaan holding my hand, I felt excited.
"No, I won't." I replied and took a deep breath. The desperation to write back to him and read him next reply didn't go off.
"And if I touch your waist?" I gasped again at this. I won't lie, but somewhere around I myself wished that all this was true and he could hold hold my hand.
"No, again."
"And if I hug you?"
"You're going wrong Armaan, now!" I replied what I felt. Where did hugging came in between dance?
"Sorry. Can I confess something? Will you be fair enough towards it and won't judge me?"
"Yes. Say, I won't judge you. Take me as a friend and say. " I replied in a friendly way. Not a good girlfriend, but well maybe I can be a good friend.
"When I asked you that you won't mind if I hold your hand and touch your waist, and you said a no. Imagining that, somewhere around I felt...um.. good!?"
"Any boy, imagining himself, hugging a girl and yadla yadla yadla always feels good. FACT! "
I was acting the fun-loving, and funny one in the conversation, but he looked serious, rather, seemed one.
"Umm.. not exactly. Leave it!"
"Hahaa. It's ok If you've any problem, you can come to me, I won't judge you. Trust me on this. " Somewhere around, I felt like acting good towards him.
"I trust you, the most."
"Are you fine?"
"Yup."
"But you don't seem to be!"
"I am."
"Stop lying!"
"Just...missing my mom. After you said goodnight, she had called and I started missing her. IDK how will I live without her, over here."
"Seriously? :S"
"Why would I lie now? How will I live without her!" He seemed offended, somewhere around, that I didn't beleive him at once. I didn't reply for sometime, the mention of his mother's name somewhere around made me lost. I stared at the blank mobile screen for five minutes or so.
"Ridzii?" He texted again, then it struck me, I hadn't replied to him. My eyes went wet and I smiled, he atleast had a mother.
"Just the way I am Armaan. Takecare, goodnight."
Armaan's POV
"Just the way I am Armaan. Takecare, goodnight."
I am such an asshole. I shouldn't have mentioned about my Mother. She must have felt so odd, Oh God, I'm such an idiot! I wish I could have all her pain. This is the only thing I wish to god right now. I guess I''ll apologize to her tomorrow for making the conversation so serious and emotional. Afterall, after so long I was seeing a cute & fun-loving side of her. Atleast the way she texted, looked like as if she's happy. I wish she isn't crying right. I won't let her cry again. Never Ever Again.
CID
193