Hey guys,
Ok so I have been swamped with uni work but wanted to update before I go home for the weekend because being at home means I won't have time to write or to update since I will be busy busy busy so this update is here...Regarding Shilpa's entry I know everyone is eagerly waiting but I think it is still going to be another five parts away might be earlier but depends how I take the story forward as I have three different ideas and I don't know which I am going to pick yet.
I have tried to make the part longer but people might still find it short.
Anyways enough rambling from me so here is the next part
"The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain."
Chapter 5
Tammana was shocked to discover what Sid had been through and how he faces them everyday. She had nothing but pride and respect for Sid. She knew Sid and when she left him, she knew she had made the right decision but when she left him she never knew he would go through so much. He was the most kind hearted and sweetest person she had know, if anyone had asked him for anything he would never say no, be it a random stranger or his worst enemy. He was always ready to forgive and move on but this how could anyone move on from such trauma. She was so lost in her thoughts she did not even realise she bumped into Riddhima. She muttered a sorry and walked on, she was in no mood to discuss her thoughts with anyone.
Tammana went to the cafeteria and order a coffee, she was sitting there so lost in her thoughts when she watched Sid enter. She observed him, she noticed so many changes firstly he was respected by everyone around him, he could always gain the respect of people but here it was different they respected him professionally but also as a person. His smile was different it lacked the mischief it use to hold, the care, the simplicity, it was like a fake smile, a front to show the world he was fine, otherwise by now he would have the whole cafeteria dancing to his tunes or stupid idea. His stupid ideas, Tammana couldn't help but laugh thinking about them, they were always from the heart, so simple and he just knew what he wanted and he went and done whatever came to his mind, but if he was ever wrong he would rectify his mistake say sorry and make things right, he never failed to take on his responsibilities. His maturity struck her next, the boy had become a man. I guess with everything he went through maturity was a side effect but it shouldn't have been the reason for his attitude. She thought that when she left him, if she had stayed with him he would have matured but he would never be as strong as he was today, maybe there was a positive in this situation, she just had to find them and make him realise, that there can still be reasons to smile.
She continued to watch him, he became serious about work, he always made sure he would take an extra step to make sure his patient was happy, he would make them feel like they were the most important thing in his life and saving them was all that mattered. That thought made her freeze, she realised work had become his escape he was investing everything he had into his career. Next the sparkle he had in his eyes had disappeared, she noticed it when she first came but today she knew why he had lost it and it wasn't fair she always knew he had the strength to move on from her, but from this, if she breaking thinking about his pain how was he bearing it everyday? How was he facing her every day? He was amazing and it was time someone reminded him, how great he truly is.
As she was watching him, she watched him stiffen she looked around to see why Riddhima had just walked in, he was getting ready to leave. But I called him over "Sid!" I shouted across the cafeteria. Riddhima's gaze found Sid and followed him across the room. I saw Sid's discomfort. I knew he was going to tell me that he needed to go emergency but I beat him to it and said "I know and you aren't allowed to walk away from here..." He looked at her shocked but then his eyes changed into a plea, a begging to let him go and not endure this pain of facing her. Tammana just nodded and Sid walked away. This look of Sid broke Tammana, how could any person scar such an innocent soul? She knew she was to blame somewhere but when she left, she left telling Sid to live life, he will find someone else because when she was around Sid couldn't picture a future with her, he had found the person to fill that spot and it was crushed into a thousand pieces, and to pick up those pieces it would take someone truly amazing to bring life back into this soul. It was not a broken heart it was a broken soul she saw his confidence was broken, his belief was broken, his faith was gone and hope that word did not exist for him any longer. The worse thing was no one could notice this because Sid, knew how to keep his pain within himself no one would find out what he was feeling because he would never burden anyone with his pain.
Tammana's grief for Sid turned into anger when she saw Armaan and Riddhima talking the cafeteria as if they had done nothing wrong, how could they not know what they had done to such an innocent man she was walking over to them in pure anger when some pulled her back. It was Yuvi he shook his head to say no, its not worth it. Tammana looked at him in disbelief as they sat down again Yuvi began to speak "Its not worth it, it isn't going to help Sid, it will make us feel better but it isn't going to reduce the pain or hurt anymore...I am scared and worried for him as well, which is why I am here otherwise I would be long gone from here, there is too many memories for me as well, I am moving forward because I let Naina go knowing she will always love me in some part of heart whether we are together or apart. But Sid for nine months fought for a marriage and love, he was in love with her and she made him believe she loved him, when it was all lies." Yuvi felt his anger boil. "He gave her everything he had, he invested everything he had into her, his love, his hopes, his dreams, he thought she was best god could have given him and everything turned out to be a lie... I didn't tell you everything because well Sid has not told me this but I found out by mistake and Sid does not know I know."
"What do you know Yuvi?" Tammana asked scared about what she was going to here, what had Sid gone through that he had not shared with anyone.
"We all were there with Sid on his second honeymoon, that's where everything had gone wrong and I am the only one who knows this but I was there, when Armaan and Riddhima had an affair, it was during Sid and Riddhima's honeymoon. I did not know how to tell Sid what I had seen, but I so Riddhima so broken I thought maybe she had been pressurised but I saw Sid still giving her the benefit of the doubt and I was praying that his hope would win, but I knew it wouldn't and I knew I had to be there to support him...I have never told him I know this fact I wish I had, I know you are thinking I am a terrible friend but you did not see or experience Sid's love for her he was willing to give up everything and anything for he, he could forgive any of her mistakes as long as she told him she loved him...I don't know what broke him I never wanted to find out I always thought it was the affair but it wasn't he was willing to forgive her..." Tammana looked shocked "...I know I had the same reaction but thinking about it the only thing that could have broken him was to find out that she did not love him..." Tammana was in tears from hearing Yuvi's words.
Some people in the cafeteria noticed her tears but she ignored them and looked at Yuvi and simply asked "How can someone do that to him?" Yuvi shrugged and he walked off. Tammana let her tears flow for Sid, she wishes she had never walked away from him, not because she was not happy in her life but so he would never have had to bear such pain, he would have never loved her in the same way but he would be happy, he might not have matured but he would have a mischievous smile, he would never had someone stab him in the back for loving with all his heart. How is he ever meant to open his heart because when he did all he got back in return was pain and nothing else? Tammana wiped her tears and left the cafeteria determined to talk to Sid... He needed to know that world was not a cruel place despite everything he was feeling, if she had to she would make him into the immature brat that he was because at least he was smiling then, experiencing the world, he was feeling.
Do comment, I need this chapter because Sid has lost so much, I just felt it needed to be done I brought Tammana back because I wanted someone who knew Sid but didn't know Sid during the Riddhima period if that makes sense...
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