Chapter 4: Malfunction
"Go to hell Dev", Geet hissed and stormed out of his apartment.
With her own pride bent and burnt, she wasn't in any state of mind to listen to Dev grovel and whimper about his past which quite frankly had now started to annoy her. When they had first met, he was still smarting from an overly intense relationship with a woman with who he had been having an on and off relationship.
Their first meeting had happened on a night similar to the one like this; cold, wet and lonely. The cafe where she worked part time was already closed and Dev had come bursting in ignoring the glaring "CLOSED" sign on the door. He was drenched in late evening showers and was shivering due to cold. He had thrown a boyish grin at her and had charmed her to make him some late night supper and hot coffee. After the meal he had thanked her and had even left a generous tip. One week later he was back in the cafe for late night meal and coffee. What started out as an accident became sort of habit for him to seek her out late in evenings when silence in his apartment pronounced his loneliness. They formed an odd friendship where neither talked about anything serious but kept subjects to mundane and simple. It was great way to unwind after a hectic day and before she knew it, she started looking for Dev to visit the cafe.
He had formally asked her out on a date which involved movie and dinner. Even though she had interacted with Dev for many weeks nervousness still hit her full force. Dev had noticed it as soon as they met at theaters but had refrained from making any sort of comment. But when she spilled pop corn for the fourth time, he had taken her out of theater and had sat on a park bench for couple of hours.
"Geet, if this isn't what you want, then it's alright with me. We can just talk when I come to the cafe for coffee at night", he had gently said. Geet had bashfully declined and had replied that she would want to try again. Dev had understood a part of Geet that day for which she was very grateful.
She was enthralled by his way of dealing with things and that one meeting had turned into a cozy relationship. She was truly happiest during their courtship when he was utmost attentive of her needs and lent a shoulder when college and work got to her.
He had come clean about his past and had told her about the woman he was involved previously with.
Nayantara.
Geet had never met her but had heard Dev mention about her several times. She had sounded like a woman that one would look up to yet be scared to approach her directly. The woman was intelligent, beautiful and was raised in an influential family. Geet had asked Dev about the reason why he had broken up with her. Till date she wasn't clear exactly who broke up with whom.
"Being with Nayantara was like being drugged Geet. It's a complete surrender of oneself."
"How can a person exude that much of power Dev?" Geet had asked. She wasn't interrogating him on purpose but truly fascinated by that woman.
"By knowing exactly what is passion and what is power and when to use which. Nayantara is the kind of woman who men always dream of. But when they actually get her, they simply cannot keep up with her; be it her thought process or the way she lets go of herself when she is with someone. It's both liberating and frightening at the same time." Dev was looking at the vast ocean when he had said this. Geet solemnly wondered if she could ever match up to what Nayantara had left behind. She knew that somewhere in future, that name would come up and bring in differences between her and Dev. It wasn't because Dev didn't love her.
It was because Dev didn't love Geet enough. At least that's what she always felt whenever Dev spoke of Nayantara.
--o00o--
Monsoon had picked up wrong time to show its true colors by pouring down relentlessly for couple of hours. She had walked all the way from Dev's apartment to hers without bothering to take shelter or even calling cab. Cold wind had numbed her nerve endings and pellet like rain drops beat her skin inexorably. Yet she had walked for close to an hour in an excessively slow pace as if reaching her destination would mean giving up Dev completely.
Would she give him up now?
That was the one of the main thought which ran in her mind making her ignore harsh weather around her. She wasn't a monster who would have stopped Dev had he told him before that Nayantara was dying, was she? Maybe she would have canceled the engagement? Maybe she wouldn't let him go at all? Would she really let him go if he had forthrightly told her that he wanted to go? Did she really possess that measure of sacrificial intent to let Dev's past come in way of her happiness? She knew that she wasn't a person who gave up on things just because someone asked even if that person was Dev and neither was she a person who possessively held on to one thing or one person. She believed that she was rational enough to handle dichotomy when it manifested in front of her. Had she known earlier, she would have drawn a clever alternate plan for Dev to meet Nayantara without prejudicing her party.
Maybe. Maybe not.
She would have known what she truly was made of had Dev given a chance for her to make a choice. Right now she was ended up being the victim of the entire situation. It wasn't her choice which made her that way but was Dev's. But the nagging voice in her head poked her conscious once more, "Would you have truly made a rational choice with utmost emotional detachment which might perhaps hamper on your happy camp permanently?"
She realized that she didn't know the answer to that. Maybe people were driven by situations, after all and she was no different than rest of the population.
She dragged her wet self into the apartment, didn't bother to change or even switch on the lights. She just crashed down on the floor and stayed that way all through the night.
Dev was with Nayantara on the day of her engagement.
In the end that was the only truth which remained.
--o00o--
"Please let me explain Geet. You need to know the truth." Dev had let himself in to her apartment early in the morning.
"Okay", she answered shortly. Dev did a double take. He thought he would spend at least an hour trying to convince her to listen to his side of the argument. But she had given in relatively early or rather hadn't even put up an argument against his case. His mouth dried a little at her impassiveness.
"Okay. On the morning of our engagement I got a call from her friend saying that Nayantara had overdosed on sleeping pills. This friend of hers realized it on time and rushed her to the hospital. She called me in sheer panic from hospital." Dev stopped for a moment to check Geet's reaction. She was still impassive to the whole thing but was listening attentively.
"My mind went numb when I heard the news Geet. In that moment it didn't matter that she and I were over and I just instinctively went to the hospital to see her because in my mind that made most sense in that situation. I don't know why I didn't call you Geet believe me when I say that. Because everything I went through that morning was a massive emotional roller coaster. And when she woke up I couldn't just leave her like that you know. I know I should have called you that day itself but I couldn't. I just couldn't bring myself to call you and tell you. I thought it was best to talk to you about that in person. I never had the intention to hurt you Geet, had this not been the case, we would be happily engaged today isn't it? I just… I don't know Geet", he trailed off in the end.
"So what are you saying here Dev? If nothing happened to Nayantara then all is well with us but something does, then nothing is? How contrived can you get Dev? I wish your intention of not showing up for engagement had at least viciousness associated with it. Or even vindictiveness for that matter." Geet fumed in mild anger. Dev was startled at that.
"Why would you say that, Geet?" He asked.
"Because then I could hate you for being just a bad and arrogant jackass. Now I cannot even bring myself to hate you simply because you are emotionally weak and pathetically instinctive", Geet responded flatly.
Dev only looked at her his mouth hung open.
To be continued.
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