Siddhima Tujhe Bhula Diya 7/15 pg 70 - Page 38

Part 21

Sid continued to walk, he had no clue he was even walking let alone where he was walking. He just knew he needed to leave the place he was in, and that any other place was better. Thoughts were swirling around in his head clips from his encounter kept flashing through his head, but in random order. Interspersed were thoughts of what he had wished had happened, thoughts of what he wished hadn't happened. They kept swirling him until they completely consumed him. Fortunately, he had found himself at one of his favorite childhood spots. A spot where he used to come to read a book on an afternoon off, or to simply reflect on random events on his life. It only seemed fitting that he ended up here today as well. Sid stood silently feeling the cold air blow across his face and ruffle his hair, listened to roaring water, and watched as the water slammed into the rocks that lay 100 feet below. With each slam of a wave against the rocks, Sid felt as if the wave was hitting him in the chest. Both painful and cleansing at the same time.

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Riddhima simply stood where Sid had left her, frozen. She knew she needed to find her way back to the train and get back to the motel if she was to get home, but she was trying to fight the hold the past had on her. She knew if she let it win she was going to be consumed by it, and then she'd have no clue when she'd get out. But she was losing. She was almost completely engulfed when her phone started to ring again, her hands started trembling so much that she almost dropped the phone, she forced her eyes to the screen, knowing that if the name was the same as earlier she'd lose the fragile hold she had. Fortunately, the name on the caller id was another familiar name. A grounding name, that allowed her to regain her hold on the here and now and finally escape the clutches the memories of the past had on her. She took a deep breath in, hit the receive button and finally started walking as she talked to other person on the line towards the train station.

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Avni had no idea where Sid was going, and a couple of times she had almose lost him when he had a taken a turn before she could catch him. Fortunately, her instincts were right and she ended up where he was. She walked up and stood next to him, taking in the view around her listening to the rushing water, feeling the cold wind, and watching the waves crash. She waited to see if he'd say anything, waited to see if he'd give her a cue on what to do next. After a few moments of silence she turned her head and observed his face. His face clearly expressed his pain and anger. As she continued to search his face for something else, she found what she was looking for. It was deep down and he definitely tried to hide it, but she was able to find it, for it was something that she herself had carried for so long. It was simply the burden one carried after losing a loved one.

Sid was tired, he had spent all of his energy first trying to pretend to be impartial towards Riddhima, and then letting loose of his anger and hurt. Now he didn't have any control left, he was simply spent. And so his emotions got a free reign on him, he had no clue how long he stood there, but he knew that I was long enough for Avni to come find him, for her to stand by his side and to finally turn and face him and search his face for something. He had no clue what she was looking for, and at this moment he wasn't even sure he cared. He expected her to start asking questions, but she simply stood there and watched him. Eventually, he said the only thing he could, "I'm sorry." He then let the silence engulf them both.

Avni was okay with the silence, in fact she had found that the silence offered solace better than platitudes or words. She was about to turn and face the cliffs ahead of them when he whispered an 'I'm Sorry'. It was unexpected, and yet not. Sid was the kind of man that would apologize for rain falling. It was simply in his nature. She waited to see if he would say more, if he'd trust her with his pain, with his story. But all she got was silence. She stood by his side, but now faced the rocks ahead and simply stood for a while longer. Then she took a deep breath in and began softly, "Nature is a funny thing, it was created to allow the world to continue to evolve and no matter how hard one tries to resist it is impossible to remain unchanged. And yet change, even in nature, is not painfree. In fact, most times it is painful. I mean look at those rocks, they are are going to slowly be eroded making way for the water and flater land, and yet the only way for it to occur is to repeatedly get slammed by the waves of the river. With each hit a little of piece of them breaks."

Sid didn't outwardly respond to the words Avni spoke. He continued to stare at something in the dark blue water, at the menacing Cliffside. And yet, his heart and his brain heard each and every word she said. His heart seemed to relate, his brain simply repelled not wanting to think not wanting to find a reason for the pain he felt. He hoped that if he didn't respond she'd tire and stop, and leave. And yet a part of him hoped she didn't give up, that she didn't walk away, that she did something. He didn't care what it was, he just needed proof that he was worth it. He wanted to look at her face, wanted to read her eyes, wanted to know if what she said is what she truly believed or if they were simply empty words. Words he was used to getting from women, or more accurately woman. Yet he couldn't bring himself to look at her, another face consumed his every sight and no matter how hard he tried to escape it, he couldn't. So he stood silently and waited.

Avni knew Sid was struggling, that he was being pulled by his past, that had collided in the present, and that the future was the farthest thing from his mind. And yet she wanted to convey an important message to him, not just for his sake, but for her own. She recalled a time when she had found herself standing at the edge of a cliff, sure it was figurative but a cliff none the less. She knew he wasn't ready to hear the words bluntly so she told him in the only way she could, "When you were little did you ever find yourself wishing the world wouldn't change? That everything stayed just the way it was, because it was comfortable, it was familiar and good." She didn't wait for a response, "When I was about 10 my Dad had found a house in a better city, with better schools and job opportunities. He and my mom had secretly been searching for the perfect house for us to move to, and figured when he sprung the surprise I would be over the moon with the thought of decorating my own room. Unfortunately, for him he got a reaction he hadn't expected. When they sprung the idea on me I balked, in fact if I remember correctly I even ran away from home with the intention of moving in with my best friend." Avni let out a small laugh at the memory, "I had packed my bag with my favorite doll and my favorite books. It weighed more than I did, and I found myself in a bind the next day. Needless to say my parents decided it wasn't worth upsetting me and since it wasn't necessary we ended up staying put." Avni's grin at the memory faded to a sweet smile as she continued, "Then a few years later my Dad got promoted and we had to move. I was older and at the time I understood the need to relocate. But that didn't mean I liked it, or had to make it easy for my parents. I remember the pain and sadness at having to say goodbye to the friends I had grown up with, to the neighbors that had become family." Avni let out a slight sigh.

Sid listened as Avni opened up about her past. He had known her for months and yet she rarely talked about her childhood, just as he never talked about his life in India. As he listened he couldn't help but realize that although they had become close and acted as though they had known each other for years they had left a large chunk of themselves hidden. He found himself wanting to tell her about Riddhima, wanting to get her perspective on why a woman he loved with all his heart, turned away from him. Why a woman wouldn't want to be his wife. He even found his lips start to form the words, but nothing came out. I can't do it. What if she tells me something that justifies her actions. Then it means that there really was something wrong with me. That I was wrong and she was right. No I can't. My heart can't handle another hit. I've lived with not knowing for this long, and I will continue to do so for longer. I'm only thinking about it right now because seeing her brought it all to the forefront, I just need time to gather it all and stuff it back in the black box it belongs in and then I won't care.

Avni had glanced at Sid and noticed that the was lost deep in thought. She gave him a few moments, in fact it seemed at one point that he might even be ready to tell her something. She sure hoped he was, he couldn't keep all that inside of him it was only going to eat him up from the inside out. She waited, but got nothing. She shook her head at the stubbornness of this man. He reminded her so much of her son. Siddhant had refused her help when he tried to tie his shoes. Even if it ended up taking him an hour he sat there and concentrated to get it right. She took a deep breath and finally go the heart of what she was trying to tell him, "But you know what that move brought me? New friends, new opportunities. And it brought me...him." Sid roused out of his inner thoughts as his eyes shot to hers wanting to get the full impact of what she was going to say. He knew whatever came next was important. She continued, "That move ultimately changed my whole life, forever. I met the man that became my best friend. The man I was meant to love. But as I said change is soemthing we can't control and no matter how much we wish the world didn't change, it does. And what was so perfect for me, apparently wasn't for him." She continued to watch the water below as she opened a part of her past to him. It was funny she had told Shilpa and Sue all of this, and it wasn't the least bit hard, and yet here she was telling Sid and it was so much more. "Change came in the form of a new girl, the girl he believed was meant for him. And this change broke a piece of me off and forced me to change too." She went on to tell Sid about how she had chosen to focus on her studies, because she loved that man and all she wanted was for him to be happy. She then went on to tell him how the opportunity in the States came and how she took it. How she had evolved to look towards a new future. "You see without change we don't grow. If I hadn't evolved and taken the opportunity to come the States, then I might never have gotten him." Avni turned and finally looked Sid in the eye, "The change in our relationship of best friends, the change of me focusing on my career on coming to the states, forced him to realize what was right in front of him the whole time. My love." She turned and faced the darkened sky as she continued, "He came after me and gave me the dream I had let go months before."

Sid was overwhelmed at this window he was shown into the woman he was standing next to. He had no clue she had carried this much within her. He had always wondered about Jr and Mahi's father, he found himself wanting to ask, hell he wanted to still ask, what had happened. But the fact that she had walked away from him for a girl he barely knew, let alone loved spoke more to him than anything else. It was ironic really at how similar their stories were. How each had sacrificed their own loves for the happiness of the one they loved. And yet how different their endings were. Her love had realized what she meant to him and came after her. While his couldn't stop looking over her shoulder into the past. But as he thought about it he realized that her sacrifice was much bigger. She had walked away even before the man she loved had a chance to fall for the other woman. She had actually given him the chance to fall. A thought scattered through his thoughts at his situation, If I had met Riddhima before she even met Armaan then I would never have given her the chance to know him. And I sure as hell wouldn't have walked away from her so that she could be 'happy' with the man she thought she loved. That thought brought him to a stand still. It spoke in multitudes to his heart.

Avni turned and faced Sid and saw that something had struck chord with him. She wasn't sure what it was, and wasn't sure if it was what she had hoped it was, but it gave her confidence that he might be ready to finally hear what she had wanted to tell him back in front of the restaurant. "Sid, I'm not sure what went down between the two of you. And I don't know whose fault was what. But I do know this much. Do not let your anger and pain control you into doing something that you may regret for the rest of your life. Think about what you really want, not just with your brain but with your heart too. Remember, sometimes once spoken, words can never be taken back." She turned and faced the sky again, "You have a rare chance, Sid. A second chance. At love." She turned and looked directly into his eyes as she spoke, "Don't waste it." And with those words she turned and walked away leaving Sid to ponder over what she had said, and what she hadn't said.

Originally posted by: miss_cullen

arps! o_O you are evil! 🤔 😕

Originally posted by: miss_cullen

arps! o_O you are evil! 🤔 😕