(continued from above)
*****
Today was the 3rd day since he… Oh god I can't even think word 'gone' without hyperventilating… What is wrong with me?!!
I tried jogging again but it didn't help. This nervous, restless, lost feeling assured me that something was Deeply wrong with my psyche..
One moment I was craving him desperately, next moment I was afraid of even thinking about him coz it created an odd pain in my stomach and made the craving even stronger.. Both the conflicting emotions fed each other. One frightening me to extreme, the other sending me to depths of hopelessness, both driving me to insanit.. I didn't even know when I had slept or eaten last. My own fear of my reaction to my feelings fuelled my insanity.…
I got ready to go to office with every cell in body vibrating violently.
It wasn't this bad!!! The week after he bit me, all this wasn't this bad!!!
Further panicked I placed the floor. I was able to work, drink, eat!! I screamed out loud and tore of my clothes. I knew I couldn't go to office in my condition. So I called in sick and went for another round of running. When I returned my body was exhausted and his image was burned in my mind.
When I woke up or maybe managed to think about something other than him, I realized it was day time. With anger and hatred I didn't know I possesses, I glared at the sun. If not for the sun, he would get 24 hrs to do his work. He would come back sooner!!
Is he coming back right?! A doubt popped in mind and I had an intuition that my life was going to get worse.
I was already so sickly maddened by his absence, now the fear and tension of his not returning was like fearing my own death at the end of the week. Stupid tears slid down my cheek when I remembered how concerned he had looked kissing my forehead. Gods I never cry!!! Why am I crying?!!
When I couldn't figure this out, I cried even harder, eventually Leila limped over to me and began to lick my face in earnest. I too argued with my mind gave myself reasons for his obvious return.
"He has a successful business here, he has to come back!".... He can start his business elsewhere. The doubt replied
"SHUT UP!!" I squashed the stupid doubt in my mind.
RwhAlMsdr the word echoed in my mind, bringing instant relief to my fevered mind.
What the heck?!! How can a word mean so much?
But I knew it did, something prompted me to concentrate on it. I decided to Google word and froze at the ans.. This.. this.. CAN'T be Right… I'll look again.. THIS Can't be the Right!!.. Each time I searched the result was diff, but it roughly translated to same – source of soul
I don't know for how long stared at those words in lost silence. Not an endearment or a complement.. But so much more..
"A human IS no more than robot, a zombie without a conscious, a soul.. Without a spirit."
And wouldn't he stay away to keep it safe? If he truly sees you as his spirit, then wouldn't he place your safety before your need to be close to him? He is not coming back.. It is futile to wait.. He won't come back.. You can mean too much to him or too less.. Either way he is not coming bac-
I screamed. I screamed so loud that Leila howled. I couldn't get over what those words meant. The fact he felt something for me and already the voice of doubt had poisoned it. Ruined my elation.
I kept screaming until I fell into a sobbing heap.
********
When I next possessed some sanity I didn't know what day it was.. 4th .. 5th .. 6th ? Whichever it was I knew it was too long.. It was too long a wait.
It's his fault. Hate him. It's all his fault. He bit you and made you a slave. It's his fault. The doubtful voice drilled into my mind.
But my moment of lucidity was clear enough to again crush it. It wasn't his fault. What I was feeling wasn't coz of his bite either, I realized with amazement. Something had changed in me, on the day I had first met him. I have been driving towards this phase ever since I had started working for him, I had been slow so I didn't realize. It had gained speed when he had bit me. My first sign had been at the time when I had felt pain while driving away from him that night.. And last time when he exposed something deeper to me, it exploded.
"I am finally here, my fate realized, since the day he had first rested his empty eyes on me, this fate of mine had been decided…"
And again I was reduced to a sobbing heap..
********
Every moment I spent in mad yearning or cruel despair burned my body raw and every lucid moment which came afterward cleared my mind further…
I knew now I couldn't live without him. Sooner or later I would die without him. I knew I meant a lot to him. I knew he may not come back, as a way to protect me. I knew that the pain I felt now, in his absence was the pain he felt every time when he resisted taking my blood.
I wasn't afraid of him taking my blood now. Now I Needed him to take my blood. I needed to ease his pain, in turn to ease mine. Oh I need him! All of him, nothing but him..
And what if he doesn't return? The doubt flashed in mind and this time brought me memories of my lonely existence. I cringed with pain and cried again. If I am his soul source then he is my anchor.. Without him I am adrift and lost…
Want him.. Need him.. Want.. Need…
************************************
(sujal's pov)
Every vampire's ultimate wish is to walk safely under sun, feel the warm pleasure of it caressing our skin, mine isn't.
A vampire's greatest fear is being exposed to the same sun and burning alive, mine isn't.
My lips curved into a smile and I knew it was a cruel smile as I worked towards fulfilling my ultimate wish, working against my greatest fear. I watched the man writhe on floor and waited for my 'dearest' mother to show up. This wasn't going to be my only surprise to her.. Oh No… This, was just the beginning.
Coz of her, for 6 days I had stayed away from my Rwh al-Msdr. For 6 days I have fended off madness. But now I was reaching my limit Make me wait any longer… They would get the blood bath they want.
The need to; see her, touch her, hold her, was like a living organism eating up my insides…
"SUJAL!!! Stop this!!!" my mother screamed as soon as she rushed into the room. Her mouth was stained red with blood… Fool..
Did she believe she could defeat me, by power of more blood?
I do not feel starved of blood. I am starved of sanity.. My hunger cannot be surpassed by any power.
I projected in her mind easily, despite her barriers. As anticipated she grew alarmed by my prowess and felt the first thread of fear. Wildly I latched on it and fed it with my mind. I fed my fear of being separated from Kashish into her mind, just as I was feeding it to the agonized man on the floor.
"Stop it Sujal. I know you r manipulating my mind."
"Am I?" I asked, breaking eye contact as I no longer needed it. I didn't need anything except her and I would surpass anything to get to her. my hunger would consume everything until it found her.
"This is…. How are u… No… No…. Sujal…. I am your mother-"
"And she is my Rwh al-Msdr!!" I felt my control fracturing. The glass in front of my vibrated and the room temp dropped a little. My hunger fed..
"Son.. You r mistaken. She is just a bloodh-"
##AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHHHH### The man on floor screamed in agony, interrupting her. I had chosen him coz he was her favorite toy.. Payback dearest mother..
Think about her again and he dies… And his spilled blood may break my control… Decide mother..
The man begun to scream in earnest now, for I could not stop the hunger which had begun to feed on his pain.. A second passed and then she said, "Fine. Do whatever you want. Stop all this just."
I turned to her and shuffled some papers to her. I am no longer your son. I give up my family name and inheritance. These are papers signed by our council. The only thing which we have in common now is our name.. I have paid the sum of 5 million in gold as my dept to you. Do you understand and accept?
Again I projected my words into her mind and watch her shudder with horror.
"Son!.. Sujal!!.. NO!! This is madness.. Haven't I just said you r free to do what you wish? Why this? I do not wish to-" her words died in mid sentenced when she looked me in the eye and saw the fine edge of dangerous-madness was balancing on
I do not care what you wish. I am free of every tie to you. Do you understand and accept?
Her lips thinned into tight line and she begun to resist my will in earnest. A futile effort, all I had to do was fall a little deeper into that madness, let go of the hunger a bit more.
The man on the floor became too drained to scream now, he could barely twitch, his blood slowed as his heart beat slowly. Slowly I knelt down and brushed his sweat away… He is just the beginning… mother…
When he was on brink of dying my mother nodded her head and signed the papers, instantly she turned to leave. Oh Mrs. Grewal.. It also says here, that if you ever retaliate, in any manner. I am free to kill you and whoever else I feel is involved.
I saw furious resolve replaced by fear in her face and gave her a glimpse of the chaos in my mind. Solidifying her fear, I released her mind completely.
I managed to gains some control me, when I realized that I would be seeing her soon 12 hrs and I would be with her.
9 hrs later I stood outside her door. My body vibrated with anticipation, my mind no longer mine. I inhaled her scent wondering if I would lose myself to bloodlust. I had been told she was not coming to the office. I assumed that she was afraid after the attack, but now I knew something was wrong.
The peace I felt was missing. The door didn't open, but Leila scratched from inside, I waited another second for humans are slow, then Leila howled and my heart stopped.
It was a howl of desperation and despair. I broke down the door and blindly followed her scent which was mingled with tears and dread. A second later I found her.. And I realized what was worse than burning alive in the sun.
She at huddled in a corner. Her face lost in her wild tresses and trembling hands. She looked worse than the writhing man on the floor. He had being dying of fear and pain.. But she wasn't dying. She was vanishing out of existence… But she isn't a vampire.. She didn't need a 'Rwh Hamyh'… a 'Rwh Mrsah'…. did she? was I her spirit anchor.. protector? ..
If I need her inside me- to feel, did she needed me around her- to exist?
if she is the spirit then I am the outer body...
I didn't feel walking to her or taking her into my arms. Neither did she.. I realized now that I wasn't the only one on who had fallen into madness, she had too.…
Slowly her body warmed to right temperature and tears begun to flow from her listless eyes. By minutes she became a bit of herself as I became mine. I pulled her closer and buried my face in her hair. Slowly, ever so painfully her hands crept around me and a tremor ran through my body.
As my mind once again became my own, my blood lust returned along with a more basic lust. NO!!! She is hurt!! In pain.. I cannot take anything from her.. I cannot hurt her more!!!
"Take my blood." Her small muffed voice filled my ears and cleansed my mind. Almost hypnotizing me into following her command.
"No… I can't hurt you more.." I managed to groan aloud. Her smell wrapped around m senses and I felt what being intoxicated like a drunk is.
"Take it… It… It… hurts", her voice captured me, her words stunned me.
"Please..", she begged me brokenly and I knew I could do naught, but obey her.
I pulled her away slightly and she exposed her neck to me. I am not a raving mad, who is only here for your blood Kashish.
I spoke in her mind, to make her understand what I felt wasn't just emotionless hunger for her. I turned her face and dipped my head not to drink from her neck but from her lips. I tasted her sweet, delicate lips and understood what sirens were.
I put all my love, need, hunger, affection into that one action. When I ended the kissed, her eyes shimmering with tears and love washed over my face and I realized what the warmth of heavenly sun on a cold skin is…
~*~*~*~FIN~*~*~*~
Glossary:-
Vampire: an evolved species of human, who burn in sun have great night vision, possess various levels of psionic powers and some rarely telekintic powers. They drink human blood for sustenance and cannot turn humans into vampires through any means.
Rwh al-Msdr(Arabic) : Source of the spirit.
Rw? ?amyh(arabic) : spirit protector.
Rw? Mrsah(arabic) : spirit anchor.
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Edited by meggs - 15 years ago