Hello everyone!
First of all, thanks to all ur wonderful comments that kept me going. Thanks a to guys..they really mean a lot!
m really sorry for the delay... Jst caught up with loads of useless work 😆... Anyways, i hope this update makes up for that. Though, i found it a bit boring, perhaps coz i was damn sleepy when i was writing it 😆... Please let me know the typos 😃
Here you go...
Part 1
And with that he took my life with him.. my desire .... my ARMAAN... Armaan ... never thought he would become my life...
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ARMAAN , a 21year old fun-loving , practical guy aspiring to become a doctor and studying in Pune though he's basically from Bengal..he's surely one of the difficult person I ever came across my life as his mood swings changes faster than the speed of light ..
He's some one like a coconut, hard nut to crack from outside but deep inside very soft, sensitive and emotional...
I guess I have seen him being emotionally attached ONLY to his family except me(few times) in so much time ...His love and concern for his family especially -his mom has always left me speechless .. and perhaps made me respect him more n more .. If I'm not wrong about him then, he can always keep his wishes aside for his family ... but then they have never made me doubt the destination of our love ...if, cupid has struck our hearts then Love will find its way , isn't it?
N , for those who try to mess up with him, he will become an arrogant jerk for them...its like rubbing his wrong side ... something which you should think before you act ! Then for sure he wouldn't give a damn to them unless his calmer side takes a toll on him ..
Well, did I miss something important here? Hmmm .. yeah , that he's also one of those guys who would never miss a chance at flirting with his charming smile and that charismatic look ... but, for obvious reason his flirting is harmless ...as call it the effect of his genes or morals, I have seen him respecting women . One more thing, that left me mesmerized .
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For reasons unknown to others, I smiled to myself thinking about him ... I wonder how he always manages to get me smile even at this phase of my life, one thought , one memory of those cherishing moments makes me smile through the dense unspilled tears. Being in love is a blissful feeling but bearing its atrocities is despondent, forlorn and woeful feeling. Its like you live but lifeless, u bloom without no fragrance , u flow without any direction and the worst is you still can't do anything except to accept the way things that creator has planned for you while shaping your life .
*Beep Beep*
I came out from the chain of my remorseful thoughts about my wretched life with a text beep. Some unknown curiosity gripped me as I excitedly and hopefully read the text :
"Ridz , I hope you are ohk gal! Did he come ? Its getting dark sweety and your achluophobia will surely not be helping you . U aren't even picking up calls. GAL, WHY R U SO STUBBORN?? Please atleast inform me. M so worried for you and this craziness of yours isn't letting me rest in peace. *annoyed n pissed* "
Urrrghhh ...NOT AGAIN !! I mean will my hope even be fulfilled? I was expecting HIS text not Nikki's.....
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Nikki, my best friend here in Pune since almost 6 months now ...She knows me in and out .. the one who has been there with me when I was all ALONE .. when I had no one in this world who I could call mine and pour my heart out too!!
Where she's a practical girl away from all emotional stuff (crap for her), I 'm one of the emotional being...something I have started to hate myself for ! Consequently, this makes her damn protective and possessive for me.
She was definitely apprehensive about this act of mine! Instead, she's always asking me to move on !*smirk* I mean, how to explain my Miss Practical frnd, that move on isn't easy as saying this word? But, then all this is out of concern for me,isn't it ?
Hence, Inspite of every bad, instead, worst happenings happening in my life, still I cant be more grateful God for giving me a gem like her.
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"I'm fine. Dnt worry. My love for him can overcome anything !So, this fear is nothing infront of it. Chill yaar...ll be there soon..go to sleep if m late! "
I abruptly replied her lest she calls the time he comes. Will he? *fingers crossed*
Opening the pics folder in my cell, I look at his pic again, as if trying to make him understand my feelings, my love for him. This has become something as imp as breathing. Don't know why but looking in those eyes gives me immense strength. As if my weakness is giving me the power to fight against it. He told me once "If love is your ONLY weakness you are the strongest person in this world. And guess what ridz, m the strongest person in this world" . That's so true. Why m I realizing the importance of those words NOW?? Why this all keeps coming back to me ? haunts me to such extent as if it will take my breath away, screaming and pleading him to come back! To just atleast tell me a reason for this sudden end... please atleast once ... only once tel me why did you do this Armaan ? WHY?
When you started all this then why did u end it all ? Remember that day, the first time you confessed your love ....
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*Flashback*
That day was the first day we had fight. We were best of friends then, and for some reason unknown to me (that moment) he looked hurt. I didn't know what did I do. I was confused as all I did was, just asked him to come for a movie with us, all the friends. He denied bluntly and went back to his flat directly from the academy which was so unlike him.
His behaviour definitely made me upset too and henceforth, I also denied my friends for the movie and went back home. Whole time I was gloomy and pondering over my actions so that I would know what made him mad at me. When I failed in my attempts, with no option left, I called him.
To add more to my frustration, he didn't pick up my calls for 2-3 times!
"Huh?? Is he Really unanswering MY calls, as in ME? ? How can he do this? Does he think m the almighty who knows everything? Hmph!
Pata nae kya samjhta h khud ko.. Movie ke liye puchne par koi itna gussa hota hai kya? Agar ab LAST time phone nae uthaya na toh.......toh. .
Arrrghhh .. me kar bhi kya sakti hun? Meri majboori ka acha faayda utha raha hai woh.... first of all, reason nae bataya ....ab attitude jhaad raha hai and moreover, *sniff sniff* (dramatically) I dnt even know anyplace here let alone his flat! KAHAN SE PAKAD KE LAON USE??
Ohk girl, chill...
Breathe in ..breathe out.. breathe in ........grrr.. shut the crap women and CALL HIM NOW !"
Finally, after calming myself a bit, I called him for the last time only to hear him say,
"Why are u calling me again n again now?U just, Go and enjoy movie with your friends. Who am I for you, that you will remember your promise to me. Promises are meant to be broken na!" , he accusingly paused after that.
"huh ?Promise? What promise did I break? Cant your tongue for once speak uni directionally? Necessary to be sarcastic everytime?", I retorted back
" WOW ! Now look, Madam! doesn't even remember it!And, when you never understand anything straightforwardly then what should I do? Remember, its u ALWAYS who never leave a chance to pass on ur sarcastic comments ! and look whos.... "
Cutting him in b/w, I spoke "Don't talk rubbish. And tell me what promise are you talking about? Yaar, I seriously don't remember na. "
N then my emotional side took over me and I continued with tears forming in my eyes, " I have been trying to think of my mistake since so long but m not able to recall. Do you even know how bad I felt when u walked away rudely ...*sniff sniff * Mene aisa kaunsa promise break kar diya ? Don't you know its ONLY you here who's the closest to me ! Agar tum hi gussa ho jaaoge toh me kya karoongi?.... *hiccup*....Mujhe toh meri galti tak nae pata.... ", I paused tearfully letting out all my emotions to him.
He has been always my support here in this academy. I don't know why but its easier to talk to him than anyone else. I feel some kind of relief and comfort around him .
"Ridz, listen yaar, m really very sorry. I know I behaved rudely with you but you know me na...I m such an impulsive jerk! I don't know but I felt hurt when you asked me to come with you all. Remember few days back when you were getting pissed with this new ambience, and I asked you to hang out with your friends that time u promised me to accompany me for a movie! Remember ?" , he ended softly to let his words sink inside me.
"Yeah, so we were going there only na!", I asked innocently getting confused with the discussion.
"Ufffo! Ohk, let me make it clear I wanted U n ME to go together and NOT with them. And I thought, you understood it that day but how can I forget that sometimes my bestie is so dumb! Would I be able to take everyone with me and show around the city too? Now did u understand something... atleast a bit !" , he giggled making me annoyed.
"Shut Up , u idiot! Only for this silly reason u made such a scene ..i mean do u have any damn idea wat I went through since that whole thing? Can u ever improve? And fine for now, tell me where are we going now?', I asked, still confused with his weird reactions
"Hmm ... Nowhere now as m not any longer in a mood to go. If you have to go then go with others." , he replied disinterestedly
"Gosh! If I really had to go with them, then I shouldn't have been bothering you with my calls. I would have been there with them right now. And now, for god's sake stop acting insane and tell me the plan"
"Fine, I ll pick u up in half an hour and till then I will even find the details of the show. Bt r u sure u are coming coz u want to and not forcefully"
"ARMAAN!"
"Ohk ohk, fine. Dnt wake up your inner animal now .....m sure it's fatal for others near you" , he laughed hysterically making me clench my fists
"Fine ! Do as you wish ... Don't talk to me ...BBYEEEE.....",with an angry tone I ended the call ...and went to change smiling all the way unaware of the turns of that evening.
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We were finally sitting at a restaurant tired with the whole day events.. The movie was awesome ...a nice break from the monotonous hectic life in the academy. While the ordered food was on its way, we caught up with our daily banters, retorts, teasing etc etc. Finally, the food arrived ... and trust me, I never liked paneer before this. Don't know if it was the magic of his company or choice but I simply loved it.
Amidst, the silent dinner, the distressing events of the day flashed before my eyes.. the thought of him being angry with me and sort of ignoring me irked me. Somewhere he had become such an important part of my life in this one month. I never had anyone so close to me as he became in such a short span of time. The thought of loosing him ever made my eyes water which perhaps didn't go unnoticed by him.
He hesitantly commenced, "Umm ..Ridz.. I wanna say sorry for today. I know I become such an insensitive jerk when m angry. I didn't want to do it but .........."
His words made me look up into his eyes as if questioning him how did he know m thinking about it when we didn't discuss that incident after the call? How can he sometimes see through me? And, if he's so guilty then why such a small thing made him behave that way?
After finding my voice in between my thoughts, I spoke, "But..? What ?"
"U would surely not want to know that. So don't ask me please"
"No, I want to know. R u trying to hide things from ME?
"See ridz, I dnt want to lie to you nor do I want to say the truth"
"Huh ? R u alrite? What r u talking about? I want to know and obviously ......"THE TRUTH"
"Ridz, please ....dnt make me helpless...... I assure you this wont happen again."
"THE TRUTH", I demandingly spoke unaffected by his pleas.
"Please", he stopped in the middle as he saw me unperturbed with it.. his eyes spoke something which I couldn't guess ....
For a moment, he closed his eyes as if trying to compose himself .....or fearing a storm after the truth...
"Ridz, am telling you but please let me complete the whole thing first and promise me it will never affect our friendship. We will always be the best of friends"
At this my mind started racing like anything wondering what is he gonna say? Infact, I feared something like flying dragons, lizards coming to eat me up.. I chuckled inwardly at my lame thought.
I looked at him.....the blacks met the greys, only to find some heavenly unknown feeling ..
Breaking the contact, I looked at him attentively making myself to face something serious coming up my way.
As for sure, I knew its something important ... I have never seen him this way. He looked on my eyes and commence.....
"Ridz, I don't know if you will understand what I m going to tell you now. I jst will say it my way, the clear cut way, that I'm in LOVE with you."
I was wide eyed, open mouthed and somewhat choked on my dinner. He seemed to have ignored my expressions as he continued,
"I wont say something big-big like I see sea in you eyes .. and I feel like swimming in them or something like I see moon on you face and all that. I just wanna say, I LOVE YOU......"
"......From the first day, when you entered the academy I felt some kind of positive vibes, and something like, "She's the One!" And later on, as I got to know you more, I kept on falling deeper and deeper for you. Trust me, I NEVER wanted to tell you all this coz I know there are so many reasons, the most imp being that I know, U don't feel the same for me.....and there were other reasons too like traditional reason etc etc.. ", he paused and continued
"I never wanted our friendship to suffer coz of it. And I always thought too make the most out of the time we both are together, so that I could cherish these memories throughout the life. Ridz, U very well know me and also the fact, that love has been always a pious and pure feeling for me."
"And, if love happens only ONCE na, then its definitely my first and last love! And its strong enough to make me survive with the memories I make with you, even as a friend, my best friend." , he smiled with assurance showing his dimples.
His feelings were direct from the heart. I could feel them, see the sincerity behind them. His eyes were speaking volumes to me showing so much surety as if mesmerizing me. His pause made me come out from the reverie.
The whole confession made me like speechless. Somewhere, down the line, I couldn't help cursing myself for getting caught up in a situation which was created by me.
But then the curious side of mine took over and I questioned eagerly,
"But what has this to do with the morning incident?"
He looked guiltily at me and spoke, "U know love is a crazy feeling. Seriously, I don't wanna keep you bounded, but then seeing you with Sumit always make me insecure. I myself don't like this. I mean I know its wrong but...I guess its out of my control.... Probably, its coz I have always seen something, may be affection, attraction or something like that for you in HIS eyes. N moreover, in the academy if you speak to someone else the most other than me, then its HIM. I don't.... its nothing like that but something makes me frustrated and hurt seeing him with you.
Today, u all were going together including him and for a moment, I felt u preferring him above ME. Just a simple thought like that made me feel as if someone took my life away. Hence, all that frustration and anger. M really sorry again.", He looked down .
"It's ohk.", I replied with a smile.
Though everything that I have been hearing since sometime took time to get in me properly. But I guess the last bit was understandable. Even I would have felt the same for my loved ones, even him. Yeah, HIM coz I loved him as my bestie . And at no cost, I would ruin this god-gifted friendship for a reason like this.
To make the moment lighter, I looked up at him and asked,
"btw, how do u know, its LOVE? .... I mean it can be attraction, affection , infatuation or anything else but why only love?"
Smilingly at my question, perhaps my innocence cum foul attempt to make him realize that he isn't caught in the cob-webs of love, he replied,
"Ridz!! You know very well that I have been attracted to many girls. I have told you before. So, I know what it is about. And as for infatuation, m sure I don't feel that."
I raised my eyes at the last line , and getting the signal ..... he continued,
"Hmmm .....infatuation is perhaps a kind of lust which m sure I dnt feel for you."
Uff ! my curiosity didn't end at this, and
"But how u know it's love? I mean when do u know u r !"
"Well, I seriously have no answer for it. I guess the realization comes from within. I cant exactly tell you what it is all about. U ll come to know when u will fall in love." He concluded .
We finally left the place after having our normal argument on the paying of bill. Can we ever improve GOD??.. Na, perhaps not in this lifetime!
... I looked up above , amused at our unpredictable behaviors...
While leaving that place, I felt as if leaving a bunch of cherished memories here. Driving back home with him was some different experience then. The whole reel was playing in my mind as if trying to ponder over the turn of life. During the whole way, none of us spoke. Instead, I found him speaking less after the confession. He looked calm and I dnt knw if it was disappointment I sensed too.
Back home, whole night I lay tossing and turning. There was something.. something inside that was urging me to accept ...accept WHAT? Even I didn't know. It was making me restless. Consequently, after sometime I was off to the world in the whirlpool of my thoughts hoping for a beautiful morning ahead.
*Flashback Ends*
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The barking of the dogs broke my trance. It worsened my fear of darkness as I saw them barking at some man, perhaps hiding behind the tree. I looked around me to find everything at peace, unlike me, and that puppy sitting calmly, looking at my tearful eyes. I smiled between the tears seeing that small creature.
I looked at my cell to check the time but found his pic opened. I cried more, more and more wanting the earth to gobble me instead of giving me such a pain.
But then I, calmed myself seeing the ambiance and onlookers. Suddenly, I felt my hopes rising. Involuntarily, I looked at the path on my left to see a shadow approaching near. IT'S HIM!! Yes ! m sure its him.
Perhaps, he has seen me sitting here. Can he also identify me amongst others like I can?
The dim lights around finally made me look at his face after WHOLE 3 MONTHS. Is it like a dream God? The dreams which I have been getting since so long. The dreams in which he would just hug me....only ONCE and I will forget all this depressing phase of my life. The dreams in which he would jst hold my hand and say, "He'll never leave HIS ridz alone!"
"Hi", he replied softly
I kept on staring at him as if the blink will make him disappear........
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Precap : an insight in Rid'z character along with armaan's POV (i guess the most awaited thing😆)
Useless Snippet :
Phewwwww..!! I cant believe i wrote that much 😆... Guys, dnt be ready with ur joote chappals after reading it... I know u must be thinking if m exaggerating their meet bt trust me yaar, it was needed ... After this update if u have loads of confusions and questions then dont be worried coz that had to happen 😆. Perhaps, the next update will clear ur views more. 😊
Comments and Criticism both are welcomed .. (after all, u guys are such lazy souls 😆)... yaar itna long update ke baad ek LONG comment toh banta h na....😉
Don't FORGET to press LIKE .. (you will get your dream guy/ girl sooner.. 😉🤣.. sachi me..😆 )
P.S : Please let me know if you want me to add you to my pm list . I don't wanna pester all with my update PMz .. !! 😃
Love ya all
Vinz...😆
Edited by coolvini4u - 14 years ago
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