SAJAN FF-TUM BIN JIYA JAAYE NA-chp11 updt pg 83,84 - Page 62

we r eagerly waiting 4 it

Originally posted by: 358674

we r eagerly waiting 4 it

and we all know one thing...

u write awesome 😊 😊 😊

so we will not regret at all.......

well thanks a lot dear....sorry dont know ur name....but its not my writing but the twists i plan in my story that i am scared the readers may not like.....due to the lack of continuity in my updates, i am experimenting things which i never planned initially......i mean am dynamically building sequences as my so called creative instincts push me to......as in the structure and the flow of the story.....but i wish u all find lil satisfaction in wat i write, that wud be more than enuf.......😳....am done with the update..... just need to edit the same which i hate the most cz of my poor keyboard/typing skills.....hence will post it tomm afternoon or evening positively

OK we will wait till Sat for you.Because waiting gives you sweet results..So please please update by Saturday..

@kris....thanks a lot for being so eager to read my updates....hope u find the update good😳😳....un less the sky falls on me u shud have an update by tomorrow or sat max😆😆

oh god we r so so waiting for da part do keep ur promise haan n do post soon cant wait anymore now

Originally posted by: meens1981

@kris....thanks a lot for being so eager to read my updates....hope u find the update good😳😳....un less the sky falls on me u shud have an update by tomorrow or sat max😆😆

Originally posted by: meens1981

well thanks a lot dear....sorry dont know ur name....but its not my writing but the twists i plan in my story that i am scared the readers may not like.....due to the lack of continuity in my updates, i am experimenting things which i never planned initially......i mean am dynamically building sequences as my so called creative instincts push me to......as in the structure and the flow of the story.....but i wish u all find lil satisfaction in wat i write, that wud be more than enuf.......😳....am done with the update..... just need to edit the same which i hate the most cz of my poor keyboard/typing skills.....hence will post it tomm afternoon or evening positively

Chapter 11-Part A

Dear Reeshu,

This part A is a special dedication to you love. It's been an honor to have known an angel friend like you. You have been a blessed child to know the value of living a meaningful life. You are an awe inspiring person, coz from you, all of us cud learn that it's not necessary to have a long life to make it beautiful and meaningful. Having been bestowed with your friendship I wish you remain with me and all other friends and family of yours, coz to have a person like u around us means having the truest of angels being our friends forever '.lots of love and I have never said this to ne1 with so much of emotional depth and actuality as I am writing this statement today in ur beloved memory "MISS YOU BEYOND WORDS CAN EVER SAY"

This chapter and If I ever complete this FF, it shall definitely be dedicated to you sweetheart. Am sure you will read my update wherever you are, just wish I had been able to make one when you requested me for. Lots of love n hugs reeshu and I will always think of you in my prayers.

A special note of thanks to aani and aaru'thanks girls, love ya girls loads, without u I wudnt have been able to do this

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Chapter 10 A (this is more like a monologue)

Gunjan was lying lifeless on the floor, watching the rotation of the fan blades without any particular interest or rather she was too drowned in her misery to notice the inane existence of her surrounding. Silent tears were sweeping her face at a rate that would put the flow rate of any gushing stream to shame. Every few seconds when the intensity of pain came back like pinpricking sensations, a loud sob escaped unknowingly from her mouth, as if unable to bear the pain inflicted on her heart.

Gunjan remembered having heard from her bauji that happiness comes in different shades and each color of happiness enthralls you just the same but its pain that has no color or is rather dull lifeless in nature. Why did she have to find in such a hard way that her bauji was wrong. Pain came in varying shades of colors, grey representing the void your heart becomes, violet representing the violence of emotional whirlpool going inside of u, magenta signifying the irrevocable crumbling of your hopes, pale blue finding a twin in the pale shade adorning your face, white synonymous with the color of your entire body frozen of feeling anything further, black representing the inevitability, the ultimate dead end with no road further ahead.

Everything seemed like a blur to Gunjan today. Her eyes were being bullied by the tears that were having no compunction for the soft hearted girl whose grief was unexplainable. Sometimes you wonder if problems are designed for us or situations create them. Gunjan was biting hard on her lips to control the sobs that were waiting to break another dam of distress clogged in her throat.

Gunjan could not understand why life had to be so mean to her. Crying in one's distress in different but crying for your love's distress was something altogether different. Her bewildered heart was in a chaos, not knowing whose grief required more of her compassion. Only one thought took precedence of gaining importance in her mind amidst all this uproar. Was she ruined like her? Was her fate going to meet the same fatality as hers?

Unable to bear the calamitous muddling fears that had finally taken the ugly shape of the revelation samrat had made, Gunjan breaks into hysterical sobs " why why why god why meeee, wat was my mistake, to have loved him or to have loved unconditionally? Why does it pain me so much, h- hhow l-long can this small small heart carry the ggrief of not one, b- but three souls? Why did u choose to curse me with the b-boon of love? I was happy as I was'..oh I cant live with a lie? I wish I cud ask for a reprieve but my desolation is killing me to think beyond now and here.

Gunjan "Why god, I thot you were the kindest, why make him live in so much misery, why kill his already bruised heart with this horrendous guilt? I can't believe he has lived with it for so ' so llong? Each day how must have it felt for him to wake up with a burden which would slaughter his heart every second. Shatter a little of the mild life residing there, with no hopes, no salvation

Gunjan "And that and that girl, oh god how must have her heart felt when she caught his final glimpse? Would she have known this is it? There is no more to her dreams. Would would sshe have felt guilt for having not chosen wisely or would she have been proud like me? She still haunts him g-god? That means she is still lurking in his h-heart , but n-not the way she d-deserves to be, a h-happy memory, but l-like a manacle clenching his heart in guilt ridden affection

Gunjan " oh god I wish loving someone did not pain this much. Everytime my heart beats, its as if its trying to pierce my soul, how can it be so painful god, when the reason of the beat is d love that engulfs my entity? Why does my day start with painful yearnings of what it cud have been and end in beautiful memories that were and are the only ones left. Crying myself to sleep is like my second favorite hobby , first is to enjoy this pain and glorifying it so much so that there's not an inch of my soul where the pain doesn't reach and leave its havoc. Oh it is not that I don't dream, hope is lost, but dreams still chase my weak heart every second. Such beautiful dreams, full of hope, full of wish, full of yearning,full of life 'for the love that rules my spirit.

Gunjan "Oh but the dreams are also out to avenge me coz always they are intruded upon by the brutal reality and sometimes I wonder if the whole universe loves to see me break myself over my hopeless love time and again. Oh how I crave that I have the liberty to dream in peace coz its only in those miniscule moments that I find myself whole again even if its the pseudo me. God I wish I can wake up and close my eyes in peace for few seconds thanking my stars for ending this nightmare

Gunjan "A bitter sweet pain, a pain full of love but laced with anguish, despondency,bitterness. Is this what is left of me?"

Gunjan (her consciousness) "stop being pathetic. God, people would laugh at you if they look at your condition right now"

Gunjan" oh really and how about this, my mind keeps laughing at the dying hopethat's trying to keep my heart intact in spite of the blows my soul wreaks upon it, is that justified?"

Gunjan (her consciousness) "oh stop being such a loser; it is not d end of the world. He just was a passing phase in ur life. Stop moping and pick yourself up. Sure u took a risk but it was a conscious decision so now there is no point in regretting"

Gunjan " yeah I agree its not d end of world, how can it be when there is no world for me without him, oh if he was just a passing phase how come my heart forgot to imbibe that and paused my life, my existence and now refuses to move on. I wish when I took the risk, I had learnt to prepare myself for this unexpected carnage of my hopes, I wish I had been smart enough to listen to those silent fears trying to shake me back to reality every now and then, oh how I wish I could turn back this phase and go back and erase it all, not becoz I regret falling in love with this angel, but because there seems no meaning to life without him now that I have tasted what heaven means. I don't mind god, give me hell, but in that hell let me have a mirage of my haven, my love. Let me die every second, but let me die with the hope its him that I am with, so nothing matters anymore. "

Gunjan "I agree I am not strong, strong enough to embrace truth, a truth in which he is no more a part of me, a truth in which life doesn't exist inside of me n yet am forced to live, a truth in which my dreams are crushed beyond recognition yet am expected to build an existence out of that debris. Life is unfair coz I am making it seem that way. I do not want to give up. I want a choice to fight and win. God y cudnt I have that choice. Why did he take away the battle from me?

Gunjan (her consciousness) "oh gunjan I feel ur pain, I feel the acute perforation, the yearnings of your heart inflict on u every second, I feel the deprivation of life your breathe feels every time ur heart beats, I feel the heaviness of ur heart weighing your soul down every second, inspite of tears constantly trying to relive you of their burden. I can feel the desolation ur soul feels every time it misses the spirit that's supposed to keep the soul alive. But this was to happen gunjan for your and his good. You didn't lose it, its just that it wasn't your battle to fight. Its his to fight and you could have only tried and you did try with all the love possible inside of you but he has not had his awakening as yet to what you have been blessed to realize and he might or might not also have it in this lifetime coz happiness reaches those who believe in being worthy of it. You have to move on coz if u fall prey n come out a weakling, it will be an insult to the unconditional love you have bestowed on him

Gunjan gulps the sob playing a relay race with her breathe and chokes on the next words "oh but the love is so hard-bitten now that it doesn't look like mine anymore, I cannot accept to let it lie like this coz that's insults my embodiment and I cant move over it coz that questions my individuality. Oh how I wish for a few moments of peace. Is it too much to ask?

Gunjan (her consciousness) "Think about nupur, what she said the other day. Don't do her this injustice gunjan. Your tears reach her in spite of the physical proximity. Remember what she had said the last day at the resort?"

Chapter 11 -Part B

Dedicated to some lovely friends who celebrated their bday in sep, drish(drishti), jyothi (sajanrox20), rachna (Sharma.nat) and to my lovely soul sis aaru

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Flashback -15 days back in the resort

Gunjan biting on her lips hard to control the sobs waiting to break free. She knows she can't afford to lose her nerve now. She just needs to wait few more hours, till she gets back home, till she is within the sanctuary of her room, her house where she can allow her manacled emotions, her turmoil, her pain to burst free.

But till then she has to act, oh yes she was bad at acting but she is good at loving and she loved her sister unconditionally and she cudnt afford to blight her happiness by crying over her misery.

Gunjan heads to bathroom to wash her face which had become totally red in the anguish of controlling and reducing her heart's tumult to mere tears, instead of the flood waiting to wreak havoc. Her face looks bloated with the simple effort. How is it that just in a span of two days her world came crumbling down from being the palace of happiness to the ruins of massacred dreams?

Gunjan thinks painfully "Was it not just day before yesterday that her happiness was making her float on cloud nine. Oh yes it was nothing but just a cloud, a passing cloud which had no warmth to share and no tears to spare for her. How is it that she had felt, her wings of wishes were on the road to a sweet journey of fulfillment? How delusional can one be when they are in love and especially if it happens to be one side!!! But the feeling was not there just day before yesterday. How did my heart feel the unison in our expression of emotions with samrat, if he was so off tangent from mine?

Just bringing his name even in her mind's lips starts a fresh onslaught of the controlled fury of tears, having finally managed to find some escape than being confined in the scuttle of emotional turmoil crowding her heart.

Gunjan "oh was it just yest that I felt that I was just a few dreams away from confession and getting a life long yearned confession. When he hugged my soul and kissed my spirit, was it all a figment of my imagination? Was I so drowned by the colors of dreams that I cudnt see the colorless vacuum, my love was receiving?

Flashback to the private moment between samrat and gunjan (lol flashback me flashback '.pls read last portion of my prev if u don't rem where I left'.even I had to read it to make sure I am not lost in my own story'.)

Samrat is so lost in the essence of chashmish. He cannot bring himself to untangle from this princess, even when gunjan slowly tries to pull her lips away from his, ever so gently, as if trying not to break the poignancy of the moment that was. But just as she was creating a gap between their lips samrat latches on them a little with too much of fear to let go, starts bridging the gap between theirs and gunjan cannot but help getting lost in the tug of his, that were not from his lips but more from his soul, it wasn't anything physical it was more soulful. Far the want of continuity of life, samrat slowly breaks their contact and feels the loss of that connection instantly, after what seemed like a delightful, harmonious union of their emotions. But he still doesn't let go her completely. He rests his head very calmly against chashmish's, as if in peace with himself in entirety for this very moment, as if miraculously someone had wiped of the chaotic turbulence, true to his char being, taking a little pity on him.

Gunjan being the person who understands samrat more than he could ever dream of understanding himself, envelops him in her arms, sensing the torrent of fears trying to catch up with his peace. She hugs him with a simple thought, a thought so filled with her love and her life coz she knew love could heal even the inoperable.

Gunjan was really a living angel, not coz she was beautiful or kind hearted, but becoz she was one of those few persons we come across in life, who can make a connection with ur spirit, be it in ur happiness n sadness . They carry out the task that we pray of god, with their simple faith in the power of love, which is the embodiment of God.

Very slowly Gunjan's warmth envelops and crumbles the unwanted anger n fear agents in samrat's heart. With every touch of her soul encompassing a nerve in his body, a righteous form of tranquility was stealing over him. His mind was, for once helpless to react to the sweet mollifying effect spurting inside of his heart.

Gunjan in a mild teasing voice "ahem ahem, if his highness and royalty is happy with the mere mortal's humble gift, can the mere mortal be allowed to continue with her kitchen cooking responsibilities, lest his highness burns her in oil at night on finding insufficient enticement to his taste buds during dinner time" ending with a small chuckle.

Samrat raises his head with a heartfelt smile that reaches his eyes and asks "royalty, highness, wats this chashmish", encircling her within his arms

Gunjan now smiling whole heartedly "of course the emperor, samrat how else do we mere homo sapiens address you sir" (a beat in her heart speaks to her soul -not just d emperor but emperor of life, emperor of hearts, ruler of ur heart and life). The thought bring a warm glow to her entire body which languidly spreads to her face.

Samrat smiles at her literal translation of his name. He had never felt a pride or a contentment of being the bearer of the name before as he felt in this moment. How is it that she always made the most mundane stuff in his life seem larger n magnificent? And then he notices the glow on her face n shakes her n asks" hello princess where r u, back to earth please?"

Gunjan breaks from the refraining arms of his and says "kuch nahi buffoon", tweaking his nose affectionately, "but I seriously need to go now and complete the food before all of them arrive n find just a soup, sweet dish n pakoda and come running with ladle to beat me."

Samrat sings playfully to a departing chahsmish, in gruff voice, pulling her dupatta "abhi na jao chodke ki di abhi bhara nahi"

Gunjan turns back with a smashing smile on her face n stopping her dupatta from being pulled by samrat completely and joining in the fun filled mood sings back "tumne pukara aur hum chale aaye, kitchen ka kaam sab chod aaye re "

Samrat smiles and chasing chamsish who had freed her dupaata and runs to the kitchen stands resting his hands from behind on a granite slab continues "imtehaan ho gayi intezaar ki, aayi na kuch khabar mere yaarki"

Gunjan puts the kadai on stove n then heating oil n blushing happily at being called his yaar, puts the vegetables that samrat had cut in diff shapeless uneven sizes to fry and turning around to where samrat is standing and moving in his direction without breaking the eye contact goes closer to him n ruffling his hair playfully n pinching his nose, sings "yeh ladka haye allah kaisa hai deewana" n then turning around makes a annoyed facial expression with hand on her hips and beating her forehead with a hand continues "kitna mushkil hai tauba isko samjahana , ki sabzi abhi tak taiyaar nahi hai, upar se pulav bhi mujhe pakana hai"

Samrat laughs at the twisted lyrics of chashmish n just as chashmish is ready to move back to the stove, he pulls her hand a lil roughly n unexpectedly, which makes gunjan's head to come n dash with a force against his own and rubbing his forehead while gunjan mouths an ouch, he sings "ae kya bolti tu"

Gunjan laughs genuinely n sings back "ae kya mai bolu"

Samrat "sun"

Gunjan "suna" pulling his cheeks

Samrat beating her hands pinching his cheeks down sings purposefully "aati kya evening walk pe"

Gunjan a lil annoyed for being rebuffed for pinching his cheeks sulking sings "pjir kaun banayega evening ka pura khana"

Samrat patting a hand softly on an annoyed chasmish's cheeks "hotel se manwayenge, door delivery kawayenge , phir aish kerenge aur kya"

Gunjan bursts out laughing at their mindless small games which were making every moment of theirs togetherness even more special. She cudnt have thanked her jiju in her heart more for suggesting this picnic

Gunjan pats samrat's cheeks softly as if undecided about how to express her love to him which she was dying to do right at this moment. But something stops her from taking that ultimate step to spill her heart out to him. Some gut instincts tells her, it's not time yet. So after admiring the apple of her eyes for few seconds, where samrat bestowed a smashing smile for her exclusively Gunjan says "bas ab bahut mazak ho gaya samrat, ab mujhe sach much kahan banana hai and if u distract me I wont be able to get any cooking done on time" saying so she pushes samrat playfully out of the kitchen area

Samrat breaks her push asks "but why can't I stay n help"

Gunjan a lil mock seriously "u know very well samrat why, coz if u stay we wont get any work done n when samrat is about to argue on that point, she forcefully stops him from continuing saying "no means no samrat, u go n watch Tv , its just a matter of couple of hours and I cant disappoint our friends, having promised them, a feast wud await them when they return" and gives one final shove to the sulking-and-reluctantly-dragging- his- steps samrat