As Muskaan stepped out of the washroom, she smiled. Riddhima had been right... the wait, the pain, n the sufferings had been worth this angel. She looked down at the tiny eyes closed tightly in a deep sleep. Just a few hours old, it seemed as if Muskaan had known her forever...n for a moment she could actually not believe that she had been living through all these years just without her. A small smile crept up her lips, n she knew that though Rahul's parents wouldn't be happy with it, she was ready to defend her daughter against any injustice. With this strong determination, she took a last look at her, then walked out to face what was in store for her.
...............................
Armaan quietly opened the door n gently closed it behind him. It was all dark n quiet, as expected. Walking towards the room, trying his best not to make any sort of sound, he frowned when he heard her wailing from inside her room. Putting his coat on one side, n the papers on the other, Armaan walked in n made his way to her cot. She looked up at him with eyes filled with big tears n for a moment, she stopped sobbing. He smiled at her n as she yawned, overwhelmed with his love for her, he bent down to take Arima in his arms. The tears vanished as of magic, n as he buttoned up her hello kitty night suit top, she put her head on his chest n stayed like that. Armaan smiled. Placing a hand on her back, n the other on her head, he kissed the side of her head n then calmly caressed her head. It was, perhaps one of the best ways to destress after a long day of mental exhaustion. He wasnt hungry, or restless, neither too sleepy any more. Contented, n satisfied, he placed himself on the chair in her room, after throwing away her doll from there. He rocked her n hummed one of the old lullabies that his mother used to sing for him, n before he knew it, he was asleep there.
The sun was setting, and the sky had turned into a pool filled with streaks of pink n crimson lights. It was hard to explain the beauty of the nature, but just looking at it n taking in the peace n happiness of the surroundings, meant everything to Riddhima. The waves were crashing like never before n the sand had never appeared so soft n shiny to her. The rocks on which she sat were steady, n so leaning back, she closed her eyes. A minute later, she opened them again n there, he came. Her smile grew wider. She couldnt really make out if he was carrying a basketball with him or something else, but her mind did not concentrate on that. For that moment, all she knew was that he was drawing closer to her, walking fast as the distances between them decreased n as he almost reached her, a big crash of a wave swept him off his feet...n within moments, as she freezed there, he was gone...The sea had taken him across....ARMAAN!!!!!!!!!
She woke up from her terrible nightmare n looked around. Armaan?? He wasnt lying there next to her. She sat up n looked around, her mind still not eased out, the after-effects of the nighmare yet not died down. It was then when she realised that she had been perspiring heavily, n putting a hand on her forehead, she removed the drops of sweat away from it. Getting out, she walked into Arima's room, n it was only then that her heart n mind stopped racing at a terrifying speed.
There, next to her cot, n on the rocking chair, they sat. He had his head leaning on to one side, as he slept quietly n she was tucked under his arms, breathing softly as she slept. There was a certain ambience to the room. It was quiet, yes, n it also lacked any sort of tension or hesitation that she had felt while sleeping in their room. It was all peaceful, as the first rays of the sun penetrated through the windows n as it hit his eyes strong, he frowned, n turning his head to the other side, he slept on. She noticed that he hadnt changed since last night n then it struck her that he might also not have had anything to eat. It must've been past one when he returned and being hell tired would have dropped dead as soon as he had entered. Oblivious to her standing there, in her night dress with her hair a mess, Armaan yawned deeply n turned again. It must've been uncomfortable, she thought, n as though in confirmation to her statement, he turned again n frowned. She walked upto them n looked down. Arima was fast asleep, n so was he. She had that little dimple emerging from behind her cheek, n there it was on his face! Her hair fell back on her forehead, n she smiled as she put back his locks of hair away from his forehead.
'Armaan..?' she spoke softly in his ears. He turned his head away from her, not wanting to be disturbed in the least. 'Armaan..' she looked down at him, as she ruffled his hair softly. 'Armaan...' she whispered again, wanting him to go back to bed n sleep comfortably. He groaned at being continuously disturbed n frowning again, he opened his eyes a little to see her standing there, looking down at him with a little smile. 'Tum..tum andar jaakar aaram se so jao..main ise leleti hun..' she said softly. He looked at her for a second, trying to take in what she said, n then realising where he was n that now, his neck hurt deeply, he nodded. She took Arima slowly from him, n she turned her head immediately as Riddhima kissed her head. Armaan looked at her. She was slightly worried n didnt look too good. As he looked in her eyes, the hesitation was gone n he leaned forward to kiss the top of her head as they felt Arima squeeze between them. Riddhima closed her eyes to feel his lips on her forehead, n as he retreated, she thought she saw him smile at her. And then, without another word, he went out.
Riddhima closed her eyes as she saw him leaving. She didnt miss the indifference he had in his eyes. It didnt take him long to realise that it was her..n he had to share this apparently 'cold' shoulder towards her. He wasnt just being him here..n she wondered why. She closed her eyes as she felt her heart ache. It pained her so much to know what was happening. Things needed to be talked about, but what with him? There hadnt been a normal healthy conversation that they had carried out in days now, n this was just eating her inside...she had no idea why he was behaving like this..she wished she would get to know what was behind all this, she prayed she would get to know where she had gone wrong..n what she could do to sort it out..Riddhima had no clue if it was to do with the amount of work he had to manage, or that there was something here at home...what was happening?? she sighed n then leaned back as her head ached.
There, on the bed, Armaan couldnt sleep a wink. As he twisted n turned n tried to get back to sleep, he knew he couldnt, for whenever he did that, there she was, right there..with the same look in her eyes..as if hiding something..as if just so deeply tensed about it all. He knew it was him, of course, the concern of all her worries...n it was terrible to just keep thinking about the whole situation without being able to talk to her about it..without being there to tell her to stop worrying...it was leaving him crazy, inside out. As he forced himself to get back to why he was behaving in that manner, he sighed. It was the baby she was conceiving, he knew it.
It was possible to run away from work, from Sanjeevani, from friends n others, from Arima, n even from Riddhima..but then to just shut himself out from his own feelings was what was troubling him just too much. It wasnt as if he felt that he did not want this baby, no that wasnt it. It was only him who knew how much Arima meant to him, n another one would give him no lesser joy. But then, to support a family of three, already, was certainly not a piece of cake. As much as he simple adored kids ever since, n absolutely loved Arima, n would love the other little one too, the responsibilty of bringing it up, was quite a lot, without a doubt. He wasnt scared in the least too, he...he just didnt know how to take this all down...What if they would screw up with a one year old child AND a new born? Did this happen just too early? Should they have waited for sometime longer...? Was this going to turn into a big problem now? How was he going to turn to Riddhima n manage to talk to her about all of this? Riddhima...he frowned harder. He was so angry with himself for not having spent enough time with her since the past week...n he knew that just blaming it on the work was not done. It was him, n no longer would he be able to pretend in front of her. But then again, he was afraid...what if she did not understand? What if she took him in a wrong way? Would it be better if things be untouched or should they be openly talking about it? It wasnt as if she had never been much of a support, absolutely not. But here the issue was about the baby...the little one she had inside her at that moment, the little one whom she cared so deeply about, n so did he..but then... Frustrated, he sighed. God, it was crazy...he decided to just close his eyes n sleep..It was nearly time for work, Armaan groaned.
............................
'Riddhima?' Muskaan smiled. She was always glad to see her best friend, n even so for now, for the little one had been creating too much of trouble than she could have ever imagined!
'Muskaan!' Riddhima hugged her, 'Kaisi hai?' she smiled back at her.
It was two days later, when Riddhima decided to drop in at Muskaan's n check out how it was all going. Meanwhile, she n Armaan had been doing just fine. But she knew that still there was something that needed to be discussed n before coming here, she had made up her mind to just get away from all this n to screw up thinking about him. Husbands...seriously!!
'Arima aapne chotta baby dekha tha?' Riddhima looked at her pointing to a little bundle from where two small eyes emerged. Arima looked at her n then looked back at mummy. The fact that mumma was clearly more interested in another baby than her, annoyed Arima. Riddhima laughed at her..anyways, soon she would have to accept it all when they would have their second one...but then it was something all older siblings went through...
'Riddhima?' Muskaan waved a hand in front of her eyes, 'Kahaan khoyi huyi hai?' she giggled, as she popped onto the bed, next to the baby. Riddhima smiled. A few things would never change, n she was happy that they wouldnt. Being a wife, or a mother hadn't in the least changed this bubbly girl with scruffy curls n a big goofy smile.
'Nahi...kuch nahi..' she shook her head. 'Iska naam nahi socha abhi?'
'Kahaan yaar..uss gadhe ko kabhi time milega kya?' Riddhima noticed the same look returning on her face as Muskaan carried on, 'Kaha tha ki ek acha sa pyara naam soch kar rakhna, toh kehta ki Babli kaisa rahega?' she mimicked Rahul as she uttered the last three words. Riddhima laughed, they would just be the same!
Muskaan stared back at Riddhima. Her best friend should have been feeling sympathetic that she had got such a moron of a husband who had the worst naming sense anyone could have had.
'Anyways, Armaan kaisa hai?'
........................
'Rahooooool!!! FINALLY!!' Armaan smiled as he entered his cabin then walked upto him n gave him a hug. 'Congrats man!! ...Riddhima ne batay ki woh bilkul Muskaan ke upar gayi hai...thank God!!' he teased n Rahul shook his head, 'Chodd yaar...bohot kaam hai pada hua...' n with that went back to his laptop.
'Cmon yaar..party toh banti hi hai..beti huyi hai..yaad hai na ki agar beta hota toh kya hona tha?' Armaan asked, as he sat in front of him, taking out his coat n keeping it aside.
Rahul looked at the mischief in his eyes, before they both fell into splits of laughter. 'Abbey saale...kuch toh sharam kar..agar Riddhima ko pta chalna tha na toh teri aisi waat lagati..' he laughed.
'Aur woh bhi yeh soch kar ki phir Muskaan aur tu hamaare samdhi..huhuhahahaha,' Armaan winked as he tried to imagine it all. Rahul shook his head as he laughed, it was good to get back to work n talk to Armaan.
'But Armaan,' he looked at him with a solemn expression, 'you were right...no other thing can give as much happiness in this world than that of being a father.'
Armaan looked at him for a few moments, n then nodded.
...........................
Riddhima looked around at the three of them sleeping, without a sound. The room looked no less than a nursery. It was everything how a new mother's room could be: smelling of milk, n nappies with a dozen set of clothes spread all over the place, a few medicines were scattered on the table along with another few glucose bottles. Socks, dolls, bottles, hankies, nappies...they were all there on the floor, n contrary to it all, there a little small princess slept...wrapped up with deliacate, nervous hands in a little cradle next to her mother.
It was almost five, now, n Muskaan was still in a deep slumber. But then, she must've been through some difficult nights, Riddhima smiled, n returned to her novel. A few lines later, she heard Arima shift in her sleep, n then wail slightly. Instantly, she got up, picked her up, n proceeded out of the room, lest the other two should wake up. She made her way to the kitchen, n a few minutes later, came back to the room with a bottle of milk. It was just impossible to look at Arima n not get reminded of Armaan. And as Riddhima stared at her daughter, her mind drifted back to her husband, n she felt tired. Why was he doing this with her? she desperately wanted to know.
Muskaan was aware somewhere in her sleep that it was time to wake up, n so slowly opening her eyes, she looked at the little one lying right beside her. Her lips turned into a smile on their own, as she caressed her cheek with the back of her palm. She turned to look at Riddhima n before she could speak anything, she heard the 'Jai ho' tune. Shuffling into her bag, searching for the phone, when Muskaan saw he was calling, she smiled, then politely went out of the room. Riddhima sat there, still looking at Arima who gulped down little sips staring out at the ceiling.
It was then when the baby let out a cry, n as Riddhima heard her, she gently put aside Arima n walked upto the baby. Taking her in her arms, she tried to pacify her at her best. Though she was good with children n the latter, too, seemed to have no problem with her, just at that moment the baby wouldnt settle in.
'Sshhhh baby...abhi mumma aa rahi hain...' she moved her in her arms as she looked down at the tiny eyes cry. She must be hungry, Riddhima thought, n looked at the door, waiting for Muskaan to come back soon. And as she tried to put the little one off to sleep, Riddhima heard Arima wail. Walking back to her n try to settle them both, Riddhima failed in all her futile attempts. And the worst was, just at that moment, she felt her knees go weak n a terrible pain take control of her limbs. She sat down, helpless with the two babies crying, until she heard a creak of the door. Finally, Muskaan was there, Riddhima sighed at the thought of it.
She turned around n as she saw him looking at her, sit helpless, they both knew what was wrong, that very moment.
'Arr..Armaan?' it was more of a whisper than anything else.
The look he had in his eyes made her just shed a tear. He saw her hurt, deeply so, n cursed himself, for he held himself responsible for her condition. There were no words or explanation needed..no talking was required at all..it was all clear: She was sitting there with Muskaan's baby in her lap n Arima next to her, both crying their lungs out. It was the baby that was to come, they both knew it, n even so it was for different reasons, they just knew that the other felt it that way. He stood there, at the door, looking at her...it was as if they were both rooted at the spot, with no one taking the initiative to speak..until minutes. As she sobbed somemore, the awkward silence was abruptly broken in as Muskaan entered n was a bit astonished to find the three sobbing at the bed. Confused, she walked upto Riddhima n carefully took the little girl, n then sensing that they needed time alone, she walked out without lifting up her head.
As they heard the door gently shut, Riddhima wiped a tear off her cheek n then taking Arima she inserted the bottle of milk back in her mouth. Silence prevailed. She didnt want to look up again at him n staring at Arima, she continued to sniff. But, from the corner of the eye, she could see him walk upto her n she closed her eyes as she sensed him sit next to her. There was an exclamation of joy that came from Arima, n dash went the bottle, just in time as Riddhima caught it, n a big smile crept over her face as she looked at him. Armaan smiled back putting a hand on her head, then bent down to kiss her forehead. Riddhima looked on as she fumbled with her hands, wondering what was next.
'How are you feeling?' he looked at her straight in the eye as she felt his hand on top of hers. 'Ummm...better...,' she looked down. Now as he had asked, she felt her body going weak again n there was something that was gripping her..it was a strange pain, n whatever it was, it was just increasing by each minute. He sensed she wasnt feeling too well, n looking at her, n then at Arima, he decided to leave n head back home. 'Ghar chalo...you need rest...' she heard him say, n with that he picked Arima up n she followed him out timidly.
Within a few minutes, they were back in the car, heading home. Muskaan had sensed that something wasnt too well between them, n with a small smile she saw them off. Now, as he looked at her, sitting beside him, he knew for a fact that she was feeling nauseous. 'Riddhima..are you okay..?' he looked at her, n she nodded as she held her stomach tight. 'Riddhima...hum ruk sakte hain if you want..' he suggested. She shook her head as a no, but that didnt convince him, so making it as fast as possible, they reached home.
The nausea was turning out to be intolerable, and the giddiness wasnt helping much either. Riddhima rushed to her room while Armaan busied himself in putting an uncompromising Arima to sleep. She bent over the sink bowl, waiting for the nausea to get over but it wouldnt go away. Perspiring slightly, she came out of the restroom and her eyes landed on a picture of herself and Armaan, on the bedside table. The coveted moment it had captured left Riddhima with a strong bout of nostalgia, of the times that had been. Now, Armaan rarely seemed himself, and though everything seemed normal on the overall pretext, both of them knew how far from truth it was. Her eyes roved over the pictures on the mantelpiece; pictures of their marriage, a few of their honeymoon, then a gang picture, and then her eyes stuck to one specific picture. A photograph of Riddhima holding a 12-hour old Arima in her arms, and Armaan bending over the baby, grinning at her mischievously, displaying his dimples to the fullest. Riddhima herself was laughing fully in the picture, and Arima.....she was just the most beuatiful new born she had ever seen. And yet, instead of leaving her with a happy, peaceful feeling, the picture suddenly made her realize something. That she couldnt do it without him. That she couldnt go through bringing a new individual in to this world till he was beside her, and by the looks of it, he wasn't around anymore.
Riddhima suddenly gasped for air, as if something had suddenly made sense to her. Her hand went upto her throat and rested there, as she breathed heavily, trying to control her beating heart. The thoughts overtook all her motions, and before she knew, she was pacing from one corner of the room to the other, thinking of the times to come, when he wouldnt be there...when she would be...devastatingly alone....
...........................
Three lullabies n two stories later, Armaan finally put an unrelenting Arima to sleep and then sighing slightly, and loosening his tie, he walked to his bedroom, his shoulders hunched together. It was getting to him finally, the distance that had been created unknowingly between himself and Riddhima, and he just wanted to end it. Tonight, he would talk to her. Definitely. With determination in his eyes, he turned the knob of the door.
"I cant do this....i cant do this...i cant do this....I....I cant..."
Armaan saw Riddhima pacing to and fro to the corner, mumbling to herself, the same thing over and over again, her eyes wide, her hands on her face. He was confused as to what was happening, and before he could take a step inside, Riddhima's eyes landed on him and what had previously been heavy breathing turned to panting as she stood at one point, mumbling louder, and then finally shouting....
"I Cant....i cant...I CANT....I...I CANT...ARMAAN...I CANT DO THIS...I.I...I CANT...!!" She didnt know when tears rolled down between her panting and shouting, and before she knew it, Armaan had leapt the distance between them and put his two, strong, sturdy arms around her, crushing her towards him.
Riddhima cried, for how long, none of them knew. They stood there, her hands pressed to his chest and his arms around her as he stroked her back, shushing her, calming her down, till her panting subsided to slow, rapid breathing and her heart beat returning to normal. Thats when he separated her from himself...and with two determined thumbs, wiped the tears from under her eyes with a finality. Riddhima's insecure eyes met his, and she gulped finally as he started speaking.
'Riddhima...'
TO BE CONTINUED...
P.S. Oops!! How could I forget?? Silly me! 'Thank u Kiran di' (in a chorus) :P
Edited by KaranShilpa:) - 16 years ago
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