Letters - Prem Mukti FF

Chapter 2-Dreams and Reality

"She's never going to buy this."

"That's right, Sneha, always start a venture with this surge of positive thinking,"

Kasak gave a mock glare to her sister and was glad to see her respond with at least an attempt to smile. Ever since she had returned to Mumbai and learnt the full details of Sneha's disastrous marriage and the horrific events that followed, she would have given anything to see her sister smile.

"Kasak, Mamma will never agree to this. She thinks the best way to deal with Prem is to never mention Mukti."

"Mom and her ideas, we can't exactly not mention Mukti for the rest of our lives. She is our sister. Just because she is not here anymore doesn't mean we can forget all about her. Plus, its not like Mom's idea has worked in the past, did she forget Anurag Uncle?"

An awkward silence followed.. Generally speaking, neither one of them ever tried to bring up Anurag's name in front of each other. It just reminded them of a wedge between them.

"Coming back to Mukti," Kasak continued in a forceful manner, "We should seriously show those letters to Prem, he might just respond and that's the most important thing."

"Yeah, but we cannot read those letters ourselves. I mean, they were kind of like Mukti's diary. .. I would hate it if anyone read my diary."

"Fine! I wanted to know what she thought about me all those years, but I guess I will have to make do with 'She is smaller than me but not so much'. I still don't get why she wrote so much more about you. She is going to have to answer to me once I go up there to join her."

"Kasak! "

"It's a joke Sneha, I really don't think I will get to go up there. I will probably be on a lower level."

"Kasak! Seriously! We have to figure out how to show those letters to Prem without telling Mamma, its our only chance at getting our brother back."

And although they both kept quiet, one thought had crossed both their minds. What if Prem didn't want to come back?

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The raindrops pelted loud and clear. They did not obscure his vison, but enhanced it. He could see as if suddenly gifted with perfect sight. He could revel in her naked face, all traces of makeup had been wiped clean from it. A trail of water ran down her cheek like a rivulet of tears mingled with rain, each as pure as the other.

She was entirely in white, her clothes clinging to her body. Entirely in white save for the blood-red dupatta. The chastity of her soul contrasting sharply wth the deep red passions of her heart.

She spoke softly but firmly. Her voice was laced with sadness, yet her large expressive eyes had not a shred of self-pity in them. She was not hurting for she had lost her love; she was hurting because he would never experience his.

His throat seemed blocked, he had to say something otherwise this would end as it always did. He forced himself to speak.

"I didn't know anything about love. How could I, no one ever taught me. But I do now, Mukti, don't leave me!" This last sentence was uttered in absolute desperation.

But once again Mukti slowly turned away from him and walked away, for the dream followed reality.

Prem woke up with a start; he had broken into a sweat.

"Prem!" Prerna had burst into the room. "What is it?"

"Mukti" he muttered in a low moan.

Prerna clutched her son closer to her, and rocked him back and forth. Normally, she would have thought no grief could match a mother's after losing a child, but this time, the thought did not enter her mind, for his grief had surpassed even hers. She had lost parts of herself; he seemed to have lost the whole.

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March 20^th 1991,

Dear Mummy,

Guess what? I am happy today for two reasons. Reason No.1, I came first in my class today. And you will not believe the second reason, it's because Prerna Mam told me to call her Choti Ma. I hope you don't mind. She asked me to call her Ma but I thought that it wouldn't be fair to you because you are also my Mummy. So I will call her Choti Ma. She is so nice to me, she treats me the way she treats all the children. She told me from now on, everytime I have good news for her, she will shake hands with me, like real grown ups!

I also thought that I should now tell her why you called me Mukti. When she heard my story, she kissed me. She says that every person exists for some reason, but I am lucky because I know mine. She says such nice things. I hope when I grow up, I will become like her. I told her that but she became sad. She said she hoped that I would not go through as many troubles as she did. Choti Ma is so happy most of the time but sometimes she gets really sad. This happens a lot when she looks at Sneha.

Oh, and speaking of Sneha, I know why Choti Ma and Sir are so protective of her. Vishk Di told me that Sneha had cancer when she was little, the way you did. Only she didn't go to heaven like you. Sneha's life was saved. I wonder who saved her. Was he an angel? If he was, I hope I meet him one day; I always wanted to see an angel.

Before I go, I need to tell you one last thing. Last night, I had a dream. I was in a room, there was a little boy sitting all alone. I couldn't see his face really clearly but he frowned when he looked at me. I didn't leave because he looked so lonely and I wanted to make him happy. But before I could do anything, I felt as if I was waking. He begged me not to go, but I still left. I think more happened in the dream but I don't remember it. I feel as if he was Sneha's angel. Silly, isn't it?

Love Mukti

Damn, thought Kasak as she put the notebook back in its proper place. She had sneaked in the middle of the night and risked the wrath of Sneha for nothing. Mukti had not even mentioned me. The same, however, could not be said about her brother.

The End

Chapter Three:

Prisons- Real and Imaginary

The roses were slowly withering away. The quiet was almost deafening. But Prerna sat resolutely on, willing her son to wake up. She touched the cold gray tombstone, her hands caressing the name "Prem Basu" and then looked at the son who was sitting just as still.

Prem, please wake up. She begged silently. She tried hard not to think that she had uttered these exact words to the other Prem. The one who was now just a name on the tombstone. But after all, her second son was still alive, his heart was still beating. There was still hope.

Yet the roses kept withering away.

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Sneha held the rose up to her nose. She loved the smell of roses; it reminded her vaguely of some incident in her childhood. She breathed deeply and saw her sister approaching in the distance. Her eyes narrowed, she had a quite a few questions for her sister.

"Kasak, can you come here for a sec?"

"Sure, Sneha, What's up?"

"I need to ask you something important about last night."

Kasak seemed strangely hypnotized by the patterns on the carpet.

"Did you sneak out at night to read Mukti's letters?"

The carpet had never been quite so fascinating before.

"Kasak!" , Sneha yelled.

"Letters? Don't be silly, Sneha. You are being paranoid. This is your over-active imagination talking."

"And", continued Sneha as if she had not heard. "You messed up their order."

"Hey, I tried my best. You try reading something at three in the morning with just a flashlight. Oh" - Kasak paled as she realized she had given herself away. "Crap!"

"Crap sure sums it up. Kasak, I thought we agreed we will not read those letters. They were like Mukti's diary, how would you like it if I read yours?"

"A, I don't have a diary. B, I just read one letter which she wrote when she was six. So it's not like she wrote anything really private in it like about her first love or something- Oh wait, she did write about that."

"What?" Sneha thundered.

"Aha! Now look who's interested."

"Kasak, did Mukti write about Prem? How could she? She didn't even know he existed."

"She had dreams about him. Sneha, dreams about her friend Sneha's angel."

"My angel? Oh my God, but that's impossible."

"Is it really? It happens, you know, I always felt connected to Shravvan. Of course" her voice took a bitter tone. "That was before he knocked me up, ditched me at the alter, married my best friend and tried to ruin my parent's lives."

"Kasak.' Sneha's voice was sympathetic.

"Its okay, I am over it. I mean, there's no law that we fall in love only once right? But coming back to the present, maybe they were psychically connected."

"If they were, Prem must have had dreams about her too."

"Yeah, but it's not like we can ask Prem to recall them. "

"I know… I wish there was someone who could tell us more about his life before he met all of us."

"Well, there is someone. The woman who raised him all these years."

"Apurna Auntie? Don't be ridiculous, she's in jail"

Kasak stared blankly at her sister.

"You point being…."

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"I can't believe we are actually doing this" said Sneha, four hours later as they stood inside Mumbai Central Jail for Women at its visitors' registration desk.

"Hey, what are you so nervous about? At least you have met her. This is my first time."

"I met her when I was eight. It's not like I remember a great deal of it."

"But still, at least you got a chance to bond."

"Yeah, before she went all psychopathic and tried to throw her husband off a cliff."

"Hey, you know that might not have been her fault. I read somewhere that people born on specific days of the year are sometimes more susceptible to insanity and violence."

"Apurna and I share the same birthday." Sneha informed her sister icily.

"Oh really," Kasak looked at Sneha with a straight face. "I had no idea. Well that puts a whole new perspective on things doesn't it?"

"Kasak!" Sneha laughed. "Shut up."

Kasak smiled inwardly to herself. At least she had brought one of them back. Mukti would have been proud.

------------------------------------------

"Memoirs of Prem Basu!" Apurna threw back her head and laughed. "You girls just made my day."

Both girls thought it was perhaps best not to mention just now that Prem's legal name was Prem Sharma.

"Well, maybe he kept a diary or something."

"My dear girl, if he kept a diary, it would not have taken him five years to realize he loved that girl. You know the dead one."

Sneha flinched but Kasak ventured forward.

"So you cannot help us?"

"I didn't say that, did I?"

"So you can?"

"Depends... Let's say I can, what will I get out of it?"

"Well." Kasak gazed steadily at the mother of the man who she had once loved. "You get to leave this place."

They stared at each other for a minute, unblinkingly. Then Sneha tugged her sister's hand.

"Kasak, I need to talk to you, in private."

The second they were out of earshot, Sneha exploded.

"Are you crazy? Do you not know she has a tendency to kill people? She tried to kill Anurag Uncle, Mamma. For God's sake she even tried to kill Prem!"

"Yeah but they all survived, didn't they?"

"Kasak, sometimes people do die."

"I know that, Sneha" Kasak held up a bracelet gifted to her by Mukti on her fifteenth birthday. "Isn't that the reason why we are here today?"

They walked back to Apurna.

"So can you help us?" Kasak asked.

But Apurna was not looking at her, she was staring at Sneha.

"You have his eyes, you know." She said throatily. "Anurag's" She clarified, looking at Sneha's confused expression.

"I remember the day you were born. He left me to go to her on my birthday. But later on, that became a pattern."

Sneha and Kasak looked worriedly at her as she continued to talk, almost as if to herself.

"Do you remember your ninth birthday? I do. There was a song playing. He asked me to dance. Your mother was dancing with this girl's father." -Nodding towards Kasak. "That man twirled her like crazy, and she lost her balance. My husband let go of me to clutch her and save her from falling. The story of my marriage." She laughed bitterly.

"Okay, we get it; you have a few unresolved issues, but remember Prem..."

"Prem, yes of course, him. I think I can help you with that."

"Why? Do you have a Pensieve stored in here, somewhere?" Sneha asked

"What?"

"Sneha," Kasak whispered furiously. "I know growing up with Mukti and me made your humour skills dormant, But this is hardly the time to start exploring them by cracking Harry Potter references."

"Sorry, I just wanted her to stop looking at me so creepily." Sneha whispered back.

Apurna's expression became business-like.

"Check back with me in a couple of weeks. I may have something for you."

"You keep your end of the deal and we will keep ours." Kasak replied.

"Fine, now get out of here. Nothing angers me so much as the sight of Prerna. And the two of you carry her in your veins."

She watched the two girls leave and snapped her fingers.

A prison guard appeared instantly.

"Ma'am?" he asked.

"I told you to get something. Do you have it?"

"Yes Ma'am, here it is."

He dropped a Dictaphone in her palm.

"Good, you will be paid. I am ready to go back in my cell."

"Yes Ma'am."

As she walked into her private cell, Apurna raised the microphone to her mouth.

I always knew this day would come. It's a good thing I was prepared for it.

And Apurna Basu began to tell her story.

End of chapter.

Next chapter: The Hand That Rocked the Cradle.

Sorry for putting such little PM in it but I had to build the story.

Note- Obviously since I am writing this entirely in English, I cannot completely incorporate Apurna's style but I have tried my best to stay in character. Also, please remember this is supposed to be Apurna's interpretation about different characters and events.

Chapter 4- The Hand that Rocked the Cradle

(Apurna's monologue)

It's very easy to do what Prerna did: raise half of the world's children and call them her own. But it's harder to raise this one child and never ever allow yourself to feel even an ounce of affection for him. It takes hatred to do this, pure unadulterated hatred. Hatred Prerna has never once felt in her life for she has never known what is like to be not loved because she has been loved all her life.

The idea of kidnapping the child was not mine. I have to give that brainless spineless Komolika credit for that. But then Komolika always picked the weaker victims, she kidnapped a helpless infant, killed an old man. Me, I stabbed Anurag Basu. I would have killed him too if that worthless ex-husband of mine had not interfered. Silly, I never should have trusted that sanctimonious little weakling. But UD, he was my crowning jewel, my trump card but then the boy had his weaknesses as we all do.

He must have been around three when I took him from Komolika. A cute little boy he was too. One I could see many women falling for later on. I met him quite by chance. He was at the same resort where I was staying. I was there, biding my time and wondering how to best go after Anurag and Prerna again, when I saw him at the swimming pool, learning the first basic steps of swimming. The first time I laid my eyes on him, the sight of him made my skin crawl. He had the look of Prerna about him. Funny how the girl looked like Anurag and the boy like Prerna, I can never decide who I hate more. But despite my repulsion, there was something strangely attractive about the child learning to swim in the pool; He did not ramble around, screaming like the rest of the children did. (Then people wonder why I hate children so much) He was even, at that age, strangely focused on getting what he wanted. I saw him the next day too but it was with a woman this time. I saw only the back of her head. Komolika had changed her hairstyle again. Can you blame me for not recognizing her, that woman changes her hairstyle more often than Anurag changes his wives and that's saying something. But then her voice rang out loud and clear, she called the boy "Prem" and I know only one fool in this world sentimental enough to name her son after her dead one and only one other fool who would let the boy keep that name. Komolika's idea was good, raise the boy to strike against his parents but her technique was pathetic. She wanted to raise the boy, making him hate his parents. Amateur! She had no idea how to properly get to Prerna and Anurag. But then she had never loved Anurag with the intensity I did. Never thrown away her life for him only to have him running after another woman. So I took the boy away from her.

It was strangely easy. She was shockingly careless with him. All it took was bribing the waiter bringing the child his juice (even at this age, he hated milk) into drugging it. And the boy was mine. Prerna and Anurag's flesh and blood at my disposal. I left the resort the same day and disappeared. I had registered myself under a false name; Komolika never knew who stole her most precious weapon.

When I was first alone with the boy, I started laughing hysterically. The irony of the situation hit me. Of all of Prerna's children, (and they are quite of few of those) this was the one child I had always been connected with. I had forced Anurag to go ahead with this boy's conception. I had even witnessed the conception myself. And now he was lying in front of me. I wanted to kill him, then and there. This boy and his pesky sister were the reason why my marriage broke apart. I could have easily gotten rid of him but then what was the point? Prerna had already lost one child; she would cry over his body and then have another child. She was Prerna after all.

I knew then the only way this boy could be used was not to make him hate Prerna but to make Prerna hate him. Then he could destroy her and she could destroy herself. I would have succeeded too, if it hadn't been for that annoying little charity case of Prerna.

When I first took him to the new city, the boy used to ask for Komolika daily. (Imagine if Prerna ever found out.) But then he suddenly stopped. He seemed to have realized that he had nobody but himself to depend upon. He seemed withdrawn after that, pathetic little thing. In fact the only time he ever mentioned the past again was when he was five. It was somewhere in the middle of March. He woke up in the middle of the night from a dream. Half asleep, he told me his mother had come to see him and she had promised him that he would be alright; someone had just come to rescue him, a little girl apparently.

But when he woke up the next morning, he could remember nothing of the dream. He was UD again, cold and withdrawn, exactly as I wanted him to be.

The End

Ok sorry for not putting more order into this, I am trying out a new writing technique. 😉

And this is not the end of Apurna's monologue. She will keep appearing from time to time, telling UD's story.

Chapter 5- Cold Winter Nights

December 24^th 1992,

Dear Mummy,

Today was so cold. It seems like I might freeze. But my science teacher says human beings don't freeze as easily as water. I wonder how cold a person has to be to freeze? Do you think people freeze in Pamcheswar? Choti Ma says that is even colder than here. She says in winter, there is snow everywhere. I would like to see snow. It seems pretty.

Sneha says she has been to Pamcheswar but she was too little to remember. Choti Ma says she took Sneha there right after she was born. I would like to go to Pamcheswar one day; it has a magical sound to it. I feel like I have already been there, like I am connected to it. But that doesn't make any sense, does it? I wanted to ask Choti Ma more about it but she started looking sad, like she sometimes does. So I kept quiet, but Sneha and Kasak didn't notice; they kept asking her questions about it.

Choti Ma suddenly left. I know where she went. She went to look at the picture of the little boy. I have seen only a glimpse of him because she hides his picture from everyone. But sometimes when she thinks we are all asleep, she comes out to the garden and cries over his picture, I have seen her.

After Choti Ma left, Sneha and Kasak started fighting. I hope Choti Ma didn't hear; she was already so sad. I hate it when Sneha and Kasak fight, I wish they wouldn't. So I tried to patch things up but they wouldn't listen, especially Sneha. She left the room. I know where she went too; she went to the basketball court. I managed to cheer Kasak up. But to cheer Sneha up, I have to wait for Sir, only he can cheer her up.

I hope you don't think that Sneha and Kasak always fight, they don't. They normally get along so well. Sneha is so nice to us. She plays with us even though she is so much older than us. And Kasak and I always laugh so much when we are together. I wouldn't trade my two sisters for any other sister in this world. We all have so much fun together. I wish the little boy in the picture could join us too. I hope he isn't lonely where he is. Because of today, I will always think of him when I think of Pamcheswar. I hope I get to see them both one day.

Bye for now,

Love,

Mukti

A tear rolled down Kasak's cheek for she, too, could remember this night perfectly well. The cold, the fight, Mukti's obstinate refusal to leave her alone till she was all cheered up. This night and a million other nights she had spent with her sisters, secure in the knowledge that sisters were for life.

"Kasak, you better not be doing what I think you are doing!"

The voice came from over her shoulder. Kasak quickly wiped off her tears. Sneha had only just started coming out of that shell. There was no need to send her back in by gnawing at old wounds.

"Sneha! I wasn't reading. I was just -err- admiring Mukti's beautiful penmanship. She could have been a calligraphic prodigy, dontcha think?" Kasak held up the letter.

Sneha took one look at the untidy scrawl that only an eight-year-old could write and burst out laughing. Kasak smiled to herself. For her, every day that Sneha laughed was considered a victory.

"I don't know if Mukti had a talent for calligraphy but you certainly have one for making up the most ridiculous stories."

"Hey! I bet you that was what unimaginative people told Newton when he first started babbling about an apple."

"You flunked physics for three straight years, how can you compare yourself to Newton?

"Poor us geniuses," Kasak sighed dramatically. "Our brainwaves are never appreciated in out own time."

"Speaking of brainwaves, where on Earth did you get that insanely stupid idea to make that deal with Apurna Auntie?"

"Sash! Not now. If Mom hears us; we are screwed."

"Mamma's out. She went to get Prem's medicine."

"Yeah, but still. What if she bugged the place?"

"Kasak, you will have to make a better excuse than that to get out of explaining your actions."

"Okay, fine" Kasak gave up. "When I first proposed the offer, I did it because it was the first thing that came to my mind. I didn't think she would accept it. I mean, she has to know that she's there on attempted murder and kidnapping charges. There was no way that even the daughters of Rishabh Bajaj could do anything. I was prepared to offer her money when she rejected this initial offer but she, for some reason, accepted."

"So?"

"So when we first came to her, we wanted to know more about Prem, so that we could help him recover. I still want to do that. But now, I also want to find out why Apurna is so willing to make a deal where she is not likely to benefit. Luckily enough, both these questions might get answered by making that deal with Apurna."

"In other words, we are gonna use that deal to figure out Apurna's true intentions?

"Exactly"

"That sounds like fun."

"Yeah" Kasak grimaced. "It will be a blast."

*******************

The party was going on in full blast. UD could hear the loud music as he crawled down the stairs in his pyjamas. It was so loud that his ears hurt real bad. He was so scared. Everywhere he looked, monstrous shadows appeared, all waiting to snatch him away to that taxi. He had that very bad dream again. The memory was getting fuzzy already. All he remembered was the cab and a voice screaming in Hindi. UD did know a little Hindi, Auntie sometimes talked in it but he had never heard that one word.

There were so many grown-ups in the living room. All of them in glittering clothes with glasses of various drinks in their hands. UD had once tried alcohol (Auntie did not stop him). But it tasted so bad that he spat it out. Auntie had laughed and mocked him. She said that you had to develop a taste for it, and only really strong people could drink. One day, UD kew, he would be strong enough to drink it too. But now as the memory of that incident loomed larger than the dream, UD thought it was silly to expect Auntie to comfort him. She was not like that. He made his way to go back to his room when he heard her voice.

"UD! What are you doing here?"

"Uhh.." UD looked at the roomful of strangers all looking at him. A flash of cold pride coursed through his body. He would not start crying about nightmares in front of these strong alcohol-drinking people. UD could be as strong as them. Even stronger.

"I wanted to see my new presents now. I don't want to wait till morning." He said defiantly.

Apurna broke into an approving smile.

"They are in the kitchen."

UD quickly started walking towards presents. As he reached the kitchen door, he heard one of the men at the party exclaim in an amused voice.

"Apurna, the boy takes after you. He is learning to be just as avaricious as you are."

"We all want to get what we can in this day and age."

UD opened the kitchen door and stepped inside.

"Isn't that true? Najaane kab humain in aadatoo sey Mukti milay gi."

In the instant it takes for a door to slam shut, it seemed as if a fire had warmed UD' cold little heart. He felt warm and comforted as if there was a friend holding his hand tightly. As if there was still hope that one day he would be loved and learn to love.

But then the door slammed shut and the fire went out. UD was left in the room, cold and alone, with only his Christmas gifts to hold in his hands. And the word that the man had uttered was lost somewhere in the deep realms of his memory.

But then on a cold winter day eighteen years later, UD once again visited that night and woke up to find his two sisters staring at him, each holding a stack of notebooks in her hands.

"It's time" Kasak whispered and Sneha handed him the first book.

The End

Chapter 6 "A Trip to the Beach''

'A special world for you and me
A special bond one cannot see
It wraps us up in its cocoon
And holds us fiercely in its womb'

- Sheelagh Lennon

India sure wasn?t all that it was cracked up to be. That was the only thought that played in UD?s mind as he watched his aunt mingle with all the other rich NRIs. He was bored like hell, lying there on a beach in Goa. With no one to talk to but other rich Americanized kids. He would have been way better shooting baskets back at home. There was nothing interesting here at all.

'Hey.'

He looked up, a girl around his age was standing over him, carrying the usual beach necessities.

'You mind if I sit here, everywhere else is taken'

Well, maybe there was something that was interesting here.

'No problem.'

She dropped next to him.

'I am Chloe, by the way.'

'UD'

'That's a unique name. Does it stand for something?'

'It's an ancient Sanskrit name, A great Indian leader was called that.' He had made that up of course, but girls usually lapped it up.

'That's bull. No great Indian leader was ever called that. I would know.'

Well, maybe not all girls.

'Fine, I have no clue what it means.'

'Hey, you don?t have an accent, are you from the US?'

'Boston, to be exact.'

'I am from New Haven, Connecticut.'

\New Haven, huh? Another college town.'

'Both my parents are professors at Yale.'

'And yet you seem strangely sane.'

'Seem is the keyword. They love India. This is my fifth trip in the past four years.'

'And its only my first.'

'Whoa, I have been to India more times than an actual Indian. That?s kinda cool'

'I am not an actual Indian. The only thing I know about India is that I was born here and a little Hindi. The only reason I am here today is because a bunch of my aunt's business partners. She doesn?t give a damn either but they were anxious for a trip to their good old homeland so she put on a good show for them.'

UD could see a couple strolling hand in hand along the beach.

'The things people do for money.' Chloe muttered to herself.

'Hey, anyone can do anything for money.'

'Yeah, like what?'

UD pointed to the couple strolling. They had come closer now. He could make out the woman?s long flowing dark hair contrasting sharply with the man?s grey hair.

'Look at that couple there, why do you think they got married?'

'I don?t know. They fell in love.'

'Nah, look at the difference in their ages. Chances are, he fell for her because she was young and hot. And she liked his money.'

'You know, you don?t have to be cynical. They look like they are in love.'

'Yeah, sure. Like that's the reason anyone gets married.'

'Hey, my parents did. Neither of them had a lot of money. But they love each other so they got married.'

'What about your parents? Weren't they in love or did they just marry for money?'

UD stared at the approaching couple. The woman?s hair was really beautiful.

'I don't know. They died when I was a baby.'

'Oh my God, UD. I am so sorry.'

'It's no big deal.' UD continued to stare at the woman. He felt like he had seen her before. 'How can I miss what I never had?'

At that exact moment the woman stopped, turned and stared directly at him. Just for a second UD felt his loss, strangely echoed in the woman's gray eyes. Then she shook her head and continued her stroll.

Chloe was watching him with an odd expression of pity and admiration.

'Wow, I don't know how you deal with this. I would die if something happened to either of my parents.'

UD didn't answer. Two more people was approaching. This time, they were two girls. One of them was his age, wearing glasses. She seemed to be talking really fast. The other one was several years older than him. As they came nearer, they could hear bits of their conversation.

'- cancer is not going to come back because I am worried about Mamma and Papa.'

'You know that when you worry, it causes stress, which causes your immune system to weaken. And a weakened immune system is not something an ex-leukemia patient should have.'

As the two girls passed him by, the younger one tripped but managed to balance herself. A book fell out of her half-zipped bag. It landed near Chloe?s feet. The two girls walked away, without even noticing.

UD picked up the book. He scoffed at the cover, a powerful image of a young couple embracing.

'A love story. I should have guessed.'

'That's not just any love story. It's "Wuthering Heights"'

'Oh, the one written by one of those Bronte chicks.'

Chloe looked at him disdainfully.

'Spoken like a true guy.'

'Hey, I read the Cliff notes version for my English Lit. class. I can assure you that it?s a bunch of crap. No way could any guy remain that faithful to some dead girl he knew when he was a teenager.'

'You don?t think such people can exist in real life?'

'Well, I really liked the taking away money from the guy who wronged him part. It was the obsession with the girl that I didn?t understand. He should have been happy with winning all that property and money, but instead he just kept obsessing about joining his dead ex'

'That has got to be the worst way anyone's ever described this classic. Maybe, you should try reading the original version.' Chloe tapped the cover of the book.

UD opened the book and turned to the first page.

'My dearest Mukti,

Congratulations on your result! I am glad to see you at the top of your class as usual. Here's the book you wanted. Hope you enjoy it. May your own story be filled with as much as passion as there is in this story, but without the sorrow that accompanies it.

Love,

Choti Ma'

'Dude, women can be so melodramatic.'

Chloe traced the words of the message thoughtfully.

'Mukti. That's such a beautiful name.'

'What does it mean?'

'Salvation.'

'Salvation.' He repeated thoughtfully.

'I guess I should return this book to the girl. It's obviously a gift.'

She got up.

'Hey, Chloe..'

'Yeah?'

'Do you think I could have your number, in case, you know, I ever come down to New Haven or something?'

She looked at him.

'Not right now, you can't.'

'Excuse me?'

'Not till you understand why Heathcliff preferred being with ''his dead ex'' to living. Not till you find your Mukti.'

'Salvation.' He said, mostly to himself.

'Salvation.' She repeated and walked away, in search of the girl who wore glasses. The girl called Mukti.

*******************************

It had been many years since that incident took place. He could no longer remember what Chloe looked like, or most of their conversation. Yet, the one word he had learnt that day had stayed with him forever. Haunting him, really, for he could finally understand why Heathcliff preferred dying to living. Why the memory of one dead woman was more important than all the wealth he could ever accumulate in the living world.

It was truly sad that his mother's wish had come only half true.

Turning Points

Girls' Night In

"How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world!"

-William Shakespeare

"She's still here."

Prem spoke softly but his words reverberated in the room. Kasak glanced at her mother, wondering how she would respond.

"She's dead, Prem, you were there. Don't you remember?"

Prerna spoke with the air of a parent relentlessly drilling into her child's head the truth about Santa.

"I don't mean- I don't mean she's not dead. She's just not gone. She can't leave. It's just not possible."

"Prem, we all loved Mukti. None of us is going to be the same again. But she's not here."

"You don't get it. It's not just simple love. It's as if- like I am her. And she is me. We just can't- not be-" Prem's hands grappled in air as he grasped for words. "It's impossible to explain."

"Mukti lives inside all of us, but Prem, she's not here. The sooner you realize that, the easier it's going to be."

Prerna walked out of the room. Kasak heard her sister talking to her mother outside the room.

"Did you have to be this hard? He just came back to reality. Do you want to push him back to where he was?"

"I was not being hard on him, Sneha." Prerna's voice was hard. "I told him it would get easier. It won't. It will just hurt, everyday, for the rest of his life. It will torture him at nights. If he passes even a day without thinking of her, he will make up for it by spending hours trying to recall her frown. Every time he will smile, he will wonder if she would have laughed. One day, he will wake up thirty years later and it will still hurt the same. It's impossible to get over death. My son will live in pain for the rest of his life and there's nothing I can do to stop it."

Kasak looked at her mother. This was what her mother had lived with for the past thirty years.

"Kasak."

Prem was calling her.

I know nothing about him He shared atleast something with Sneha. But I left before he really became part of this family.I never wanted to get to know him.

"I need you to do me a favor."

"What sort of favour?"

"I need you to find this girl for me. Her name's Melissa McAvoy."

"Do you know anything else about her?"

"We went to the same high school."

"Prem, I-"

"This is important. And nobody, including Mother India, can know about this."

Kasak smiled. Some things just ran in the family. She finally believed that they shared DNA.

"

*********************

Dear Mummy

Today was awesome!! Visk Di, Kuki Di and Sneha came back for vacations. It had been getting a bit boring lately. Not that Kasak isn't great, it's just that I was spending so much time studying for my exam that I guess she was feeling a bit bored with everything. But today, all us sisters were united again. We spent the entire day playing monopoly. Kuki Di cheated Kasak out of Mayfair. Kasak threw a huge tantrum and I spent the rest of the afternoon convincing her of the merits of fair playing. I don't think I got through, though. But at least she didn't run off with her new boy-crazy friend who has been hanging out a lot lately. I keep forgetting her name- oh right Tanisha.

Anyway, I later went to Choti Ma's room. She looked so happy. Of course, Kuki Di would say it's only because Sneha is back. But I don't think that's true. She's happy because all her girls are back. I bet, in her mind, she keeps dreading the day when she has to see us all married and stuff. You know, she dreads an empty house that's not filled with us. But it can't be that bad; I keep joking and telling her that she can have a second honeymoon with Sir. I mean they raised six kids; it has probably not been the most relaxing time for them.

I found her lying on her bed, just smiling to herself. She told me that nothing can bring joy to a mother's face faster than seeing her children happy together. She said that she hoped all of us can be happy like that, always. Obviously, she hadn't heard Kasak sniffling in the next room.

Does seeing me happy make you happy too, Mummy? I lost you before I could even remember what you looked like, but do you still remember what I looked like? You can, right? People love after death. They stand next to you and watch you smile and cry.

I think if the entire world believed that every time we do something, people we love would know and smile, it would be such a better place. We all want to take giant steps to improve the world. Why can't we ever concentrate on making just one person happy at a time?

Choti Ma and I went back to Sneha's room where we were all playing. Even Kasak stopped sulking when Choti Ma gave Birju Kaka the night off and we all made dinner together. Of course, it was a total fiasco. None of us knows how to cook, well Visk Di and Choti Ma know but they were too busy laughing at Kasak and me make the worst pizza in the history of the world. And Sneha was in some sort of dream zone and Kuki Di had taken the position as the official taster. And let me tell you, Kasak got her revenge all right. I don't think Kuki Di will ever completely recover her taste buds.

Then Choti Ma got all sentimental and got the camera out and had us posing while we ate the horrible under-cooked pizza. And of course, Kasak figured out what was wrong with Sneha. She has this huge crush at some guy she met somewhere. She won't tell us anything about him. Except that his Dad's a politician. And we all got on her case. She won't budge for now, but Kasak and I have our ways. I mean, hello, we invented anonymous letters, right?

At the end of the day, Choti Ma got all teary-eyed again and wished her son was here with us. Only I thought she had said 'sons'. I must have misheard. She only has one son, Tushar Bhaiya. But when I asked about it, she went secretive again. Well, I am just not thinking straight. Choti Ma only has one son. Can you imagine if she had another one? We would have grown up together. I wonder if I would have liked him?

Love,

Mukti

Prem touched the signature. "Love, Mukti" How many different ways of saying the same thing?

He closed his eyes. He knew what he had to do.

*******************

Kasak took out her laptop from her bag. Prem had not given anything to go on. She sighed. Who was this girl he was so intent on finding? She knew it wasn't an ex-girlfriend. Prem had not exactly been the boyfriend type.

"Kasak."

Prem had just walked into the room.

"Forget about the girl. I have something more important for you to do"

"More important?"

"Yeah, I need you to find me a Monopoly set."

"Monopoly, the game?"

"Yes, of course."

"I think we have an old one lying here but why do you need it?"

"I will tell you later. Do you have Kuki and Vishaka's numbers?"

"They are in my cell. Here take it."

She threw him the phone

"Thanks"

"You are supposed to be taking it slow."

"I know"

"Prem" She hesitated "What are you doing?"

"Planning a reunion"

And he disappeared from her sight.

*********

Prerna walked into the storage room. Someone had left the door open. The old board games were all lying on the floor. She shook her head and bent over to pick up the Scrabble board. Polaroids fell out from the box. Her girls, captured, frozen, and happy. She knew what the future would hold. Miscarriages and failed marriages. Death. But they were so happy here. And she had known it would not last.

Sounds of shrieks and laughter penetrated the room. There had not been any laughter in this house for a very long time.

She walked upstairs and stopped outside Sneha's room. Her girls were sitting there playing Monopoly.

"Mayfair is sooo mine this time."

"Dream on. You could never get Mayfair."

"The only time you ever got Mayfair was when you cheated."

"Whatever you say, baby of the family."

"I am telling you, Kuki Di, I will not hesitate from feeding you curry pizza topping again."

"Ouch, Kasak, you just reminded me what that had tasted like. I am going to get my revenge. I am going buy Mayfair and Park Lane and build hotels on it. You just wait."

Prerna smiled. All her girls were together, with one jarring exception.

"I called them over."

Prem was standing behind her

"What?"

"I called Vishaka and Kuki over. Told them it was important."

"You planned this?"

"Yeah."

"It's something she would do."

Prem just handed her a camera.

Prerna took the camera.

"She's not going to show on this, you know?"

Prem still said nothing. Prerna took the picture and waited for the Polaroid to develop.

The picture showed four women, toughened by life, but still smiling. There was a glittering quality in the picture. As if the room was sparkling. Prerna stared at the picture. There were no bright lights in the room, yet the room glistened with a light that she could not describe. It didn't have a source or a colour. It was just there.

And staring at the picture, Prerna felt something just for an instant: the beginnings of a desire to smile.

She turned towards Prem, holding the inexplicable picture out to him.

Prem glanced at the picture.

"Your happiness meant more to her than anything else. She stands next to you, watching you smile and cry. "

He turned to leave

"Prem, where are you going?"

"Mukti and I- we have some stuff to do"

The End

Chapter Nine- Guilt

"guilt is the cause of more disorders
than history's most obscene marorders."

- e.e. cummings

Melissa Catherine McAvoy (b. 15^th August 1983) passed away on Tuesday May 14^th 2002. She had been a member of the cheerleading squad at the private school, James Madison High School. She was currently attending Boston College. She will be missed by her mother Lisa McAvoy Gomez, her father James McAvoy, her stepfather Alfredo Gomez and her little brother Tony McAvoy.

It was a short obituary.

Kasak clicked on the next window. It was a page from an anti-suicide website.

Losing Lissa

My best friend and roommate committed suicide on May 14^th last year. Today marks the first anniversary of Lissa's death. She would have turned twenty in August. She should have been selecting majors with me at the end of our sophomore year. Instead, she is lying in a cemetery Her family was devastated. So were her friends. Melissa left behind many people who loved her, who could have helped her. For all those of you who are considering suicide. Please know that living this life is worth it. Please get help. Suicide is never the answer.

(Claire Andrews lost her best friend Melissa McAvoy on May 14^th last year. Melissa had been suffering from clinical depression since she was a victim of a sexual assault five years ago. If you too have been a victim of sexual abuse in any form, please do not hesitate to get help.)

Kasak stared at the computer screen. She had finally succeeded in finding the girl.

Why had Prem had been asking about this girl?

Her eyes moved over the excerpt again. They paused at the phrase "sexual assault". This must have happened while Melissa was still in high school. Poor girl; she was a teenager. She must have been even younger than Mukti when she was-

Kasak took a sharp intake of breath. Her mind was racing. She looked up Boston University, it was only an hour away from where Prem and Melissa had gone to school. Her mind made rapid calculations. He had been Sneha's age. It meant he would still be in college when this girl was raped in 1998. Why hadn't anyone of them noticed how strange was it that he and Prem had known each other despite the age difference? Why hadn't anyone wondered if Mukti Deshmukh was the only victim of Sharad Gupta?

And Kasak clicked on the last window and an article about drugs related rapes in American high schools filled her screen.

************

Prem touched the smooth white headstone. How strange that this boy, who he had always pictured as a five year old, would have been older than him; older than his sister. If he had lived, Prem would have never existed. He plucked a rose from the bush.

"She loves me"

"She loves me."

"She loves me."

He carried on in a strange monotone till every petal was gone. What was the next step? What would have she done? How did he go about repenting his mistakes? Righting every wrong? She would have known what to do. She had always known to do the right thing. He missed her in different ways every day. Sometimes he missed the beautiful woman walking away from him. Sometimes he missed the focused ambitious career girl. But right this instant he was missing the girl who would know instantly what to do, and yell at him till he did it. He was missing his friend.

He was left holding the skeleton of a rose.

*******

May 14^th 2002

Dear Mummy,

Can you believe I will start my last year of my school soon? God, it only seems like days ago when I was fretting over whether I would get accepted into Sneha's school. Now it's my school. I really could not believe it when I got the letter that said I had won the scholarship. It was like, seriously, the best moment of my life. Choti Ma was so happy that she was almost crying. Sneha was as usual away so I couldn't tell her right away but Kasak and I were dancing together. We were that happy. Sometimes I wonder which sister I am closer to, Sneha or Kasak. All my serious moments are with Sneha while all my fun ones are with Kasak. I love them both so much. I guess Sneha is technically my best friend. But that's because Kasak has so completely attached herself to Tanisha. Even though Tanisha is really Visk Di's cousin from her other mother's side but since she is almost the same age as Kasak, they hang out a lot. I guess that's only fair. They have a lot in common. They are both completely crazy as only a couple of sixteen year olds can be. But they are far more crazy than I was at their age. I was so serious, so ambitious. Yeah, I try to be all perky and happy all the time. Yeah, I am glad I have had to work for everything I have got so far in life. But I wonder what it would be like to the other way round. If I was just handed things the way the other Bajaj children are? Would I have been me, Mukti? Did the trials in my life make me who I am? If so, what other trials will I face? Will I do what I have done so far and survive everything that life will throw at me? Or will I collapse? What is the difference between people who get through and people who don't, anyway? Just that after a certain point you lose too much to want to live. I wish I would never have to go through that point in my life. Where dying seems like a better option than living.

************

Prem crept inside the dark house. It was late and he did not want to his mother knowing where he had been or what he had been doing. He had a feeling it would interfere with her plan to make him healthy again. As if healthy, like happy, was not an option cancelled a long time ago.

A figure rose from the dark and switched on the lamp. Prem found himself face to face with his little sister.

"You knew, didn't you?" Kasak hissed.

"What did you find out?"

"That you are a coward! This whole family is filled with freaking cowards and you are one of them!"

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Oh really? Melissa McAvoy was raped. At a party, after she was drugged. Sounds familiar, UD?"

"You could have saved her." She was not talking about Melissa anymore. "If you had the guts to do something right years ago, my sisters would not have to go through unbelievable torture. Maybe both of them would even have been alive, right now. Instead of dead and slowly dying."

"Mukti forgave me." He muttered his only emotional salve.

"Mukti forgave everyone. She forgave people for being crappy friends. She forgave people for running away and not caring what happened to her. She just forgave, especially when it came to undeserving people in this family. She would have probably forgiven you for this piece of – she would have sat next to you at the girl's wake for God's sake. It doesn't make the guilt go away. Nothing ever does."

"the girl's what?"

"That's right, UD, Melissa McAvoy committed suicide after four years of being treated for depression. Congratulations for ruining another girl's life. I hope you didn't love this one."

As Kasak stalked off, Prem remembered the end of Mukti's last letter. Where dying seems like a better option than living. He knew what it was like to live like that. So had Melissa. But had Mukti? And what about Kasak?

Although this brought no pleasure to his pain, he knew what he had to do next: Save Kasak; Save her sister.

* Reserved!