Chapter 19|
"Had I been in love, I could not have been more wretchedly blind. But vanity, not love, has been my folly."
- Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
Jeevika awoke late the next day, still in her clothes from the day before - she had fallen asleep late last night after reading Viren's letter numerous times - and she was both physically and emotionally drained.
At first, she had read the letter with some residual anger and bias still, particularly when it came to Viren's thoughts on Manvi's lack of feelings for Virat. And then when she read the part about Maya, while she immediately discredited the narration as false...she couldn't help but feel suspicious and horrified all the same. Upon the second and third reading, the realization slowly dawned upon her that Viren was being truthful. Thinking back to her encounters with Maya, she recalled how readily the girl had told her about her supposed history with the Vadhera brothers - the information had been too freely given, with little prompting from Jeevika herself. On further thought, she realized there was no actual proof that Viren's tale was untrue, in fact, she had no knowledge on Maya's character, other than first impressions and her charming demeanor. No one really knew her, so how could Jeevika judge her to be the truthful one?
Mackenzie had mentioned to her also about a girl in Virat's past who had played him hard. And if Viren had suggested she go to Mac for confirmation - surely that meant he hadn't been lying? She had considered talking to Mac about it - but the notion held little appeal. Asking her would be both awkward and demeaning.
Thinking about Maya's behaviour in accordance with Viren's letter was a heavy shock. She had accepted that girl as a friend, while rebuffing Viren so blatantly. She allowed her thoughts to slip to him now. When had he shown any instance of being a bully or manipulator - as Maya had made him out to be? He was quiet, perhaps a little too proud and he was blunt...but that didn't make him a terrible person. And Virat, whom she had come to know, not just from personal interaction, but by others' opinions, to be a kind, friendly and generous young man...to have such a close relationship with his brother...Mac spoke of him with favour and even Manvi hardly disliked him...yes, Jeevika had been wrong, very wrong.
She put a hand to her forehead; she was getting a massive headache. She'd possibly never felt more ashamed in her life. She had judged Viren solely by first impressions. After hearing his comment about Manvi and scrutinizing his behaviour at a party, she had held a grudge ever since. It had clouded every opinion she could form of him. He had never treated her with anything but politeness and gentility...even if he'd been brusque with her after she'd turned him down...well, she deserved it because she'd been far worse to him. She had criticized him for being arrogant, but in reality, she'd been the prideful one. She had forgiven Virat easily whereas she'd never forgiven Viren that day at the party -why? Because Virat had been charming and amiable and Viren had been silent and grim. She had always prided herself on being a good judge of other people, yet she had been so wrong in her judgment of Viren. Sure, he had his faults and she might have disliked him...but that didn't give warrant to her treatment of him or her beliefs surrounding his character.
Going back to his opinions on Manvi, she could admit he was not at total fault for his assumptions. She never really thought about it much, she loved her younger sister unconditionally, but she realized Manvi had never really demonstrated much preference for Virat, in public, at least. Manvi held onto her heart fast, she had told Jeevika herself she didn't like to get emotionally attached. She had been in relationships before and all of them had been broken off by her before it got serious. And she was affectionate and friendly with all the boys in her social circle, which Jeevika supposed might be taken as flirtation to one who didn't know her well. She had also taken so long to admit her feelings, even to Jeevika herself, so to one who hardly knew her, except based on observation...no, it did not appear as though Manvi had deep feelings for Virat. Viren had only been afraid that she would toss Virat aside and use him as Maya had, Jeevika could not fault him for that. And Virat was an adult; he was fully capable of forming decisions himself, no matter his brother's influence. So, Viren could not be held totally responsible for that issue either.
She had spoken to Manvi about the matter and Viren's declaration. While her sister had been shocked over Maya's behaviour, she agreed that there was no proof of the information being false and she also added that she'd never been particularly fond of her. She had also been troubled over how far the girl had gone to hurt Virat, but she simply told Jeevika, "He should've known I'm nothing like her. I'm not going to go down on my knees and beg him to see that I'm different and I love him. If he really loves me, he should be able to see that for himself." As to Manvi's thoughts on Viren, she had said with a little laugh, "I mean, everyone could tell he was attracted to you. I don't blame the guy, you're a stunner. But, I never thought he was so serious about it. And you were right to turn him down. You don't even like him. I'm indifferent to him, to be honest, I don't know him too well, but I can't say I hate him. Even though he thinks I'm a little wild and influenced Virat's opinion of me...well, that's his choice to make and he's only protecting his brother. And Virat can decide for himself. So, I'm not holding a grudge against Viren. Let's be real, Di, you'd do the same for me."
Over the next few days, Jeevika could only berate herself further. Sometimes she thought over how he had told her he was in love with her and how rude some of his remarks had been. But whenever she thought to how she had responded in turn, she could only feel angry at herself. She avoided him as much as possible, too ashamed to make eye contact or share the same space with him for too long. At the same time, she knew she had been right in turning him down. She held no romantic feelings for him whatsoever.
"Bhai, you okay?" Virat asked with slight concern, "Swamini Bua keeps telling me I need to check up on you."
"I'm fine," Viren said curtly, finishing off his essay, "I've just got a heavy workload right now, that's all."
"Yeah, okay," Virat said with sarcasm, "You've been like this for a week. What's going on?"
"Nothing's going on."
Virat watched him perceptively, then got up with a sigh, "Alright, if you're not going to tell me, I'm not gonna push you. You do you. But, if you want to talk to me about it, I'm here."
Viren felt slightly guilty as Virat walked out of the room. In truth, he didn't know what to say to him. He had been feeling embarrassed over his words to Jeevika, perhaps he had been too rough. His pride was definitely hurt over her refusal, but more than that, he realized that maybe, he'd never have a proper interaction with her ever again. He missed their brief conversations, seeing her in the halls - she had been taking care to avoid him, he surmised. Even in class, she avoided eye contact. He couldn't blame her. He'd been doing just the same.
He couldn't help but think back to how he'd asked her out. He realized with a start that he had been just as bad as Manny. He had expected her to say yes, with scarcely any thought to how she felt about him. He had expected her to feel the same way about him, even though she'd never given any inclination that she even liked him. No, he'd been worse than Manny. Because Evans actually had the courtesy to apologize for his behaviour in person. Viren hadn't had the balls and had served it to her half-heartedly in a letter, to avoid further rejection - not to mention the fact that at every attempt to speak from the heart, he only screwed matters up...
Yet, he supposed, there had been one distinctive difference. Evans had never been in love with Jeevika.
While Viren couldn't hope to ever get out of it.
Jeevika hugged her sister goodbye. She and her grandmother were leaving for India to attend a cousin's wedding. Manvi was stuck with too many assignments and work to leave her classes for even a week and so she'd be left alone in the house.
"Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" Jeevika asked anxiously for perhaps the third time.
"Di, I'm perfectly fine," Manvi said with some exasperation, before her eyes took a more mischievous glint, "Maybe I'll even have a house party with you guys gone."
"Hilarious," Jeevika said with a stern frown, "Don't even think about it."
"Seriously, though, I'm fine. I can take care of myself. Go enjoy yourself, there's not much trouble I can get up to with all the course load."
"You know, once upon a time, I'd never thought I'd hear you say those words," Jeevika teased.
"Maybe I've just gotten responsible," her sister laughed.
Jeevika knew the truth of the matter, however. Manvi hadn't been in the mood for partying and fun ever since Virat had started ignoring her and she'd been taking to her studies with a sudden vengeance. She was perhaps more prideful than Jeevika herself, she thought ruefully - she refused to talk to Virat and as a result, either moped in her room or worked on some assignment; anything that provided some distraction. But she avoided parties as there'd be no telling which one Virat might attend.
Jeevika didn't want to leave Manvi alone. But her cousin had insisted she come for the wedding and as Jeevika's semester wasn't as busy as it normally was, she'd been cajoled by her grandmother into attending as well.
She loved their little house in Rishikesh. It was homey and comforting and brought back so many childhood memories. The weather was beautiful too, warm and sunny, whereas in Canada, it had been getting quite chilly. Most importantly, however, she felt at peace, without thoughts of Viren to haunt her. She didn't have to worry about meeting him unexpectedly and there was plenty to distract her here, with family gatherings and wedding planning. It provided her with the space to clear her head and relax a bit.
Now, as she sat back in a chair, listening to the family discussion contently, if a bit tired - she was still jet-lagged - the only thing possibly missing was her sister.
"We've got to check out the property we've rented for the wedding still," her aunt said concernedly, "I need to make sure the decorators have done the job right. Everything needs to be perfect."
Jeevika's grandmother interjected, "Jeevika and I can go check it out tomorrow. They should be almost finished with it then, right?"
"Thank you so much," her aunt beamed, "That'd be such a help. It's not a venue, that would've been too expensive...the groom's family friends happened to had an empty property. It's so huge, it could be a palace! They're very rich, but none of them happen to be in the country, I believe, they're all in the USA currently. But anyway, we've rented it out for far less than we would normally and it's big enough to house all the family and friends. We've had to leave some of the belongings upstairs where they were, but other than that, it's completely free for our use."
"That sounds wonderful," Beeji nodded, "The family must be very rich to just have such a big property that they're not even using."
"Yes, it's a large white mansion up in Chandigarh," the aunt replied, "Belonged to Vijay Vadhera - he used to be a big lawyer - now, I believe, he's left the property to his grandson...Viren Vadhera."
A/N: So, what did y'all think of this update? Comment below to let me know what you think might happen next :)
Advocate Anjali Awasthi
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