Enough | One Shot

Enough | One Shot

Sitting in the dark all night fighting shadows
And the urge to call you up hits me like an arrow
It ain't the whisky talking or the loneliness I'm feeling
Its the memories all the little things that keep me from heeling
I give up all the days I got left on this earth
Cause without you I don't know what they're worth

After a hectic day at work, I'm back in my room, my place of refuge for the last year and a half. Tonight all the lights are switched off in the room and I'm sitting on the floor, my back resting on the foot of the bed. The only thing that bathes the room in light for a few seconds is from the lightning and thunderstorm that is creating havoc outside and mirroring my emotions.

My phone is beside me on the rug and a tumbler with my now tepid whiskey sits right next to it. I press the centre button to check the time and smile a little at the irony.

11:11
Make a wish.

I close my eyes and I'm flooded with memories - from the day we met to the day, everything came crashing down around us, last year. The good, the bad, the worse.

We've had more downs than ups but that's us and I would give up everything that I have to have her back in my arms, in my room, in my life.

Nothing seems worthy without her by my side.

Not my work.
Not my money.
Not my success.

Not even my time, which I have more than I know what to do with since she walked away.

I'd give it all for you if you'd let me
This heart don't have a home without you in it no
I'd stand before you as a man who's been broken
Truer words never spoken

Is that enough
Is that enough
For your love

I would give everything that I have if it meant that I could have her but if she were here, she wouldn't let me because even though she said that what I am today is because of my father's name, she knows that I have worked hard to get where I am today.

If she were here she would have reprimanded me with equal parts sass and anger and tell me I was throwing away my hard work and then she would have sat beside me or pulled me up and would continue to be her jhalli self until I was laughing with her.

In the world of people pleasers and fake smiles and compliments, she was unapologetically her vibrant self.

In the world of black ink on paper in Times New Roman, she was the cursive font in the middle of a paragraph, emphasizing a point.

Wanting to escape the memories that are drowning me, I get up from my perch on the floor and walk out the room with my car keys in hand.

She was right. I did break her trust and broke her last year, but I also one more thing in the process unknowingly...

Myself.

The flame I keep inside
Burns through rainy nights
I've been watching sands fall through the glass
And I'll keep waiting here for you till every grain has passed

The lightning strikes and the sound of thunder follow immediately as I sit under the shaded area in the park that I used to visit in my school days.
Today is one of those few days when I am missing him so much that I could not sit in the house any longer.

I miss him every day, some days like today, I miss him more than the others and I am never able to confine myself in my room so I go out of the house.

The last year and a half have been wonderful and scary at the same time. I've been able to find myself again and re-discover and re-build myself. I'm still a work-in-progress but mentally I've never been more healthy in my entire life.

The need to be with him grows every single day. When there are days where I feel like I can't pull through the day, I remind myself why I am doing this and what's waiting for me on the other side and the flame of determination burn bright all over again.

Time.

There are days when I wish for t go slow and there are days when I will it to move fast so that I can be with him.

Being with him? That is now just a matter of not if but when. I just need to prepare myself before I meet him.

Give it all the days I got left on this Earth
All I got left
I give up all the days I got left on this Earth
Cause without you I don't know what they're worth

The time spent away from him and my family has been therapeutic of sorts. Mamaji and Mami moved to the States to live with Anuj, who from what Preeti told me, gave his mother a solid hearing after he learned how his mother has behaved with me and Mamaji too for never speaking up.

This news was confirmed a week later after it happened when Anuj had cooled down and called me and heard my side of the story. We were on the phone for a good two hours where I poured my heart out to him.

What many people and our family members never really knew was that Anuj and I are really close to each other. We knew everything that went on in each other lives and honestly it felt good to have my brother back.

And while I was speaking to him for those two hours, an epiphany struck me. Anuj was ecstatically talking about his girlfriend of 5 years and how he was ready to take the next step and I realized that I wanted that.

I wanted a relationship that was warm but full of fire. One that was comfortable but also pushed me out of my comfort zone and I wanted to have all of that with that one person.

Him.

The one person I walked away from almost two years ago.

I'd give it all for you if you'd let me
This heart don't have a home without you in it no
I'd stand before you as someone who's been broken
Truer words never spoken

Parking my car in an empty spot, I grab my umbrella from the back seat and get out of the car to a spot that has remained one of my favourites in all these years.

I'm walking on the red-stoned path and I'm almost to my desired spot when I catch a glimpse of someone sitting there.

gasp

It's her.

It's been almost two years and this is the first time I get to see her properly. My feet stop moving and for a moment I just admire her from afar.

She is sitting under the shaded area, her eyes are closed, a small smile playing on her lips as if she is remembering something happy and the slight breeze makes her open hair sway in gentle rhythm caressing her face and neck.

I continue to stand in the same spot for a few minutes, taking her in and noticing changes in the way she looks.

The bags under her eyes are no longer there. Her face seems a little fuller as compared to the jaunt look she had over the last few years. There is a glow to her skin that was never there before. There was a lightness in her posture and she looks well-rested, her shoulders are not stiff or taunt but relaxed as if the weight she carried was no longer there to burden her.

As if feeling my gaze on her, her eyes open slowly and immediately zone in the spot where I am standing and find me, taking my breath away in the process.

Her eyes.

Even from here I can tell that the eyes that were always shrouded with worry and showed signs of anxiety and stress was clear and the brown orbs were shining under the lamp post light.

It's like we are stuck in time as neither of us moves from our spot. I will my hand to move and bring it up to and give her a small hesitant wave, wary as to how she would react.

Getting no reaction from her, I gingerly bring my hand down and prepare myself to walk away when she stands, halting my movement.

She takes a few small steps in my direction before stopping, still under the shed. She seems to be at war with herself before she comes to a decision.

She starts walking again. Slowly at first and then her steps become quicker until she is running towards me at full speed. She throws herself at me and I drop the umbrella to catch her, stumbling a little to the back from the impact.

The next thing I feel is her arms wrapping around my neck and her legs wrapping around my waist in a tight grip. My arms go around her waist and shoulder to support her and I pull her closer and bury my face in her hair and whisper the one word that I hadn't dared to utter or even think in the fear that I would break.

"Sumo."

"Shravan."

And just like that, I am home.

Is that enough
Is that enough
For your love

I'd give it all for you if you'd let me
Oh-
I'd stand before you as someone who's been broken
Truer words never spoken no

Is that enough
Is that enough
Is that enough
Is that enough
Is that enough
For your love

For your love

"Sumo."

And with that one whispered word I know I am right where I should belong.

Home.

Not able to control my emotions any longer I pull away from him only to bring him back to fuse my lips with his.

As the rain pours down on us, drenching the both of us from head to toe, we kiss until we can't breathe and even then we continue to kiss not wanting to be apart from each other and be as close as possible to each other right this second.

This kiss.

This is the kind of kiss that welcomes you home.

This is the kind of kiss that says sorry and seeks forgiveness at the same time.

This is the kind of kiss shared between two people who have loved each other for over a decade.

This is the kind of kiss shared between two lovers who have been away from each for far too long and are finally where they should be.

It's passionate.

It's burning.

It's warm.

It's comfortable.

And...

It's more than enough.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Ta-da!!!

How was it? Let me all your thoughts and inline comments are always welcome! I really hope you've enjoyed this interconnected series of one-shots as much as I enjoyed writing them, even when it felt like a chore to write some words.

Also a little DISCLAIMER! If you can listen to the song I wrote this piece around, do it! Put it on repeat and read it. It's such a beautiful song and there are two versions of it. The version used for this one-shot is Enough (Reprise) by Lauren Alaina and Phillip Sweet.

Until the next story...

XoRo

PS. All stories published here are already available to read on Wattpad. I'm updating here because I know there are a bunch of people who are not there.