| C H A P T E R - 5 |
| I Cannot Live With You|
A/N : Hey everyone, late late late, I am. Well I was having a different routine than usual.
Doing my Holiday Homework - Reading - Tution - Home Work - Reading - Reviewing - Home Work - Commenting - Sleeping.
Also my Tab screen broke so it is annoying to write on it. Anyways, I sat down for 2 hours and thisis the outcome.
I Cannot Live With You by Emily Dickinson, is something that holds painful emotions but writen in ever so soft and strong words. As said this one is real close to me -I had never writen something like this. And now when I stared it , I never imagined it to be such emotional ride. It takes up time for me to got deep down to find those emotions. Like whenever I read the poem to sum up what the situation could be - it leaves so many emotions and mostly raw. It drains me emotionally - a lot more than usual for the current track. So it takes me time to write, takes time to update next part. Also it is bigger than the usual drabbles.
Hope You Will Love It. And thanks for the comments and likes.
Love Sanju <3
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NEW YEAR NIGHT, AFTER PARTY AND DINNER - PAST
Her door creaked in the silence. Not silence exactly - but a storm arriving at the shore.
She looked up to find those orbs in which she ever wished to drown but not anymore. Now she need answers, life can't be that hard on her. After all never in her life, she asked much for herself - only for her loved ones, is it too much?
His heart wrenched seeing her devastated state. Sitting in corner on the room, hairs messed up and tear strikken face. He never had imagined to see her in such a state. He had promised himself- not to hurt her, not letting her get hurt. But he had hurted her, directly or indirectly, in a way.
He sat down near her. In silence beside her yet so far. She looked towards him which a question - why? Hut for the first time both were unable to read through each other's eyes. All they could point out in those eyes was a storm, which was them fighting with themselves. Trying to protect themselves with a shield - yet unable to.
"Shravan-"
"Sumo-", both spoke together at one time and then stopped. Hadn't it always been a funny situation? They used to laugh at such times. If not Shravan but Suman atleast. But the laughter died - not died exactly but dissappeared. They couldn't point out where it went and how it went. All they know is - it might take time to come back or not come back - forever.
She stood up, cleaned her face, while he looked confused with her intimidate actions. She tried to look confident - yet failed to, but didn't try to remove the fake expressions off. While he, he knew it was fake but didn't acknowledge it because he knew if he did- she will broke. For now - he doesn't want that.
"Shravan, I think you should go. All are here, if even one person saw you they will think otherwise." She spoke in a soft yet cracked voice. She didn't want him to go but he have to.
"Sumo, wouldn't you let me explain?" He asked.
"Yes I want you to, but I won't ask to.I won't ask why you did that Shravan, know why? Beause it would very unfair for you to answer this question since you hadn't told me which means you didn't want to." Her body shrilled with anger, pain, tiredness as she asked him holding his collar with a feeling of betray spatting all her anger. As he anger subsided, her pain, anxiety , frustration came out n the form of tears, as she didn't get any answer but silence from him.
He closed his eyes, he came with an exact honest explanation, he knew she was hurt , he even knew the feelings which made her hurt, now seeing her like this; he don't think he deserves a chance to explain.
She rubbed her eyes, stepped once back and looked in his eyes. "Why Shravan?"
He pushed his hands inside his jeans pocket, looked ito her eyes; " Because I am a coward and don't have courage to accept whom I love." Both of them breathed in and out. Love how much they fear to accept, he mostly, and now when he said- it is not the right moment.
"I don't have much to explain Sumo, but I myself had been such a big coward that I didn't realize my ignorence will bring such a hurricane in our lives, and now when I realized it, its been too late.The decisions can't be undo. I am sorry - am sorry for this, all of it...I am sorry for all of what is happening right now. Believe me I don't want it to happen but it had and has to." He continued and when he didn't get any more words, he stopped and quickly left the room. And all what she do was, stand there and watch him go like a sand. As the lines go - " And I, could I stand by
And see you freeze,
Without my right of frost,
Death's privilege?"
NEXT DAY
None of them slept that night, rummaging the inside thoughts all they could do was prepare them for a new morning. As the sun shone , Suman quickly got ready and went down, doing an eye makeup to not let people know about her lack of sleep.
"Good Morning Suman beta." Ramnath called out to her as she came from her room.
"Morning uncle." She smiled as her eyes tried to locate those eyes which always upholds her, which made her broke a day before and now she knew - her weekness and strength both are the same, it's time to use them as strength.
As both of them found eachother's, she passed a smile, which he couldn't actually point out was, a fake or a real. He could see those tired eyes, no one could recognize. He is late, he was given a chance but he missed and now nothing could be undone.
She knew that her best friend must be feeling guilty. He had done a lot for their friendship and she wouldn't let go the bond vain. It's her turn to turn up for the friendship. It's her time to rise.
Both of them were in a situation unexplainable as the lines goes -
"Nor could I rise with you,
Because your face
Would put out Jesus'.
That new grace."
"Wow, Suman. What a pretty dress. Going somewhere?" Vandy asked her as Suman was all dressed up to go.
"Yeah Vandy Bhabhi. It's going to be my best friend's engagement, I need to buy closthes and get him, his. Also I would be needing to do a lot of preparations as I am the one who is going to fance the most. I need to get him gifts for Ria. God I need to do a lot of things, it's a time for me to enjoy." She smiled and showed excitement to which all laughed.
"So we are done now- Suman is here to take up the hardest responsibilities." Lala Ji spoke and all laughed. He looked confused but all what he could see in her eyes is an unknown courage, an unknown spirit.
All could be summed up from the surrounding was - " Glow plain and foreign
On my homesick eye,
Except that you, than he
Shone closer by."
And all what was going on could be just known by a person - Pushkar, as he sighed helplessly.
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I cannot live with you,
It would be life,
And life is over there
Behind the shelf
The sexton keeps the key to,
Putting up
Our life, his porcelain,
Like a cup
Discarded of the housewife,
Quaint or broken;
A newer Sevres pleases,
Old ones crack.
I could not die with you,
For one must wait
To shut the other's gaze down,
You could not.
And I, could I stand by
And see you freeze,
Without my right of frost,
Death's privilege?
Nor could I rise with you,
Because your face
Would put out Jesus'.
That new grace
Glow plain and foreign
On my homesick eye,
Except that you, than he
Shone closer by.
_________________________________________________________
A/N : I do not want to show Suman as a selfish person or someone wanting every answer. I now try to keep all of the real character. Yes Sumo, would want all the answers but that Sumo is when she knows someone is with her. She could've asked all the questions, would've been rude to Ria but she don't know if someone is with her. Even how close you are to a family but you couldn't just ask them questions.
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Edited by --MinOch-- - 9 years ago
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