Be Mine ff P8 on PG25 updated 15th june - Page 22

Part 2 15th June page 4 :

When you wrote I could envision the scene clearly.

So kudos to that.

This part gave me a deja vu feeling of seeing this on a daily soap. His character the scenario..

like the beginning of a new serial. Was that your intention ?

After you finish describing the scenes see if there is scope to make the scenes more intense make the description more richer. That way your words can reach our heart and stay with us long after we finish reading.

I read this somewhere i found this advice helpful for me. See if it helps you.

“ Getting from the first draft to the last is usually a lot more work than fiddling around with sentences to make them sound good. You should look at the structure, themes, characterization — everything — to make sure they’re sound. Have you made the bad things as bad as you want, or could they be worse? How about those highs? You know the characters really well (presumably) but have you exploited their dialogue, actions, and reactions, to the fullest so that the reader feels like they know them too? Is there foreshadowing that you can do to increase the reader’s enjoyment and punch up the climax? I had no idea how much I could do with a story because no one explained to me all the fun stuff you can do once that first draft is done.

Hopefully that’ll get you started. Write on! “

This was the experience of one writer. Helped me figure somethings out

Reviewing next part

Page 3 page 6

Well that's novel usually there is nok jhok in the hero heroine's first meet. I kinda like the turn around.

Two complete strangers that instantly connected as if they were familiar with each other. I kinda like it

part 4 pg 10

"My rashi will not suffer at the hands of a mamln"

I did not get mamln

There was also no reason given for their instant attraction. Their first meet cute didn't justify it enough.

I didn't know whether what dri felt was genuine attraction or was it out of some mistaken gratitude or just plain physical attraction to his looks.

Ra i guess he is drawn to her because he finds her innocent.

But i need more to understand their pull to each other.

I guess i ll see their build up post marriage.

😏 Nice ! You took the marriage in ghonghat and sindoor scene from DD show right.

pg 13 ... Part 5

Okay now i get it She's attracted to him because of his selfless nature. He because.. well her innocence ..

But i want a sassy Dri. The Dri of Tv is not your avg sanskari girl. She has lots of shades to her besides being responsible.. Will read further parts and comment.

I like that Ra here isn't a complete jerk here.

I get that you need to create a misunderstanding for them to have nok - jhok later. Course of love can't be smooth.

Part 6 pg 18

I like that you give a mini recap before starting so that we recall what we previously read.

Smartly used the haldi wala scene here. 👍🏼

Am confused now. 😕 Does Ra not believe his own accusations that's why he was concerned about Dri's cut or he believed but inspite of it was concerned.

His about face was jarring and not very convincing here. I mean if i believed someone was a gold digger out to swindle me i wouldn't rush to care for their finger prick.

Also i think the wound needs to be bigger here than a tiny cut to justify the hero's fussing.

Dri turned a powerful women and zabardast dialogues 👏

But i'd still prefer a nok jhok wala fight than this battle for self - respect. For me personally i find those type of fights boring.

Next Part

Part 7 pg 22

Hmm 🤔 ... Well in this one i felt for Ra. I felt Dri was too harsh on him.

Nice scenario tho 😀

🤔 By the way i don't remember reading them being friends or his kissing her forhead before. Did u write something in between ? Because i remember they had only 3 interactions the moonlight one, the next day at hospital and 20 days later after she came back from hospital..

Did I miss something ?

part 8 - pg 25

Finale 😒 Sad to hear you're moving on

😊 Great choice of place for a seduction scene in the garden patch !

Props for creativity 👍🏼 . In this scene there's always scope to make this scene more hotter.

And i want to make a defence for Ra

Didn't Dri do the exact same thing that Ra did in the swimming pool.

He only carried it on. So why does she only have the right to claim being vulnerable.

Can't guys also be vulnerable or get hurt.

Plus she also told him not to touch her then promptly went and kissed him. She did tease him...

No need to comment on my every reply.

I marathoned all the parts in one shot. Therfore my replies are long.

Verdict :

Overall story was very interesting. 👏

My fav scenes were the moonlight one and Dri's fiery retort to Ra when he came back.

I feel that your strength is in writing good romantic scenes for a couple's intimate moments.

If u ever write again do make them more passionate. It doesn't have to be explicit or racy.

They could be touching like today's episode bathtub scene.

But if u make them more passionate we'll enjoy reading it that much more. And another description besides eye lock.

See you around 🤗