Believe In Me FF:: Updated pg. 6

I'm losing myself'.

Trying to compete'

With everyone else'

Instead of just being me'

Caitlyn turned to her side and snuggled deeper within her covers. It was, unfortunately, the first day of school'and she was beginning her junior year, joy. When someone thought of high school'drama, friends, life, college, teachers, school, challenges, team work, lunch (For those who are often hungry), and maybe class clowns came into picture. Well, Caitlyn fit right it'well'into class clowns at least.

"Caitlyn! Caitlyn, please! Wake up! It's the first day of school, you'll already be late!" Someone shook Caitlyn, apparently trying very hard to get her awake and fresh.

Well'Not happening'At least not for Caitlyn'For some reason, she was always bullied endlessly, and tortured'and she had no clue why. Continuing to pretend to be asleep, Caitlyn lay completely still on her wacky green bed, except for her rhythmic breathing.

Okay'So high school wasn't that bad! Caitlyn was secretly friends with the kind cheerleading captain, Mitchie Torres, who felt completely sorry for her. Sometimes, she even helped her with homework, such and such.

"Caitlyn! You will wake up this second, or I'm breaking your "Guide to be the Perfect Producer" equipment!" Someone threatened harshly.

Caitlyn's eyes flew open at the mention of Breaking'.Producer'Kit! "NO! I'm up! I'm up! Please!"

"Right then'I thought so'" the new Mrs. Gellar seethed. Why the new Mrs. Gellar? Because her mother died, in a car accident, and it left a big whole in Caitlyn's heart'which would of course'never be filled again. Her dad had remarried Mrs. Aubrey Whitman four months ago, and she would never get used to living with them, especially since her obnoxious son, Anthony, had to nudge himself into her life.

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"Caitlyn, honey! Come here! I have a surprise for you!" Elizabeth Gellar (The original) exclaimed happily.

Four year old Caitlyn skips into the room, "What mommy? What do you have for me?" She stopped in her tracks'

"A Christmas tree? A big one! Mommy, it's beautiful!" A large ever green is standing proudly in the middle of the room, decorated to the brim with popcorn strings, glowing glass ornaments, angels, and other random knick knacks that added to the pleasure and warmth of the room. A glazing fire spreads only happiness in the entire room.

"Ooh! Mommy, you added the candy shoe I made in school today!" Caitlyn's face glowed with proudness, and anyone there could see the twinkle in her eyes.

"That's right sweetie'isn't it beautiful?" Mrs. Gellar breathes, putting her arms around little Caitlyn's neck'"Mommy, it'll be the best Christmas ever! Can we make cookies today?"

"Of course, Caitlyn'I'll let you open one present, okay?" A smile spreads on Mrs. Gellar's face. Caitlyn's face also breaks into a huge grin, "Really? Mommy? I'm gonna open the biggest one!" Running in sprints underneath the tree, Caitlyn grabs a large purple wrapped present and practically tears it open.

"Mommy! My very own junior producing kit! Thank you so much!" Caitlyn jumps up and gives her mom a big hug.

"Glad you like it Caitlyn, now how about those cookies? You can decorate the gingerbread men again!" Mrs. Gellar suggests kindly.

"Okay! Let's go!" Caitlyn grabs her mothers hand and they both run out the door to the kitchen.

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Slow tears fell down Caitlyn's cheek as she remembered one of her most cherished memories, the day she fell in love with producing'exactly what her mother was'a producer.

Don't know where to turn'
I've been stuck in this routine '
I need to change my ways '
Instead of always being weak'

"Get dressed, now!" Aubrey practically screamed in Caitlyn's ears, who reluctantly dragged herself out of bed and walked into the bathroom.

At the breakfast table, Caitlyn bit into an apple, as her stepmother didn't waste her time making anything for her.

"Hey punk!" Anthony shoved past Caitlyn, knocking her into the dining table and sending her books flying. Caitlyn glared, "Good morning to you to Anthony'"

He just smiled his wicked smile and ran out the door, with Caitlyn following slowly behind. No way would she ever walk with him and his'scary friends.

Quickly skipping in a different way, Caitlyn spotted Mitchie and her cheerleading friends walking to school too. Mitchie gave her a quick smile and turned to a blonde friend of hers.

"Hey guys, look! It's Caitlyn! Aren't we so glad to see her?" the blonde snickered to another one of their bimbo friends.

"Err...not really," the dark haired one, Miranda if she remembered correctly, sneered back.

Don't let them get to you! You're better than them! They're just jealous! Caitlyn told herself, except she didn't really believe herself. Something had to make them better than her or it wouldn't happen like this.

I don't wanna be afraid
I wanna wake up feeling beautiful
today
and know that I'm okay
Because everyone's perfect
in unusual ways
you see
I just wanna believe in me

Caitlyn reached the school right before the first bell was going to ring, and rushed into her usual place in homeroom, the back. She had passed through the school hallways earlier, and saw many friends hugging and greeting each other. That had made her feel a bit sad.

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"Caitlyn! Caitlyn! It's okay...I know you're sad'but..think about it this way'now Slippers doesn't have to go through anymore pain!" Mrs. Gellar consoled Caitlyn about her dead puppy, Slippers.

"But mom! Slippers will never come again!" Eleven year old Caitlyn choked back between sobs, "He was such a good dog' and I'll never see him again'" she sniffed.

Mrs. Gellar shook her head, "No Caitlyn'he'll always be with you'in your heart'and I'll always be here with you'"

Caitlyn looked up, "Promise? For sure?" Mrs. Gellar nods'."Of course'sweetie'why would I leave?"

"I don't know'I've been feeling something'for a week..now'I don't know'nevermind..it's nothing, just ignore it!" Caitlyn replied, looking weary.

"Are you sure honey? If something's wrong, we can always go to the doc-" Caitlyn shook her head, "Mom'really'I'm completely fine'"

Mrs. Gellar nods, "Al right then'finish your homework and wash up for dinner'"

Caitlyn nods and runs up the stairs. The next afternoon, she was pulled out of school with tragic news.

"Caitlyn Gellar? I am so sorry to say'something horrible'has happened," the principal looks grave and sick while she looks at Caitlyn to continue.

"What??!! What is it? Tell me!" Caitlyn panics, "How are my parents, my mom, dad?"

"That'that's just it'Caitlyn'on the way here'you mom'your mom..cra..shed into a large tree, the car badly took a wrong turn'and she was'she was killed instantly," the principal barely whispers, with slight teary eyes.

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Caitlyn wiped away the beginning tears that threatened to fall. She couldn't remember any more of the memory'and didn't want to either. She closed her eyes to shut it away, but it just brought more tears.

"Mom'you promised," Caitlyn thought to herself with a dry throat. The tears were stinging now, and she rushed out of the classroom without giving any notice at all. Her body felt completely numb and sore, and she rushed into the girls bathroom panting'falling to the floor in a lump of wet tears.

"God'dweeb'move! I nearly wrecked my make up tripping over you!" a harsh voice screamed, kicking into Caitlyn's side, which Caitlyn clutched in pain as she realized it was the girl's high heels.

"Why me? Why is this happening to me'.I just don't want to live anymore," Caitlyn thought to herself, deeply hurt. Tears were spilling all over the floor now, but she didn't care.

The mirror can lie
Doesn't
Show you what's inside
And it
It can tell you you're full of life
(Full of life)
It's amazing what you can hide
(You can hide)
Just by putting on a smile

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