Denial

Denial

For in dark, cold nights; When silence roars in my ears

I like a desolate voyager roam amidst the chaos of my being

I shuffle constantly between the threads of my heart and the mind

Struggling to decipher the meanings, or rather choosing not to try!

What if- My fears- of being exposed to my real self emerge yet again?

Lest' I understand the meanings of those little nothings!

So, I tuck my emotions away, the doors closed; no more- just go away!

Distance myself from your touch, as it's the key that opens my heart up

And yet…

No matter how much I try to remove your thoughts from my mind,

As much as I deny, you your space in my life –

I admit I am fighting a losing battle, for that's where you are

When I see, and also every time I close my eyes!

Sometimes we fight a battle within ourselves...denying your feelings is something that happens to a lot of people. Sometimes you feel you lose your sense of control when your accept that someone else makes your world go crazy. I think its natural. I guess its some sort of ego thing. I am sure some of the better writers in our forum would explain about the tussle between EGO and LOVE...is anyone listening?

@sareeta..Thanks for replying...and appreciating...I guess I just wanted to express the current tussle between A-R as I see it. Will be waiting for your post... 😊

Thanks again...

Awesome post, too good, brilliant, running out of words actually and cant wait to hear what sareeta and Aarti have to say to this.

What you say is so true. You do fight a battle with your inner self and often go to great extremes to deny our feelings even at the cost of looking stupid at times. It is a very difficult battle and I guess most of guess go through it whether we acknowledge or not.

Sometimes it takes us years to even realize what we went through during that phase so blind are we to our emotions. It is not easy to submit to having ones world turned upside down and undergo a tumult of emotions over which you have no control and which really makes you feel so lost. You feel this is not happening to me, it is a phase will get over it, I am not going through something like this. This is so aptly potrayed by Armaan in the scenes where he keeps seeing Riddima everywhere, on the BB court during the match and in the hospital.

It takes a lot of guts to admit to yourself and acknowledge that someone means so much to you and then to ascertain if the other person also has feelings for you and then to tentatively approach the other person. The fear of rejection is so intense, so unbearable, some of us I am sure will lose our nerve and go through the storm quietly and weather it rather than risk laying ourselves bare and facing the pain of rejection.

I guess basically it comes from fear of rejection and of ridicule and being embarassed. But for those who take the plunge and succeed, it is heavenly I guess. It will help them grow as people and mature. Even if they dont succeed, they will have the satisfaction of having tried and done their best.

Those who resist and dont do anything about it, well they will always cherish the experience, the whole roller coaster ride but will also have a regret somewhere deep down that they wish they had done something about it or had been lucky enough to have their feelings reciprocated. Here I must say I fear for Sapna and her so far one-sided attraction to Dr. Shubhankar. I balk to think of the pain and rejection she will be in store for if she doesnt succeed.

There are a few who never recover from it. They are not brave enought to do anything about it, nor can they relinquish the feelings, and so they bury them deep inside themselves and are stuck there, revisiting and tormenting themselves. Then again there are some who learn from the experience, cherish it, but move on and make the best of what they have.

I guess have rambled on an on for too long. Sorry abt that 😳 Got carried away.

@ sareeta and ginak...it feels awesome to know u guys are waiting for a response on me. and as a tribute to spirit's brilliant work...am gonna give u guys something different from my usual prosaic, no nonsense, logical stuff (banes of doing a PhD..even if it is in lit...). gimme some time tho!!

and spirit..beautiful!! all ears too...

SIT..

It won't destroy your life.
Or your career.
These thirty minutes with me
And maybe a cup of chino.

I promise not to wreck your peace
My bitterness temporarily concealed
No hint of sin or pain
Shall my countenance reveal.

I'll be easy company,
I'll chat
And give space when you need it
Sometimes even you don't

Sit.

Don't run just yet. I'll not beg,
I'm trying to get through
With gentle friendship. That's all.
And no, I'm not in love with you.

Haila Aarti...no words...actually coupla words...too good !

i loved these lines........

With gentle friendship. That's all.
And no, I'm not in love with you.

Originally posted by: vaarti

SIT..

It won't destroy your life.
Or your career.
These thirty minutes with me
And maybe a cup of chino.

I promise not to wreck your peace
My bitterness temporarily concealed
No hint of sin or pain
Shall my countenance reveal.

I'll be easy company,
I'll chat
And give space when you need it
Sometimes even you don't

Sit.

Don't run just yet. I'll not beg,
I'm trying to get through
With gentle friendship. That's all.
And no, I'm not in love with you.

What Will My Words Say

If upon seeing me,
Your eyes don't shine
And my longing finds no mirror
The warmth of my skin
Doesn't drench you
My blood cannot call
And gentle touch cannot linger
You cannot taste my presence
And breathe fire
What then my love can my words say to you?

Originally posted by: vaarti

SIT..

It won't destroy your life.
Or your career.
These thirty minutes with me
And maybe a cup of chino.

I promise not to wreck your peace
My bitterness temporarily concealed
No hint of sin or pain
Shall my countenance reveal.

I'll be easy company,
I'll chat
And give space when you need it
Sometimes even you don't

Sit.

Don't run just yet. I'll not beg,
I'm trying to get through
With gentle friendship. That's all.
And no, I'm not in love with you.

Really good and as usual pleasant surprise. Reminds me somewhere of Armaan.

No hint of sin or pain
Shall my countenance reveal.

Don't run just yet. I'll not beg,
I'm trying to get through
With gentle friendship. That's all.
I loved these lines.

Really you do hve a way with words and conveying things (Actually I am running out of words to convey what I feel about your writing)

It is like we are struggling to put a finger to something, it is out there somewhere but cant just quite get it until we read your writing and then there it is crystal clear and so simple yet beautiful.👏👏👏

PS do you write, newspapers, magazines, or even any fiction or nonfiction. Would love to lay my hands on works of yours if you do. Please let me know.

Originally posted by: vaarti

What Will My Words Say

If upon seeing me,
Your eyes don't shine
And my longing finds no mirror
The warmth of my skin
Doesn't drench you
My blood cannot call
And gentle touch cannot linger
You cannot taste my presence
And breathe fire
What then my love can my words say to you?

Too good once again. Wow. You cant imagine the number of times I have been returing to the forum and been updating waiting to read what u write. Well worth the wait I must say.😳😳