*~Funny of the Week!! (FOTW)~*

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.Monami.

@.Monami.

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

#11

lols ! good one mihir............ yep amitabh ghanta's nice!!! n dt rakhi ROFL !!! 🤣

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Summer3

@Summer3

Trailblazer

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#12

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do..
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Edited by Summer3 - 14 years ago

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Rajesh

@set_raj

Inactive

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#13

Mihir the first one is not from Pakistan as you have mentioned Actual sign in Pakistan...but it is from Malaysia...

Jalan means Road or street in Malay language....most of Malays, Indonesians and Singaporeans speaks that language.

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ThatOneGuy

@ThatOneGuy

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#14

Originally posted by: set_raj
Mihir the first one is not from Pakistan as you have mentioned Actual sign in Pakistan...but it is from Malaysia...
Jalan means Road or street in Malay language....most of Malays, Indonesians and Singaporeans speaks that language.

Oh thanks for pointing out....for some reason, the email I got it from said Pakistan 😕 must be from a shiv sena member 😆

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Aaliyah

@-Aaliyah-

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#15

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Nikki

@dmgmjht4ever

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#16

🤣 🤣 🤣

My favorite ones have to be the first and last one, and the Rakhi Sawant one. Those were tooo good. Loved them Mihir!

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Yuvian_forever

@Yuvian_forever

Explorer

Posted: 14 years ago

#17

the stupid guy and the doctor there was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said "doctor I have a fever" the doctor said "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine" the sick one said " but doctor, i only have 3 spoons what shall i do?"

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Rajesh

@set_raj

Inactive

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#18

Did I read that sign right?

In an office:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Edited by set_raj - 14 years ago

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Kinu

@kinu17

Sparkler

+ 7

Posted: 14 years ago

#19

@ Set_Raj......

On a repair shop door

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)😆😆😆

Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.😆😆😆

above 2 of them r the most hilarious...👍🏼 thank you for making me and my friends laugh😉 in this snowy day...u r the best..👏

Edited by Kinara2 - 14 years ago

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tulipbaby53

@tulipbaby53

Trailblazer

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#20

oh my gosh!! 🤣 these all soooo funny! thank Mihir for starting such a wonderful thing! 🤣

that first sign's English was so funny! 🤣 i loved the how Rakhi's sex change was liked by the gay community 🤣 also the Chulbul Pandey stuff was very funny too 🤣 the attorney stuff was hilarious too 🤣 oh and the signs post was super funny too 🤣

i'm still laughing at them 🤣