Becoming friends - to be or not to be?

Okay, am back with another question.😃

I am so not sure about how to phrase my question. I wish I could disclose the situtation, but a public forum is so not the place to put my encounter down. So, I make a vague attempt.

Making friends or becoming friends in a professional, well more of a school setting (for instance an undergrad working in lab with/for graduate student)how does that work? How much is 'proper' to share? Can feelings not be discussed? What is being personal? If somebody asks what's wrong, you tell? What about getting told that you are getting too personal? Is it not the job of the mentor to say or teach what is and what is not appropriate? Can't a person be friends with or friendly with a mentor? Esp. when the mentor is not more than 4-6 years older than you ? What consists of small talk? What if you are a blabber mouth, and very indiscreet about your affairs.... how do you keep your mouth shut?

Looking forward to informative replies.

Confused Soul

Nobody knows? 😕 what about people who work in the professional sphere? You guys don't make friends at work? 😕

I dont know if one MAKES friends, I guess we become friends with whom we like or admire or want to share a friendly relationship with.

How much can one share? Entirely upto the individuals involved. Sometimes you may want to share more, your entire life history with gory details 😛 or you may do selective sharing. It is subjective, in my opinion and there cant be a line drawn at what can be said and what cant be.

Can feelings not be discussed - Why not? But then again, the same answer - would depend on person to person. some may share, some may not. I say, no harm. Feelings are meant to be savoured and lived and not repressed and hidden.

What is being "personal". Something which neither or either party to the friendship is comfortable discussing, that falls into "personal" or "none of your business" category. In some cases, talking of ones affairs in detail may not be personal while to another, discussing the love life of the neighbour may also be personal. The topic is "personal" and individualistic, so the answer would vary from person to person

What about getting told that you are too personal - No big deal. Just a statement to inform you that the person you got "personal" with does not appreciate sharing those thoughts. Nothing personal about it 😛

If someone asks whats wrong, you tell. Obviously, else why did the person ask what is wrong. If it was merely meant as lip service, they should add that clause in there as well, so that they make it clear that it is mere politeness or lip service and the question needed not or should not be answered.

Is it not the job of the mentor to teach what is appropriate? Maybe. But that person can only teach you what he or she thinks is appropriate or inappropriate. Best is to take the advice of the mentor and then apply it yourself by analysing the circumstances without adapting the advice given verbatim

Cant a person be friends with a mentor - Sure. U can be friends with anyone. Friendly mentors are amongst the better mentors, they use friendship to break the student mentor barrier to reach out to the student. By the same method, they retain enough dignity to be able to distance themselves from getting too personally involved.

What is small talk - Whatever is not large talk or part of a larger discussion. Anything inconsequential.

How do you keep your mouth shut? Tape it up, if nothing else works. Try solitude, try to talk to yourself, so that you find a release for your mental words, the need to talk to others might dissipate. It worked for me 😊

There she goes again! 😃 brilliant post Priya!
👏

Persy, You'll feel the proximity and it is usually mutual. One has to be cautious because people are like ONIONS as Shrek says :) and so says an emotional idiot who has learnt from his / her mistakes 😳 Word of caution from one gullible to another 😆 😆

MQT, people are like Onions, no doubt, but sometimes the eyes blurred by tears does not realise that they have reached the last layer of the onion and mistakenly, in the haze of tears pick up yet another onion....

Life is full of mistakes, and they make our life memorable. We remember sorrows more than happiness, isnt it.

Live life the way you want to live it, have no regrets, and mistakes do happen, so learn to enjoy the mistakes... dont know if it is appropriate here... but they say "if rape is inevitable, lie back and enjoy"... might as well go with the flow.... enjoy your life!! Dont live life hesitatingly.

Originally posted by: s.priya

MQT, people are like Onions, no doubt, but sometimes the eyes blurred by tears does not realise that they have reached the last layer of the onion and mistakenly, in the haze of tears pick up yet another onion....

Life is full of mistakes, and they make our life memorable. We remember sorrows more than happiness, isnt it.

Live life the way you want to live it, have no regrets, and mistakes do happen, so learn to enjoy the mistakes... dont know if it is appropriate here... but they say "if rape is inevitable, lie back and enjoy"... might as well go with the flow.... enjoy your life!! Dont live life hesitatingly.

😆 Priya, you should check Social Murders thread on page two somewhere. Qwerty would have loved this new twist to rape😆

I totally agree with "enjoying life" philosophy and I for one remember the happy times lot more than the sad ones.

I would also like to say here that at times, we develop a crush on those who are mentoring us because they look so perfect. We need to distinguish between feelings - whether it's crush, love, friendship (mutual/one sided etc.) and then act accordingly. It is natural to try to get the attention of the one you are having crush on but make sure you do not go overboard and make a fool of yourself. Crushes are fine as long as you can keep them in check....in case they are not reciprocated. I don't know whether this piece is warranted here or not but still thought about mentioning it as I, personally, develop crushes way too fast😳

oh oh... Priya, you said it so beautifully @ onions.. 😭
touched my heart there..
& Gauri - abour reciprocation being the key 👏
So be cautious and enjoy life still... I am not saying become a non-believer or cynical, but beware.. 😳
I agree with you both.. & am missing Maya, who says the same to me!

Originally posted by: mermaid_QT

oh oh... Priya, you said it so beautifully @ onions.. 😭
touched my heart there..
& Gauri - abour reciprocation being the key 👏
So be cautious and enjoy life still... I am not saying become a non-believer or cynical, but beware.. 😳
I agree with you both.. & am missing Maya, who says the same to me!

awwwwwww...I agree with you QT....Priya and I said it beautifully😛😉...😆.j/k cutie...you are a great debator yaar! I love reading your posts😊

[quote]I would also like to say here that at times, we develop a crush on those who are mentoring us because they look so perfect. We need to distinguish between feelings - whether it's crush, love, friendship (mutual/one sided etc.) and then act accordingly. It is natural to try to get the attention of the one you are having crush on but make sure you do not go overboard and make a fool of yourself. [/quote]

Should I laugh or cry? I will do both. Uff, this would be so much easier if the mentor is a girl. Otherwise, words like crush, infatuation, etc. come flying from all directions. 😆 But guys are easier to talk to.

Is attachment and sense of kinship different? Being fond, caring, and adulating ... all integral part of personality; treating them (mentors) like guradian angels 😕 It doens't equal crush.

Originally posted by: reeps

[quote]I would also like to say here that at times, we develop a crush on those who are mentoring us because they look so perfect. We need to distinguish between feelings - whether it's crush, love, friendship (mutual/one sided etc.) and then act accordingly. It is natural to try to get the attention of the one you are having crush on but make sure you do not go overboard and make a fool of yourself. [/quote]

Should I laugh or cry?neither I will do both. Uff, this would be so much easier if the mentor is a girl. Otherwise, words like crush, infatuation, etc. come flying from all directions. my apologies. i should have mentioned in my post clearly that this is not intended at you at all. Priya did a great job of answering your qusetions and I was thinking about various scenarios that can also occur given the same circumstances. I was NOT talking about your situation and I did say that I was not sure whether this is warranted by your situation etc....something to that effect...if you look at my entire post.😆 But guys are easier to talk to. I find both guys and gals easier to talk to......just my personal opinion here.

Is attachment and sense of kinship different? Being fond, caring, and adulating ... all integral part of personality; treating them (mentors) like guradian angels 😕 It doens't equal crush.no, not always, but like I said above, possibility is always there

Reeps, I hope I clarified my stand here. I was not talking particularly about your scenario. My comments were more of a general nature.