Who Am I: Redux

Alright I am engaging in a necromantic endeavor and bringing back a topic to life again. While the title borrows itself from a lengthy and intriguing discussion initiated by Mister. K this topic has not much to do with it. But forewarned it is probably equally as lengthy and dry to some. Either way Mister. K had embarked on a logical scientific quest. To explain his physical being, the existence of the matter that forms Mister. K. He concluded he is a quantum fluctuation in a quantum vacuum.

That is not a realm I am exploring. In fact mine deals with aspects that some of the more rational minded people might frown on. I'm digging deeper into sociology, psychology. I'm trying to explore my consciousness, my soul. These thought processes, these emotions, these experiences, these memories, these ideas, this sense of right and wrong, these feelings, these things inside my head that - what does it all mean. Who am I. There is a quantum fluctuation in a quantum vacuum, and that fluctuation is RTH. I don't give a damn about the physical properties or why the vacuum or the fluctuations exist. But who really is RTH? What is RTH all about? Once again who I am.

One of my favorite books of all times is Alice in Wonderland. Its a really wonderful book, manifesting the curious states of mind from our real world in the most absurd context of wonderland. For example the caucus race where everyone keeps running but no one really wins. Either way - one of my favorite lines is "I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see".

Indeed i often find myself in a conundrum unable to explain myself because I am not myself. However, the bigger conundrum I think I face is I am not really sure who myself really is. Am I myself now typing this or will I be myself tomorrow at work or will I be myself when I catch some shut eye and transport myself into wonderland courtesy the REM cycle. Or is myself a grand total of these varying myself(s). Which makes me wonder would this grand total myself be a constant or a variable. Is there a different myself every second? How will I ever be myself and know that I am myself so that I can explain myself?

This real world itself is such a wonderland at times. Society the architect constructing places, cultures, communities we live and grow in. We are walking through trying to solve this wonderland maze that is life, but you have to often stop and wonder - are we playing the maze or is it playing us. We are always trying to hold our heads above water. But Freud said that most of our ego, Id and superego is below the surface. What we are aware of is only the tip of the ice-berg. Maybe we need to hold ourselves under the water, drown in it and chip away at what lies beneath.

Anyway to simplify these complicated ponderings into laypersons terms - terms we all can wonder and explore.

Who am I - I am a girl, I am an Indian, I am a Konkani, I am a Gujarati, I am a Bombayite, I am a Maharashtrian, I am an American, I am an NRI, I am an ABCD, I am an IBCA, I am a Hindu, I am a Brahmin, I am a hick, I am a peasant, I am a Wisconsinte, I am a Madisonian, I am a student, I am an employee, I am a sister, I am a daughter, I am a friend, I am a liberal, I am a Democrat, I am funny,I am too serious and so an and so forth.

What do these labels mean? Why do we apply them so casually so easy? Its a nice little system to make boxes with labels, stick people in there and organize. But somewhere down the line it gets a little fuzzy. In some systems that liberal thing does not gel well with the American thing, or really the peasant or hick thing. That Hindu Brahmin thing really does not fit well with the cheeseburgerlover thing. Am I these labels? How many are there? If I slowly peel of each and every label what will be left? Would it be a mass of nothingness or would I still exist? Would it still be me?

Under a different set of circumstances would I still be RTH, is what is me inarguably, unchangeably me - or would I be Ajnu or Middy or Mahi or OBJ or K or POH or *shudders* Believe.

Who are we really? The religion, faith we hold with so much conviction, is it genuine conviction or because there was no other way. Would we have such conviction in whatever we believe no matter what? What if Moses was Ramses and Ramses was Moses? What if Osama Bin Laden had been born to George and Laura and George Jr. in Afghanistan?

The patriotism, the national identity, the country, the culture we so fervently hold on to often trampling upon other in our feverish zeal - how deep really is this layer of pride - what would it be if we were born across the border or across the globe?

Our choices, our lifestyles, our ethics - are these who we really are or are these who we are led to believe who we are? Are we who we are because of our friends & family& people we know or are they ours because of who we are?

Amidst all this chaos, amidst all these labels, the question resounds? Who Am I? Will the real RTH please stand up.

How do I know why am I here, if I do not know who am I? If I am a knife, I am here to slice. If I am a scissor, I am here to cut. But first am I a knife or a scissor?

Please note that I am weighing each and every one of my words here.

Q) Who are you?
A) You are the entity (for lack of a better word), that posed the above question.

You are that guest who is currently residing in a host body. The essence of that guest is not well understood. The boundaries of that host body are not well understood. For instance, it could be said that the boundaries of the host body stop at one single cell and that could be construed as a true statement because I could take that single cell and reproduce all of what is essentially you. It could also be said that the boundaries stop at the 5 ft+ frame that is currently making you up and that could also be construed as a true statement because that 5ft+ frame is mobile and could seemingly move in different directions without carrying anything else with it. It could also be said that your frame is one tiny speck on another larger body called earth that is seemingly moving around in different directions without carrying anything else with it and that statement wouldn't be inaccurate either.

Thus, I could make up a finite number of facts, all about you, and all of those could be construed as true statements. However all those are true statements only if you and the events that are associated with you are plotted on a coordinate graph paper with space running on one axis and time running on another.

So, when you ask a question like "Will the real RTH please stand up?", my answer is that the real RTH did stand up, faithfully, voluntarily. We just need to know where to look at on the graph paper that I talked about. Which place and what time.

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

Who Am I?

Originally posted by: chal_phek_mat

We are all sentenced to solitary confinement inside our own skins, for life

Tennesse Williams

Then why are we never truly alone in confinement, yet alone in a crowd? Why does the world make its way within the skins of confinement? What is my true solitary self within?

Ah, I am going through a phase of too many questions.

Originally posted by: Mister.K.

Please note that I am weighing each and every one of my words here.

Q) Who are you?
A) You are the entity (for lack of a better word), that posed the above question.

You are that guest who is currently residing in a host body. The essence of that guest is not well understood. The boundaries of that host body are not well understood. For instance, it could be said that the boundaries of the host body stop at one single cell and that could be construed as a true statement because I could take that single cell and reproduce all of what is essentially you. It could also be said that the boundaries stop at the 5 ft+ frame that is currently making you up and that could also be construed as a true statement because that 5ft+ frame is mobile and could seemingly move in different directions without carrying anything else with it. It could also be said that your frame is one tiny speck on another larger body called earth that is seemingly moving around in different directions without carrying anything else with it and that statement wouldn't be inaccurate either.

Thus, I could make up a finite number of facts, all about you, and all of those could be construed as true statements. However all those are true statements only if you and the events that are associated with you are plotted on a coordinate graph paper with space running on one axis and time running on another.

So, when you ask a question like "Will the real RTH please stand up?", my answer is that the real RTH did stand up, faithfully, voluntarily. We just need to know where to look at on the graph paper that I talked about. Which place and what time.

I'm not sure I understood what you mean by weighing your words.

Yes, I am a guest entrapped in this host body for a finite period of time. I am confused about the boundaries between the host and the guest. But I understand the host to a certain extent, I understand its frame of flesh and bones. That is what is mind boggling, I the guest know more about my host than I do of myself the guest. And such is my quest, to identify, explain and define me the guest typing using RTH's fingers.

It is a very large and complex graph to plot on the axis of space and time. I think every moment, every thought can be plotted there. I'm often asked questions - which I answer faithfully and give my opinions. Often cocksure of myself, not of the factuality but that the answers are a true reflection of myself. Some plots on this graph are manifested all over this forum - reflections of whats on my mind. Then again as time turns I wonder who am I .

What is the essence of this guest when it first entered the host. Was the guest quality less, and did the experience of the host mold it. Or did the guest have inherent qualities that evolved with the experiences of the host. Makes me also randomly ponder the age old theological question - are we inherently sinful or are we inherently innocent.

There are more thoughts on social growth for later. But for now...are you sure that the real RTH is indeed somewhere on that graph? Thats reassuring to know that the answer to the question lies on this infinite graph. Now its a matter of where to look....but then again...is it that reassuring.

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

How do I know why am I here, if I do not know who am I? If I am a knife, I am here to slice. If I am a scissor, I am here to cut. But first am I a knife or a scissor?

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

. But for now...are you sure that the real RTH is indeed somewhere on that graph? Thats reassuring to know that the answer to the question lies on this infinite graph. Now its a matter of where to look....but then again...is it that reassuring.

Each of the RTH on that graph would be as real as the other. Each would be a small part of the larger whole RTH . I think the part would be just as real as the whole. Depends on what you are searching for , a particular part , a combination of some parts or the whole "you" that you call RTH !

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

Yes, I am a guest entrapped in this host body for a finite period of time. I am confused about the boundaries between the host and the guest. But I understand the host to a certain extent, I understand its frame of flesh and bones. That is what is mind boggling, I the guest know more about my host than I do of myself the guest. And such is my quest, to identify, explain and define me the guest typing using RTH's fingers.

It is a very large and complex graph to plot on the axis of space and time. I think every moment, every thought can be plotted there. I'm often asked questions - which I answer faithfully and give my opinions. Often cocksure of myself, not of the factuality but that the answers are a true reflection of myself. Some plots on this graph are manifested all over this forum - reflections of whats on my mind. Then again as time turns I wonder who am I .

What is the essence of this guest when it first entered the host. Was the guest quality less, and did the experience of the host mold it. Or did the guest have inherent qualities that evolved with the experiences of the host. Makes me also randomly ponder the age old theological question - are we inherently sinful or are we inherently innocent.

There are more thoughts on social growth for later. But for now...are you sure that the real RTH is indeed somewhere on that graph? Thats reassuring to know that the answer to the question lies on this infinite graph. Now its a matter of where to look....but then again...is it that reassuring.

The answers won't fall in our lap, one fine day, like we would want them to. If the yearning is genuine, if the heart is in the right place, if we are serious in our pursuits, we have to commit 100% of ourselves to investigate the answers in right earnest. But we won't, because, we have "other" things to do not to mention there is a "need" for entertainment in our lives.

What are we searching for is what we need to ask ourselves. There is no dearth of questions but what is the #1 question on your mind? What is the #1 question on my mind? Are we sure why it is #1? What is the reason why we made it our #1?

Which subject is best geared to answer our questions? Science? Philosophy? Math? Language (to translate thoughts into words)? A combination of all of these? None of these? How would we know?

Let's say we found out who I am. Let's say we found out who RTH is. What next?

So, in a way, I agree with Vinu that the purpose takes priority then. Why are we here?

If we came here because the probability exists for us to be here then there is nothing else to add there. That is it. That's the end of our search. Our being here is a random incident. Who cares who we are then? Who cares what we do? Why should anything matter? I was born and I will die, big freakin' deal. Is anybody asking why there was this ant or this mosquito 1000 years back and why they died? Things appear and disappear on the space-time graph. Who cares about what is appearing and disappearing? It all happens in less than the blink of an eye anyway.

On the other hand, if we are attributing importance to ourselves because we are "intelligent" then we need to ask ourselves what is "intelligence" and why did it decide to enter our bodies and not all bodies that are out there?

To me, that's a better question - what is this intelligence, this consciousness that made conscious choices to enter certain body types?

Another question could be "what is life"?

A bunch of atoms (carbon, oxygen, hydrogen, nitrogen and phosphorous) made conscious choices to bond into molecules and compounds that make us up. Why did they do that? Did intelligence permeate them or are they inherently intelligent?

Why can't I mix the same elements in the right proportions and make life? What is missing?

We are enamored with chronicling things according to time. May we should stop doing that. May be the concept of time doesn't exist at the subatomic level.

If we isolate ourselves and try to understand us, it would be harder. if we cut that portion of the space-time graph paper that "shows" us and analyze it, we will not understand us.

Going back to the guest-host analogy, if you are the guest then dedicate your energy to understand the guest better and don't focus too much on the host. The guest is not just residing in one host body, the guest is all pervading.

As for the graph, I am not sure if thoughts could be plotted. Sure, the physicality of the thought (the electrochemical signaling) could be plotted. But is it all there is to the thoughts? What about self-awareness? Could that be plotted? I don't know.