Mischief Managed - Satra pe Khatra (IO) - Page 47

The Postmortem Of R... Rajkumar

Commercial cinema stenches of lazy writing these days and that's a frequently used statement which fans and masala film buffs criticize and reject. Koimoi brings to you our new section where we dissect the new releases of the week and humorously put forth to you our opinion about it. Prabhudheva's R...Rajkumar,which has been relished by masses, hated by critics, has taught us the lamest things possible which every masala entertainer Bollywood movie has.

1. You should master the art of fighting 60 men at a time:

No matter how short you are, you will beat the sh#t out of men who have been celebrating No Shave November' all year long. Gravity defying!

2. Keep a song after every random event:

And make sure that the song has no relation with the story whatsoever.

3. Go to surreal locations for dancing:

No matter what village the story is in, find a picturesque location for them to exhibit their moves. Using Sonakshi's forehead is another preferred location.

4. You are not a successful villain if you do not own a fleet of SUVs.

Wherever you go, whatever the occasion is, take your Convoy with you. Coz If you got it, flaunt it'!

5. Use silly one-liners:

No matter how grave the situation is, blab senseless stuff to your opponent and make him STFU. Also try saying, "PYAAR PYAAR PYAAR, MAAR MAAR MAAR,". Yep it works!

6. Cast Aashish Vidhyarthi:

Because no masala movie used to be complete without him in the 90s. We guess he is also rumored to be the President of the Gunda Association by now.

7. Make a guest appearance in a dance number:

You are the Director and you have all the right to show-off your dance moves in a special dance appearance... That's Take it easy policy'!

8. Which Sonakshi Sinha movie is it anyways?

That awkward moment when you take a short nap during the movie and you wake up with a confusion of which Sonakshi Sinha movie you are in. She has the same confusion on her sets...

9. No one should have a clue why the film takes place:

Really, only these guys know what the fuss and fights were about...

"Ladki ka chakkar Babu Bhaiyya."

10. What does the hero score?

Well, he gets Shatrughan uncle's daughter at the end of the movie, what can one say? KHAMOSHH!

NOTE: If you watch the movie carefully, there's a story in between those song sequences, fights and Sonakshi's forehead. Yes! That was the INTERMISSION'. Trust me, it was the best part of the movi