Posted:
Hello people. This is a one shot based on the
song 'where did the good go' by tegan and sarah.
hope you enjoy. please like and comment.
Ps the D3 gang is famous in this
"No!!!!" I woke up screaming. Again.
My knuckles were white as my hands clutched
the bed sheet and I could feel tears welling up in
my eyes. I felt sweaty all over and one glimpse at
the mirror across the room showed me my
ghostly pallor. It had been the same dream. The
same dream that had been haunting me every
night for the past two months so much so that I
had almost become afraid of falling asleep. The
expression of betrayal on his face, the hurt that
had filled his eyes, it was still so vivid in my
memory, that it felt as if it all had happened just
yesterday. I had broken something inside him, I
knew that... his trust, his love and his heart. It
had broken me too but I knew it had to be done
and the sooner I did it the easier it would be for
him.
How had all this happened? I was still in shock of
it all. Only two months back, I Kriya Ghai
had had more than I could have ever asked for,
but now everyday just seemed like a torture. A
twisted game I couldn't seem to escape that
would plunge me without any warning into the
memories I tried so hard to wall off. It felt numb.
As if I couldn't feel anything anymore. As if to
replace my heart, a black hole had been created
that just seemed to suck in any emotion I
possessed.
I glanced at the alarm clock on my bedside table.
It was 4 am which meant I still had a few of
hours to sleep before I got ready for college which
would start at eight, but I didn't even try. Call it
experience, but I knew sleep would elude me. If I
tried I'd only just end up thinking about him even
more and end up crying and cursing myself like I
always did.
Desperate to escape making a wreck of myself I
removed the covers from the bed and got up
looking for something to distract myself. I picked
up the math textbook lying on my table finding
nothing better to do. Might as well study for the
test Professor Das had planned for today I
thought. Though I had already studied for the test
last night I knew that I wasn't spoilt for choice. I
had sworn off romance novels the only genre that
had ever interested me and knew that resorting to
the television was futile at this hour.
When it finally struck 7, I gladly got up to get
ready. After a quick shower I opened my cupboard
and took out the first thing that came into my
hands. Just my luck that it happened to be a
fancy floral top that screamed happy. Apparently
mom had been shopping again. I hastily put it
back inside and took out a pair of loose fitting
jeans and stripped tee, something that had
almost become routine wear for me now. I sighed
as I quickly put it on and tied my hair in a loose
bun heading towards the dining room for
breakfast as the smell of frying pancakes reached
me. I hadn't realized I was starving
"Hey sweetheart" mom greeted me as she heard
me coming and gave me a disappointed look
when she saw what I was wearing.
"Mom have you been shopping for me again?" I
asked plonking myself on one of the kitchen
stools "Don't even try to deny it, there is no other
way that that top would end up in my cupboard"
"First of all, I wasn't going to deny it anyways,
and secondly what is wrong with it? You always
used to wear stuff like this in earlier, so why not
now?
I groaned. An argument with mom was really not
how I liked starting my day, but lately that was
all we ever did. She was right I did wear stuff like
that earlier, but the point was that was the
past, not something I liked dwelling into. Too
many painful memories.
"Please mom" I said "I really don't want to have
an argument right now. Just please stop all this...
shopping for me, calling over people I hardly talk
to. It's really becoming way too hard to handle.
I'm happy the way I am"
"But why Kriya? It doesn't have to be like this.
And people you don't talk to...they used to be
your friends. You think you can just call yourself
happy and go around wearing that fake smile and
think I can't see through your faade?"
She made her way upto me; put an arm around
me to pull me into a hug, before continuing.
"Sweetheart, I know it's hard on you, but you
can't give up. You've got to do this for yourself...
for me, because lately you've become the
strongest person I know. Whenever, you think it's
too hard, and there's no point, remember that
you're strong, and I'm with you, and we're going
to look at this thing in the eye and fight it
together."
"I'm trying mom" I replied. I knew this was hard
on her too. No matter how much she hid her
sorrow, I'd heard her crying silently in her room.
After the father I'd never had, I was the only one
she could call her own.
She gave me a smile and placed the pancakes in
front of me, which I'd convinced her to let me eat.
It looked so good, especially when you knew it
was probably going to be the last time. The
doctor had told me not to eat stuff like this, but
I'd begged him till he'd finally given in. I knew I
didn't have much time left, and I really wanted to
do these little things one last time. To at least try
to be normal, till I was too weak to be anywhere
but in the hospital ...till I was too weak to fight.
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How could this happen to me? How could they
come here?
When I'd reached college, I'd known there was
something different. People didn't go around
wearing giddy smiles on usual Monday mornings,
but I'd never thought the reason for it would be this
Admitted, Spring Dales was one of the highest ranked colleges in the country, but I'd never thought it would see this day. D3 was here. He was here.
Apparently they needed a college setting for
one of videos, and had come to check
out our school. I walked upto the crowd that had
gathered around them in the assembly hall,
shielding myself from their view so I wouldn't
catch their eye. After all that drama that had
happened in the last two months, I'm sure they wouldn't be too pleased to see me. They looked happy, all of them, as they stood there signing autographs.
This is what I wanted all along right; that he
could be happy, that he could live his
dream without having to worry about me, then
why did the longing in my chest become a
hundred times more painful? Just the sight of
him, standing there laughing at something one of
the guys had said, sent my heart in a frenzy
making me want to go wrap my arms around him
and hold him to me forever.
"What are you doing here, bitch?" I turned around
the face the owner of the voice to find myself
looking zara . She was the head cheerleader, and
honestly she was nice. We'd never been close, but
I knew she wasn't snobbish or full of herself. But
she was a huge fan , and I probably looked
like a monster to her. Hell, I pretty much looked
like a monster to myself, when I wasn't
convincing myself that I was doing this for him.
"You really think you have the right to turn up
here, after you cheated on Rey? After you broke
his heart the way you did?" she sneered. Her
words cut through me, making my anguish harder
than ever to bear. She made no attempt to be
discrete as she spilled venom on me, and I could
feel the cold stares burning holes in my back. I
tried to stop the tears that threatened to
overflow, but the people pointing at me with
disgust didn't help. I looked over at the gang ,
hoping against hope that they hadn't seen me,
but I already knew my wish wasn't going to be
granted.
My eyes met Rey , as I glanced at them, and I
saw pain flash through his eyes before they went
blank. He was never going to open upto me again,
never going to let me see the real him again. He
was in too much pain. Pain I'd given him.
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I picked myself up from the library floor, where I'd
been sitting in a corner hidden by one of those
huge shelves bawling my eyes out for the past
hour. Whenever I'd think that I couldn't possibly
shed more tears, a new set of them would make
themselves known.
I wasn't upset about what had happened in the
assembly hall today, I'd gotten used to the hate
pouring in from all sides by now. In fact, I'd
even had some drunk girls breaking a few
windows at my house for hurting Rey like that.
It was Rey, seeing him there so close and yet so
far brought back so many memories; how we'd
met, our first date, our first kiss. I wondered if he
even remembered all the good times we had had.
It all came back in flashes, like a movie running
through my head. A movie I didn't want to see
because it didn't have the happy ending I'd always
dreamed about. It frightened me to think how
close I'd been to giving up and telling him what
had really happened but I knew I couldn't do that.
I would never let Rey risk his career for me and
knowing him that's exactly what he would have
done.
I exited the library, making my way to the
infirmary hoping to get a sick day, so I wouldn't
have to face him. I knew I didn't have it in me to
confront him again. I was grateful for the silence
that filled the corridors since nearly the entire
school was still back in the assembly hall. I let
my hair fall from my bun so that it covered my
face and speed walked keeping my head down.
Just when I thought id nearly escaped I felt hand
on my wrist as someone pulled me into an empty
classroom pushing me against the wall and
closing the door behind us.
I felt a hand come up to my mouth blocking the
scream that was welling up inside me. I looked up
to face the person who had pulled me in, to find
myself staring at Rey . His angelic face which at
one time used to light up with a breathtaking
smile when he used to see me was now set in a
hard mask void of any expression or emotion.
"Let go. You're hurting me" I said trying to
wrench my hand out of his iron grip.
"No Kriya , you hurt me" he replied and I could feel
the hatred in his voice, but his grip on my hand
loosened anyways.
"What do you want Rey?" I asked. I knew where
this conversation was going, and if I what I
suspected was right; I was going to have to hurt
him again, even if I it was my heart being torn up
in the process.
"Answers" he says simply "the last time I saw
you, I was too messed up to even think right but
now I'm not. Besides it's the least I deserve." He
was right, that was the least he deserved. There
was just one problem; I had none to offer.
"Please Rey , get over it. What do you even want
to know?" I sneered, hoping it would sound
convincing "I mean I was over you long back, and
I fell in love with Sid. That's all there is to it,
and if your ego can't handle that, it's really not
my problem."
"If it was over for you so long ago, why didn't you
just end it before? What's the point of playing
stupid games?" he asked. I could see, from the
way he was gritting his teeth that he was trying
to control his anger. I prayed he would just go
away. It was so hard to hurt him like this,
specially with him so close that I could feel the
heat from his body as his breath fanned my face.
"You do know there are perks to being you're
girlfriend don't you?" I replied, knowing it was
seriously below the belt, but I had to do it. I
didn't know how much longer I could hold up this
act. I watched as a disgusted look adorned his
features. The sane part of me told me that I'd
done the right thing, but the more dominant part
of me couldn't bear it that he looked at me like
this. He backed up a few steps releasing me
completely, as if he couldn't stand being near me.
It felt as if my whole world was coming down on
me, as if it couldn't get worse than this, but then
it just did.
I felt white hot pain sear through my
head as I gripped the door handle for support. I
knew what was going to happen now, and I
couldn't let Rey see it. It was what I had been
trying to hide from him all along, and I wasn't
going to let all my efforts to keep it from him go
to waste now. I yanked open the door, moving as
fast as I could without falling down, as I tried to
fight the numb blackness that promised to take
the pain away. I couldn't faint now; I had to do
this for Rey .
"Are you okay?" asked the familiar voice, now
filled with concern as I felt a steadying hand on
my shoulder.
"Go. Away. Re." I said using my last ounce of
strength to produce the words, hoping he would
listen to me this once.
I didn't hear his answer. I felt my knees buckle
beneath me as I couldn't hold back anymore. The
world seemed to spin around me, as the
blackness engulfed me with a vengeance, as if
taunting me for even attempting to push it away.
I fell to the ground with a soft thud, as I lost my
grip on the dor handle. Before this it had only
happened when I'd skipped my meds, but I knew
that now it would become a regular occurrence
just like my doctor had warned me. I wouldn't be
able to live a normal life anymore. The last thing
I remember was praying that Rey wouldn't have
to witness this, before the numbness covered me
completely like a blanket, dragging me into the
depths of unconscious.
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When I finally regained consciousness, I found
myself in the hospital. My head was throbbing
really hard, as if someone was hammering nails
into it. I tried to get up, but my body protested as
a fresh burst of pain ran up my body from the
effort. I groaned in pain, giving up and going back
to my original position. I felt someone stir beside
and my eyes shot to Rey , who seemed to have
fallen asleep on my bedside. My one hand was
wrapped between his two bigger ones, his fingers
slightly rough just like I remembered them. I immediately shut my eyes, sensing him
wake up. I knew that I'd have to get him to go,
but I could enjoy a few minutes thinking
everything was perfect. This is how I wanted to
remember our last meeting - pure, peaceful, not
something that haunted me in my every attempt
to sleep.
"I know you're awake." he whispered in my ear
making my insides melt. There goes any hope of
spending a few minutes with him.
"How long have I been out?"
"About an hour" he replied glancing at his watch.
"I called up your mom and sid by the way."
He added on an afterthought.
"What are you doing here here, Rey ?" I asked. I
was too knackered to be angry. I could still
convince him that what had happened, in the past
hour was nothing but it was going to be a tough
call.
"You're still wearing this?" he says, playing with
the bracelet on my wrist while completely ignoring
my question. It was more of a statement than a
question. It had an infinity sign dangling from the
delicate chains of the bracelet, making an
exquisite pattern in gold and silver. He'd got it for
me from one of his tours and had given it to me
over dinner that night. It was something I never
took off because it was the only connecting link I
had with him anymore, it felt as if a part of him
was still there with me when I wore it.
"It's pretty" I replied adopting the same casual
tone he was using, though I couldn't help
wondering why he was being so normal.
"Really? Is that all there is to it? I thought from
how much you had started hating me recently,
you wouldn't want anything to remind you of
me." He countered, a smirk forming on his lips as
he brushed my hair out of my eyes, making me
feel every emotion but hate.
"Like I said, it's pretty." I answered. I knew it
was a dumb comeback, but then I'd been pretty
dumb not to remove it when I saw him the first
time today.
"So Sid doesn't mind?" he asked, still using
the same casual tone. I knew he could tell that it
was driving me crazy.
"Why are you acting so normal? I mean you hate
me." I yell, curiosity getting the better of me.
"Who told you I hate you? Besides I can't seem
to see why anything I do is affecting you so
much. Maybe it's because you still find me
attractive" he said, his smirk getting wider. This
guy had to be the most impossible person you
could ever encounter.
"You can keep doing anything you want Reyaansh Singhania, but it does not affect me in the least, nor
will it ever in the future. And most of all, I do not
find you attractive." I knew a kindergartner, could
have acted more convincingly, but it was all I
had.
I felt his fingers brush the side of my cheek
making my heart beat accelerate as they left a
trail of trail of burning desire. "Not even this?"
"No" I squeaked in reply.
"Well, that doesn't seem to think so." He said
pointing towards the monitor of the ECG, which
showed how my heart had gone into frenzy just
seconds ago. Damn.
"That shows nothing. Besides I have a
boyfriend." I argued. i really couldnt get lamer
than this.
"Right, Sid. I can't believe you got a medical
intern to pose as your boyfriend just so that he
could get your case." My mouth fell open, as I
gaped at him. I couldn't believe Sid ditched
me and told Rey without even asking me, and
Rey had been teasing me all this time after
knowing the truth.
"How much do you know?" I asked, hoping I could
still salvage the situation.
"Everything" he replied, all traces of the smirk
disappearing and an expression of hurt forming
on his face.
"I'm sorry I was so rude to you. I didn't want to
but I had no choice. I couldn't tell you"
"Don't tell me that Kriya . There's always a choice.
You're the one who's taught me that. Why didn't
you tell me?"
When I continued to refuse to look at him, he put
his fingers under my chin lifting it so that I was
forced to looki into his hypnotising choclate
brown eyes. "Please Kriya , tell me why?"
"I have a tumor the size of a tennis ball in my
brain, Rey . The possibility of me surviving this is
not so good and even if i did, things would never
be normal for me. You shouldn't have to witness
it. I'd always pictured us getting old together-
happy and healthy, but I knew it wasn't how this
was going to end and I didn't want you to get
hurt because of me."
"But I did Kriya. I got hurt and moreover you got
hurt. I can see the pain in your eyes. Do you know
how disgusted I feel right now for being away
from you all this time? We'd promised each other
that we'd be together forever, but I didn't keep
my promise. I just went there and put myself up
for grabs, as I went from one disastrous fling to
another. I started hating you, forgetting all the
good we had" he replied, tears starting to rim his
eyes.
"Please Rey ; it's not your fault. Don't blame
yourself. You've got your own life and you have
to live that. Live your dream zayn, for yourself...
for me. I don't want you to risk everything you've
worked so hard for. You got over me earlier;
you'll get over me now." I replied, breaking down
for the second time today.
"Don't you see Kriya ? I never got over you, and I
never want to. You're the best thing that ever
happened to me. The hate I felt for you, was
anger, anger at you that you cheated on me,
anger at myself that I couldn't keep you happy. I
could never hate you. You were with me when I dreamt of this, every time I needed someone. I could share everything with you, good or bad, and if I can't anymore then I don't want any of it." and with that his lips came crashing down on mine, as they pressed with an urgency and yet managed to feel soft. I felt my
fingers run through his hair involuntarily, as my
body reacted to the kiss that had turned salty
from our tears.
"You're going to live Kriya . I don't care how, but
you are. You are not going to leave me and go
ever again, because I don't think I can survive
another day without you, forget about an entire
lifetime. You're going to try and you're going to
win- for yourself, for me...for us, because we can't
let the good go."
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so - good, bad or horrible? this is my first
attempt at something thats tragic so i hope i
wasnt overdramatic. do leave your views on what
you think, I'd love to read them.
song 'where did the good go' by tegan and sarah.
hope you enjoy. please like and comment.
Ps the D3 gang is famous in this
"No!!!!" I woke up screaming. Again.
My knuckles were white as my hands clutched
the bed sheet and I could feel tears welling up in
my eyes. I felt sweaty all over and one glimpse at
the mirror across the room showed me my
ghostly pallor. It had been the same dream. The
same dream that had been haunting me every
night for the past two months so much so that I
had almost become afraid of falling asleep. The
expression of betrayal on his face, the hurt that
had filled his eyes, it was still so vivid in my
memory, that it felt as if it all had happened just
yesterday. I had broken something inside him, I
knew that... his trust, his love and his heart. It
had broken me too but I knew it had to be done
and the sooner I did it the easier it would be for
him.
How had all this happened? I was still in shock of
it all. Only two months back, I Kriya Ghai
had had more than I could have ever asked for,
but now everyday just seemed like a torture. A
twisted game I couldn't seem to escape that
would plunge me without any warning into the
memories I tried so hard to wall off. It felt numb.
As if I couldn't feel anything anymore. As if to
replace my heart, a black hole had been created
that just seemed to suck in any emotion I
possessed.
I glanced at the alarm clock on my bedside table.
It was 4 am which meant I still had a few of
hours to sleep before I got ready for college which
would start at eight, but I didn't even try. Call it
experience, but I knew sleep would elude me. If I
tried I'd only just end up thinking about him even
more and end up crying and cursing myself like I
always did.
Desperate to escape making a wreck of myself I
removed the covers from the bed and got up
looking for something to distract myself. I picked
up the math textbook lying on my table finding
nothing better to do. Might as well study for the
test Professor Das had planned for today I
thought. Though I had already studied for the test
last night I knew that I wasn't spoilt for choice. I
had sworn off romance novels the only genre that
had ever interested me and knew that resorting to
the television was futile at this hour.
When it finally struck 7, I gladly got up to get
ready. After a quick shower I opened my cupboard
and took out the first thing that came into my
hands. Just my luck that it happened to be a
fancy floral top that screamed happy. Apparently
mom had been shopping again. I hastily put it
back inside and took out a pair of loose fitting
jeans and stripped tee, something that had
almost become routine wear for me now. I sighed
as I quickly put it on and tied my hair in a loose
bun heading towards the dining room for
breakfast as the smell of frying pancakes reached
me. I hadn't realized I was starving
"Hey sweetheart" mom greeted me as she heard
me coming and gave me a disappointed look
when she saw what I was wearing.
"Mom have you been shopping for me again?" I
asked plonking myself on one of the kitchen
stools "Don't even try to deny it, there is no other
way that that top would end up in my cupboard"
"First of all, I wasn't going to deny it anyways,
and secondly what is wrong with it? You always
used to wear stuff like this in earlier, so why not
now?
I groaned. An argument with mom was really not
how I liked starting my day, but lately that was
all we ever did. She was right I did wear stuff like
that earlier, but the point was that was the
past, not something I liked dwelling into. Too
many painful memories.
"Please mom" I said "I really don't want to have
an argument right now. Just please stop all this...
shopping for me, calling over people I hardly talk
to. It's really becoming way too hard to handle.
I'm happy the way I am"
"But why Kriya? It doesn't have to be like this.
And people you don't talk to...they used to be
your friends. You think you can just call yourself
happy and go around wearing that fake smile and
think I can't see through your faade?"
She made her way upto me; put an arm around
me to pull me into a hug, before continuing.
"Sweetheart, I know it's hard on you, but you
can't give up. You've got to do this for yourself...
for me, because lately you've become the
strongest person I know. Whenever, you think it's
too hard, and there's no point, remember that
you're strong, and I'm with you, and we're going
to look at this thing in the eye and fight it
together."
"I'm trying mom" I replied. I knew this was hard
on her too. No matter how much she hid her
sorrow, I'd heard her crying silently in her room.
After the father I'd never had, I was the only one
she could call her own.
She gave me a smile and placed the pancakes in
front of me, which I'd convinced her to let me eat.
It looked so good, especially when you knew it
was probably going to be the last time. The
doctor had told me not to eat stuff like this, but
I'd begged him till he'd finally given in. I knew I
didn't have much time left, and I really wanted to
do these little things one last time. To at least try
to be normal, till I was too weak to be anywhere
but in the hospital ...till I was too weak to fight.
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How could this happen to me? How could they
come here?
When I'd reached college, I'd known there was
something different. People didn't go around
wearing giddy smiles on usual Monday mornings,
but I'd never thought the reason for it would be this
Admitted, Spring Dales was one of the highest ranked colleges in the country, but I'd never thought it would see this day. D3 was here. He was here.
Apparently they needed a college setting for
one of videos, and had come to check
out our school. I walked upto the crowd that had
gathered around them in the assembly hall,
shielding myself from their view so I wouldn't
catch their eye. After all that drama that had
happened in the last two months, I'm sure they wouldn't be too pleased to see me. They looked happy, all of them, as they stood there signing autographs.
This is what I wanted all along right; that he
could be happy, that he could live his
dream without having to worry about me, then
why did the longing in my chest become a
hundred times more painful? Just the sight of
him, standing there laughing at something one of
the guys had said, sent my heart in a frenzy
making me want to go wrap my arms around him
and hold him to me forever.
"What are you doing here, bitch?" I turned around
the face the owner of the voice to find myself
looking zara . She was the head cheerleader, and
honestly she was nice. We'd never been close, but
I knew she wasn't snobbish or full of herself. But
she was a huge fan , and I probably looked
like a monster to her. Hell, I pretty much looked
like a monster to myself, when I wasn't
convincing myself that I was doing this for him.
"You really think you have the right to turn up
here, after you cheated on Rey? After you broke
his heart the way you did?" she sneered. Her
words cut through me, making my anguish harder
than ever to bear. She made no attempt to be
discrete as she spilled venom on me, and I could
feel the cold stares burning holes in my back. I
tried to stop the tears that threatened to
overflow, but the people pointing at me with
disgust didn't help. I looked over at the gang ,
hoping against hope that they hadn't seen me,
but I already knew my wish wasn't going to be
granted.
My eyes met Rey , as I glanced at them, and I
saw pain flash through his eyes before they went
blank. He was never going to open upto me again,
never going to let me see the real him again. He
was in too much pain. Pain I'd given him.
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I picked myself up from the library floor, where I'd
been sitting in a corner hidden by one of those
huge shelves bawling my eyes out for the past
hour. Whenever I'd think that I couldn't possibly
shed more tears, a new set of them would make
themselves known.
I wasn't upset about what had happened in the
assembly hall today, I'd gotten used to the hate
pouring in from all sides by now. In fact, I'd
even had some drunk girls breaking a few
windows at my house for hurting Rey like that.
It was Rey, seeing him there so close and yet so
far brought back so many memories; how we'd
met, our first date, our first kiss. I wondered if he
even remembered all the good times we had had.
It all came back in flashes, like a movie running
through my head. A movie I didn't want to see
because it didn't have the happy ending I'd always
dreamed about. It frightened me to think how
close I'd been to giving up and telling him what
had really happened but I knew I couldn't do that.
I would never let Rey risk his career for me and
knowing him that's exactly what he would have
done.
I exited the library, making my way to the
infirmary hoping to get a sick day, so I wouldn't
have to face him. I knew I didn't have it in me to
confront him again. I was grateful for the silence
that filled the corridors since nearly the entire
school was still back in the assembly hall. I let
my hair fall from my bun so that it covered my
face and speed walked keeping my head down.
Just when I thought id nearly escaped I felt hand
on my wrist as someone pulled me into an empty
classroom pushing me against the wall and
closing the door behind us.
I felt a hand come up to my mouth blocking the
scream that was welling up inside me. I looked up
to face the person who had pulled me in, to find
myself staring at Rey . His angelic face which at
one time used to light up with a breathtaking
smile when he used to see me was now set in a
hard mask void of any expression or emotion.
"Let go. You're hurting me" I said trying to
wrench my hand out of his iron grip.
"No Kriya , you hurt me" he replied and I could feel
the hatred in his voice, but his grip on my hand
loosened anyways.
"What do you want Rey?" I asked. I knew where
this conversation was going, and if I what I
suspected was right; I was going to have to hurt
him again, even if I it was my heart being torn up
in the process.
"Answers" he says simply "the last time I saw
you, I was too messed up to even think right but
now I'm not. Besides it's the least I deserve." He
was right, that was the least he deserved. There
was just one problem; I had none to offer.
"Please Rey , get over it. What do you even want
to know?" I sneered, hoping it would sound
convincing "I mean I was over you long back, and
I fell in love with Sid. That's all there is to it,
and if your ego can't handle that, it's really not
my problem."
"If it was over for you so long ago, why didn't you
just end it before? What's the point of playing
stupid games?" he asked. I could see, from the
way he was gritting his teeth that he was trying
to control his anger. I prayed he would just go
away. It was so hard to hurt him like this,
specially with him so close that I could feel the
heat from his body as his breath fanned my face.
"You do know there are perks to being you're
girlfriend don't you?" I replied, knowing it was
seriously below the belt, but I had to do it. I
didn't know how much longer I could hold up this
act. I watched as a disgusted look adorned his
features. The sane part of me told me that I'd
done the right thing, but the more dominant part
of me couldn't bear it that he looked at me like
this. He backed up a few steps releasing me
completely, as if he couldn't stand being near me.
It felt as if my whole world was coming down on
me, as if it couldn't get worse than this, but then
it just did.
I felt white hot pain sear through my
head as I gripped the door handle for support. I
knew what was going to happen now, and I
couldn't let Rey see it. It was what I had been
trying to hide from him all along, and I wasn't
going to let all my efforts to keep it from him go
to waste now. I yanked open the door, moving as
fast as I could without falling down, as I tried to
fight the numb blackness that promised to take
the pain away. I couldn't faint now; I had to do
this for Rey .
"Are you okay?" asked the familiar voice, now
filled with concern as I felt a steadying hand on
my shoulder.
"Go. Away. Re." I said using my last ounce of
strength to produce the words, hoping he would
listen to me this once.
I didn't hear his answer. I felt my knees buckle
beneath me as I couldn't hold back anymore. The
world seemed to spin around me, as the
blackness engulfed me with a vengeance, as if
taunting me for even attempting to push it away.
I fell to the ground with a soft thud, as I lost my
grip on the dor handle. Before this it had only
happened when I'd skipped my meds, but I knew
that now it would become a regular occurrence
just like my doctor had warned me. I wouldn't be
able to live a normal life anymore. The last thing
I remember was praying that Rey wouldn't have
to witness this, before the numbness covered me
completely like a blanket, dragging me into the
depths of unconscious.
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When I finally regained consciousness, I found
myself in the hospital. My head was throbbing
really hard, as if someone was hammering nails
into it. I tried to get up, but my body protested as
a fresh burst of pain ran up my body from the
effort. I groaned in pain, giving up and going back
to my original position. I felt someone stir beside
and my eyes shot to Rey , who seemed to have
fallen asleep on my bedside. My one hand was
wrapped between his two bigger ones, his fingers
slightly rough just like I remembered them. I immediately shut my eyes, sensing him
wake up. I knew that I'd have to get him to go,
but I could enjoy a few minutes thinking
everything was perfect. This is how I wanted to
remember our last meeting - pure, peaceful, not
something that haunted me in my every attempt
to sleep.
"I know you're awake." he whispered in my ear
making my insides melt. There goes any hope of
spending a few minutes with him.
"How long have I been out?"
"About an hour" he replied glancing at his watch.
"I called up your mom and sid by the way."
He added on an afterthought.
"What are you doing here here, Rey ?" I asked. I
was too knackered to be angry. I could still
convince him that what had happened, in the past
hour was nothing but it was going to be a tough
call.
"You're still wearing this?" he says, playing with
the bracelet on my wrist while completely ignoring
my question. It was more of a statement than a
question. It had an infinity sign dangling from the
delicate chains of the bracelet, making an
exquisite pattern in gold and silver. He'd got it for
me from one of his tours and had given it to me
over dinner that night. It was something I never
took off because it was the only connecting link I
had with him anymore, it felt as if a part of him
was still there with me when I wore it.
"It's pretty" I replied adopting the same casual
tone he was using, though I couldn't help
wondering why he was being so normal.
"Really? Is that all there is to it? I thought from
how much you had started hating me recently,
you wouldn't want anything to remind you of
me." He countered, a smirk forming on his lips as
he brushed my hair out of my eyes, making me
feel every emotion but hate.
"Like I said, it's pretty." I answered. I knew it
was a dumb comeback, but then I'd been pretty
dumb not to remove it when I saw him the first
time today.
"So Sid doesn't mind?" he asked, still using
the same casual tone. I knew he could tell that it
was driving me crazy.
"Why are you acting so normal? I mean you hate
me." I yell, curiosity getting the better of me.
"Who told you I hate you? Besides I can't seem
to see why anything I do is affecting you so
much. Maybe it's because you still find me
attractive" he said, his smirk getting wider. This
guy had to be the most impossible person you
could ever encounter.
"You can keep doing anything you want Reyaansh Singhania, but it does not affect me in the least, nor
will it ever in the future. And most of all, I do not
find you attractive." I knew a kindergartner, could
have acted more convincingly, but it was all I
had.
I felt his fingers brush the side of my cheek
making my heart beat accelerate as they left a
trail of trail of burning desire. "Not even this?"
"No" I squeaked in reply.
"Well, that doesn't seem to think so." He said
pointing towards the monitor of the ECG, which
showed how my heart had gone into frenzy just
seconds ago. Damn.
"That shows nothing. Besides I have a
boyfriend." I argued. i really couldnt get lamer
than this.
"Right, Sid. I can't believe you got a medical
intern to pose as your boyfriend just so that he
could get your case." My mouth fell open, as I
gaped at him. I couldn't believe Sid ditched
me and told Rey without even asking me, and
Rey had been teasing me all this time after
knowing the truth.
"How much do you know?" I asked, hoping I could
still salvage the situation.
"Everything" he replied, all traces of the smirk
disappearing and an expression of hurt forming
on his face.
"I'm sorry I was so rude to you. I didn't want to
but I had no choice. I couldn't tell you"
"Don't tell me that Kriya . There's always a choice.
You're the one who's taught me that. Why didn't
you tell me?"
When I continued to refuse to look at him, he put
his fingers under my chin lifting it so that I was
forced to looki into his hypnotising choclate
brown eyes. "Please Kriya , tell me why?"
"I have a tumor the size of a tennis ball in my
brain, Rey . The possibility of me surviving this is
not so good and even if i did, things would never
be normal for me. You shouldn't have to witness
it. I'd always pictured us getting old together-
happy and healthy, but I knew it wasn't how this
was going to end and I didn't want you to get
hurt because of me."
"But I did Kriya. I got hurt and moreover you got
hurt. I can see the pain in your eyes. Do you know
how disgusted I feel right now for being away
from you all this time? We'd promised each other
that we'd be together forever, but I didn't keep
my promise. I just went there and put myself up
for grabs, as I went from one disastrous fling to
another. I started hating you, forgetting all the
good we had" he replied, tears starting to rim his
eyes.
"Please Rey ; it's not your fault. Don't blame
yourself. You've got your own life and you have
to live that. Live your dream zayn, for yourself...
for me. I don't want you to risk everything you've
worked so hard for. You got over me earlier;
you'll get over me now." I replied, breaking down
for the second time today.
"Don't you see Kriya ? I never got over you, and I
never want to. You're the best thing that ever
happened to me. The hate I felt for you, was
anger, anger at you that you cheated on me,
anger at myself that I couldn't keep you happy. I
could never hate you. You were with me when I dreamt of this, every time I needed someone. I could share everything with you, good or bad, and if I can't anymore then I don't want any of it." and with that his lips came crashing down on mine, as they pressed with an urgency and yet managed to feel soft. I felt my
fingers run through his hair involuntarily, as my
body reacted to the kiss that had turned salty
from our tears.
"You're going to live Kriya . I don't care how, but
you are. You are not going to leave me and go
ever again, because I don't think I can survive
another day without you, forget about an entire
lifetime. You're going to try and you're going to
win- for yourself, for me...for us, because we can't
let the good go."
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so - good, bad or horrible? this is my first
attempt at something thats tragic so i hope i
wasnt overdramatic. do leave your views on what
you think, I'd love to read them.
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