SILENCED BY THE NIGHT
My one mistake had cost us both, both more than we had to give. It left us broken, empty and exhausted. It was New Year's Eve, the world would be outside celebrating, but I was in no mood to be around people. Nothing had felt right, since the day Sharon left me, after I told her about my mistake. Since, that day, I had lost myself in a black hole; I existed only day to day, uninterested in the world around me and preferring to be alone or to be doing my work. It made it easier to deal with the pain, with life. There was no life, without Sharon in it. I had agreed to give her time, told her I would wait for her when she was ready to talk. But it still didn't lessen the hurt, or lift away the sadness.
I dimmed the apartment lights and plopped down on the couch hoping to get some work done, when there was a knock on the door. I groaned and stood up to get the door. Twisting the knob, I opened the door. My heart stopped. She stood infornt of me, biting her lips. Sharon had surprised me by turning up at my apartment, two hours before countdown. I was shocked to see her there outside my door. The sight of her filled me happiness and suddenly the world seemed like a brighter place to be in. The gloom I had walked through for the last six months disappeared as I became recipient to her shy hesitant smile. I stood there, with my mouth hanging open.
"Sharon," I whispered, afraid to blink that she might turn out to be a figment of my imagination, and then I heard soft laugh and I knew she was real.
"Sharon, Sharon, Sharon" I chanted under my breath as I took her by her hand and drew her in my embrace. I looked down at her upturned face, which were only inches away from mine. The warmth of her breath kindled a raging passion inside me. I saw her eyes darken with desire, and the she whispered huskily, "Swayam."
I leaned forward slowly, capturing her soft lips beneath mine. I felt her hungry response, and I was lost after that. I gave up control and only sought to enjoy having her in my embrace again. I broke off the kiss, with a groan, my breathing deep, my heart pounding loudly. I swore, under my breath.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that, I had no right to do that. I'm sorry," I said backing away from her.
My conscience chose that moment to rear its ugly head. I had pressed her too quickly and blown whatever chance I had of fixing this mess. Was she repulsed? I couldn't look into her eyes. I didn't want to know if they reflected contempt for me. I shook myself out of my thoughts and gestured her to come inside.
"If you don't mind, I thought we could go for a walk, or ice skating, in the central park. ummm… we could talk there," she offered hesitantly.
I stared at her, her eyes filled with hope, fear, and tinged of pain. How could I say no when she would look at me with such woeful eyes? I murmured my assent, grabbing my coat, and skates on the way out. I locked the door behind me and turned to face Sharon. She smiled hesitantly at me and then preceded me out of the building towards Central Park. The silence between us was almost deafening now as we entered the park. I wanted her to say something, anything, even a how are you would suffice. My nerves were frayed and I couldn't wait any longer.
"Sharon I'm so sorry –" I said brokenly.
"Swayam, just don't, not now." she replied, her voice wavering.
"But we can't go on like this, and I need to say this. I was with someone, we kissed a bit, but I couldn't take it further. Honestly Sharon, I have regretted it ever since, and I know that's what people always say and you have no reason to believe any differently of me, but it's true. I just – God, I missed you so much. I'm not saying that's an excuse, because it's not. I hurt you and there is no excuse for that, I screwed up and if you never forgive me I will totally understand. But I can promise you right now that I will never stop fighting for you. I love you. I love you with every fiber of my being and I hope that one day you can forgive me." I was breathing very heavily by the time I was done talking.
"I don't know what to say" she said hazily. "All I know is that it hurt, that you broke my trust and my heart."
"I can't live with myself, Sharon knowing I did that to you. I KNEW how it felt. I KNEW I was wrong! I am so sorry."
"I know." Was all she said.
What else could we say? We talked and now there was nothing else to talk about. So, we trudged silently on the dark trail leading to the skating rink. I contended myself to just look at her. She was so beautiful, walking in the silver glow of the moon. She had such delicate features, a small chin, and large, luminous moss green eyes beneath thick russet lashes and exotically winged brows. Her coloring was vivid. Her hair —heavy and lush, glistening like polished dark mahogany. She had a tall slender figure with generous curves, covered by a dark plaid coat, figure hugging jeans and a pair of black boots.
Sharon moved closer to me. I knew she was afraid of the shadows. So, I took her hand between mine and entwined my fingers through hers. I squeezed her hand gently to let her know I was there, and then I felt an answering squeeze, a thank you. I felt a smile form across my face, she trusted me a little. I felt like dancing like an idiot, I wanted to shout my happiness from the rooftops. I caught her staring at me, and I immediately wiped the goofy smile from my face.
"Why did you do that? I liked seeing you smile. I missed it." She said softly.
"I missed seeing yours. I missed YOU." I whispered back, my eyes filled with naked emotion.
It must have scared her a bit because she backed off and sat down on the protruding roots of a tree. I hunched down next to her. Smiling at each other, we proceeded to take off our shoes and put on the skates. Sharon let out a curse. I looked down at her holding the laces trying to tie them up. I kneeled down before her, and tied the laces on her skates. I looked up to be caught in her mesmerizing gaze.
"I forgive you." She whispered, and then she stood up at walked to the edge of the ice.
I raced past her, and executed a figure skating maneuver that left Sharon's mouth gaping. I looked back at her, and saw fear and hesitancy flash across her features before she masked them with determination. She stepped cautiously on the ice, but have misjudged her steps because the next instant she was flaying her arms and had landed deliciously on her backside. I laughed at her adorably disgruntled look, before skating my way towards her. I offered her my hand and helped her up.
"I though you said you knew how to skate." I said, a smile evident in my voice.
"And you said you didn't." she rebuked gently.
I laughed heartily. "It's embarrassing that I can figure skate. I'm a man!"
"What has being a man go to do with anything?" she asked exasperatedly.
"Everything." I said as I whispered in her ear, and stole a kiss. I glided away quickly before Sharon could chide me for it. I heard her mutter something about being too charming for my good. I turned back to give her wicked smile knowing it would lead to a chase. God! She was magnificent when she was provoked. I took off as fast as I could. Looking, over my shoulder I could see she had decided to give chase and was gliding over the ice in the effort to catch me. Our laughter and shouts of joy wafted through the air along with noise from the city. I slowed down to see if she was okay, skating could be quite strenuous. I turned only to be hit by her. I caught her in my embrace, and when I fell I took her down with me. We laughed at our foolhardiness. I brushed away the hair from across her face and gazed deeply into her eyes. Although I was forgiven, things were far from being solved.
"So where do we go from here?" I asked, hoping it would be with me.
"I don't know? You broke my heart but I still love you" she said brokenly, her eyes filled with tears.
She pushed back from me and stood up. I followed, grabbing her hand I pulled her in my embrace.
"How can you still love me?" I asked.
"Swayam, you are the love of my life, my just feelings don't go away." she admitted, her voice raspy.
"I love you, I want to be with you and I never want to let go of you." I said, voicing my need.
"But, you broke my heart" she said, laying her head down on my chest.
"And, I don't know what to do, but I can promise you I would never do something to hurt you again." I replied, wrapping my arms around her.
We stood in silence, embracing each other when Sharon started humming a soft melody. I smiled into her hair and moved my feet to match the rhythm. Where I lead, she followed and soon we were dancing across the ice, to a music only we heard. The magic of the moment held us in its thrall. Suddenly, Sharon broke away from me and moved a distance. We stared at each other over the expanse.
"I can't love anyone else. I can't and I won't. I love you. And I only love you, Sharon. I might be able to love again someday but it'll never be the same. I'll always be wishing it was you." I said desperately wanting her to understand.
"Swayam, I…" she started.
"We'll start of new this New Year's, you only need to trust me again. I have bared myself to you and now I stand before you as man, flawed, hopelessly in love with you." I pleaded.
"I am afraid to" she whispered
"Take a leap of faith, I'll catch you, I'll always be there to catch you" I promised huskily.
She stared at me, stark desire naked in her eyes. Chants of countdown, from the city filled the air, but my attention remained on Sharon. She hesitantly took a step forward, another and another and then she glided around me, to the previous tune. My eyes never left her and then she glided towards me and leaped in the air towards me. I was ready. I caught her in my arms and held her high above me, twirling us around. She looked lovingly down at my face, her eyes filled with happiness, as if I had given her the world. I lowered her down against my body and held her in my embrace. I had her now and I never wanted to let go of her. I leaned back and dipped my head to claim her rosy lips in a searing kiss just as fireworks exploded over the sky. I broke off, resting my forehead against hers.
"Happy New Year! I love you" she whispered.
"I love you too." I said, claiming her lips again.
Note: My first SwaRon OS and it has also been the hardest one. I re-wrote this OS thrice because nothing really matched the intensity of SwaRon so I hope I have done justice to them. Criticize away. :)
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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