Well we all wanted a monologue but it didn't happen... However when has that stopped us from writing what we wanted to happen ourselves! 😆
My Version of Sharon's Monologue
I found myself in my washroom. How did get there? I can't remember. All I remembered was throwing the shoes at Swayam and making a mad dash from there. Swayam...
I looked in the mirror. It was painful to look at myself, because it made me remember him and his disgusting thoughts. I never knew he could have that side to himself. I see his face looming in place of my reflection... disgusted, angry, hurt.
"Why the hell did you do this Swayam!" I know I'm screaming to myself, because he isn't there to hear me. And it's better this way, because I know I can never dare to say to him, everything that I feel like blurting out right now.
"I thought the whole secret admirer fiasco was the past. I was beginning to understand myself, get above the shallowness you made me feel. And you thrust me back in that hole again. Why did you need to give me those shoes? Your honest words of support and understanding were enough for me. I knew I'd dance because you trusted me. But no... you had to go and attach something material to it again. WHY?!" My legs gave away. My eyes hurt, I knew they were already puffy from crying. But who cares!? Who cares about their darned looks when someone questions your character and calls you an "easy girl"?
"Am I really an easy girl? Do I really give in to anyone like he said?" I grab my knees as I sink down on the floor. The scenes from RDX Sir's party and Shivam's party both looming in together in my mind. "Am I really not characterless, after all that I let happen at those parties... and today?" My sobs get stuck in my throat when I remember giving in to Swayam as he came near me. Was I really going to give in to him and let him kiss me? Maybe somewhere in my mind I knew he wouldn't. Hadn't he himself said it that our first kiss was going to be special? And then he went on to disgrace that special moment himself. What had gotten into him today...
"I thought you understood me better than myself. It has been a year Swayam... a year of all this fighting and hurting each other. And again and again you go and prove me wrong when I begin to trust you. You don't trust me enough to think that I'd let any guy kiss me? If you knew about Shivam's party why didn't you come and talk it out with me? What was the point of questioning my character in front of everyone..."
But didn't you do that too Sharon? I hear me asking myself.
"What I said was the right thing!" I shout back. I lay my head on the cold platform on the side of the bath tub.
"I thought you knew my love and passion for dance. Didn't I dance good enough to be a part of your team? Couldn't you just come to me once and ask if I wanted to join your team? And then you act as if you know me better than myself." I murmur closing my eyes, no more wanting see my broken self.
"At least now I know who you are... what you are..." Whether I fainted or fell asleep due to mental fatigue I didn't realize. But by the time I woke up, it was night. Dragging myself to my room I fell on the bed breaking into fresh sobs.
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