Posted:
*AN IMAGINARY MONOLOGUE OF SHARON REGARDING SWAYAM on the latest episode...*..My first topic on this forum..so I am a little nervous...😛...okay , here I go :
It has never been news to me that all my life..I have been living a lie...living , soaring and breathing in an illusion , but one singular detail made my nose flare high up in the air all this time in my life , and that was I consciously chose to live in an indigestible bubble of personality deception..It was my CHOICE .I wanted fear to work in the procession of ruling , of fake regalement..of superficial POWER...ruling midst and yet above my inner plateaus of insecurity and inferiority which only I tremble and take reckless breaths inside the worned out corners of the implicit caves of my heart.A deception where Sharon Rai Prakash believes that a heart..*chuckles*...what is a heart anyway? A mechanical , blood pumping machine made by disgusting shaped auricles and ventricles ...what has this word had any meaning or substance in my life anyhow , otherwise? In front of everyone in my life..I am a reigning , emotional ice-block and yet , an idealistic woman made out of metal..this heart..where it is said to beat for FEELING.for LOVE. it has been wrapped into a soft , squared , dark velvet case chucked into the wells of my body long , long ago. I was someone who could never break , melt , because of my very inability to feel..to understand that this very natural attribute has been switched off by me across the faint linen of time...then why?!?! Why have I unconsciously given Swayam an instinctive right to take my heart back to home...back to where it belongs to an extent that this frigid slab of an ice queen has been ripped apart into splits...how could I have let anyone have that authority on my being...Why does my numb , dormant heart break into shreds when i realize that he is not there...midst the glow of friendship..everything seems as dark as the deep foliage of woods , just cause HE is not there...why does it hurt to the extent that i feel like my internal vulnerable , lost soul is on the precipice of death...Why does my frozen blood boil and feel alive all of a sudden when Swayam changes the rear view mirror's reflection to the landscape from the mirage of my vulnerable eyes..which only he can see and dive into... when I was suddenly noticing his enticing brown concentric pools swarming midst the turmoil of hurt , anger and injury..why did something inside me die when he sharply refused to meet my eyes after some sand granules of time...Why did every figment of my body lurch when i saw his hand injured...why is Swayam effecting me to the heights of where my super ego has been thrown off my body , and has humiliated and over ridden the vulnerable young girl inside to the extent that i made a joke of my own self ..my own values which nobody knows...and nobody ever will.Why my emotions that have been rusted into void , been brought back to life..why are these battles within feelings and the dark shade of my external mask shedding blood and gore to a limit where it feels like I am slowly breaking bit by bit in the name of something more insane than love itself..for the first time...I am bound to ask this mirage of a swarm of colorful, stylish garments with an arrogant pout , yet a scorned woman in front of me finally asking...in a helpless , cracking voice .."Who are you Sharon? who are you?" ...
Members Lounge
CID
